I keep getting the urge to share funny things with you guys (the mind boggles), but I feel weird putting them in the Jokes thread. They're not the traditional jokes.
So instead of putting every single one in a new post, I thought that I'd offer a new thread and see if it catches on. I'm hoping that this thread can be an additional place where we can all visit when we need a laugh.
My first offering is a few bumper stickers that I saw online. These I ordered and will actually put on my car. They make quite the pair:
"Be nice to America - or we'll bring democracy to your country!" "At least the war on the environment is going well"
This one I bought for a friend, but it may apply to me as well:
Door cleaners, annoyed with people who leave smudges on the door's glass instead of pushing on the handle, do the only sensible thing: remove the glass and record what happens.
My pet peeve is people that step on the threshold of the door frame where the weatherstripping is... step OVER the door frame... you don't step onto the rocker panels when you get in your car, do you?
Maybe I'll have to set up an IED attached to the threshold and record the hilarity.
Actually, my family has a nasty habit of stepping onto the rocker panels. I have to remind them not to do so every time they get into my vehicle. They think I have OCD but what they don't realize is that I'm the poor sap who has to clean them.
I've got the Irish/Swedish mix going. Every holiday there is a jar of pickled herring hidden somewhere on the table. Makes my brother-in-law want to puke. Yeah, it looks nasty and sounds nasty, too, but I got used to the taste long ago.
My pet peeve used to be people who fling out their doors in parking lots, hitting the cars beside them. Now I just sit there and laugh. My jeep has steel rock sliders along the sides
(or 'steps' as we call them because I bought them when my wife thought the jeep needed "steps" to get into it better. heh heh Wife authorized upgrade...)
extending out about 3 inches from under the rocker panels. With my Jeep lifted a few inches, it creates the perfect door smashing device for these uncaring people.
One old guy got upset because it folded in the outer lip of his door pretty badly while I had no damage other than yet another scratch on the hardened steel rocker protector. Somehow it was all my fault that he carelessly flung his door open like a madman because he was arguing with his wife.
That's awesome. I share your glee. Stupid careless insensitive old man. A big cup of comeuppance is even more satisfying to serve than a can of whoopass.
My pet peeve used to be people who fling out their doors in parking lots, hitting the cars beside them. Now I just sit there and laugh. My jeep has steel rock sliders along the sides
(or 'steps' as we call them because I bought them when my wife thought the jeep needed "steps" to get into it better. heh heh Wife authorized upgrade...)
Let's see they are called running boards when they are solid, Nerf bars when the steel tubes were first brought in and now they are "side step bars" when looking through brochures as the open design took over the market place, gotta love evolution.
What are they called when they're the ridiculous ones on overly expensive vehicles that suck up into the side of the truck when you close the door? Status bars?
Oh, it's important that people see it going up. That's why you make sure you park those vehicles in red zones in front of stores. How else will they know that you spent $60000 for a $20000 truck?
I was actually going into the whole 'if a tree falls in the forest does it still make a sound?' thing, TGIF, I get extra sleep tomorrow only had 22hrs in thast 5 days. OH wait no extra sleep, have that GTG at Mojo's
Just so you know, mine are very unobtrusive. they attach to the frame underneath so they don't jut way out the side. They are only about 4" wide with 1" of that actually underneath the rocker. They are flat and rectangular and run the full length of the rocker from the front wheel well to the rear wheel well. They are tapered ant both ends and match the black factory rocker guard on the lower sheet metal that comes factory with the Rubicons.
They actually look like they belong there and the name has progressed to "Rock Sliders" because they are actually meant more to allow you to drive over a rock with your front tire, and (if absolutely required) slide the vehicle along the rock until it gets to the rear tire. They double as good steps for the WAF.
I'd have sent a picture but its a few blocks away and would probably just induced further jokes. Thanks for the laughts though, they were well deserved.
A buddy got tired of vehicles that he had to worry about scratches... so he drives a YJ now, "painted" in truck bed liner inside and out. Since learning that "you play - you pay" (in broken stuff) he doesn't take it offroad much anymore, it's nearly useless in the winter with a short wheelbase (IMO) and absolutely useless on the highway without being suspended in some kind of non-newtonian fluid and using hearing protection.
He still gets the satisfaction of not wondering if that WAS a rock hit or not.
Also, the only thing worse than a stock Jeep ignition system is retrofitting it for aftermarket HEI.
I have owned a YJ, then a TJ, then my TJ- Rubicon.
YJ's were awful but obsessively fun filled creatures. I had to adjust my carb once a week to keep it starting and the leaf spring suspension was so rough I thought I might start a business where I drive overdue pregnant ladies to the hospital and induce them all in the same trip.
Yup, you play you pay is soo true.
A short wheelbase on a 4x4 is not a problem in the winter when you use the 4wd AND "BIG AND" you drive at speeds that the weather warrants. I see so many people barreling along in 4WDs of all sizes thinking that they are indestructible cause they pulled the 4wd level/button. Yes, it well help you keep going in a straight line longer but it will not help much on a sudden emergency turn or stop any faster.
However, without the 4wd, ya its a spinning top. The transfer case on my old YJ wouldn't change in/out of 4wd unless I slowed to an almost standstill so when pavement conditions constantly changed, you tended to leave it o ff to protect your drive train. Also, hardly anybody knows how to drive a rear wheel drive anymore. Give it gas and your rear end goes sideways. Seems to surprise people now.
You should get a ride in a 97 or up, ie TJ. That's when they switched to a spring coil suspension and now it rides as smooth as a small 1/4 ton truck at least. Still no Seniormobile Buick but night and Day compared to the old! Still noisy though when you use a soft top. A less aggressive tire makes it pretty quiet but then your obviously not doing any serious off-roading so you might as well have bought a car or a CRV or some other 'urban' SUV.
The 4.0L Straight Six that started with the TJ is now considered one of the more reliable engines of it's time. The older YJ injection system came came around in its last couple of model years and was just kind of an afterthought and did work crappy.
07s and up come in a wheelbase thats almost 2' longer and more creature comforts yet again but remains a robust trail vehicle.
Opps Rambling. Will stop now. Takes a while to give equal time to the good and the bad so you don't sound like you are defending the brand too much.
A short wheelbase on a 4x4 is not a problem in the winter when you use the 4wd AND "BIG AND" you drive at speeds that the weather warrants.
And 33" chunk tires on ice in ruts made by passenger width tires are useless... thus the reason we packed it into a snowbank backwards on my front street with no wheelspin at about, oh... 10kmh.
Quote:
The transfer case on my old YJ wouldn't change in/out of 4wd unless I slowed to an almost standstill so when pavement conditions constantly changed, you tended to leave it o ff to protect your drive train.
Already replaced the weak vacuum system with a cable linkage for positive transfer case selection.
Quote:
You should get a ride in a 97 or up, ie TJ. That's when they switched to a spring coil suspension and now it rides as smooth as a small 1/4 ton truck at least. Still no Seniormobile Buick but night and Day compared to the old!
I think I've been in just about every OR-type vehicle made to date from the Tracker up to a Willys... and I'll have to say it's like night and dusk compared to the YJ - still a butt-pounder.
Not trying to slag the brand, more one of those "oh, those crazy machines" posts...
I keep getting the urge to share funny things with you guys (the mind boggles), but I feel weird putting them in the Jokes thread. They're not the traditional jokes.
So instead of putting every single one in a new post, I thought that I'd offer a new thread and see if it catches on. I'm hoping that this thread can be an additional place where we can all visit when we need a laugh.
My first offering is a few bumper stickers that I saw online. These I ordered and will actually put on my car. They make quite the pair:
"Be nice to America - or we'll bring democracy to your country!" "At least the war on the environment is going well"
This one I bought for a friend, but it may apply to me as well:
"Not even I can prevent narcissism."
Being recently diagnosed with NPD by my dear friend, i think I will buy this for him.
Hey No worries Bren. When I take somebody on a trail run they often have so much fun they want to go buy one. Depending on the person, I too have a long list of why any of the Wrangler style Jeeps are not for them unless they are really interested in off road fun. Mine is a daily driver but I love it enough to endure the drawbacks. There are many other SUVs better suited for somebody who wants the occasional help of 4wd but plans to stay on the roads.
I will say though that not all aggressive tires are made equal. There is no real cure for ice but my most recent set of tires are 33-12.5-15 TrXus Radials made by Interco. They are aggressive enough to get me over the rocks and through our famous PEI red mud, but have a TON of siping to help grip to ice. They have been my best winter tire yet. In fact, I'm on my second set now and I bought them again because of their winter stickiness and their smoothness (relative to other MTs). There are better, cheaper off road tires but as mentioned, mine is a daily driver.
I don't normally promote product on boards but if I can help somebody stay on the road... They are a bit pricey but if you want an aggressive tire for your truck or SUV that actually works in the winter, they are worth it. Good wear too. I got just over 75,000 km out of my first set but they were no longer as effective off-road by then. Although, they still had as much tread left as many brand new 4 season tires.
Also, driving with the 4wd turned on in the winter is an art form as it sounds like you well know. When turning sharp corners, you need to learn to steer with the gas peddle as much as with the steering wheel. Creating controlled wheel spin induces a sideways crab like motion and alternately, you can induce sharp rotation by letting your foot off the gas. It's tough to learn cause it goes against human nature to hit the gas if you are cornering too hard but it's a blast driving around the city in the snow once you get it down.
Another humourous anecdote... the buddy with the YJ called today to tell me he found out why he was getting crappy gas mileage... he had a plug wire come loose... wanted to come by on the weekend to borrow my timing gun, when I asked if it ran better after he reconnected the wire, he said no, it ran the same but it "dieseled" (or ran on, if you prefer) so he disconnected it again.
Nah, mileage is worse of course, but it runs the same and doesn't run-on, so he'll leave it disconnected until he brings it here to retime it.
It's got a tinkerer's ignition in it... GM HEI with a 40Kv Accel coil... then to make up for the higher ignition voltage, plug gap was increased, which puts more stress on the wires.
Luckily everything's easy to work on... even the rear main seal wasn't a huge project.
Nah, mileage is worse of course, but it runs the same and doesn't run-on, so he'll leave it disconnected until he brings it here to retime it.
It's got a tinkerer's ignition in it... GM HEI with a 40Kv Accel coil... then to make up for the higher ignition voltage, plug gap was increased, which puts more stress on the wires.
Luckily everything's easy to work on... even the rear main seal wasn't a huge project.
Bren R.
Has he changed the distributor cap? Could be a hairline crack in the cap that's causing the problems.
Just an FYI, dieseling is due to the RPM being to high and the engine keeps sucking in fuel at idle keeping the motor running. Make sure after checking the timing to set the idle speed to spec. With the plug wire back on the engine now obviously runs better and has more RPM at idle. It really isn't a matter of the timing being off as long as the idle speed is correct. You can run the timing 10deg advanced if you want as long as the idle speed is where it is supposed and no other carb issues it won't run on.
Really no need to increase the plug gap, as well unless he has further modified the engine. It's the increase in plug gap that causes the increase in the KV output. The extra plug gap, just changes the flame front and in turn chnges the burn rate in the cylinder, causing some other issues.
In a similar fashion, the guys at despair.com have always given me a chuckle. Really slick designs, and the style of the web site and catalogs (one of which came in the mail last week - yay!) are just spot-on perfect.
There's several dozen designs, so beware - this site is addictive and another major time-suck.
How I wish I could post some of those in my office, but they're just too snarky. So many of them apply to psychiatric practice.
I was thinking of the same site. When we were decorating our new offices at work I wanted very badly to get some prints from despair.com. Sadly, I was out-voted.
It has come to my attention that you are using my material without my consent and without giving credit. Please cease and desist all posting or I will be forced to take legal action.
Bren: I will hunt you down and kill you for that. Writing "you cannot unhear/unsee this" is NOT at all sufficient!
There are things in this world that cannot be seen without causing a life change for the viewer. You have ripped my Visual Virginity from me, and for that, you will never be forgiven.
Oh, I'm fine with people having different tastes, but making snap judgments about someone as sweet as Regina Spektor stretches me out. I'll admit that's not her strongest performance, but I wasn't linking to that video to show off her musicianship. I just thought that what happens in the clip is funny.
The first time I saw her, which I believe I shared already, was on a late-night program. What drew me to her was her on-stage charm and charisma. She seemed a little embarrassed because I think she just came out with her first album and was unsure how the studio audience would respond to the quirkiness. Hey, it made me a fan. I guess I'm quirky.
If you've never seen the CSS Monkey Dance by Lovefoxxx, you're missing out. Lovefoxxx is the lead singer for CSS (Cansei de Ser Sexy, meaning "tired of being sexy" in Portuguese). She had this video up on YouTube a while ago, but they took it down not too long after I saw it. I finally found it hosted somewhere else. Her unabashed enthusiasm makes me laugh every time. Be warned that the video is a little "hot." She's dancing to Bloodhound Gang's "The Bad Touch" aka Discovery Channel (I'm talking like I know, but I'm not really familiar with their music, as this is just what comes up in a search). Granted, it's in a goofy context, and no skin is shown, but the more sensitive may still object to some of her maneuvers. Ha ha. In any case, enjoy:
ok, and one more link that may be even cooler than the first two: This has got to be the best stop motion film I have ever seen. these guys have WAY too much time on their hands. http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=AJzU3NjDikY
OK, I have a TiVo, so I don't really see these things, but at my in-law's house over Thanksgiving, I noticed an incredible amount of ads for the clapper and Chia whatever. Is this normal or is it just on on the evening news in small town Oregon?
It's normal for the holiday season. They figure a lot of people are, like me, incapable of selecting a decent gift for those they care about and will, in a fit of panic, go for anything just to have the damned decision making over with. "Hi Mom, here's a clapper. Merry Christmas." ("WHEW! Glad that's over.")
If it didn't get results, they wouldn't be spending the money on the ads. Sad commentary on the general public, eh? (No, I'm not Canadian, for which most Canadians are eternally grateful.)
Scroll down for the biography of this great American, Joseph Pedott. Many answers await you, especially as to why his products are so big on the left coast. Turns out he's a native San Franciscan!
