Axiom Home Page
I keep getting the urge to share funny things with you guys (the mind boggles), but I feel weird putting them in the Jokes thread. They're not the traditional jokes.

So instead of putting every single one in a new post, I thought that I'd offer a new thread and see if it catches on. I'm hoping that this thread can be an additional place where we can all visit when we need a laugh.

My first offering is a few bumper stickers that I saw online. These I ordered and will actually put on my car. They make quite the pair:

"Be nice to America - or we'll bring democracy to your country!"
"At least the war on the environment is going well"

This one I bought for a friend, but it may apply to me as well:

"Not even I can prevent narcissism."
I am in Windows HELL at work today and am not in the mood for funny.
Peter being in Windows HELL makes me laugh!
Here's a funny top ten list of "Unfortunately Named People". The comments offer as many good ones as the list!
 Originally Posted By: medic8r
Here's a funny top ten list of "Unfortunately Named People". The comments offer as many good ones as the list!


Yup, Dr. Richard Chopp is quite a legend in Austin! \:\) I was going to add that one if it wasn't there.

Rich
Door cleaners, annoyed with people who leave smudges on the door's glass instead of pushing on the handle, do the only sensible thing: remove the glass and record what happens.
That's almost as good as this revenge video made by someone tired of their roommate slamming the front door...

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&VideoID=17822288
My pet peeve is people that step on the threshold of the door frame where the weatherstripping is... step OVER the door frame... you don't step onto the rocker panels when you get in your car, do you?

Maybe I'll have to set up an IED attached to the threshold and record the hilarity.

Bren R.
That sounds like an appropriate level of response.
I never said it had to remove a leg.

Besides, you're Irish, you should understand the draw.

Bren R.
Scottish, bub. +Swedish. I hack off people's legs, not blow them up.
 Originally Posted By: kcarlile
Scottish, bub.

Bub?! Who are you - Wolverine?

No, wait, Wolverine is Canadian.

Peter, that was f'in awesome. My receptionist told my nurse, "He's in his office cackling again..."
Actually, my family has a nasty habit of stepping onto the rocker panels. I have to remind them not to do so every time they get into my vehicle. They think I have OCD but what they don't realize is that I'm the poor sap who has to clean them.
 Originally Posted By: kcarlile
Scottish, bub. +Swedish. I hack off people's legs, not blow them up.

Then fill the stump with Lütefisk 'n Haggis.....
Strangely enough, I can't say I'm particularly interested in my cultural culinary heritage...
I've got the Irish/Swedish mix going. Every holiday there is a jar of pickled herring hidden somewhere on the table. Makes my brother-in-law want to puke. Yeah, it looks nasty and sounds nasty, too, but I got used to the taste long ago.
No love for the pickled herring?

For shame...

\:D
 Originally Posted By: kcarlile
Strangely enough, I can't say I'm particularly interested in my cultural culinary heritage...
It's not a cultural culinary heritage... it's an episode of Fear Factor.

Bren R.
Someone sent me a link to this - Thriller with Legos.

Bren R.
My pet peeve used to be people who fling out their doors in parking lots, hitting the cars beside them. Now I just sit there and laugh. My jeep has steel rock sliders along the sides

(or 'steps' as we call them because I bought them when my wife thought the jeep needed "steps" to get into it better. heh heh Wife authorized upgrade...)

extending out about 3 inches from under the rocker panels. With my Jeep lifted a few inches, it creates the perfect door smashing device for these uncaring people.

One old guy got upset because it folded in the outer lip of his door pretty badly while I had no damage other than yet another scratch on the hardened steel rocker protector. Somehow it was all my fault that he carelessly flung his door open like a madman because he was arguing with his wife.
That's awesome. I share your glee. Stupid careless insensitive old man. A big cup of comeuppance is even more satisfying to serve than a can of whoopass.
 Originally Posted By: Murph
My pet peeve used to be people who fling out their doors in parking lots, hitting the cars beside them. Now I just sit there and laugh. My jeep has steel rock sliders along the sides

(or 'steps' as we call them because I bought them when my wife thought the jeep needed "steps" to get into it better. heh heh Wife authorized upgrade...)



