Axiom Home Page Forums General Discussion The Water Cooler what to look for in an engagement ring?

Well, any diamond shopping tips?

Stores to stay away from?

Couldn't you make one out of a titanium tweeter?

Congrats on the engagement!

Might warrant a new thread: "To whom are you proposing tonight?"

well, it is still a work in progress...

I am not one to impulse buy expensive items, so just doing some preliminary research

Take her shopping and get ideas of what she likes, then just go purchase it, if you make your own mind up it won't be right.

For sure she has to pick it out.

Congratulations!!

Lots of research. Can be terrifying - it's an exciting experience and you should know as much as possible before you sink the most $$$ you have ever spent into the smallest thing you have ever bought! Outside of the birth of my kids, getting engaged is one of my fondest memories.


Learn the 4 C's: Cut, Color (or Colour), Clarity, Carat

Find your budget. Stick to it.

Find out what type of setting and cut your girlfriend prefers. If you are to the point where you are thinking of marriage you may have some idea of what she wants.

Learn how to use a loupe and look at many, loose stones from as many jewelers as you can. The jeweler will tell you the carat, color and clarity, of each stone you look at and if the stones are IGA certified then you'll have a definitive "grade' on the c's of the stone. The more diamonds you look at, the better you will be able to ascertain the quality (you won't be an expert, but you will feel much more comfortable).

This is important because, a lot of jewelers will have you pay a "premium" for IGA certified stones due to the cost of the certification. Many jewelers may be wholesalers as well and have stones that they buy and grade themselves, which they will be able to offer to you at a lower/better price.

If you decide to buy an uncertified diamond, ask if you can take it to an appraiser before the sale is final. A $100 dollars or so for an appraisal is a great deal so that you are certain you are getting what you paid for. If the jeweler is reluctant to allow an appraisal or refuses, drop it like it's hot and do NOT give them your business.

Never look at already set stones, except for ideas re stone and setting.

I would stay away from the chain jewelers. Staff knowledge will be limited and in the end you will probably not get as good as price to value ratio. Also, they will rake you over the coals for setting costs, that's where they get their biggest margins. A simple (meaning plain) 14k white or yellow gold setting should not be more than $100 - $200. Platinum is more.

I was fortunate in Chicago because I could go to Jeweler's Row and in 1 building visit approx. 100 jewelers/wholesalers. I probably went to 20 places and decided on a jeweler.

In fact, there are two that I have developed a relationship with over the years because, that ring is NOT the last piece of jewelry you will buy There are always anniversary gifts, birthday gifts, and birthing gifts to follow and having a good relationship with a reputable jeweler will help you get the deals, on the earrings, necklaces, bracelets, etc...... (it never ends!)

Ask friends or relatives who have bought jewelry for references, or see if there is an area similar to Jeweler's Row in Tulsa.

Good luck and congrats again!

Great info, thanks.
Man, if only I knew about this board when I was shopping for an engagement ring 10 years ago!
It was a bad experience for me because I didn't do my homework.

oh and congratulations!!

Ditto what DL said.

Try looking around for a smaller, mom and pop type ring shop to go looking first. Go in on a weekday (when it's less busy) or better yet - make an appointment. Be VERY up front about your budget. Then, let them educate you. Using DL's cheat sheet above, you'll know if the jeweler has his or her stuff together.

DON'T BUY A RING THAT DAY. They'll usually hold a couple of rings for you for a couple of days. Also, with rings, while every stone is different, value will be comparable. That is, price vs. cut, quality, size, clarity, etc. will usually be pretty consistent when you're talking about the same jeweler. They can usually print you out the gem certificate that you can use to compare prices at other ring shops, too.

Then, go check out the big box type jewelers and other mom and pop shops for comparisons, always referring back to that original certificate to remember those specs vs. price.

Bottom line, though, is to have fun shopping for a ring. What an exciting time. Depending on your girl, she may want to be involved in the ring shopping, too. So, no reason you've got to be the lone wolf on this one.

And last. Don't be afraid to ask lots and lots of questions. You probably asked more before you bought a couple of hundred dollar set of speakers. Why should it be any different when you buying a couple of thousand dollars worth of carved rock?

Agreed. Thanks for expanding on the info Capn!