WARNING: This song will get stuck in your head...and it's not one you want others hearing you sing! You also don't want someone who's easily offended to be watching over your shoulder.
Anyway, it's an actual Dutch children's song, but some guy made subtitles to what it phonetically sounds like in English. It's so ridiculous, it's funny...especially watching the video at the same time! The more I watch it, the more I laugh!
We kicked a guy out of our Jeep Club because he refused to stay on the trails and was always tearing things up an knocking down trees.
These are just the kind of yahoos that give clubs who try and respect the environment by staying on designated trails and keeping things clean, a bad name.
Anywhooo, what I'm getting at is that a few weeks later he got busted for tearing up an area beside a highway where they had just hydro-seeded. He might have gotten away with it except after parking his Jeep for a few days while he was away on a ball trip, it looked like a Jeep Chia pet from all the hydro-seeded mud caked all over it.
I wish someone had pictures. Of both the chia jeep and him getting busted.
The LOLcats are in rare form today. I especially am diggin' the evil frog, banker cat, and (page 2 as of now, will be pushed back as new content appears) the stapler-seeking cat.
I was reading the Audiolofft question of the day and I came across the following:
Quote:
The other night I was at a concert of the New York Philharmonic and sat in the 6th row for a Mahler 7th symphony that used two sets of percussion, two bass drums, orchestral bells, gongs, etc., and I measured peaks of 106 dB SPL at the end of the symphony during the final crescendo.
Do you take your SPL meter everywhere you go Alan? That's dedication right there!
Right now I'm re-enjoying the work of The Lonely Island. In case you don't know, they're three guys who were hired by SNL a while ago. That's where Andy Samberg comes from, and his friends, Akiva Schaffer and Jorma Taccone, were hired as writers.
In the Shorts section, I really like The 'Bu. In their Music section, I really like The Heist, Zanzabar, and Ka-Blamo!
It's been awhile since I've been to the website, and I don't remember all that I've seen, but yeah, they make me laugh. Just a warning: They can be pretty crude.
Some of the surrounding banner ads are often NSFW, but I can't find this anywhere else, and this video made me laugh like a chimpanzee. That plus the set-up and first comment.
Set-up:
Step One: Push the button to lower your garage door. Step Two: Try to exit your garage by going really fast on your scooter. Step Three: Enjoy the taste of metal.
I got home the other night, and as I sat down for dinner with my family, I asked my 2.5 year old son if he had fun at daycare that day. He said "Yes I did. Did you have fun at work?"
I got home the other night, and as I sat down for dinner with my family, I asked my 2.5 year old son if he had fun at daycare that day. He said "Yes I did. Did you have fun at work?"
In preparation for the Super Bowl and its multimillion dollar commercials, I am enjoying some YouTube clips of my favorite commercial of all time: Terry Tate, office linebacker.
There are several in the series, but this is the first, and still the best, IMHO. Genius.
OK, many of these made me laugh out loud, but they are going to contain a lot of inside jokes for shrinks and those in the medical profession. Still, there's enough here that should be understood by all. I'll be happy to answer any questions that you can't get answered by Google or wikipedia.
From Roy @ Shrink Rap (http://psychiatrist-blog.blogspot.com) and mythreeshrinks.com
How would a psychiatrist manage someone who could only communicate via emoticons? Below are the resulting progress notes...
:-) stable. cont prozac 40mg. follow up in 3 mos. :-)) reduce prozac to 20mg. f/u 1 mo. :-)))) d/c prozac. add lithium 300 tid. check TSH, creat. f/u 1wk. :-D add depakote. check lithium level, LFTs, CBC. f/u 1wk. :-| stable. cont prozac 40 mg. f/u 1mo. :-( increase prozac to 60mg. f/u 2wk. :'-( add wellbutrin SR 150mg. f/u 1wk. X-( call 911. send to ER. check for OD. :*} check breathalyzer. refer to AA. %-} weekly tox screen. refer to AA/NA. :-&@? add haldol 2mg bid. |-0 d/c ambien. :-# d/c elavil. use hard candies. [dry mouth side effects - Doc] ;-P d/c haldol. add clozapine. AIMS exam. vitamin E 800 iu bid. [dystonia] :-)~ reduce haldol. add cogentin to reduce sialorrhea. 8-~ reduce dose of seroquel. (:-) reduce depakote. add zinc, selenium. [Depakote can cause hair loss] ;-) establish boundaries. do not schedule at end of day. ;-x see with chaperone only. =^..^= give Ativan 1mg IV to relieve catatonia. (thanks, ClinkShrink) :-o (on seeing the bill for 1st appt.) >:-O (on seeing the bill for missed appt.)
I think this flow chart worked perfectly for my wife, who is not a gamer and has friends. She has expressed interest in a Wii. Voila, the chart works!
I have a PS3, however, and I'm not buying what it says about me. I would think that I should have bought a 360 if I followed the chart, in that I am not really a gamer and have you guys as my internet friends.
Waitaminnit ...
This means that you are not really my friends?!? I should have known this about Ken, of course - he'd always be the first one I'd boot off the island. But even Peter and Tom? Jack?! Mark?!? OMG!!!
I need a few days to process this! I'll be back when the wounds are healing - maybe ...
I found this example sentence amusing: "Damn [girl] was hot, then she turned around, and I was like Pete, check this [stuff] out, he said "word" and then we went fishing."
Fishing cures everything.
By the way, I had to do some strategic editing [].
Scrolling waaay down , here's a sample of his take on "Airborne", the over the counter (OTC) cold preventative. I should add that his opinions of teachers are not shared by the management of medic8r, LLC. Even though they are funny in this case.
I felt bad about doing it, but I figured I'd better remove the swear words.
--- So, it has come to my attention (a few days ago) that Airborne must pay 25 million due to a lawsuit claiming that it didn't work.
Some highlights include:
* Airborne not proven to work * The "clinical study" was preformed by a couple of random dillholes and probably was just made up * If you purchased airborne, you can get a refund * Making medical claims without FDA approval
Now, I know that any self-respected pharmacist would never ever suggest airborne to anyone that they cared about. Why? Because it doesn't work. We all know this, you all know this. Its vitamin-C and a bunch of other OTC [stuff!] all in a fizzy alka-selzer tablet that makes you feel all warm inside. Its like donating $0.75 a day (the price of a cup of coffee) to starving African kids when its just going to feed Sally Struthers. Rich folk do that just so they can get [excited!] by 'helping people' as they [gripe!] at me about their $30 copay.
The only person you would sell Airborne to is that retired teacher who always calls you out front for an OTC recommendation only to tell you how wrong you are and buy something else. Those [folks!] you are happy to see waste money because they have no problems wasting your time.
Which brings me to another point. One of the major selling points of Airborne is that it was "CREATED BY A SCHOOL TEACHER!". Now just not any teacher, but a 2nd grade teacher. Someone enlighten me as to why I would trust anything a school-teacher made? How is that even a half-way valid selling point? Some of the most ignorant people I know are school teachers (mostly because they think they know everything and are very vocal about it). If it were made by a pharmacist it might have some basis because at least we know how the body works, but a 2nd grade school teacher? Is this [stuff!] going to work based upon the vast knowledge of social studies? Cursive writing? Multiplication tables? Is this teacher applying their vast knowledge of [*&$%]-stupid physical science to prevent my cold? What qualifications does he/she have (being a 2nd grade teacher and all) that would actually give her some real-world claim to actually know something about medicine?
Victoria Knight-McDowell, please inform us pharmacists what your methods were to determine what does and does not work to prevent colds as well as any relevant research and study data? What? No I do not wish my name on the chalkboard. What?!? Detention? Aww!!! I'm sorry for implying that you are a fraud preying on the stupidity of the uneducated population, can I go to recess now?
I'm confused as to why people waste their money on this [stuff!]. I'm actually shocked that people swear by something that is proven to not work and has every pharmacist in the country saying that it does not work. Its the "#1 best selling" because people are stupid. Not because it works, but because people are [*&$%]-stupid.
Of course they also buy "Head On" which is chap-stick for your forehead so I guess I should just shut my mouth. ---
From pandabearmd.com, here are some emergency room patient encounters:
---- Actual Patient Interaction Number One:
“So Mrs. Smith, how’s your pain?”
“Oh doctor, it be paining me real bad. Can I get some Dilaudid.”
“How about we start with some Nubain?”
“What’s that?”
“It’s a synthetic narcotic, kind of like Demerol.”
“Is it any good?”
“Sure, it works great and doesn’t give people the rush they get from other narcotics.”
“Oh, I’m allergic to it.”
Actual Patient Interaction Number 2:
“I felt sick, doc. At work.”
“When did it start?”
“About twelve hours ago. But it’s gone now.”
“Really, how are you feeling?”
“Great. I didn’t feel that sick but I thought I’d better come in.”
“So you don’t feel sick now?”
“Naw, I feel like a million bucks. It only lasted about an hour and it’s gone now.”
“So let me get this straight…you sat in the waiting room for upwards of ten hours to be seen by me, it’s two in the morning, you feel fine, and there’s nothing that I can help you with?”
“Well, I need a note for work.”
“You said you weren’t that sick, why didn’t you just finish the work day and go home? I mean, you could have been asleep at home instead of hanging out here watching late-night television.”
“I don’t like my job that much.”
“You realize that your non-problem is still going to cost close to five hundred bucks, right?”
“Well, I really don’t like my job…”
Actual Patient Interaction Number Three:
“What do you mean there’s nothing wrong with my kid?”
“I didn’t say that. I said he had a cold which will get better on its own and there’s nothing you need to do about it except give him some Tylenol or Motrin for his fever.”
“How do you know he ain’t got pneumonia?”
“He doesn’t. He looks great.”
“I want a cat scan.”
“I’m not going to get a CT on a kid with a cold, ma’am.”
“My sister said he needs a CT.”
“He doesn’t.”
“We waited five hours.”
“I’m sorry. He has a cold. Drive home carefully, they tell me it’s snowing tonight.”
“We came by ambulance…can I get a taxi voucher?”
“No.”
Actual Patient Interaction Number Four:
“So, what brings you in Mr. Jones?”
“I’m constipated.”
“How long has it been going on.”
“Almost three years.”
“Uh…okay…what do you expect us to do about it?”
“I need help getting the sh@@ out.”
“There is a fine selection of fiber and other laxatives at Wal Mart. In the pharmacy section…and just like us, they never close. Have you tried any of those things?”
“No.”
“Uh…Okay, well, there you go. I can give you some Colace right now and by the time you get home things should start moving.”
“My mother said you’d scoop it out for me.”
“Not in this lifetime.”
Actual Patient Interaction Number Five:
“I’m going to sue all y’all.”
“We’re doing everthing we can for your mom.”
“You’re not. Can’t you see she’s suffering?”
“I’m trying to make her comfortable.”
“You just don’t care. She’s in a lot of pain.”
“Well, she’s had a lot of muscle and tissue breakdown from laying on the floor in her room in your house for three days. Tell me, does your mother have any health problems?”
A "plan" was where the convicts kept their money and other small valuable items. Tucked away in a safe spot, or should I say inserted up into a safe spot.
I went to their web site and looked at the top stories, trying to figure out which ones they were: the same-sex marriage one, McCain = hardy one, gang probe one, or freak weather one ...
No receptionist. She quit back in November and we haven't been able to hire another one. We hardly get visitors to the building, but when we do everyone scatters. There are two giant receptionist desks in the front lobby, but both are unoccupied. I'll use one when my desk gets overcrowded.
I have to say for good or bad, I would have been on the guy like stink on poop after the initial shock wore off.
Then again I'm not your normal dyed-in-the-wool business suit automaton either.
Still kind of sickens me that so many people milled around while people (including women) were getting hurt. Maybe you don't like Jeannie from the secretarial pool, but I think you're still expected to man up and protect her when she takes a 17" Viewsonic to the head.
I'm with you, Bren. When something totally out of the ordinary happens, many people's lizard brains take over. In this case, the lizard brain is very afraid.
I've only been tested in much milder circumstances, but I'd like to think I'd be sitting on top of that guy within about 30 seconds.
One of those little thoughts in the back of my mind: how many sociopaths will this inspire? I'm picturing a disgruntled drone in middle America dialing up this video and having that last thin shred of self-control snapping in two.
Dateline - Fredericksburg:
"Yeah, man, that comrade had it right!"
*stands up, lifts monitor*
*sets monitor down* - "I could never hurt you, sweet internet..."
But then again... how many people still go out of their way to help people?
And when they do... usually you get a weird look.
In the last month I've stopped to offer the new neighbour a hand carrying drywall into his house, helped push one stalled car off to the side of the road, helped one woman change her tire at 1am in a bad part of town (which was probably even scarier than if I didn't stop - mine is not the face of "helpful motorist") and probably a few other minor things - holding doors open and the like.
I kind of get a laugh about the quick "what's your angle" look when I offer to help.
Being raised in the South, I try to be gentlemanly, but you, sir, are a real Walter Raleigh.
Nah, just working off about 1000 years of purgatory for a misspent youth (and a further eternity for a misspent adult life).
At some point I became determined to leave the world a better place than I got it - mostly because I like what an astonishing idea that is to many people.
How we got here from "man, I would so totally punch that crazy office guy out" is beyond me...
In response, I finally found video of pmbuko sexually assaulting a news reporter on live TV. Despite the buildup, this link is actually safe for work, I would say. Just hilariously hideous. Enjoy.
I'm glad to know he doesn't always use his TV voice. I always imagine newscasters at the dinner table intoning, "Pass the beans." It never sounds right in my head.
That was really, really funny. Even more so since i do alot of deep woods work and more often than not, a bug diet is what one gets on occasion. Little buggers fly right into the ol' gob...
Hmm ... Dmitri uses a lot of psychological terminology at the end. I wonder if he is a mental health professional, or if he has been under the services of one.
Waitaminnit. Wasn't Dmitri the life coach who convinced Negative Orange to work through their difficulties, preventing the break-up of the band, back in 2004?