Let's see they are called running boards when they are solid, Nerf bars when the steel tubes were first brought in and now they are "side step bars" when looking through brochures as the open design took over the market place, gotta love evolution.
What are they called when they're the ridiculous ones on overly expensive vehicles that suck up into the side of the truck when you close the door? Status bars?
If a vehicle has a retractable side step, is it still a side step if no one sees it?
Oh, it's important that people see it going up. That's why you make sure you park those vehicles in red zones in front of stores. How else will they know that you spent $60000 for a $20000 truck?
\:D

I was actually going into the whole 'if a tree falls in the forest does it still make a sound?' thing, TGIF, I get extra sleep tomorrow only had 22hrs in thast 5 days. OH wait no extra sleep, have that GTG at Mojo's
LOL

Just so you know, mine are very unobtrusive. they attach to the frame underneath so they don't jut way out the side. They are only about 4" wide with 1" of that actually underneath the rocker. They are flat and rectangular and run the full length of the rocker from the front wheel well to the rear wheel well. They are tapered ant both ends and match the black factory rocker guard on the lower sheet metal that comes factory with the Rubicons.

They actually look like they belong there and the name has progressed to "Rock Sliders" because they are actually meant more to allow you to drive over a rock with your front tire, and (if absolutely required) slide the vehicle along the rock until it gets to the rear tire. They double as good steps for the WAF.

I'd have sent a picture but its a few blocks away and would probably just induced further jokes. Thanks for the laughts though, they were well deserved.
A buddy got tired of vehicles that he had to worry about scratches... so he drives a YJ now, "painted" in truck bed liner inside and out. Since learning that "you play - you pay" (in broken stuff) he doesn't take it offroad much anymore, it's nearly useless in the winter with a short wheelbase (IMO) and absolutely useless on the highway without being suspended in some kind of non-newtonian fluid and using hearing protection.

He still gets the satisfaction of not wondering if that WAS a rock hit or not.

Also, the only thing worse than a stock Jeep ignition system is retrofitting it for aftermarket HEI.

Bren R.
I have owned a YJ, then a TJ, then my TJ- Rubicon.

YJ's were awful but obsessively fun filled creatures. I had to adjust my carb once a week to keep it starting and the leaf spring suspension was so rough I thought I might start a business where I drive overdue pregnant ladies to the hospital and induce them all in the same trip.

Yup, you play you pay is soo true.

A short wheelbase on a 4x4 is not a problem in the winter when you use the 4wd AND "BIG AND" you drive at speeds that the weather warrants. I see so many people barreling along in 4WDs of all sizes thinking that they are indestructible cause they pulled the 4wd level/button. Yes, it well help you keep going in a straight line longer but it will not help much on a sudden emergency turn or stop any faster.

However, without the 4wd, ya its a spinning top. The transfer case on my old YJ wouldn't change in/out of 4wd unless I slowed to an almost standstill so when pavement conditions constantly changed, you tended to leave it o ff to protect your drive train. Also, hardly anybody knows how to drive a rear wheel drive anymore. Give it gas and your rear end goes sideways. Seems to surprise people now.

You should get a ride in a 97 or up, ie TJ. That's when they switched to a spring coil suspension and now it rides as smooth as a small 1/4 ton truck at least. Still no Seniormobile Buick but night and Day compared to the old! Still noisy though when you use a soft top. A less aggressive tire makes it pretty quiet but then your obviously not doing any serious off-roading so you might as well have bought a car or a CRV or some other 'urban' SUV.

The 4.0L Straight Six that started with the TJ is now considered one of the more reliable engines of it's time. The older YJ injection system came came around in its last couple of model years and was just kind of an afterthought and did work crappy.

07s and up come in a wheelbase thats almost 2' longer and more creature comforts yet again but remains a robust trail vehicle.

Opps Rambling. Will stop now. Takes a while to give equal time to the good and the bad so you don't sound like you are defending the brand too much.
 Originally Posted By: Murph
A short wheelbase on a 4x4 is not a problem in the winter when you use the 4wd AND "BIG AND" you drive at speeds that the weather warrants.
And 33" chunk tires on ice in ruts made by passenger width tires are useless... thus the reason we packed it into a snowbank backwards on my front street with no wheelspin at about, oh... 10kmh.

 Quote:
The transfer case on my old YJ wouldn't change in/out of 4wd unless I slowed to an almost standstill so when pavement conditions constantly changed, you tended to leave it o ff to protect your drive train.
Already replaced the weak vacuum system with a cable linkage for positive transfer case selection.

 Quote:
You should get a ride in a 97 or up, ie TJ. That's when they switched to a spring coil suspension and now it rides as smooth as a small 1/4 ton truck at least. Still no Seniormobile Buick but night and Day compared to the old!
I think I've been in just about every OR-type vehicle made to date from the Tracker up to a Willys... and I'll have to say it's like night and dusk compared to the YJ - still a butt-pounder.

Not trying to slag the brand, more one of those "oh, those crazy machines" posts...

Bren R.
 Originally Posted By: medic8r
I keep getting the urge to share funny things with you guys (the mind boggles), but I feel weird putting them in the Jokes thread. They're not the traditional jokes.