That is funny about buying a ring that day - you so want to pull the trigger! Must..... resist......!

Ditto again what DL said.

One piece of personal preference of mine... I hate solitaires that sit "proud" of the ring, the first one I gave out was like that... nothing like having the world's hardest mineral raked across your chest while you're both sleeping. Looked like I accidentally fell asleep on a badger hole.

Lisa's we had the band custom made... it's a false tension mount - looks like one but has hidden... uh, clasps? Is that the word? Most of the cost is the diamond (again, which I think is weird, since diamonds and glass pretty much look the same to me - but I'm a guy - and the ring is what you really see) so having a custom band designed isn't exactly a deal breaker on a big ticket item.

Bren R.

Our rings are all custom made; even the engagement ring she doesn't wear because it turns her finger green--don't ever go to the Shane company! We get all of our gold jewelry from a local shop, where they know us and know something of our preferences. Unless you know your S.O.'s prefs really, really well, let her pick the ring.

Get her a CZ, she'll never know, then you can buy more speakers with the extra green.

I used my wife's mother's wedding ring (her mother died when my wife was only 8) as an engagement ring for the proposal, we then went shopping together for the ring of her choice and style.

My advice? Unless she has already let on that a diamond is an absolute must, don't do it. Think of all the other wonderful ways you can spend $X thousand dollars. If I had known what I know now, I'd have spent the money on a vacation to create some memories instead of sinking a few thousand into a rock that -- while beautiful -- isn't as rare as the industry would have you believe and sometimes is harvested under questionable circumstances.



(Did I mention that my wife lost her engagement ring?)

We got a sapphire. But like I said, she doesn't wear it any more. I have a manufactured emerald that is in my wedding present/engagement ring (from her!).

Make sure the stone is certified and you have the paperwork to prove it.

Quite honestly Peter is right on this. If I were to do it all over again I would suggest a simple gold band and real nice trip on our honeymoon.

I have rules that I am not allowed to buy any electronics until she gets a diamond...

I tried to convince her that a sea doo does not count as electronics...

The rule was changed to "Anything expensive"

She only says it jokingly, but I know she would be slightly mad!

DITTO.

No matter what all these guys say, women would rather have a rock than a nice vacation. A rock they can look at every day and think back to the wedding/proposal. And quite honestly, memories can be made anywhere, its the thought and effort that counts.

So really, forget all their advise and get the biggest rock you can afford, women love it, and she will love whatever you give her, no matter what the size if you put alot of thought into finding it and making it perfect.

Geeeeeze, Lake Lice SEA DOO???? PULEEAASE. At least sink your money into a tow boat! (The new X-Star's are a good place to start)

Maybe some women would prefer a ring to a vacation. But it's kida dangerous to make blanket assumptions like that.

I can tell you that my girlfriend will definitely want both!

Hey, she can buy whatever she wants.

See, now that's just silly... we looked at 3 different carat sizes with the ring and we picked the middle sized stone, because the balance was right. Too big can look as cheap and gaudy as too small.

Then again, I'm the guy that thinks Valentine's Day exists for the a-holes of the world to make up for the other 364 days of the year, whereas I'm just a great guy every day.

Bren R.

My wife and I both were not into diamonds (inflated prices, the human cost, and that it's a "tradition" created by de beers were reasons) so we went with a sapphire (I can only highly recommend it). DEFINITELY get her buy-in on which ring she wants (cut, setting, metal, stone, etc). She is the one who is going to wear it every day and you'll save a lot of frustration and hurt feelings if you know she'll like it from the outset.

Dude, who the heck are you?

David, I'll take a pass on adding any more suggestions and just offer my congratulations.

You're too classy for our own good, John.

We felt much the same way -- especially about the way that DeBeers et al behave. For my ring, I wanted something simple, with no stone -- rings that aren't smooth just get caught on things for me. For her the ring is more symbolic than anything else, not a contest to see who can sport the biggest rock. We ended up getting a vintage ring at a consignment / antique mall shop. The diamond in it isn't particularly flashy, but she got to pick out what she liked. Sure, some people say the woman can always take a ring back and get what she wants, but it's kinda Not The Same. I suggest shopping for the ring together. The bit one sees in old movies where a guy buys a ring and the woman doesn't have a say is an artifact of gender roles that are substantially different these days.