Passive Agressive Personality Disorder? Wow!!! That is incredible. The first message was pretty good, but the second one... wow. I won't say too much more in case Dimitri is an Axiom speaker owner and lurking. I don't want him calling me for sure.
Dmitri either gets no play or tons of it. I think we'd be surprised how often that kind of garbage works. Now, that said, I also bet that Dmitri will be single for a very long, long time.
Nobody seemed to be in a rush to close the water supply valve
Uh, they're Target employees. None of them know there a water shut off even exists. Looks like all of them are just going to wait until the pipe runs out of water.
I only know Russell Brand from Forgetting Sarah Marshall, but after seeing him interviewed on both Letterman and Conan I'm interested in his stand-up comedy.
Re: What funny thing are you appreciating tonight?
My wife made the 2 hour drive to her Mom's house yesterday for a return sometime this evening and she actually believes I'm working on the list she gave me.
I haven't been so mixed up between "That was cute" or "That makes me scared it's creator might someday move in beside me!" since somebody once sent me to the old classic. We Like the Moon! .
My son enjoyed Superman ice cream a couple of times during our vacation last week. For those not in the know, it's vanilla with healthy doses of red, yellow, and blue food coloring.
The funny begins when I changed his diaper and saw that the food coloring had turned my son's poop green. Solid, kelly green. To which my wife said, "Hmm - goes in Superman, comes out Incredible Hulk!"
Oh, actually, the comments on sfgate are usually the most polarized things I have ever seen. I guess both radical whackos and fascist pigs can get together to laugh at someone beating people with sausage and sprinkling them with spices.
My question is, what were the spices? And what kind of sausage was it?
20 minutes between the two parts, but very worthwhile. I saw the clip for part 1 linked to when watching the Triumph clip, and I thought, "Hey, Ali G's Harvard speech was good, so why not give Conan a shot?" Nice material.
Measuring my newborn daughter's banshee-like screams with an SPL meter... and yes, she can achieve 100 dB from 1M.
I'm not sure if I feel better or worse after confirming this. While I'm impressed with her abilities, according to "the Internets," 15 minutes at this level will produce permanent hearing loss. Lovely.
The following content is rated TV-14 for suggestive sexual content.
Safe for work, though, no doubt. Unless your boss has no sense of humor, and then, who knows, s/he may be just looking for a reason to fire you anyway. Hey, is that a pecan chocolate chip cookie?!
And to think, I didn't own a computer until I got to college in 2000. Now, I have a thousand different ways to waste time without ever moving out of my chair.
Rotund.... At the risk of starting another "Negative Orange" posting, I think this would be a great name for a new Amplifier manufacturer. Kind of like Rotel but the amps are waayyyy more Rotund!
Now that the neighbors are back, I have time to post this (true) story entitled "As close to an Urban Legend as you can get."
This scene happened Yesterday (Saturday night). Someone from work was at my place to have a listen (guy looking for TV then some audio; not sure he came to the right place as his total budget is about 2000$ for everything). Anyhow.
He tells me he likes it dark for music. So I open the light in another (so we can still see something), but shut everything off in the living room.
As the music flows, he is impressed and everything, but that is not the point of the story. At some point he decides to compliment me on my power meters:
Him: "Great power meters you got there Master!" (I added the master, but I am certain he meant it that way). Me: "What?"
He then proceeds to lower the volume and repeats the queston: Him: "Great power meters you got there!" Me: "What? No, I can hear you, I just don't undertand what you mean."
Him: "Sorry, I don't know all the tech jargon. I used to, but it's all so complicated now with new stuff and all." Me: "Yeah, I know. The more they try to simplify, they get it worse..."
Him: "He he he. Nice meters, though" Me: "What?"
Him: "The meters! Cool stuff!"
Me: "Yes, thanks! Er... what?"
Him: "Oh! Er... You know... The thing that goes up and down." Me: "Huh?"
Him: "Aaahh! You know what I mean. The thing like in iTunes. You know. When you want to 'see' the music." Me: "Visualizers?"
Him: "Maybe. Not sure. Is that what you called them?" Me: "What who calls what?"
Him: "The thing! The thing that goes with the power." Me: "..."
He then bends forward and points to the the "thing that goes up and down". Him: "THAT! How to you call THAT in proper 'technical' terms?" Me (very slowly): "An Ethernet switch..."
Him: "F**k!" (the guy is an IT technician and spends half his days with those devices; he just never realized that Ethernet is now an integral part of a sound system nowadays and I just happen to have TWO switches in my rack, both with 5 ports connected, which could be misinterpreted as stereo power level meters in the dark).
Just thought I would share this as we laughed a heck of a lot when it happened (and it was longer than this edited version! ).
Funny stuff. In much the same fashion, I once discovered the problem with my Universal Remote when I noticed that the red signal light on my IR Blaster was keeping time with the EP500. It just needed to be moved to a higher shelf but I remember laughing aloud when I noticed.
That was a great Top 10. It's reassuring as I've watched his show a few times and thought the quality had really gone down in recent years. This was great.
You will have to post a title so I can find it elsewhere. I can't view your link because your crazy, "We complain about China but we are not allowed to send harmless, internet video content, outside the US border" police shut me down.
You will have to post a title so I can find it elsewhere. I can't view your link because your crazy, "We complain about China but we are not allowed to send harmless, internet video content, outside the US border" police shut me down.
Microsoft Songsmith. Sounds like a good idea, right? The video ad is pretty unbearable, though. Still, seems like you could do some really cool stuff with it.
Someone decided to run a David Lee Roth vocal track through it and it produced this. Painfully funny and terrible. It made me giggle. (And the comments are great, too.)
Here is a reader response to an article about Obama keeping his Blackberry. That Harper guy is the current Canadian Prime Minister:
So Obama is addicted to his blackberry and the Blackberry is made by a Canadian company. Hmmm.... OK Harper, here's what you do. Make up a list of demands for when Obama comes to Canada. Then tell him if he refuses you will nationalize Research in Motion and cut off Obama's service. I figure the Prez will cave within 48 hours.
And Stephen, don't wimp out. Go for the big stuff. Like we get Alaska, they keep Sarah Palin. Don't forget that Obama is smarter than you. He will try to keep Alaska and stick you with Palin, so don't screw up.
[Dr Phil voice::" Now George, you gotta treat her better than that, yeah, she might be a f*%&ing b$&ch sometimes, but who gives a sh%t ":Dr Phil] [George:: "but Dr Phil..."] [Dr Phil voice:: "Don't make f$%@ing excuses now George, that kind of sh#t won't help your relationship...okay now let's bring on George's wife now and hear what the f*%#ing B^#%ch has to say":Dr Phil].....
Someone with a LOT of time on their hands extracted every single instance of profanity in the entire Sopranos series, and strung them together in order in this movie.
Someday I'll watch the whole damn show. I've got gaps I need to take care of.
Someday I'll watch the whole damn show. I've got gaps I need to take care of.
That's what she said, and yeah, I have yet to watch a single episode of The Sopranos. I have the whole series in my Netflix queue, which I'll get to eventually.
Let's see, actually it was last night but I couldn't find this thread, we went to Keller's Hamburgers, only in Texas I would guess, it's a drive in burger joint where they bring burgers and beer to your car, along with the world's best onion rings, an outdoor jukebox with suprisingly good sound, and old fashioned chocolate milk shakes, there are Harley Davidson biker folks and all kinds of crusty types all around, for some reason it warms the soul . . .
Is this funny, or was it the yummy thread you were looking for? Because I'm not laughing, but I'm very hungry. Hungry because of the burgers, not the bikers.
Have you ever scrubbed your cats with a washboard down by the river?
Still my favorite story from the "user submitted IRC chat database" :
<raven> Any cat people here? I've got a problem with Nicky... <Leth> I've been known to be handy with a wok <Lore> Why, I'm a cat person. <raven> I took Morgan to the vet yesterday - he was gone for a total of 45 minutes, got two vaccs and a blood draw. <raven> Brought him home and Nicky went BALLISTIC. <raven> Spent the rest of the night yowling and hissing and attacking MOrgan. <CrazyClimber> nicky smells the hospital smells on morgan <Lore> Yeah, I've seen that happen. <raven> Is there anything I can do to get the hospital stink off him, then? Pack his carrier in coffe grounds or something? <tieboy> how about a bath <CrazyClimber> just give it a day or so <Lore> We tried catnip and butter, and neither worked. <agent_orange> butter? <agent_orange> you buttered your cat? <Lore> Yes. <raven> it's the best way to butter the house. <raven> Cats are effective butter delivery units. <Lore> We read somewhere to put butter on a cat's forehead. <agent_orange> did the emolient facilitate insertion? <Lore> And the other cat licks it off, and likes the first cat, because it tastes like butter. <Lore> As I said, it didn't work. <agent_orange> you read sopmewhere to put butter on the cats foreWHAT THE F*** WERE YOU THINKING <tieboy> rub the two cats together vigorously until they smell like each other <agent_orange> piss on them both at the same time <tieboy> KITTY TASTES LIKE BUTTER <raven> It's more fun to put tape on their feet. <agent_orange> why not do both <agent_orange> and then get out the handycam <Lore> I believe what I was thinking was "Maybe it will work. And even if it doesn't, I get to butter the cat's forehead." <agent_orange> AFHV would *love* some footage of sticky-pawed, freshly buttered cats trying in vain to avoid a stream of steaming miller lite <Samwise> You know what helps with feuding cats, Lore? Sending me lots of cash. <agent_orange> now, see, I read somewhere -- <agent_orange> I think it was leviticus <agent_orange> -- that what you should do is frost them <agent_orange> betty crocker, right out of the can <raven> Chocolate or buttercream? <Leth> rave: go chocolate, buttercreme isn't pareve <CrazyClimber> you're frosting meat? <agent_orange> and then there'a always Cat Wellington <agent_orange> "What are you doing in the kitchen, dear?" "Just buttering the cat, pumpkin!" <agent_orange> "Why don't you baste the chicken while you're at it, too, dear?" "Baste the ... *light bulb* ...Sure! Sure, I'll 'baste the chicken'!" <CrazyClimber> a google images search for "buttered cat" returns a picture of isaac hayes <agent_orange> chocolate salty cat balls
Two of my coworkers were talking about chicken dishes last week, so of course I broke out with, "Oh, oh, guess what." Somehow they didn't even expect the next part.
OMG perfect timing as this exact thing just happened to friends of mine last week after near ten years of marriage. Which looks like it will be capped at ten, by the way.
Chick-fil-A, by Tim Hawkins. I've never seen him before, but now I have to check out more of his stuff.
Pretty funny.
We don't have any of those near us, so I've never heard the pronunciation. I always read it as Chick Feel Ahhh". Never knew what the name meant. {slaps palm into forehead}
My wife read that one several years ago and was in stitches for about an hour or so. She read it to me, but she was laughing too hard, and I didn't find it nearly as funny.
OMG perfect timing as this exact thing just happened to friends of mine last week after near ten years of marriage. Which looks like it will be capped at ten, by the way.
That's a shame, because you could really use a WOB from the sound of it.
Quote:
WOB Wolfsburg (Germany) WOB Wet Openbaarheid Van Bestuur WOB Woman-Owned Business WOB Work of Breathing WOB Weight On Bit (Oil Industry) WOB Waste Of Bandwidth (slang) WOB White On Black (printing) WOB Writing on Back (descriptive of condition of vintage postcards & other ephemera) WOB World of Britney (website) WOB Wife of Bath WOB World of Business WOB Way of Being WOB Wings of Blue (Air Force Academy) WOB Whole of Business WOB Weight of Blend WOB Work Order Bin
A Bear and a rabbit were taking a @#$% in the woods. And the bear turns to the rabbit and says, "Excuse me, do you have problems with @#$% sticking to your fur?" And the rabbit says, "No." So the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit.
What can I say, I have been on a delirious kick lately.
While this is specifically relevant to our Virginia and Metro DC brothers, I think it is highly applicable to anybody who lives in North American suburbia. Great stuff.
Wow. Al delivers again, indeed. He really found his purpose in life. His band is just as amazing, replicating all those different styles over the years.
I'm surprised Ken hasn't posted this, since it's through him that I know if it. This is totally a music geek joke, and even then, it's an eye-roller, but still clever.
---
A C, an E-flat, and a G go into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve minors." So the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and the G is out flat.
An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.
A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me. I'll just be a second."
Then an A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor.
Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims, "Get out now. You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight."
The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next night in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender (who used to have a nice corporate job until his company downsized) says, "You're looking sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a major development." This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit, and everything else, and stands there au natural.
Eventually, the C sobers up, and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility. On appeal, however, the C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.
The bartender decides, however, that since he's only had tenor so patrons, and the sopranout in the bathroom, everything has become altoo much treble; he needs a rest, and closes the bar.
I saw Ninja cat before but I laughed out loud at the ending of Mark's. It reminds me of the old days when I used to try and impress my Sensei and get horribly humiliated every time.
I think you know me, because I found that to be hilarious. First lol moment was the addition of "I see four lights!" Picard. Another one was the addition of this dog.
The small farming community where I work in south Florida (30 miles west of West Palm Beach) has a private school next to the airport, a few years back there was a student who lived in West Palm and was dropped off at school by his dad in their Bell Jet Ranger helicopter ... the ultimate chick magnet.
We also had a guy down here who would fly and land his Robinson R44 helicopter at one of the restaurants on the outskirts of town for lunch a few days a week.
It's late fall and the Indians on a remote reservation in South Dakota asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.
Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared..
But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea, he went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, 'Is the coming winter going to be cold?'
'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,' the meteorologist at the weather service responded.
So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.
A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. 'Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?'
'Yes,' the man at National Weather Service again replied, 'it's going to be a very cold winter.'
The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.
Two weeks later, the chief called the National Weather Service again. 'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?'
'Absolutely,' the man replied. 'It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters we've ever seen.'
'How can you be so sure?' the chief asked.
The weatherman replied, 'The Indians are collecting firewood like crazy.'
The set-up line for this site really sets the tone and makes all the laughs possible. I particularly liked the gentleman with the layers of hats. And the lumberjack shirt.
When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend.
When I was 16 I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.
