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#54603 - 12/21/05 12:14 PM Re: OT: Jokes
Ken.C Online   content
shareholder in the making

Registered: 05/03/03
Posts: 17768
Loc: NoVA
Mind you, I have nothing against Virginia in general. Just Peter being on the opposite coast.
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#54604 - 12/21/05 11:47 PM Re: OT: Jokes
AshBoomstick Offline
aficionado

Registered: 12/01/04
Posts: 540
Loc: Richmond, VA
just have to dodge the careening cars! seriously, people here drive like absolute idiots when the roads are nasty. it's either 15 mph or 115 mph!

ken- don't be jealous now.
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Who's the more foolish, the fool or the fool who follows him?

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#54605 - 01/02/06 01:14 AM Re: OT: Jokes
bridgman Offline
axiomite

Registered: 08/25/04
Posts: 5394
Loc: Bowmanville, Ontario, Canada
A blonde meets a trucker :

As a trucker stops for a red light, a blond catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says, "Hi, my name is Heather from Florida and you are losing some of your load."

The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blond says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather from Florida , and you are losing some of your load!"

Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blond gets out of her car, runs up, and knocks on the truck door. The trucker lowers the window. Again she says, "Hi my name is Heather from Florida , and you are losing some of your load!"

When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck and runs back to the blond. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says..

"Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in MICHIGAN ............

and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!"

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#54606 - 01/17/06 01:55 PM Re: OT: Jokes
pmbuko Offline
shareholder in the making

Registered: 04/02/03
Posts: 16273
Loc: Leesburg, Virginia
Bringing back the golf theme. (What is it with golfers???)

Two men are enjoying a game of golf, but keep finding themselves held up by a slow pair of women ahead of them. After a while, one of the men decides to go up and ask the women for permission to play through. He makes it halfway to where the women are standing, then turns around and hurries back to his friend.

"I can't go up there. One of the women is my wife, and the other is my mistress! You'll have to go ask them."

So the other guy starts to approach the women, but quickly comes back and says, "Small world."
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"I wish I had documented more…" said nobody on their death bed, ever.

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#54607 - 01/18/06 08:17 AM Re: OT: Jokes
F107plus5 Offline
connoisseur

Registered: 01/24/05
Posts: 2034
Loc: Fla. Orig. Mich.
So Heather asks the salt truck driver:

"Who do you work for?"

He replies:

"I work in marketing, for GM Ford and Chrysler!"

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#54608 - 01/18/06 08:34 PM Re: OT: Jokes
HomeDad Offline
connoisseur

Registered: 12/29/05
Posts: 3301
Loc: Central,California
What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to Lorena Bobbit?
- "Are you gonna eat that?"

_________________________
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

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#54609 - 01/18/06 10:40 PM Re: OT: Jokes
JohnK Offline
shareholder in the making

Registered: 05/11/02
Posts: 10386
Peter, possibly golfers need more humor to ease the pain of failure; but speaking of pain in golf, two women were starting from the first tee. The first hooked her drive right into a group of four men nearby. One was hit, put his hands to his crotch, and dropped to the ground in pain.

Horrified, the woman rushed up to the man, who was still lying on the ground in a fetal position with his hands buried in his crotch. "I can take care of that for you; it's all right, I'm a physical therapist", she told him.

But the guy gasped "It'll probably be okay in a couple minutes. Never mind".

Wanting to nevertheless help, she lifted his hands, loosened his pants at the waist, and reached inside down to his crotch. She proceeded to massage his privates and after a couple minutes asked "How does that feel?".

"That feels great", he replied, "but my thumb still hurts like hell".
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#54610 - 01/22/06 09:55 AM Re: OT: Jokes
rcvecc Offline
aficionado

Registered: 04/17/03
Posts: 608
Loc: east haven ct


A man takes the day off work and
decides to go out golfing.
He is on the second hole when he
notices a frog sitting next to
the green.
He thinks nothing of it and is

about to shoot when he

hears, Ribbit 9 Iron."

The man looks around and doesn't

see anyone. Again, he
hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron." He looks
at the frog and decides to

prove the frog wrong, puts the
club away, and grabs a 9 iron.

Boom!
He hits it 10 inches from the

cup. He is shocked. He says
to the frog, "Wow that's amazing.

You must be a lucky frog, eh?

The frog replies, "Ribbit Lucky frog."
The man decides to take the frog
with him to the next hole.

"What do you think frog?" the

man asks. "Ribbit 3 wood."

The guy takes out a 3 wood and,
Boom! Hole in one. The

man is befuddled and doesn't know

what to say. By the end

of the day, the man golfed the

best game of golf in his life and
asks the frog, "OK where to next?"
The frog replies, "Ribbit Las Vegas.


" They go to Las Vegas
and the guy says, "OK frog, now
what?" The frog says, "Ribbit Roulette." Upon
approaching the roulette table, The man

asks, "What do you think I should
bet?" The frog replies, "Ribbit
$3000, black 6."

Now, this is a
million-to-one shot to win, but
after the golf game the man

figures what the heck.

Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table.

The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the
hotel. He sits the frog down and
says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you.
You've won me all this money and
I am forever grateful."

The frog replies,

"Ribbit KissMe."
He figures why not,

since after all the frog did for
him, he deserves it. With a
kiss, the frog turns into a
gorgeous 15-year-old girl. "And that,

your honor, is how the girl

ended up in my room. So help me God


or my name is not William Jefferson Clinton."


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#54611 - 01/30/06 08:35 PM Re: OT: Jokes
RickF Offline
axiomite

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 5210
Loc: Vero Beach, Florida
_________________________
Rick
Our Room

smile

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#54612 - 01/30/06 10:05 PM Re: OT: Jokes
pmbuko Offline
shareholder in the making

Registered: 04/02/03
Posts: 16273
Loc: Leesburg, Virginia
The video was garbled on my computer, so I'm going to have to guess, since I think I've seen it before. This is the one where they "help each other out" in the men's room, right?
_________________________
"I wish I had documented more…" said nobody on their death bed, ever.

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