I would say don't buy a big diamond that is poor quality. Better to get a smaller one that is better quality. When it comes to clarity, you'll see a price difference between some of the grades and you'll see where you fit in.

As far as cut goes, that can make a ring look bigger. If you look at two rings and one is a little smaller than the other but is a better cut, it can appear to be the bigger of the two.

lots of great advice here, thanks!

I already plan on taking my girlfriend around to look at some rings... Probably will be at least a few months until I buy anything though.

Now I just need a great big huge box with pictures of some really expensive electronics on the side...

Then I can let her unbox my new 'toy' only to find an engagement ring!

of course I then get to pull the electronics that really came in the box out of the closet and hook them up

Quite serious discussion for our little forum!

This is a tricky one. You will find a lot of people, and almost every jeweler, following the drumbeat of DeBeers when it comes to diamonds. Two-months salary, a diamond is forever, etc, etc. You can certainly do your own research on countless sites about how all of those work. Yes, there are very real differences between lower grade and higher grade stones. Spend some time and look at them. Ask the jeweler to demonstrate the differences in the 4C's to you. Understand the difference between the flaws.

Hopefully this ring will mean something to her for a lifetime, and might even be passed down to your children. When you think of it that way, you want to get something nice. But at the same time, I've known people that spent many thousands on a ring that they really couldn't afford at all. A guy I used to work with had divorced after a couple of years and was still making payments on the engagement ring. Talk about an insult. As in most things, strive for balance.

In the end though, love is love. If you love her and she loves you, the size of the diamond doesn't matter. She will love that 15-point diamond chip just as much as that 4-carat rock. Some women might not care at all about the ring. It just depends. And if she's the kind of person that the size of the rock is all that matters, well...all I will say is good luck.

My best advice would be to get friendly with a jeweler. It has been my experience that all precious stones have tremendous markups on the prices. DeBeers really does hold a monopoly on the diamond market and they are far worse than OPEC at controlling supplies and prices. It is a bit of a cartel. Absolutely negotiate. It's been my experience that I usually get anywhere from 25-50% off the 'sticker' price of a piece just by negotiating. The higher the price the more room for negotiating. Especially these days with the economy in a slump. But this is a lot harder to do if your significant other is standing there oogling over a specific diamond or ring.

Personally I had gone ring shopping with my future wife before hand, though we didn't actually buy anything. You've got to know what sorts of cuts she likes: solitaires, princess cuts, pears, etc. That does make a difference. I returned some weeks later to buy one of the settings & stone she liked and did the whole one-knee-cliche proposal a few days after that. It was a modestly priced ring. Basically all I could reasonably afford at the time. Even though now I could do a lot better on the ring, my wife doesn't want to upgrade it because it's too sentimental. She's still happy and that's all that matters to me.

Best of luck with it, and seriously, congratulations!

Oh, one more thing... If you think she'll want a 'traditional' kind of wedding, prepare thyself. You might want to start learning about the differences between 'cream' and 'ivory' right now.Get to Work! You will be tested.

After the engagement comes the wedding. And believe me, you will be asked very important questions as to which colors,patterns, or styles your prefer. Quesitons so significant that your very life may hang in the balance. In the words of the Knight Templar in Indiana Jones And the Last Crusade, 'choose wisely'. As a married man who went through many months of gift registering, dinner menus, flower choices, seating arrangements, "Whatever you want is fine," is not always an acceptable answer. Also start researching china patterns, silverware, napkins, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc.

Agreed with much of what was said, if you have a Diamond mart of some type in you area that has loose stones that may be your best bet, then just find the right setting.I found them to be much more reasonable than the big box jewelry stores.
My wife's setting is platinum which is much more durable and easier to keep shiny than my white gold band although the cost is about double.
We also both went with comfort rings (the sides of our rings are rounded not flat) Much easier to get on and off when the inevitable weight gain starts to come into play.
I agree that certified is a must, get the most you can afford in clarity and color as that what makes the diamond sparkle.
Last couple points, this ring at sometime could end up being a family heirloom that gets passed to you son or daughter.
And probably the most important thing is your girlfriend is going to be holding out this ring to all her friends and family for at least a year, so you need to look like you did the right thing.