In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide.
So I decided I needed a girl with stability. When I was 25, I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.
When I was 33 I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless.
So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition. When I turned 40 I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground, so I married her. She was so ambitious that after 20 years of marriage she divorced me and took everything I owned.
I am older and wiser now, and am looking for a girl with big tits.
Christmas Dinner Posted at: 2009-12-06 12:21:18 | 246 comments | Add Comment Original ad: we need profesional catering for our christmas day dinner party. must have experence catering. SERIOUS RESPONSES ONLY From Me to ************@*********.org:
Hello,
I am writing in response to your ad looking for a caterer for your Christmas dinner party. I am a freelance chef with a lot of catering experience. I was the top chef at the world renowned Restauran de Bon Foodeux for over five years. If you are still looking for a caterer, let me know.
Thanks,
Michael
From Brian ******* to Me:
michael thank you for responding. what are your rates? we are expeting about twenty people at are dinner party so will need enough food for all of them. can you supply the food and we reembirse you? also do you have a menu of mealss you cook for us to choose from?
From Me to Brian *******:
Brian,
Supplying the food will not be a problem. I have a wide variety of exquisite dishes for you to choose from, which I will list below. My rates are per person and it depends on the meal, but generally ranges from $20-$40 per person. Here are the meals I typically offer:
La Nouille du Triomphe A meal of pure bliss and flavor - a delicious plate of ramen noodles boiled in the purest of water. Noodles can be flavored with either chicken or beef seasoning.
Le Repas du Fromage Délicieux A mouthwatering bowl of easy mac cooked to perfection in a microwave. Served with a side of peanut M&Ms.
Le Repas de la Faim de Grande Personne A delectably and savory microwaved TV dinner. The dish comes with two pieces of fried chicken, mashed potatoes, freshly grown vegetables and a satisfying brownie that is heated to absolute perfection.
Le Sandwich Rouge A truly phenominal sandwich consisting of ketchup spread over a carefully microwaved piece of bread, and then topped with another piece of bread. Comes with a side of mayonnaise for dipping.
Dessert
Le Plat du Lait et de la Céréale A satisfying end to your meal, this dessert consists of a bowl of fruit loops served with either skim or 2% milk. Milk can be substituted with water for those on a diet.
La Pâtisserie Bourrée Individually wrapped twinkies that have been microwaved to sheer delight.
Let me know which meals you are interested in, and I can give you a quote on how much everything will cost.
Thank you, Michael
From Brian ******* to Me:
what the fuck you actully cater that shit to people ? yea im gonna serve easy mac and twinkies for christmas dinner are you fuckin kidding me. my son in college could make that shit!
From Me to Brian *******:
Brian,
The twinkes aren't for everyone. I understand if you are on a diet, but for me, nothing celebrates the birth of Jesus like a twinkie and some good easy mac. If you aren't interested in that meal, would you consider any of my other options? My personal favorite is Le Sandwich Rouge. That is also very affordable. For twenty people, it would probably cost you about $400.
Michael
From Brian ******* to Me:
cut the bullshit fancy french names and call it a goddamn gross ass ketchup sanwich
From Me to Brian *******:
Brian,
I am personally offended that you are insulting my masterpiece meals. These are perfected family recipes that have been passed down for generations of chefs in my family. Cooking is my art, and for you to insult me without even trying my work is just plain rude.
Thought you might get a chuckle out of this. We noticed it in a neighboring building yesterday going for coffee. The picture is horrible as it was taken through a glass door with a camera phone. The ghostly image is the coworker with the camera but if you stare through it you will see that Santa is taking way too much liberty from the term, "Christmas Nutcracker."
The other funny thing is that the photographer tried to block the flash with her finger but instead it glowed like ET.
"My mild-mannered English husband Adam lives quite a colorful existence in his dreams. Having benefited from our of delight at his dead-of-night musings, I though it only fair to share them with the world."
Sister Mary Katherine entered the Monastery of Silence.
The Priest said, 'Sister, this is a silent monastery. You are welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until directed to do so. '
Sister Mary Katherine lived in the monastery for 5 years before the Priest said to her, 'Sister Mary Katherine, you have been here for 5 years. You may speak two words.'
Sister Mary Katherine said, 'Hard bed.'
'I'm sorry to hear that,' the Priest said, 'We will get you a better bed.'
After another 5 years, Sister Mary Katherine was summoned by the Priest. 'You may say another two words, Sister Mary Katherine.'
'Cold food,' said Sister Mary Katherine, and the Priest assured her that the food would be better in the future.
On her 15th anniversary at the monastery, the Priest again called Sister Mary Katherine in to his office. 'You may say two words today.'
'I quit,' said Sister Mary Katherine.
'It's probably best,' said the Priest, 'You've done nothing but bitch since you got here.'
Recent discussion made me think of The Two Cow Philosophy of Government. There are other versions of this list, of course, but I thought some of these were particularly funny.
Not sure how the rest of the world handles it, but in Ontario car license plates are assigned to the owner, not the vehicle.
This morning the vehicle in front of me had "1COOL4X4" on the license plate, which would have been fine on a lifted Jeep but the guy was driving a Toyota Corolla.
heh heh. Plates belong to owners here too. I'm glad I didn't opt to get the plate reading ollllo I was thinking of getting. It would no longer suit my ride either.
The airport designator "SUX" has been contentious. Sioux City Mayor Craig Berenstein in 2002 described SUX as an "embarrassment" to the city. After petitioning the FAA for a changed airport identifier in 1998 and 2002, authorities found the alternatives offered - GWU, GYO, GYT, SGV and GAY - to be unappealing, and elected to stay with SUX. In October 2007, airport board member Dave Bernstein proposed embracing the identifier, saying "Let's make the best of it. I think we have the opportunity to turn it into a positive." and noting "I've got buddies that I went to college with in different cities that can't even remember their own birthdays, but they all know the Sioux City designator — SUX." The airport now sells merchandise with the words "Fly SUX".
---
Was it not hilarious that the FAA basically said, "We'll trade you a GAY for a SUX"?
I found a leak in my basement this last couple of days with the warmer weather. I patched that very spot a few years ago by chiselling out the crack some, then mixing up a patch of hydraulic cement and filling it back in. It seemed OK until yesterday when I noticed a small puddle on the basement floor. Anyway, for the last couple of hours I've been chiselling and grinding out the crack to seal it again...real messy crap....
Errr, I think we should start a new thread..."What shitee thing are you not appreciating tonight?"
I've never watched TNG, and really didn't think I'd watch all 10 minutes, but....
WHAT? Aside from the highly annoying Wesley character, it should have been your favorite show back in the day. At least from an obligatory nature for anyone obsessed with electronics and gadgetry and such.
Now, had you said the very first episode turned you off of it, I would have given you that. Q went on to become one of the most interesting characters but Episode one was so over the top, I almost gave up on the series.
There, I did it. I insulted episode #1. Now we will both be hunted down by packs mad Treckies. I couldn't leave you to the wolves alone Mark!
Hmm, lets review. Audio equipement nut. Attends an audio equipement web board daily. Spends a lot of time on the Internet, see above. Just how many camera lenses do you own? Currently has Stewie Griffin as his avatar.
Face it. You Are One Of US Now! "We are a family and it's time we showed the world that we are to be feared and respected." Oh Wait.... That was a quote from the last "Heroes" episode. Still....
At first I thought he was just drunk, so I was willing to cut him some slack. But then he seemed more lucid and just generally asslike. Wow, he was an awful interview. Epic awfulness.
Topless Robot has an interesting contest going on until midnight: what fictional character would you most like to kill? The blog post is pretty funny, but the comments are effing hilarious.
Absolutely, Jar Jar. Anybody putting in other names is just trying to be cooler than the next guy with their non-conformist originality.
The only alternate answer I would accept is Mr. Lucas himself for creating him and slowly turning my most favorite movie of all time into an ever worsening spiral of childish humor wrapped around the least cohesive story lines I have ever seen in a series. But unfortunately, he is not fictional, so Jar Jar it is.
The Wonder Twins are a close second for ruining my childhood cartoon heroes. Even when I was young, I knew they were just wrong.
So we're sitting in a restaurant last night and my oldest boy (17) made the comment that his hair was getting darker - he used to be a platinum blond - but it was still lighter than his brothers... and not as light as my wife's. Then I said, yeah, but she has her hair highlighted. To which she commented that there was better way to find out the true color of a girls hair... at which point she caught herself and stopped talking. So the 17 year old finishes her statement with "... does the carpet match the drapes?"
Five minutes later, we were still laughing, still red-faced, and the rest of the restaurant was still staring at us. The other two at the table (7 and 13) were sitting with completely puzzled looks on their faces -thank God!
So at some point they get it. Now we know we have to be more careful...
Yeah, we keep reading all these studies that suggest that families should have at least one but preferably two meals, all together, per WEEK !!
For us it's a rare occasion when we don't have at least one and usually two meals, all together, per DAY. Tonight, the middle kid is at a sleep over party (airsoft battle deluxe, extravaganza, something), but the youngest has a friend spending the night here, so we'll still have a full table.
I'm beginning to wonder if we are bad parents of something... on the heels of this lovely conversation with a 17 year old, my 13 year old, who plays guitar in 2 church bands and secretly picks up my bass from time to time and who is learning the guitar portion of Zac Brown's "Toes" asks.. "Dad, what does it mean to 'roll a big fat one'?"
I had to think for a moment as to the proper answer for a 13 year old, so I told the truth as I understand it "it's a marijuana cigarette"
I love a good sign vandalism as much as I love Cheezburgers. Some of these are lame, but some are LOL funny. I like the Slayer one the best. I wonder which amp He uses?
Do you know when it just starts raining after a long dry spell and the rain water causes oils to rise up to the surface of the road? Did you know there's an (un)official term for that?
"I was in a restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed by gas to the beat of the music.
After a couple songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me....
Then I remembered that I was listening to my iPod."
Sure, Peter, you read that online. Likely story. I've seen too many people at parties who, when they find out I'm a psychiatrist, say, "I have a friend who ..."
When a Helmet is not enough - a tinfoil room. I like the accompanying text, especially "To use a Three Little Pigs metaphor, you're like the one who built his house out of retarded."
Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?'
She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'
She again replied, ' Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'
The defense attorney nearly died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, 'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.'
The cash was for the cops to take a let her go. Stupid cops.
Smart cops. Well, depending where they searched the purse. If it was in the field, then I'd rather not have the Paparazzi flashing 6 pics per second of me pocketing the cash and letting her go.
Meet David Jonathan Winkelman - a 48-year-old Iowa man who is bitterly regretting ever listening to radio station KORB. That is what he was doing in 2000 when he heard a disc jockey offer listeners a six-figure payout if they tattooed the hard rock FM station's call letters and logo on their forehead.
Winkelman and his equally gullible stepson Richard Goddard promptly took themselves down to the local tattoo parlour in the decision that would change their lives.When they emerged, they each had the words 'Quad City Rocker' and '93 Rock' etched - permanently - into their foreheads. Then they went to the station to collect their cash - and were confronted with the horrifying truth.
The call had been a practical joke, a silly radio stunt, and the station had no intention of paying up.
Winkelman and Goddard sued, claiming that the station had sought to have listeners permanently marked so they could be 'publicly scorned and ridiculed for their greed and lack of common good sense'. But within months of filing, Winkelman dismissed the complaint. Goddard's case was later dismissed by a judge when he failed to show in court. It might have been the end of the matter - but Winkelman was arrested on Thursday night on a misdemeanour charge.
Police snapped his mug shot - and it found its way on to the internet, where it swiftly went viral.
Since Winkelman got the tattoo, KORB has changed both its call letters and its format. It is now an adult contemporary station known as KQCS, Star 93.5.
That's hilarious Mary. I'm not sure I would bait someone who threatened to shoot me on the off chance they are just smart enough to find me and follow through.
With a .32 ? We're not talking about the "Walther PPK in 7.65mm" (.32 ACP) crowd here, and .32 H&R is not exactly the go-to caliber for your discerning redneck. My first thought is that the "fan" is not actually a gun owner.
So my mother in law likes shopping at dollar stores, big lots, the like, where a lot of the products are there because they've been discontinued. She buys a lot of odd snacks for our kids. My favorite this time has to be a flavor of Pepperidge Farm Goldfish, in their Flavor Blasted line: Explosive Pizza. For the life of me, I cannot figure out why this didn't take off in the market.
... a flavor of Pepperidge Farm Goldfish, in their Flavor Blasted line: Explosive Pizza. For the life of me, I cannot figure out why this didn't take off in the market.
You are hilarious. I imagined you delivering that one as David Letterman, by the way.
One would guess they were aiming for an "explosion" of pizza taste. But what if ... the explosions occurred further along the digestive system? Like you said, it's amazing that the product failed.
As the father of three young sons, I imagine that you're familiar with digestive explosions of all sorts. Gail's favorite story is Nolan's feat of hitting the bedroom door from the changing table, ~6 feet away.
Wait, I thought you had two and then a newborn. I had to look back over some PMs to deduce that the middle one, E2, is a girl, as E1 is referred to in the masculine, and #3 is as well.
Geez, I feel like I just did a logic puzzle.
@Tom, I may have presented that in not the most accurate way, heh.
The following comment is about the recent US election results, so I've spoilerized it for safety. (Keep in mind that this is the funny things thread.)
Click to reveal..
“Settle down everyone. Last night just proved two things... 1) Obama *will* be re-elected, and 2) It's just going to take a lot of midgets.
Look, we're living the Star Wars trilogy right now. In 2008, we had "A New Hope." In 2010, the Empire struck back. Which just means, in 2012, we're going to see the Return of the Jedi, which is awesome, but it also means we're going to be knee-deep in Ewoks by the Iowa caucuses.”
On a less funny note, I saw a Today Show piece (about a month or two ago) where they mailed jewelry with known amounts of gold to about ten of these companies that buy gold. The amounts they got back were maddeningly low in many cases. Cash4Gold was one of the worst. I think they offered somewhere in the range of 10 to 20% of true value. A couple of other companies were about as bad, but some were surprisingly good, over 70 or 80% of value.
