Axiom Home Page Forums General Discussion The Water Cooler Christmas Parodies

First to bat, an ol' fimilar.

On the first day of Christmas my old lady gave to me,
Some parts to a Mustang GT.
.
On the second day of Christmas my old lady gave to me,
2 huntin' dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.
.
On the third day of Christmas my old lady gave to me,
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin' dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.
.
On the forth day of Christmas my old lady gave to me,
4 big mud tires
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin' dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.
.
On the fifth day of Christmas my old lady gave to me,
5 flannel shirts
4 big mud tires
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin' dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.
.
On the sixth day of Christmas my old lady gave to me,
6 cans of Spam
5 flannel shirts
4 big mud tires
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin' dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.
.
On the seventh day of Christmas my old lady gave to me,
7 packs of Red Man
6 cans of Spam
5 flannel shirts
4 big mud tires
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin' dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.
.
On the eighth day of Christmas my old lady gave to me,
8 table dancers
7 packs of Red Man
6 cans of Spam
5 flannel shirts
4 big mud tires
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin' dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.
.
On the ninth day of Christmas my old lady gave to me,
9 years probation
8 table dancers
7 packs of Red Man
6 cans of Spam
5 flannel shirts
4 big mud tires
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin' dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.
.
On the tenth day of Christmas my old lady gave to me,
tin of Copenhagen
9 years probation
8 table dancers
7 packs of Red Man
6 cans of Spam
5 flannel shirts
4 big mud tires
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin' dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.
.
On the eleventh day of Christmas my old lady gave to me,
11 rasslin' tickets
tin of Copenhagen
9 years probation
8 table dancers
7 packs of Red Man
6 cans of Spam
5 flannel shirts
4 big mud tires
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin' dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.
.
On the twelfth day of Christmas my old lady gave to me,
12 pack of Bud
11 rasslin' tickets
tin of Copenhagen
9 years probation
8 table dancers
7 packs of Red Man
6 cans of Spam
5 flannel shirts
4 big mud tires
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin' dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.


Sutter

Surfin’ In Our Axiom Wonderland (Walkin’ In a Winter Wonderland)

Generals, where trolls are posting,
Baiting threads, and newbie roasting.

Pick a topic du jour,
Or some dead horse restored,
Debating in our Axiom Wonderland.

Banned away, are the perverts.
They'll come back, as some alters.

We've seen it before,
They'll do it some more,
Surfing in our Axiom Wonderland.

In the forums we can build a straw man,
And laugh while all the guppies knock him down.

They'll say: We are newbies,
We'll say: We know man,
Your silly comments let us know
When you're around.

Another year has transpired,
And Christmas cheer will inspire.

Happy alters to issue,
Kind holiday wishes,
Posting in our Axiom Wonderland.


Sutter

Journal Bells (Jingle Bells)

Dashing through the web, in a one-post newbie way,
Over the sites we go, spamming all the way.

Posts on chat-sites ring, making spirits bright,
O what fun it is to ride and sing a spamming song tonight.

Journal bells, Journal bells, Journal all the way!
O what fun it is to spam in a one-post newbie way.

Journal bells, Journal bells, Journal all the way!
O what fun it is to spam in a one-post newbie way.



Sutter

A Computer Christmas Nightmare

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a peripheral was stirring, not even a mouse;
The modem was hung by the keyboard with care
In hopes that a download soon would be there.
The pirates were nestled all snug in their beds
While visions of unprotects danced in their heads.
And the wife in her kerchief, and I in my cap
Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,
When up on the hard drive there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the monitor I flew like a flash,
Sat down at the keyboard, gave the spacebar a mash.
The sight on the screen, a'flicker with snow
Gave the luster of power surge to the menu below.
When, what to my wandering eyes should appear,
But an autoexec.bat that seemed rather queer.
With a little print driver so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment I had seen a new trick.
More rapid than eagles my curser it came;
My voice box whistled, and shouted, and called me by name.
"Now format, now rename, copy, and enter!
On num lock, on caps lock, on scroll lock, and printer.
To the top of the page, to the top of the doc,
Now tab it and bold it and merge it and block."
As utilities that build up the CPU speed
Clash with just the programs I need,
So up to the screen top the curser it flew
With a RAM full of memory and an extension board too.
And then, in a twinkling I heard on the speaker,
The grinding of the hard drive growing much weaker.
As I tried to reboot and turn it around,
The attributes changed from blue into brown.
I hit the control, the alt, and delete.
The message it gave me, I cannot repeat.
It asked me to Ignore, Retry, or Abort.
It told me the parallel had become the comm port.
Its lights how they twinkled; its pixels how merry.
Its prompts were all scrambled, like a bowl full of cherries.
It sounded just like it wanted to blow;
The screen was suddenly white as the snow.
It scrolled the directory before my eyes
With programs I didn't even recognize.
It wouldn't see D; it wouldn't see E.
I couldn't get out of B into C.
Norton's tried to read it;
It finally found the FAT;
But alas!, the disk was faulty,
And couldn't reformat.
Away flew the DBase;
Away flew the DOSes;
Away flew the WordStar;
Right out with the Windows.
The spreadsheets were spreading;
The footers were heading;
What once had been memory
Was close to forgetting.
When the grinding was over
And the smoke had all cleared,
I looked at the unit,
And it was just as I feared.
The 40 meg wonder had crashed in the night.
I'll never be able to block out that sight!
So tell everyone to avoid my plight;
Back up! Back up! Merry Christmas! Good Night!


Sutter

A Microsoft Christmas (1)

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, except Papa's mouse.
The computer was humming, the icons were hopping,
As Papa did last-minute Internet shopping.