I'm late to the party, but I have a word or two to add.

Of course, what you give her is an expression of your love for her, and she'll see it and know that, every day. So don't cheap out. On the other hand, no need to overdo it - as others have said, you can get better enjoyment out of your money in other ways, like trips.

Think of it in terms of purchasing speakers, where you want to find the sweet spot in terms of value. You could spend $200 on a pair of towers at Best Buy and save money, or you could spend tens of thousands on high-end speakers and get ultimate performance, but Axioms hit the sweet spot where you get almost all that performance for a fraction of the cost. You can get the similar results out of most purchases, including cars, washing machines (how's it going, mdrew?), and diamonds.

Make sure you don't get suckered into paying the retail amount on one of those diamond certifications or grading reports. Those can be helpful - see here - but the suggested retail value (SRV) isn't what you should pay. Most places I've seen, for the range of diamonds I looked at, offer prices about half of that SRV.

Good luck, and congratulations!

Hey, everyone, look quick before he fixes it! It's a serious post from Doc!

...as if buying an engagement ring is not frightening enough you went on to point out wedding pitfalls?? now that's just mean :-) just kidding... very appropriate bits of wisdom.

somebody drank the Kool-aid

Yeah, better than the cynical side of me saying, "OK, get ready to blow your hard-earned money on a speck of rock ..."

Another unspoken truth is that engagement rings and wedding bands serve as "Back off!" symbols to other men. It's not a foolproof system, of course, but it helps. It lets my wife walk out in public without having to carry a big stick to beat back the hordes of men ...

What, you don't like her carrying you?

She's buff but not that buff.

I don't let her carry my big stick in public anyway.

Dang, my window to edit has elapsed.

Sigh.

Man, this afroninja is everywhere!

The melanin content of this thread is rising rapidly!

At least it's not the rainbow head, eh?

I'm waiting for MarkSJohnson to photoshop the ninja with a rainbow afro...

Or Peter - he's good at that too.

I would if I could. I have PSP 8 but never learned it much.

Women are NOT like men. Do what will make her happy. Happy wife, happy life.

Costco.

That's a pretty good philosophy.

Yeah, hard to go wrong with Costco.

Oh yeah, philosophy part (A) was pretty good, too.

You might want to consider taking a trip to Nassau. You can buy certified stones there for about 25% what they run you in the states. You can pay for your trip with what you save.

I have no advice other than that for this topic. I hate this part of the mating ritual. The guy never wins this contest.

There is no "win" in marriage.

Marriage is that joyful sacrament when you find that one special person with whom you want to be miserable with for the rest of your life.

Wow, that was almost sentimental. But then it wasn't.

Ask and ye shall receive.

Well, if there's also a trip in the works, I'd say - come to Canada! Then as a souvenir she takes home a lovely conflict-free Canadian diamond and you take home a little something from Axiom to remember the moment by!

Lucky Ian - my ring finger is a size 3.5. Doesn't take much to cover!

Nice, Peter. That's some 'fro-lly deliciousness, yo.

I think I will watch the movie "Blood Diamond" with my GF before we go ring shopping...

Then if she sees a big diamond she likes I 'll just say "Now remember that poor family in the movie..."

That's why you should buy Canadian or from a shop that guarantees clean diamonds.

Or get a manufactured diamond. They're becoming nearly indistinguishable from natural. And you can get them in many cool colors.

Oooh - since you rainbow'd the 'fro, can you add a John 3:16 sign?

If he does, I pledge to make it my avatar.

I tried to read through the entire thread and there's lots of good advice...

I spent way too much time learning about diamonds and don't really suggest going as far as I did. Just make sure you buy from a reputable place, there's a certificate and have a 3rd party appraisal depending on how much your spending.

I would also suggest going to a Jewelery Exchange where's there's lots of stores in one spot as they have the best deals. I will also suggest looking at and buying loose stones.

Furhtermore, looking at a stone under a microscope it utterly useless in my mind. You want to have a good cut, clarity and so on but as long as the stone really sparkles and looks good by eye is all that matters. Everyone will be looking at the ring/stone with eyes not microscopes.