Jitter-isn't that what you do after using a urinal? I could be wrong, as the only use I have for them now is to lose my dinner in when I'm too hammered.
Sean, I feel your pain, man. I mean, c'mon, first it was Britney and her bald-headed rage, then Lindsay Lohan's endless substance abuse. What's next, Hermione sporting a butchy short haircut?
Sean, I feel your pain, man. I mean, c'mon, first it was Britney and her bald-headed rage, then Lindsay Lohan's endless substance abuse. What's next, Hermione sporting a butchy short haircut?
Just came across this really old live Pink Floyd performance of Astronomy Domine. The guy who introduces the act reminds me of BobKay . Make sure you catch his interview with the band that starts at 5:40 into the clip.
I thought I remembered hearing many years ago that Benny Hill died bankrupt and penniless. I'm glad these posts prompted me to Wiki him and find out that was not the case!
Joyce and I still whistle the Benny Hill Theme Music when something strikes us as particularly silly.
Joyce and I still whistle the Benny Hill Theme Music when something strikes us as particularly silly.
...or the "Looney Tunes" theme song is another one. I worked with a welder years ago who did some rather silly things on the job and I couldn't help but think of that tune when he did something stupid.
What do they call alternative medicine when it works?
Medicine!
It actually depends on what you mean by "it works". Delusional people believe that homeopathy actually works, but it's nothing more than treatment via a solution of water. But, just because they claim that it works, doesn't make it medicine.
Alternative medicine ceases to become "alternative", and thus medicine, when there's actually scientific proof that it works.
I'm sure that's what you meant, Chris ; I'm just being pedantic .
One of my caregivers sent me this picture literally moments ago.
Somebody left the outside tap turned on at the side of my house (or some kid cutting through my property turned it on), and it had a constant slow drip that ended up creating this huge icicle that's formed from the ground up. It was even bigger than this, as the picture was taken after we got a couple days of 5-8 degree weather which melted all of the snow.
Anyway, I think it's pretty cool.
And draw your own conclusions as to what it looks like .
Cam, Cam, Cam. You are a filthy, dirty-minded, puerile imp. And those are only SOME of the reasons why I like you.
Originally Posted By: Adrian
Cool? I'd say it's dang COLD!!
I just thought-here's hoping that the pipe doesn't burst. My caregiver turn the tap off outside, but if it was dripping, it obviously means that the inside tap wasn't turned off. If I was thinking, I should have turned the inside tap off first and then turned the outside one off later on .
I love Thin Lizzy, but always hated that lyric. Of course, I think it might be an old folk tune, so I might have to blame whoever wrote it 100 years earlier.
Boudreaux and Thibodeaux, are sitting at their favorite bar, drinking dem bud-lite.
Boudreaux turns to Thibodeaux and says, 'You know me, I'm tired of going tru life without dat education. Tomorrow me I'm goin to dat Community College and sign me up for some classes.'
Thibodeaux thinks it's a good idea and the two have another bud-lite.
The next day, Boudreaux goes down to the college and meets Dean of Admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math, English, History, and Logic.
'Logic?' Boudreaux says. 'What's dat Hun?'
The dean says, 'I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?'
'Yeah.'
'Then logically speaking, because you own a weed eater, I think that you would have a yard.'
'Dat's right, I do have a yard.'
'I'm not done,' the dean says. 'Because you have a yard, I think logically that you would have a house.'
'Mais Yeh, I got me a house dare.'
'And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family.'
'Mais Yeh dats right too, I have a family.
'I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife. And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be a heterosexual.'
'I am a heterosexual. Dat's amazing, you were able to find all dat out because I got da weed eater.'
Excited to take the class now, Boudreaux shakes the Dean's hand and leaves to go meet Thibodeaux at the bar. He tells Thibodeaux about his classes, how he is signed up for Math, English, History, and Logic.
'Logic? ' Thibodeaux says, 'What's dat?'
Boudreaux says, 'I'll give you an example. Do you have a weed eater?'
An Irish man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk when he comes upon a preacher baptising people in the river. He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon he asks the drunk...
"Are you ready to find Jesus?"
The drunk shouts...."Yes I am !!"
So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water. He pulls him up and asks the drunk....
"Brother, have you found Jesus?"
The drunk replies..."No, oi have nah found Jesus"
The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again for a little longer, pulls him out again and asks him...
"Have you found Jesus me brother?"
Again the drunk answers...."No, oi have nah found Jesus"
By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk in the water again, but this time he holds him down for about 30 seconds and when he begins kicking his arms and legs, he pulls him up. The preacher asks the drunk again....
"For the love of God, have you found Jesus?"
The drunk wipes his eyes, catches his breath and says to the preacher...
Would love to hear more about the Cuba trip - I've always wanted to go there. I'm sure my perceptions are based as much on Godfather II and Tito Puente as anything, but still. Wish I'd had more time to spend with you and your family while in Dwight.
Toward the end of the Sunday service, the Minister asked, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?"
80% held up their hands.
The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one man, an avid golfer named Walter Barnes, who attended church only when the weather was bad.
"Mr. Barnes, it's obviously not a good morning for golf. It's good to see you here today. Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"
"I don't have any," he replied gruffly.
"Mr. Barnes, that is very unusual. How old are you?"
"Ninety-eight," he replied. The congregation stood up and clapped their hands.
"Oh, Mr. Barnes, would you please come down in front & tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years & not have an enemy in the world?"
The old golfer tottered down the aisle, stopped in front of the pulpit, turned around, faced the congregation, and said simply, "I outlived all the sons of bitches."
From one of my favorite blogs, about an hour ago: --- Do yourself a favor and follow Neil Hamburger on Twitter immediately.
Britney Spears is currently doing a live Q&A via Twitter and Neil is pelting her with questions like, "What are you more thankful for, prescription drugs or pitch-correction technology," and "How do you make it look so easy to dance and lip-sync for 2 solid hours with a stomach full of Carls Jr.?" while of course drawing the hilarious wrath of her rabid fans.
In Boston (twice in 12 months), people who are unhappy with their therapy just kidnap and kill the Dr. OK, so one survived 'cause an officer waiting for HIS appt. shoosted him dead. All at MGH! Nuthin' but the best.
In Boston (twice in 12 months), people who are unhappy with their therapy just kidnap and kill the Dr. OK, so one survived 'cause an officer waiting for HIS appt. shoosted him dead. All at MGH! Nuthin' but the best.
In Boston (twice in 12 months), people who are unhappy with their therapy just kidnap and kill the Dr. OK, so one survived 'cause an officer waiting for HIS appt. shoosted him dead. All at MGH! Nuthin' but the best.
NICE! I used to sit in the card section at the Carolina Football games. We had colored cards that were 2 feet square and made out of cardboard. Under each seat was a small paper card that told you which color to hold up for each "stunt". When the show was over, you could and did throw the paper cards into the air. HOWever, anyone throwing one of the big cards was summarily hunted down and ejected from the game. Invariably, there was always one a$$ that threw their cardboard. Those things coming down were akin to the lawn darts...
I subscribe to the RSS feed of Sleep Talkin Man and am consistently amused.
Today's nugget:
"I need you to take this stapler, and ram it into your forehead. No, it won't solve the problem, but it will make me happier. Much happier. (giggles) It's funny! Now go bleed somewhere else."
These guys are from Rodney, Ontario and I think they're absolutely hilarious. Here's their latest video where they found a redneck wheelchair ramp that's just dicked!
"Ah crap. Where's the bylaw dick? Sonofabitch!" LMFAO
Some truth in there indeed. I have a particular workmate who buys and returns a thousand electronics items a year. I always search for his online reviews in order to help determine which is the "stupid side". He only gives a good review if there is a no return policy or it's past it's return period. Then he gives a good review to justify his opinion.
I caught Rob Cordry's 1/2 hour sitcom, "Childrens Hospital" the other night on Adult Swim Channel.
He's a surgeon who spends all day, everyday, in clown face, as do some of his patients and their parents.
The patients on the 8th floor, the psych ward, hold full, no-access, control of Ward 8. They also manipulate the workings of the hospital to their advantage.
This week, Sarah Silverman, in suburban pink clown make-up, played the parent of a dying boy, in greenish-yellow, sickly clown make-up.
It was late, I was tired, but I could swear it was on for a whole 1/2 hour. Maybe I went to the bathroom and didn't realize it had changed when I returned.
I think I mentioned it before but I had a friend who received a free, high end butcher's knife as a free gift with some kitchen stuff she bought while we were all in Vancouver. She accidentally packed it in her carry on and it made it right through the x-ray machines. She discovered it looking for gum while we waited to board.
Maybe we need a new thread. What's the funniest thing you 'accidentally' smuggled through airport security?
Maybe we need a new thread. What's the funniest thing you 'accidentally' smuggled through airport security?
A handful of .308 rifle cartridges, maybe 18 months ago. It was an accident - I discovered them in my jacket pocket while unpacking in the hotel.
Then again, before 9-11 I never had trouble carrying the Leatherman tool (with 3 or 4 blades) through airport security as long as I took it out of my pocket before going through the metal detector.
I think I mentioned it before but I had a friend who received a free, high end butcher's knife as a free gift with some kitchen stuff she bought while we were all in Vancouver. She accidentally packed it in her carry on and it made it right through the x-ray machines.
One of my caregivers just told me on the weekend that she had the same thing happen to her recently, although it was a dagger style knife or something (being around females so often, I've developed a filter that makes it difficult for me to recollect what they've said). The clinical term that I coined is "solipsism bypass". I'm currently writing a self help book for anyone that's interested in learning how to create their own filter.
(being around females so often, I've developed a filter that makes it difficult for me to recollect what they've said). The clinical term that I coined is "solipsism bypass".
Cam, I think a term for blocking out female speech already exists. It's called heterosexuality.
There is a sub-disorder suffered only by homosexuals and other females. It's called VIAD--Vaginally induced auditory disfunction.
(being around females so often, I've developed a filter that makes it difficult for me to recollect what they've said). The clinical term that I coined is "solipsism bypass".
Cam, I think a term for blocking out female speech already exists. It's called heterosexuality.
There is a sub-disorder suffered only by homosexuals and other females. It's called VIAD--Vaginally induced auditory disfunction.
If you and your uncle Jack were horseback riding and you got stuck on top of the horse, and your uncle Jack helped you off the horse, and then when it was your uncles turn to ride the horse, he got stuck on the horse, too. Would you help you uncle Jack off?
No, just because it's cartoony wouldn't mean it was easy. Given that those all had the same style, those were drawn, not 'shopped. Of course, they could have been drawn in photoshop, but I doubt that would be the tool of choice.
No, just because it's cartoony wouldn't mean it was easy. Given that those all had the same style, those were drawn, not 'shopped. Of course, they could have been drawn in photoshop, but I doubt that would be the tool of choice.
They're beyond my skill level in Photoshop; that's half because I don't even use Photoshop. I'd say the images were done in either a vector based program like CorelDRAW or Illustrator, or more likely using a cell shader with a 3D rendering program.
In 3D I'm more proficient at modeling things I see in the real world, but lacking in the creativity for much original content.
I have DirecTV, but I may have to switch to Comcast to catch some of these gems.
Apparently the writers of their program guide's episode summaries have a sense of humor that pops up once in a while, and this blog collects these Easter eggs for us.
A short drive from my parents, there are these two houses that catch your attention (they're clearly visible from the highway) and make me laugh every time I see them. Best of all, they're neighbours and literally live 25ft from each other .
Maybe just a bit too high on the register, but I bought that one. The main one I didn't buy was Paul Giamatti, mainly because he's (at least to me) not that memorable as far as his voice.
The transition to George Clooney was breathtaking.
The Meaning of Politics A little boy goes to his dad and asks, “What is Politics?”
Dad says, “Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I bring in the money for the family, so call me Capitalism. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government. We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People. The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we will call him the Future. Now think about that and see if it makes sense.”
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.
So the little boy goes to his parent’s room and finds his mother asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny’s room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy say’s to his father, “Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.”
The father says, “Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.”
The little boy replies, “As Capitalism screws the working class, the people go ignored by the sleeping government and the future is full of shit”.
The out of order weight bench is decorated with bacon (for tomtuttle) and a unicorn (for CV). Even when the weight bench fails, it wins.
There should be a warning about reading this at work...not due to inappropriate content (which can be true too!), but laughing may be disruptive. Gosh, some of these were hilarious!
While it attempts to subtly raise some points for discussion, some may certainly find that offensive. I fear another test of our members ability to debate without resorting to personal flaming is at hand.
But as I often say, "Were it not for the Devil's advocate, we might never know he was there."
Last night my wife said something very profound. We just finished watching "The Source Code". I liked it fairly well but she did not, leading to this comment from her.
"I like when a story has flow. A reveals B. B leads to C. B&C lead to the surprise of D. You on the other hand enjoy when B calls A into question, C rules out B and D leads back to the impossible B!"
Once I stopped laughing I realized the the brilliance and admittedly, much of the truth in it.
I only middle of the road enjoyed Inception. I very much enjoyed the concept and the ongoing mind games but found that he pushed a little too far into the 'over the top' action movie side of things. I kept waiting for Neo or Morpheus to pop out.
This German, DJ Flula, doesn't understand a few things about American idioms. He overanalyzes them in his very German accent to hilarious effect.
By the way, I passed Flula on to one of my friends, and she loves him. So thanks, Peter. She didn't say anything when I first sent her a link, but a couple of days later she said she'd been watching his videos all day and thought he was "soooooo funny."
"If you are up for slightly more math, you can perform a kitchen experiment that Albert Einstein​ would have loved: prove that light really does zip along at almost 300 million meters per second. Cover a cardboard disk from a frozen pizza with slices of Velveeta and microwave it at low power until several melted spots appear. (You don’t want it rotating, so if your oven has a carousel, prop the cardboard above it.) Measure the distance (in meters) between the centers of the spots. That distance is half the wavelength of the light, so if you double it and multiply by 2.45 billion (the frequency in cycles per second), the result is the velocity of the rays bouncing about in your oven."
Measure the distance (in meters) between the centers of the spots.