The stockings were hung by the modem with care
In hope that St. Nicholas would bring new software.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of computer games danced in their heads.

PageMaker for Billy, and Quicken for Dan,
And Carmen Sandiego for Pamela Ann.
The letters to Santa had been sent out by Mom,
To santaclaus@toyshop.northpole.com -

Which has now been re-routed to Washington State
Because Santa's workshop has been bought by Bill Gates.
All the elves and reindeer have had to skedaddle
To flashy new quarters in suburban Seattle.

After centuries of a life that was simple and spare,
St. Nicholas is suddenly a new billionaire,
With a shiny red Porsche in the place of his sleigh,
And a house on Lake Washington that's just down the way
From where Bill has his mansion. The old fellow preens
In black Gucci boots and red Calvin Klein jeans.
The elves have stock options and desks with a view,
Where they write computer code for Johnny and Sue.

No more dolls or toy soldiers or little toy drums (ahem - pardon me)
No more dolls or tin soldiers or little toy drums
Will be under the tree, only compact disk ROMS
With the Microsoft label. So spin up your drive,
From now on Christmas runs only on Win95.

More rapid than eagles the competitors came,
And Bill whistled, and shouted, and called them by name.
"Now, ADOBE! now, CLARIS! now, INTUIT! too,
Now, APPLE! and NETSCAPE! you are all of you through,

It is Microsoft's SANTA that the kids can't resist,
It's the ultimate software with a traditional twist -
Recommended by no less than the jolly old elf,
And on the package, a picture of Santa himself.

Get 'em young, keep 'em long, is Microsoft's scheme,
And a merger with Santa is a marketer's dream.
To the top of the NASDAQ! to the top of the Dow!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away - wow!"

And Mama in her 'kerchief and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
The whir and the hum of our satellite platter,
As it turned toward that new Christmas star in the sky,
The SANTALITE owned by the Microsoft guy.
As I sprang from my bed and was turning around,
My computer turned on with a Jingle-Bells sound.

And there on the screen was a smiling Bill Gates
Next to jolly old Santa, two arm-in-arm mates.
And I heard them exclaim in voice so bright,
Have a MICROSOFT CHRISTMAS, and TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT.


Sutter

A Microsoft Christmas (2)

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, except Papa's mouse.
The computer was humming, the icons were hopping,
As Papa did his last-minute Internet shopping.

The stockings were hung by the modem with care
In hope that St. Nicholas would bring new software.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of computer games danced in their heads.

Dark Forces for Billy, and Doom II for Dan,
And Carmen Sandiego for Pamela Ann.
And all the letters to Santa had been sent out by Mom,
To santaclaus@toyshop.northpole.com -

But the letters were re-routed to Washington State
Because Santa's workshop has been bought by Bill Gates.
All the elves and reindeer have had to skedaddle
To flashy new digs in suburban Seattle.

After centuries of a life that was simple and spare,
St. Nicholas is suddenly a rich billionaire,

With a shiny red Porsche in the place of his sleigh,
And a house on Lake Washington that's just down the way
From where Bill has his mansion.

The elves have stock options and desks with a view,
Where they write computer code for Johnny and Sue.
No more dolls or little toy drums
Because under the tree, there are only CD ROMS
So boys and girls, spin up your drive,
From now on Christmas runs only on Windows 95.

More rapid than eagles the competitors came,
And Bill whistled, and shouted, and called them by name.
"Now, ADOBE! now, CLARIS! now, INTUIT! too,
Now, APPLE! and NETSCAPE! you are all of you through,

It is Microsoft's SANTA that the kids can't resist,
It's the ultimate software with a traditional twist -
Recommended by no less than the jolly old elf,
And on the package, a picture of Santa himself.
Get 'em young, keep 'em long, is Microsoft's scheme,
And a merger with Santa is a marketer's dream.

To the top of the NASDAQ! to the top of the Dow!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away - wow!"
And Mama in her 'kerchief and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
The whirr and the hum of our satellite platter,
As it turned toward that new Christmas star in the sky,
The SANTALITE owned by the Microsoft guy.

As I sprang from my bed and was turning around,
My computer turned on with a Jingle-Bells sound.
And there on the screen was a smiling Bill Gates
Next to jolly old Santa, two arm-in-arm mates.

And I heard them exclaim in voice so bright,
Have a MICROSOFT CHRISTMAS, and TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT.


Sutter

Sutter, you've must be hittin' the eggnog hard tonight.

LOL, just bored man, just bored. Thought I'd try to provide a little entertainment is all.



Sutter

That's cool. I understand the boredom thing too.

Must......sign......off. Getting sleepy now.

And to all a Goodnight.

We Three Kings of Washington Are

We Three Kings of Washington are:
Bush and Cheney, Rumsfeld's ajar
Don's future's fading, Condi's upgrading
The country will bear their scars.

O-ohhh... Star of Sunder, Star of Slights
Star like deer caught in headlights
Never ceding, dubious leading
Making history with his Blights

We Three Kings of Washington are:
One ordered war in two countries so far
Two remaining never astaining
Following Bush's star...

O-ohhh... Star of Blunders, Star of Right
Star that gives diplomacy fright.
Eastward leading, still proceeding
While the deficit's out of sight.

We Three Kings of Washington are
Spinning tales to get us this far
Always lying, always spying,
Our morals have lowered the bar.

O-ohhh... Star of Plunder, Star not bright
Star that gives world peace his smite.
Eastward trudging, still begrudging
The poor who hunger in the night.


Sutter