My jeweler had suggested to me what to get, she also had pulled stones that I had requessted and had various size stones and quality there for me and just let me look at them. I did so by eye and then with the magniying thing. She asked me what I thought of each one and then we grouped them in order and went through them together. She actually showed me where I could save money and only loose quality that a trained eye would notice. I was impressed.

Ultimately I stuck to my intial standards (for the most part) and bought a diamond by quality and brilliance (how well it sparkled) compared to getting a slightly larger one. I was lucky my wife only wanted a .5 carat but being bigshot (sure) I upped it to a .73 carat set in platinum. Apparently white gold can discolour and turn more gold color in time?? Not sure, I liked the color of platinum better regardless but d@mn it's pricey.

As we were both talking about getting married so much and we knew we wanted to get married at a certain time. I was able to have me wife there for most of the buying experiece so we both got to enjoy it and she got exactly what she wanted. In hindsight, I probably should have done a pre-proposal before the ring shopping but whatever...she was happy.

Lastly, there was a saying along the lines of as a diamond ages it shrinks...well it's actually the finger it's on usually gets bigger so the diamond just looks smaller

Hopefully this is your first and last engagment ring, do it right and get something you both will be happy with for years to come. And like others have said, hopefully one day someone else new to the family will be able to wear it with pride as well.

Congratulations.

Well, I purchased a ring today!

My girlfriend and I had browsed through a few stores at the mall in the past(just to browse- I would not buy anything that expensive at a mall), and yesterday we drove all over town and went to several diamond/jewelry stores. She finally picked out the engagement band and wedding band that she liked, and we looked at several mounted stones to get an idea of what she liked in terms of clarity and color.

I went back the next day (this afternoon) by appointment to pick out the diamond.

I purchased a 1.51 Carat Princess Cut stone with the following color/clarity GIA properties:

Color: G
Clarity: SI-1

It is going to be mounted on a white gold band that has another .33 carats around the ring (from the top down to the middle), and then there is a matching wedding band with about another .33 carats. Both of the bands are pretty thin.

I looked at a couple of smaller stones (1.0 carat) that were in the VS2-VS1 category with similar color grades for slightly less cost.... However, the inclusions that were found in the SI1 diamond I purchased were impossible to see with the naked eye- and I really couldn't see them under a 10x loupe either (I am sure a trained eye could have easily picked them out under magnification tho.)

I have to wait a few days or so for them to set the stone on the band and size the ring.

I imagine I won't be able to wait for long to pop the question after I get the ring. Oh yeah, I didn't stick to my initial budget- but I only went slightly over. I am pretty sure that she is expecting a 1 carat stone- but I did ask her if she would like something bigger and she said "DUH!" She said if it came down to being able to get a slightly larger stone that looked the same in terms of color and clarity to the naked eye, then she said she would be all for it. In the end I decided that she would be more happy with the SI1 1.5 carat diamond then the VS1 1.0 carat that I was trying to choose between. (to me once you go beyond SI1 on the clarity scale it is just for bragging rights... I mean how often is someone going to look at your ring under 10X maginification?)

Thanks for all the great advice and I will update you when I give her the ring!

Here's hoping she miraculously says yes.

Congratulations!
Now, since you bought the ring with her, she might expect a proposal! There's no turning back!

Yeah... now i can start buying electronics again!

Unfortunately I can't afford them now! DOH!

Oh well, I need to save for a downpayment on a house first anyway...

An electronic house?

good call!

I was going to say that about the buying electronics part. Does she realize how nice of a speaker and TV setup you could have for the price of that one little ring?

Just try not to think about it too much, or while she'll being doing this:

You'll be doing this:


Just kidding of course, congrats on your pending engagement.

Congrats on the big step!



Want some more advice for this? Don't rush into the proposal. The proposal moment ranks up there as one of the few major life-events that you can completely control. Assuming she says yes, of course!

Your future wife will remember every detail of that moment for the rest of her life. If you do it at a restaurant, that restaurant (and table) will become special forever. Or if it's at a park, "that tree over there" will instantly become a priceless memory. Woe to the day that it's cut down. You get the idea.

So give it some thought. Whatever you do will be special, of course. Don't stress out about it, but do think about how you want that moment to unfold.