Jeez, you must have a HUGE microwave oven!
Is there are space/time-continuum involved that dictates we be moving around the kitchen at exactly the same rate as you did for the result to be the same? Or is that just what the whole thing looks like from here?
I have an urge to try this but am afraid. What happens?
Also you can light a standard incandescent light bulb using your microwave. Put the bulb in a glass of water so that the metal base is just covered by the water. Turn your nukemowave on high and watch the show. That's power savings - using 1000W to light a 60W bulb! I have done this but only for 2 or 3 seconds. I've been scared to go longer.
i once connected a 100 watt light bulb on one output of my Hafler 500 instead of a speaker.
the bulb did light up, but a bit weak; i then increased the vol. level and after less than a minute, a fuse in the Hafler blew up; 15 amp rated fuse. i used a 60 Hz sinewave for that, and once the fuse replaced, no problem with the amp.
i also tried it playing organ music. the light intensity would follow the music...
no cheese smell, but some would say i'm a cheese head, right?
Personally, I like Nickelback but at some point that I missed, it became cool to hate them. Love em or hate em, kudos to them for being willing to make fun of themselves in response to the Packers petition.
Personally, I like Nickelback but at some point that I missed, it became cool to hate them. Love em or hate em, kudos to them for being willing to make fun of themselves in response to the Packers petition.
One thing we all can agree on, Chad always has the worst hair cuts. ALWAYS!
It was stated in the video, rather directly, that Detroit hates them because they're Canadian. That's weird, becasue the rest of the U.S. considers Michigan, Minnesota AND Wisconsin to be part of Canada.
This was originally going to go in "what yummy thing are you eating tonight ?"
Potato Wedges
Preheat oven to 400F. Wash 3 potatoes, cut into 8-12 wedges each depending on size. Toss with a mix of jerk seasoning, hot sauce, and a bit of oil. Arrange wedges on baking sheet in neat rows. Open oven door, pick up baking sheet, observe baking sheet slide through fingers, observe wedges on floor.
Retrieve wedges. Wash kitchen floor. Debate whether hot peppers will kill floor cooties since 5 second rule was not observed.
Having lived in Augusta for 9 years, and having shopped at that Brest Buy, I took an interest in this story. I found the snopes link yesterday and also this editorial from the local newspaper. It is written in their typical pompous style, reminding me why I didn't subscribe. Enjoy?
YouTube had me watch this video after the hippo one. Louis CK says great stuff about George Carlin. I need to expose myself to more Carlin comedy at some point.
The news report is correct. It's FOX "news" after all, and they're in an alternate backwards universe.
If you saw the broadcast, the next caption said "the water was quickly put out with fire thanks to the slow response from our Russian neighbours water fighters department".
The news report is correct. It's FOX "news" after all, and they're in an alternate backwards universe.
If you saw the broadcast, the next caption said "the water was quickly put out with fire thanks to the slow response from our Russian neighbours water fighters department".
The news report is correct. It's FOX "news" after all, and they're in an alternate backwards universe.
If you saw the broadcast, the next caption said "the water was quickly put out with fire thanks to the slow response from our Russian neighbours water fighters department".
If you didn't catch the 20th anniversary show of Absolutely Fabulous the other night, check your listings, as I'm sure they'll run it ad naseum until the next 2 installments arrive. It's running on LOGO, but if you're afraid you'll get caught, it's also on BBCA.
This time 'round, Jennifer Saunders trashes the Royal Wedding, Pippa Middleton's ass, the Kardashians ("Look," she says, pointing to a group photo of them in a showbiz mag, "in America, diseases have become celebrities!"), and hosts of other contemporary people and topics.
I was afraid I'd be disappointed. No way.
Funny Thing #2
You guys brought up Fiat in the Shoutbox, so I take no responsiblity for the synapses involved in this vision.
I saw one of JLo's Fiat commercials again last night. Night shot, shiny, abondoned, rain-slicked city street, hotel entrance with still doorman.
The camera zooms in to the bottom of the driver's door. A single shoe extends and makes contact with said shiny street and displays it's full reflection in the wet asphalt. (Of course, JLo wouldn't be caught dead in shoes that cost less than $15,000--the MSRP of the gussied-up Fiat she's "driving.")
So I'm thinking, she needs some men in the commercial with her; make it sexier, something for everybody. She's very small, so, for contrast, we need really tall ones, like, umm JP, Peter, and Ray----- you know, just to show how "roomy" it really is.
After she ascends the curb to the sidewalk, the three of them slowly emerge and stand smiling, together, forming a wall behind her, where the top of her "do" barely reaches their lowest ribs.
Because she is tricked out to the 9's, they will be wearing tuxedoes, but with clown shoes. (You know, about the same size they already wear, but in bright colors and patterns, to emphasize the Barnum quotient of the car's true capacity.)
The final shot will be on her face. As she begins to speak the closing line, we pan back to include our forum buddies. Everyone is smiling as she says, "Whenever I go out cruisin' with my friends, Andre and The Marfan Twins, we do it in style!"
C'mon, I'm depressed! But that did make me feel a lot better about myself.
People here used to think I was crazy. But assuming they're now grading on a curve, between your posts and Ken stabbing everyone, I'm looking like a pretty reasonable alternative.
I was once less than 10 feet from him and I had nuthin! Damn! I wasn't in awe or anything. I just wanted to get close enough to see if he smelled bad ( he did not), but I'm not offended by the smell of hard liquor anyway.
Cam, when the downtown city background photos of these network affiliates include less than 4 buildings over 17 stories high, your'e not exactly getting national caliber on-air "talent."
However, LA has tons of tall buildings (simply because they shouldn't), and netwtork affiliate news there is abysmal. I think there's a long-time weatherman there whose name is Rayne. Then again, we had a weatherwoman here named Chicage Windler.
Keep 'em coming, please. After all, stupid is stupid.
There is no one or no thing you could mention that would make me youtube The Love Boat. Even as a child who only had TFC (Two F__in Channels) I somehow knew it was wrong.
Not a Teri fan. I always wanted Superman to drop her.
That's the second time in as many days that you indicated deriving pleasure from watching people be dropped rather than saved. I'd push up that meeting with your parents---for starters.
There is a very well-maintained child care center near my house. Just this week, they installed a large new sign streetside, where the old one had been. It is very attractive; carved in relief, off-white ground, deep blue lettering with really nice gold accents.
The final text at the bottom of the sign reads exactly:
CHILD CARE---15 months-12 years
Had I known, I may have bought a couple for myself a long time ago, especially since you can now warehouse them for such protracted periods.
Not a Teri fan. I always wanted Superman to drop her.
That's the second time in as many days that you indicated deriving pleasure from watching people be dropped rather than saved. I'd push up that meeting with your parents---for starters.
I just like to think that I have a keen interest in the science of Newtonian Physics.
Not a Teri fan. I always wanted Superman to drop her.
That's the second time in as many days that you indicated deriving pleasure from watching people be dropped rather than saved. I'd push up that meeting with your parents---for starters.
I just like to think that I have a keen interest in the science of Newtonian Physics.
Check out the guy trying to wave his hands with the crowd just after 6:40 min in. I don't think I have ever seen such awkwardness at a concert before. He is in the rightmost section of the screen.
Since there have been a lot of Tim Horton's jokes on the board lately, I thought you US folks might like to see the results of Tim's changing their cup sizes up here. Complete with Newfoundland accents, which makes everything better.
Cool. It's close to what I thought it might be. I figured it'd play off of "Inconceivable!" but with the positive result being, "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."
A couple of years after you get an Inigo result, then this will be relevant:
Just happened a few minutes ago during my noon time walk.
I came upon two ladies with their backs turned to me trying to put change into a parking meter. Their change was going in one slot and flying out the other, falling into the snow.
I couldn't see their faces as they had their hoods up but it looked like they were not seeing that the change was falling out so I stopped and said something along the lines of "excuse me, but your change is falling into the snow." I also then noticed they were trying to use dimes and nickels and our machines only take quarters, Loonies and Toonies. Those are 1 and 2 dollar coins for our non-Tim Horton's drinking friends here.
When they turned to face me I could see that they were Chinese and looked confused. I wasn't sure if they didn't understand me or if the hood blocked their hearing so I repeated myself.
Now they looked even more confused and they said something in Mandarin that I did not understand. Then I had the bright idea maybe some visual aids would help. So I checked my pocket for change and found a quarter. I held it up and pointed at the meter.
Well, they definitely understood something because at this point, she snatched the quarter from my hand and said "Thank You, Thank You" and into the meter it went.
What could I do? I said "Your welcome" and walked away thanking myself I didn't dig deeper in my pocket for a Toonie.
*plans trip to PEI, will stand in front of a car dealership with a perplexed look on my face as I watch my checkbook repeatedly slide off the hood of a new Porsche in hopes Andrew walks by to "help" me*
Someone please try some and report back. Bonus points if anyone can attend one of the Valentine's Day Quote-Along Feasts. There's one in Winchester, VA if that's anywhere near you Virginians. Otherwise, they're in Austin, Houston, and San Antonio, TX.
*plans trip to PEI, will stand in front of a car dealership with a perplexed look on my face as I watch my checkbook repeatedly slide off the hood of a new Porsche in hopes Andrew walks by to "help" me*
Actually, we have way more of the standard car dealerships than we need. Nothing high end though. Closest Porsche dealership would be in Halifax, Nova Scotia. About a 4 hour drive. Not bad.
There are lots of high end cars on PEI but they are mostly all owned by the same select few. You also won't see them this time of year due to winter and salt on the roads.
Hmm. First time I've ever seen the phrase "beer hips" in print.
I think it's time for another Bob poll, my dear little swillhounds. Measure from the top of R pelvic bone to L pelvic bone (at your iliac crest) above your ass. Now do the same for front side to front side through the middle of your gut.
Please post your rear-to front ratio, so I can award the Porker Prize. It's like the Pritzger Prize for architecture, only less well known.
These are 3 recent Massachusetts news items I thought were funny.
A 100 year old woman was just found incompetent to stand trial for murder for the 2rd time! They first tried a couple of years ago, when her 100 year old nursing home roomate was found dead----strangled, with a plasctic bag over her head. I guess living long has its rewards.
A suburban Boston policeman pulled over a woman driving erratically in her SUV. After determining that she had her child in the car and was drunk, he made her leave the car by the roadside and drove her to the police station where she called a friend to come get her. Her friend, also traveling with a child, arrived at the station to get her, also drunk. She was arrested as well. Wonder who SHE called to fetch her?
An estranged married couple got into a fight last week on Cape Cod. It escalated to the point where he pulled out a gun and shot her. Being only wounded, she was able to whip out hers and shoot HIM---dead. Getting through the desolation of winter on the Cape can be so hard.
An estranged married couple got into a fight last week on Cape Cod. It escalated to the point where he pulled out a gun and shot her. Being only wounded, she was able to whip out hers and shoot HIM---dead.
There's a moral somewhere in that there very short story...
Did you ever notice that no one in a beer commercial has a beer belly?!
and
He's a cute Rott mix. We can see that his owner is named Bubba and someone is about to ruin that (cheesy) Oriental by washing it with soap and water. Nice find, JP!
It's amazing what the mind can miss when looking at a photo. I saw the dog, of course, and chuckled at the tattooed guy in the wife beater but somehow a pink bucket just didn't register. I'd make a lousy detective.
D'ja ever have an old friend recall, with a snicker, something you did or said that you don't remember at all?
I stopped in to a friend's print shop today. I aways joke with him that he's on the leading edge of a dying industry.
We made reference to a departed close friend and bandmate of 40 years. There were 6 of us who all go back that far together who acted as pollbearers.
As we were carrying him out of the church and into the hearse for the final ride, I was talking, in his voice, as if from inside the coffin, and two of our friends almost dropped him from biting back laughs. I asked what the hell did I say. He said he couldn't remember and it didn't matter. I don't think his wife and two kids under 12 would have appreciated it, but he would have laughed his ass off. Still, I don't remember doing that.
Here is something for our American friends who are always messing things up when referring to Canada's Geography. I believe it covers just about everything you will ever need to know.
I just got this Freeycle email a moment ago. No wonder the pants are too long!
Quote:
A nice person gave me some clothes this week. However, the pants are too big. So I am paying it forward and offering them on Freecycle. They are office type of pants and one pair of jeans. I am 5.5 inches tall and they are too long for me. Unless you want to hem them I would respond if you are 5.6 and above.
I was in a record store with Chris. There was a 23 year old clerk wearing heels, fishnets and a pleated skirt that began at her waist and ended at her, umm, waist. I asked Chris many questions, but he never responed, since he was always looking away from me.
She was slightly gothy, with just a strip of bright red on her long, dark hair. Big smile, bright and friendly. I've seen her in a white latex sex-slave-nurse outfit at Halloween in the store. I'm not kidding. I hate when something like that casues me to revisit my core values.
Some days you just have to treat humanity like your own personal chew toy, got a drunken wrong number yesterday:
"Good afternoon" 'Hey... are you delivering my meat to (address deleted)?' "Pardon?" 'My package of meat to (a/d). Are you delivering it?' "Who are you looking for?" 'Is this Jacob's Meat?' "Oh, yes, sorry.. I could barely hear you. Which size package was that?" 'The 40 lb one' "Right, I meant to call you... we've got a special on this week, for the price of 40 lbs of beef, I can give you 120 lbs of bear meat... would you like to do that instead?" 'Uh... yeah, sure!' "Okay, so let me just change your order..." (tapping on keyboard) "... okay, 120 lbs of bear meat... do you want the penis included in your order?" '... ... ... the penis?' "Yes, would you like the bear penis as part of your 120 lbs of bear meat?" 'Uh, no.' "Well, perhaps you should ask your wife or girlfriend and call me back?" 'Yeah, okay, I will.'
That's the gift that keeps on giving... the poor guy answering the callback at the butcher and hearing "Hey, it's me again... my wife doesn't want the bear penis" - I only hope he came up with "then wear a condom or a candy bar wrapper or something".
This is much funnier for me because I have been to this place a bunch of times and because of my wife's friend who seems to feel obliged to constantly sing the real version of this song while she works out. You may find it anywhere from amusing to not so much. It's pretty well done for a school project though.
For the impatient folks, the video starts after 35 seconds of audio only.
This is much funnier for me because I have been to this place a bunch of times and because of my wife's friend who seems to feel obliged to constantly sing the real version of this song while she works out. You may find it anywhere from amusing to not so much. It's pretty well done for a school project though.
For the impatient folks, the video starts after 35 seconds of audio only.
I really liked it until they began to repeatedly cut to the Senior Center, then I had an anxiety attack, then I got despondent, then my MDD came back. Thanks, Murphrey.
Yes, I do believe that more than one person has dipped into their kids' college funds to buy $7,000 cables. That spiral geometry is a siren, I tell you!
I think I caught that when I was in college. I'm pretty sure it still affects me. Occasionally, I will cough twice and then suddenly wave a British flag.
I thought this list of Zen wisdom had some good ones:
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone. 2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire. 3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it. 4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. 5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else. 6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet. 7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments. 8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. 9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. 10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. 11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it. 12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. 13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield. 14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. 15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket. 16. A closed mouth gathers no foot. 17. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works. 18. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving. 19. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. 20. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
I just was in my Wish List @ Amazon Music. I'd never had one before, because they're so dangerous. It's maybe a month old.
At the end of my list, as a second-bar tag, were items I don't recall wishing for, but there they were: a pair of cables for $6,995.00 and Pac Man Fever. LOL!!!!
“As a child, I was aware that, at night, infrared vision would reveal monsters hiding in the bedroom closet only if they were warm-blooded. But everybody knows that your average bedroom monster is reptilian and cold-blooded."
Neil deGrasse Tyson, Space Chronicles: Facing the Ultimate Frontier
“As a child, I was aware that, at night, infrared vision would reveal monsters hiding in the bedroom closet only if they were warm-blooded. But everybody knows that your average bedroom monster is reptilian and cold-blooded."
Neil deGrasse Tyson, Space Chronicles: Facing the Ultimate Frontier
The Shining and The Exorcist are the best 2 horror movies i've seen, two old ones who look and sound very good on Blu-ray. There may be others, but they don't come to mind now.
I get drug to all the new horror movies as my wife is a fan. The only modern one that I actually enjoyed a decent bit was "The Lady in Black". It didn't scare me much although it does have some 'jumpy' scenes to it if your guard isn't up. However as a film, I enjoyed it about as much as I could for a horror flic. Except for the ending.
As a kid with a not-strict but present Catholic upbringing, "The Exorcist" definitely freaked me out in it's day. It's the last time I remember being scared at a movie. Well not entirely true. I was drug to "Message in a Bottle" and I was terrified it would never be over.
I remember liking John Carpenter's "The Prince of Darkness" as a teen in the 80's as well. Mostly because in the days when horror just equalled 'hack and slash,' it did try to blend religion and science together in an attempt to make it more believable. Pretty cheesy now by today's standards but the cameo by Alice Cooper as a zombie is still kind of fun.
At the time when the Exorcist was out, Satan and the occult were "all the rage". I read somewhere that the only way a person could be possessed was by thinking of Satan.
So, as a kid, I use to lie in bed trying NOT to think of Satan. Which of course, never worked!
it appears that some music band or bands went so far as to record songs that, when played backwards, you could hear the devil speaking secret messages. of course, every one had a cassette player or an 8 track machine that could play backwards, otherwise...you were out of luck.
it appears that some music band or bands went so far as to record songs that, when played backwards, you could hear the devil speaking secret messages. of course, every one had a cassette player or an 8 track machine that could play backwards, otherwise...you were out of luck.
And then there was that scary thing that happened if you played a MS Windows CD.......It installed Windows!!!!!
it appears that some music band or bands went so far as to record songs that, when played backwards, you could hear the devil speaking secret messages. of course, every one had a cassette player or an 8 track machine that could play backwards, otherwise...you were out of luck.
And then there was that scary thing that happened if you played a MS Windows CD.......It installed Windows!!!!!
A moment ago my Mom sent me an email all in a panic because she got one of those spam messages inviting her to join some service where she could meet the following 12 people that would be perfect for her. The interesting part was that one of the 12 profile pictures was a pork sandwich.
I wonder where one would take a pork sandwich on a date? Start with a Jewish restaurant, I guess, so as not to have any chance of him seeing a friend or relative on the menu. Not sure after that.
I need me some of them vegetable trees so I could plant them on my free land and use totally organic pesticides on them and take the vegetables to sell at the farmers' market.
I'm on the East coast, but I seem to have lost my slaves. Or they escaped again. Dagnabit!!!
At the supermarket yesterday picking up some fixings for making a batch of jalapeno garlic dill pickles. The herb section has a bunch of buckets, one for each type of herb. Not sure what was in the dill bucket (looked like curly parsley) but definitely not dill. The "vegetable manager" insisted it was dill, and said no it didn't look like what was in the curly parsley bucket.
In the end he pointed me to a squeeze tube of "dill seasoning". I said that wouldn't really be the same because I was making dill pickles, whereupon he asks...
Stores can be frightening. I once recall a similar fight at Canadian Tire get a shock on a Sunday when no auto-supply stores are open.
What kind of vehicle? 2003 TJ, Rubicon but you won't find it that way, here is the part number. I don't see TJ. Is that like a Wrangler? Yes, TJ is the Canadian term for Wranglers. OK, so a 2003 TJ, how many cylinders? 6 but I don't want the part you are about to find. Why? Because I lifted my Jeep and I need a longer shock. This is the part number. I broke one and I just want this cheap one to -do me until the one I ordered online arrives so I can drive it now. --I swear I could hear a cricket under the counter at this point-- Well, what make it model is the one you want from? I don't know but I know this one fits. Can you not search by part number? I can, but then it might not fit your vehicle. --must suppress anger-- Please call your manager to help me, or your dad or whoever fixed your bicycle so you could get to work today after your paper route.
Wouldn't be a good thread for us old guys cuz the answer would be "almost anything."
(Sidenote: In typing the above response, I double dribbled on one letter and ended up with the typo "almoist" which I nearly let ride since it would be so appropriate.)
Here in the Maritime's where shine is more of a form of cultural, culinary arts, I found it a bit appalling. Funny though! Amazing too. That much shine in that short a period and not requiring a bucket? Unbelievable. Although not a skill I hope to ever learn.
Just got a Christmas card with a letter recapping the year. The wife describes their newly built home theatre as "The Monster", but adds that her husband's retort is that "it's only too big until you turn it on"
If there was an award for rant of the year, this guy would surely win. Hilarious once he actually gets to the Wii part, but tons of bad language if your at work. Nearly killed the poor guy to get it out at points.
Would you rather fight 100 duck-sized horses or one horse-sized duck?
Think about it.
The question was submitted to President Obama during his Reddit "AskMeAnything" session last August, but it was not selected by his staff, so he never saw it. This article brings up the question. Skip to the part after the chair pictures if you don't want to read the whole thing. NSFW language in the article.
I saw this because Andrew Sullivan blogged about it here. Then, his readers chimed in, which to me is the really funny part about this: click through this post to read about the strategic use of bread, horse maces, and a Trojan Duck. Plus, Preston Manning gets in on the action.
1 Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind-of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Light than Kay.
17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
22. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
23. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.
My mind wandered to a "cheap gloves = chaffing" joke which led me to think of the "Big Bang Theory" episode where Walowitz made a robot arm with a realistic hand that got stuck in on his.... well lets just say he had to go to the hospital.
The quote that made me chuckle was something like. "Noo!! Don't turn it on. It's stuck in screwdriver mode!!"
As a segueway to the Meme of the Day, remember that time when the guys dressed up as superheroes?
Leonard Hofstadter: Fine, if Zack's going to be Superman, I want to be Green Lantern. Raj Koothrappali: But I'm Green Lantern. Leonard Hofstadter: You can be Aquaman. Raj Koothrappali: I don't want to be Aquaman. He sucks. He sucks underwater. He sucks fish pee. Leonard Hofstadter: Excuse me, I believe Aquaman uses his telepathic powers to request fish do their business elsewhere.
I had some fun with one of my physiotherapists last night. I was there for my frozen shoulder (not a funny thing) and usually at the end of the night they hook me to tens machine for a while. So last night I wore my new t-shirt with the LED, Iron Man ARC Reactor replica under the shirt.
When she hooked me up and turned the dial on the machine to get the current going, I hit the button for the shirt and my chest started to glow. I wasn't sure if she would notice right away but she did and actually gave a quick little scream and jumped back a bit with her hand over her mouth.
I had an umbilical hernia surgically repaired several years ago. My doctor was top-notch...he did four tours in Iraq as a surgeon and right after my surgery he went to head up the trauma surgery team at Dartmouth. He had a really easy-going disposition though, and a good sense of humor. Before the surgery, he came to check on me in the pre-op area and told me not to worry about his shaking hands. He hadn't had a drink yet that morning and after a couple, the trembles usually stop.
Anyway, a week after the surgery, I was in his office for a followup and for him to check the stitches. He walked in and ,while washing his hands, asked me how it was going.
With an absolutely straight face and tone, I told him that I think it was all pretty good..... though I'm surprised that it was still draining some blood and so much green puss a week after.
I could tell that he was seriously trying....but failing... to remain calm and composed when he said "OK, let's take a look at it".
I ran into him a couple of months later (he still lives in town) and he recognized me. He put me in a headlock and tried to give my scalp "noogies". He told me he still laughs at how "I got him".
Late to the party, but I've been enjoying Jake & Amir a lot. My sister had been trying to get me to watch them for a while, but I kept forgetting to, so she finally sent me a link when they posted their "Milkman" music video. NSFW, but funny if you don't mind some crude humor. The song is way too catchy. Their interaction in their normal videos is inspired. I'm making my way chronologically through their archive, and all of the videos are making me laugh.
I posted one of their early videos on Facebook, and my sister responded with one of their later videos. You should watch them to get a sense of how much crazier they've gotten over the years.
We never get enough fashion advice around here. I'm here to help. Never wear one of these 30 awful t-shirts. [Voiceover guy: "NSFW due to profanity, sexual innuendo and adult situations. Viewer discretion is advised."]
WTF? now it's "29 T-shirts" and they removed the Marley one.
Peter, are you secretly an editor at Buzzfeed? Or do you just have that kind of power/influence generally speaking?!
Since you like it so much, and for the sake of the Axiomites who haven't seen it yet, here's a look at where you can get one from a hairy man in Bristol, England.
I haven't seen it yet either, Damn It! Although I just did order a "Rocks, Paper, Scissors, Lizard, Spock" T-shirt with my ThinkGeek credit. That's gotta count for something.
I want to hook up my new computer to my Mackie mixer, and a 25' 1/8" cable won't quite reach. And the O/C side of me hates having to get a 50 footer, with all it's extra length. Luckily, I found this one that's just that tiny bit longer than the 25 footer. It's worth a couple of extra bucks to not have that 50 footer coiled up behinfd the mixer, right?
It's worth a couple of extra bucks to not have that 50 footer coiled up behinfd the mixer, right?
It would be, to me. I've had to deal with wires, day in and day out, most of my life (setting up and tearing down a sound system for a band, etc.). I am so sick of dealing with them. I can't wait until everything is wireless.
I could have used that recently with group of teenagers at a lake in Arizona; one girl just refused to go in, explaining "You don't understand - I just CAN'T"...
Laughing at being remiss in my parenting duties - the age of plastic:
So my 16 year old has been driving on his own for a month or so now in a new car that my parents won and gave to him. He's seen us for years pull up to the pump, slide the card in and out and dispense. We've even had him do the mechanics of nozzle in thank and lift handle or push button to start - so there's that portion. He was out yesterday and finally realized that the gas tank is not eternal and I get a phone call:
Son: DAD!! I'm on fumes - where's a gas station!??
Dad: go to main road, turn right, 2 blocks down on the right (one he's been to many times with us and one he runs past every day with the track team). Do you have money?...
1 min later, I get a text...
Son: where do I put the cash?
Dad <rolling on the floor laughing hysterically>: you have to go inside - make sure you know what pump number ur at.
1 minute later...
Son: do I give it to the cashier?
Dad: no, give it to the bum sitting outside... YES, genius!! you give the money to the cashier and tell her what pump ur at.
Then it dawned on me that our kids have never seen us go in and pay cash for gas, we've always used a gas or debit card. So he simply didn't know how it worked... epic fail on our part.
It's funny the things we take for granted and assume that kids know.
I've become aware that my niece and nephew, twins going on 12 years old, have absolutely zero sense of direction and where different places are located. When they're in the car to go someplace, their heads are always buried in their DS games. They're never looking out the window to see where they are.
When I was 12, I'm pretty sure that I knew my way from my home in South Jersey to the area where my parents were from near the Tappen Zee bridge in NY.... a 2.5 hour drive. And we only went a couple of times a year.
I swear my niece and nephew couldn't get to their school a mile away from their home if their lives depended on it.
Funny, my 13 yr old son has a great sense of direction despite having his head down all the time with DS,iPod, iphone etc., his 9yr old brother on the other hand still gets lost in campgrounds we have been to every summer for weeks since he was born.
I guess some kids are able to take it all in and others only take in what they want.
To give you guys a laugh, I'll admit to getting into some poison ivy last night. I'm covered in a horribly itchy rash from ankle to knee on the left side of my right leg. Somehow, my left leg is unscathed.
I keep an uncut buffer zone along the bank down to the shore at my place and I must have found some while dumping grass cuttings over the bank.
Although what we can gain from it, is a new phrase that will suit many a conversation that we have here. I expect to see the term "anything else confusingly similar thereto" used a good bit more on this forum from now on.
Mark, you have reframed my thinking. My job is not that bad. Certainly not as bad as it could be, from the looks of those guys. Those are just beyond ... everything.
I'm sure everyone's either seen it by now or doesn't care, but the latest viral video that my friend Nate foisted upon me explains what sounds foxes make.
Except for maybe the Motorcycle killed by moose thing. People really do die from that every year in some areas. Their tall legs are the perfect height to send the half-ton body through your windshield.