Personally, I think that I rushed into proposing to my wife and I have a 'coulda-woulda-shoulda' attitude towards the event. Of course, my wife would say that I'm crazy and that it was a wonderful moment, blah-blah-blah, but I still think I could have done it better.

Well done! Now you just have to find someway to give her the ring attached to an EP800.

David, congratulations. I remember going through the experience myself and it is an incredibly exciting time.

Take time finding the right moment, you've waited to get until this point and a few more weeks or months will be well worth it if you are able to create a situation that is memorable for the two of you.

Jason

PS: It goes without saying that the primary advantage to a carefully planned proposal is that it is much harder for her to say no. [and it will also earn you lots of points with every other woman she knows for at least the first year of marriage, after which there's nothing you can do to keep your name from being MUD anyway] Seriously, congrats!

I say propose to her surrounded by your Axiom gear. It'll make it all the more special. . . uh, your gear AND the proposal.

Win/win!

Epic Proposal!

A proposal of epic proportions?

He needs to make sure he seals the deal before she has time to REFLECT!

Congratulations! Don't do what I did. Insure the ring.

Congratulations, David.

Yeah, that is actually first on my list after I get the ring- I need to increase my renters insurance due to the fact that I added some electronics to my collection and need more coverage. While I am at it I will add the ring to the policy or get a seperate jewelry policy. My current renters insurance policy doesn't cover jewelry over a certain amount, and I recall that amount to be very low.

Hey congrats, I was actually thinking of this thread not too long ago. Way to follow through and not hold back. That's a nice size and it seems 1ct is the more common expected size these days for the main stone. I find depending on the ring and cut any bigger and it can start to look too much or fake. Or more worrying, can attract unwanted attention.

Any who, what's the insurance like in the US? Up here in Canada I found that it wasn't really worth it. It got killed years back with people doing lots of false claims on car stereo's and jewelery. We choose not to for one, we both thought if the ring was lost/stolen the replacement would be just that. All of the value is in the sentiment of the original. Second, any time we have had to go through insurance it was a pain and seldom do you get what you expect.

Here's hoping we never have to worry about it. We always put our rings in the safety deposit box when we travel and other than that they're always on.

Good luck on the proposal. Mine was actually 10 minutes from Axiom at the Deerhurst Resort. Pre-speaker purchases or think how much more fun it could have been...haha

Well I had a last minute change of mind (not about the engagement, about the diamond).

For about the same price there is a slightly smaller diamond (1.28 carats) that may be available that is a VS1 in clarity (2 steps higher) and a F in color (one step higher). The diamond was on their "list", but it is in New York so they were closed when she tried to confirm availability. She is going to call me first thing in the morning and let me know if it is available. IF so they will fly the diamond in from NY and I will have to wait about a week for them to get it set. (of course I will look at it first).

Heres to hoping that the diamond is available. Wish me luck!

The lady said that I must be in the 1% of pickiest diamond shoppers.

And be sure to follow whatever rules go along with the insurance... in our case, it involved bringing in the ring not less than every 6 months to be sure the diamond was seated correctly and a host of other nearly-impossible-to-meet demands.

Although with our new insurer, they didn't require a separate rider for anything smaller than pretty much the Hope diamond (or our home office equipment, or the firearms, or any of the collections, or...) I was impressed.

Bren R.

Interesting. So is you insurance with "The Rock Machine" or "The Bandidos" ?

FWIW...I like the sound of your new choice better. I'd rather have the better quality and not quite as big of a diamond.

As far as insurance goes, there are no special requirements for my wife's ring. We just have to send them the check every year.

Good news, got a call from the diamond store and the stone from NY is available. I will have it by mon/tue of next week. I am soooo excited!

I agree with you zarak- for only a couple huundred more bucks I am getting a much better (but slightly smaller) stone. I will never think "man I should have gotten a bigger stone (than a 1.28 carat)", but I would have always thought " I should have gotten a higher clarity" if I went with the other one. The lady at the store told me I was nuts for thinking that I saw anything in the other diamond.. but I say I have better eyes than her!

CBIA now. The Canadian Bar Insurance Association - group insurance for members of the legal profession.

Bren R.

Same thing....