On the funny side, I've fallen for the trap more times than I care to admit. You'd think I would learn.
So a German guy asked his two brothers to be best men at his wedding. They made him this 80s inspired video to show him how they felt about "losing him". It is absolutely EPIC.
So a German guy asked his two brothers to be best men at his wedding. They made him this 80s inspired video to show him how they felt about "losing him". It is absolutely EPIC.
It's not the fact these speaker cables cost $14,000 that's hilarious (although it's ridiculous!), it's the reviews. Before I read them, I actually thought 233 bought these things! LOL! Here is one of the customer images.
Here's one of the reviews:
"With the help of this cable, I can now experience music the way it's meant to be heard. I find that plugging this directly into my ears helps transmit the cleanest, most pure sound. Make sure you clean your ears out though (with liquefied dark matter, of course), because quality will suffer if your ear-holes aren't sparkly clean.
Also, I can fly now because of this cable."
One of the comments to the review:
"Humph! Amateur. Anyone still inserting things in their ears is a total noob. The only way to get the purest sound is to plug the AudioQuest K2s directly into the temporal lobes via solid gold binding posts drilled through the skull."
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."
The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet..
"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."
The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman..
The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"
The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $150."
Damn! I was really hoping there'd be one name that was both an IKEA product and a Scandinavian metal band. I guess living < 3 miles from an IKEA puts me at an advantage. Or maybe it's just because I'm gay?
I'm glad one of the 3 I got wrong was Watain, so I could see a pic of the bass player covered in blood.
Take note, you extreme Northerners! See what happens when humans don't get enough hours of sunshine?
It was totally predictable and presumptuous on both fronts. Of course he went there!
Just like the odds in quantum physics, someday he WILL, inevitably, have an original thought, but it will occur in an alternate time/space continuum to which no one else has access. Either that, or it'll just happen while he's under dental sedation and he'll forget it completely.
Bandit received a phone call last week. A small publisher is interested in his book and wanted to have him come in and talk.
He put on his dressiest harness and I drove him downtown for his appointment.
As soon as they were both seated, the publisher jumped right in.
"We love your novel! It's such a compelling and heart felt story of loyalty and obedience. I have one question, though. How come, in every scene, all of the characters are eating?"
I spent two summers working as the student slave for the mechanics shop in a trucking company. I've seen them do some crazy sh__ out in the yard. Obviously the speed is farced but I would discount that a few drivers I knew at the time would't at least try. Probably result in a jackknife, but I could see them trying it.
Hey, Murph - Washington State has become a leader in the growing US craft spirits industry, including this gem which is produced in Seattle by one of the coolest guys I've ever met. It's all corn, and I've been keeping some in stock for a while now (I like to buy it directly at the distillery). Cheers!
I liked it, but then I've actually had demon children, so I think that magnifies my appreciation. Plus, that stroller looked like it controlled pretty well. I'm surprised you RC fans didn't like it just for that.
We once made an RC chassis and put a co-workers trash can on it. We just wanted to annoy her cause she wastes so much paper but we ended up scaring her so bad we had a lecture from our goofy HR dept.
tonight, like most other nights (evenings), i sit at my official MLP, set everything up, start the music and then close my eyes.
yesterday evening, i was listening to Ivan Rebroff and at some moment, i opened my eyes in the surrounding semi-darkness, and was surprised to see those M80s in front, not expecting to see them there. for a moment, i had forgotten that the sounds do come out of them, they being so adverse to making their own sounds.
this is much much better than at my sister's where the sound system is recessed in a 6 ft. large wardrobe with louvered doors. it never "comes out of the closet"!
That is why I usually seek out Regal RPX or Carmike XD theaters. They at least are a big screen experience.
Although I am going to the TCL Chinese Theatre IMAX on Monday night. (This is the former Grauman's Chinese Theatre that was redone as a large format IMAX.)
Also going to the Van Nuys Plant 16 theater on Tuesday to experience DBox motion seats.
Here is a time lapse video of the renovation of the Chinese Theatre:
I'm liking @midnight on Comedy Central. "Hashtag Wars" are always my favorite part of the show. Along those lines, I found this cool list of movies that you could ruin by adding one word to the title:
The police and firefighters quite often don't see eye to eye, but this is ridiculous. Then again, it is the NY police department gang of thugs, so anything can happen....
Went to a fight and a hockey game broke out. Seriously though these guys need some serious reprimand and a full out apology plus they need to do some lines. I WILL BEHAVE IN PUBLIC
I almost put this in the cold weather thread but it's more funny than anything. The hole in the ice below our place is opening up nicely after a warmer weekend and I saw the funniest thing ever out there this morning.
A bald eagle was eating a fish by the edge of the ice and, as usual, a bunch of crows and seagulls were flocking around, hoping he would fly back to his nest with it and and then they would try to beat it out of his grasp. Nothing unusual. Only this time, one particularly brazen gull was trying to see if he could slowly inch his way up the the eagle and sneak a piece of fish. I watched, expecting mayhem, but it was way better.
When the gull tried for a snatch and grab but was being a little to slow and cautious, the eagle caught the gull with his talon, pinning him to the ice by his head. He retained his hold on the fish with his other talon. There was nothing but feathers flying as the gull tried to escape but the real funny part was that the eagle just kept eating his fish as if it were no big deal at all that he was holding a panicking seagull under his other foot. He didn't look up from his food once. He just kept eating.
After 30-40 seconds or so, the gull got away and didn't seem hurt too badly but it did take him a while before he tried to fly.
The casual way the eagle pinned him to the ice and just kept eating the fish was like something you's see in a Pixar film. I wish I had been filming it.
The casual way the eagle pinned him to the ice and just kept eating the fish was like something you'd see in a Pixar film. I wish I had been filming it.
Sounds a lot like how it must feel to be one of JP's patients.
Good idea. Maybe you could whip them up into some sort of dish. I could go for some Rokeg blood pie. What say we share some? I can bring some blood wine that's young and warm!
A friend called me a week ago to inform me that his Mom had died. She had been on her own until 92, then assisted living three years ago, then full-on nursing home care, dementia, etc. She was 95. His Dad died almost 30 years ago. I would say to Mike, "He died to get away from her." "Oh, you bet!," (She was particularly relentless with his Dad.)
Bob: "I thought you said he had a myocardial infarction?," Mike: "He did." Bob: "Well, I don't understand how a coroner can mistake 7 self-inflicted ice pick wounds to the chest for an M.I. That one would always make him laugh!
Mike and I became friends and band mates 44 years ago. I knew his Mom rather well, as we hung out at each others' houses playing and listening to music every week. She would always groan at him about, well, anything, and hold me up as a paradigm, which amused me no end.
"Look how nice Bobby's clothes are. Why don't you dress that way?!" Nothing he or his Dad did could ever be good enough. She was an unhappy and frequently not a very nice person, in general.
Last night I called him, just to see how he was doing and that he was OK. He talked to me about how much he had on his plate; dealing with her condo, which had been rented since she left, her upcoming memorial service, her stuff, losing your living parent, etc.
After a few minutes of discussing these things, he paused and asked, "So, how are YOU doing?" I replied, "Oh, I was over it an hour after you called to tell me."
After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed.
So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children.
The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem, but that it was expensive..
"A less costly alternative," said the doctor, "is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in Alabama) light it, put it in a beer can (COORS), then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10."
The Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."
"Trust me," said the doctor.
So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can.
He held the can up to his ear and began to count!
'1'
'2'
'3'
'4'
'5'
At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued counting on his other hand.
I love how the latest spam in the HT thread talks about Jesus changing lives then goes immediately into advertising nude pics. It's really covering all the bases there.
I love how the latest spam in the HT thread talks about Jesus changing lives then goes immediately into advertising nude pics. It's really covering all the bases there.
Speaking of those two things, isn't there a new Prince album coming out soon?
When word of Reagan's cancer had just broken, A Boston DJ read the lines, then added, Yes! There IS a God!" We all laughed. He got suspended.
AND
Last week, a man in New Brunswick, NJ was awarded 1.5m by a judge in a suit filed against the city that forbade him to name his new establishment "Buck Foston's Sports Bar." Nice!
And
Last week we all learned that it can take decades longer to get into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame that it does to become a Saint!
It's a long way to the top if you wanna rock and roll! If you wanna become a saint, eh, not so much.
Bob, is he your long-lost cousin or something? Because I read his reviews with your voice in my head.
Here's the introductory paragraph from his page of Rush reviews, mildly NSFW due to Bob-like language:
---
Oh, Rush. Scourge of a nation. Murderer of a generation. Defamer of the eras. What is it with Rush, eh? You either love 'em or you hate 'em, right? Sure sure. It makes it easier to categorize them like that and not bother discussing their good points and bad. But dammit, I'm not an easy man. I'm a hard man. And I'm here to set the record (my own personal opinion) straight on Rush.
Rush is a band for nerds. Sorry, hate to break it to you like that, but they are. Drummer Neil Peart writes lyrics like "High on the sacred mountain/Up the seven thousand stairs/In the golden light of Autumn/There was magic in the air." Singer/bassist Geddy Lee has the high geeky voice of a guy who, as my girlfriend puts it, "has been playing Dungeons & Dragons his whole life." And guitarist Alex Lifeson???? Well, he seems okay. Not sure what he's doing hanging out with those other two dorks.
Now let me get to the good points of Rush, those that may be - all three of them are topnotch at their instruments. Sometimes it's hard to tell, because their songwriting can be a bit simplistic, but if you sorta pay closer attention, you can hear that behind their silly overblown mystical nonsense, they've got a helluva nimble-fingered bassist, a crapuva lightning-speed beauty run ambiance guitarist who doesn't hog the spotlight, and one vulva bigass drum kit. Again, sometimes it's just hard to tell. A little TOO hard, thanks. With spotty hard rock songwriting in the '70s and an overreliance on keyboards and generic pop melody in the '80s (not to mention one of the most 'has to grow on you' lead vocalists of all time), it was perhaps inevitable that they would end waiting until the '90s and '00s to put out their most instantly likable releases. At any rate, I used to loathe Rush, but something in the middle of 2005 (a few good albums in a row? a few solid live triple-CDs? me turning gay?) made me suddenly become a fan and supporter. I don't even hate Geddy Lee's voice anymore! Plus, I just feel so goddamned sorry for the drummer who lost so many beloved family members right at the same time (father, wife and daughter if memory serves. I could be remembering wrong though, so feel free to correct me via email or yardstick). So keep it up, Rush! You may have some lousy songs, but you have some great ones too! Plus, you're Canadian and one of you was on Bob and Doug McKenzie's "Take Off"! You're still a nerd band for loser dorks though.
See, there are lots of us out there, so be careful!
Can't say that I can find anything to disagree with, except that "turning gay" could make you like Rush. From the horse's mouth straight to your ear, it does not.
And what is "turning" gay, anyway? You can not do that any more than turning Japanese, I really think so.
So yesterday, I'm out kayaking and stop into a beach to rest, eat lunch and have a swim. While I'm swimming I see a couple going by in a pair of sit-on-top kayaks. Something caught my eye as being funny on the girls kayak. At first I thought her feet were just sticking up near the bow but that would have given her insanely long legs. Then, what I thought were maybe feet moved from side to side. No feet should move like that!! It almost looked like something alive.
So I swim out to get closer, trying not to appear too obvious about my curiosity. Sure enough, there was a fairly large lizard of some kind riding happily along on the front of her boat. Her unnaturally twisting toes were actually this creatures head looking side to side.
First, I wondered if it could swim. Then, when it turned its pokey eyes to stare at me, I mainly wondered if it could swim faster than I could.
They waved & said "hi" and I said "hi" as if I see lizards every day and then I swam back to shore. It became a very surreal experience, I have to say.
Let he who is without (this one and ONLY) sin be the first to cast a stone!
Nice, Blair. Really nice.
I always wanted a "usernameless" confession thread around here anyway.
It wouldn't work, I know. The first one to abuse it would be someone who is a mental health professional of the highest order. And Gawd bless him for it.
Now that is sad news. It's hard to think of anything funny right now but we should get the thread back on track tomorrow in his honour.
I met him a couple of times when he would show up unannounced at local bars to try out new material then go around and talk to people to find out what they liked & didn't like. It was always a shock how much of a difference there was between the crazy funny guy on stage and the smart serious guy you talked to five minutes later.
I guess if anyone has earned a break it would be him. RIP buddy.
It's hard to think of anything funny right now but we should get the thread back on track tomorrow in his honour.
OK, then.
One of the millions of reasons to hate FaceBook:
I was on there twice, 5 years ago, with an alias. Of course my URL is still my URL, so...
Apparently, my former hematologist, who retired to Patagonia, Argentina almost 10 years ago, (he's originally from Rosario), is a HUGE user of Facebook.
Each week in my junk mail, I get a Facebook message asking if I know ______? All of the first and last names are Italo-Hispanic-Germanic, most people requiring three each. Some combinations are "purer" to one group than the other, but there are loads of mash-ups.
Each time I see them I think of "Boys from Brazil!" Half of these name combos could be the children or grand children of Nazi war criminals!
This week I got one asking if I knew Grisleda Restauredorelibros. WTF kind of name is that?! Her last name looks like a new-to-market Spanish pharmaceutical. ORrrr, a diner that's also a little boat, with a library.
I wish I could make it stop. I wish I could make it stop. I wish I could...
Edit: Has it ever occurred to any else that this one of the creators of social media has a diagnosed socio-psychological disorder? See, if he didn't have such a disorder, he would, I mean, he could understand that this persistent badgering (of the now) elderly, is exactly anti-social behavior?
I called our internet provider today to schedule a repair(resetting and restarting didn't work). I was asked to complete a brief survey at the end of the call and I did. The first question was "was your problem resolved?" Hit 1 for yes 2 for no. My problem is everyone's problem (the entire local service is down) so I pushed 2. The phone went dead for a second and then a dial tone started. Yep, customer service at its finest. I stayed on the line for +/- 5 seconds longer than most would and their system reset and started over with "was your problem resolved..."