So instead of putting every single one in a new post, I thought that I'd offer a new thread and see if it catches on. I'm hoping that this thread can be an additional place where we can all visit when we need a laugh.

My first offering is a few bumper stickers that I saw online. These I ordered and will actually put on my car. They make quite the pair:

"Be nice to America - or we'll bring democracy to your country!"
"At least the war on the environment is going well"

This one I bought for a friend, but it may apply to me as well:

"Not even I can prevent narcissism."


Being recently diagnosed with NPD by my dear friend, i think I will buy this for him.
Hey No worries Bren. When I take somebody on a trail run they often have so much fun they want to go buy one. Depending on the person, I too have a long list of why any of the Wrangler style Jeeps are not for them unless they are really interested in off road fun. Mine is a daily driver but I love it enough to endure the drawbacks. There are many other SUVs better suited for somebody who wants the occasional help of 4wd but plans to stay on the roads.

I will say though that not all aggressive tires are made equal. There is no real cure for ice but my most recent set of tires are 33-12.5-15 TrXus Radials made by Interco. They are aggressive enough to get me over the rocks and through our famous PEI red mud, but have a TON of siping to help grip to ice. They have been my best winter tire yet. In fact, I'm on my second set now and I bought them again because of their winter stickiness and their smoothness (relative to other MTs). There are better, cheaper off road tires but as mentioned, mine is a daily driver.

http://www.intercotire.com/site35.php

I don't normally promote product on boards but if I can help somebody stay on the road...
They are a bit pricey but if you want an aggressive tire for your truck or SUV that actually works in the winter, they are worth it. Good wear too. I got just over 75,000 km out of my first set but they were no longer as effective off-road by then. Although, they still had as much tread left as many brand new 4 season tires.

Also, driving with the 4wd turned on in the winter is an art form as it sounds like you well know. When turning sharp corners, you need to learn to steer with the gas peddle as much as with the steering wheel. Creating controlled wheel spin induces a sideways crab like motion and alternately, you can induce sharp rotation by letting your foot off the gas. It's tough to learn cause it goes against human nature to hit the gas if you are cornering too hard but it's a blast driving around the city in the snow once you get it down.

Kind of a drifting for rednecks....
I think that this video pretty much sums up about half of the Axiom message board's "Hey y'all - look! Funny stuff!" content.

This is f'in brilliant, and the fact that they obsessively provided links at the bottom is the super-sweet icing on the cake.

How many of these do you recognize?
That's classic! You're right, those links are sweet.
Another humourous anecdote... the buddy with the YJ called today to tell me he found out why he was getting crappy gas mileage... he had a plug wire come loose... wanted to come by on the weekend to borrow my timing gun, when I asked if it ran better after he reconnected the wire, he said no, it ran the same but it "dieseled" (or ran on, if you prefer) so he disconnected it again.

Bren R.
Spose he gets better mileage that way? LOL
He'd probably get maximum fuel mileage by disconnecting all of the plug wires ... while taking care of that 'dieseling' issue as well.


That's kind of appalling.
Nah, mileage is worse of course, but it runs the same and doesn't run-on, so he'll leave it disconnected until he brings it here to retime it.

It's got a tinkerer's ignition in it... GM HEI with a 40Kv Accel coil... then to make up for the higher ignition voltage, plug gap was increased, which puts more stress on the wires.

Luckily everything's easy to work on... even the rear main seal wasn't a huge project.

Bren R.
 Originally Posted By: BrenR
GM HEI with a 40Kv Accel coil...
Bren R.


Nice.... "Hotter" and "Fatter"
Not often you hear those two words spoken together as a good thing.....
We hijacked Medic8rs' thread, methinks.

Bren R.
 Originally Posted By: BrenR
Nah, mileage is worse of course, but it runs the same and doesn't run-on, so he'll leave it disconnected until he brings it here to retime it.

It's got a tinkerer's ignition in it... GM HEI with a 40Kv Accel coil... then to make up for the higher ignition voltage, plug gap was increased, which puts more stress on the wires.

Luckily everything's easy to work on... even the rear main seal wasn't a huge project.

Bren R.


Has he changed the distributor cap? Could be a hairline crack in the cap that's causing the problems.
 Originally Posted By: BrenR
We hijacked Medic8rs' thread, methinks

Well, turnabout is fair play, so I'm a good sport.

I plan on posting more inane crap, regardless.

Carry on, all!
Just an FYI, dieseling is due to the RPM being to high and the engine keeps sucking in fuel at idle keeping the motor running. Make sure after checking the timing to set the idle speed to spec. With the plug wire back on the engine now obviously runs better and has more RPM at idle. It really isn't a matter of the timing being off as long as the idle speed is correct. You can run the timing 10deg advanced if you want as long as the idle speed is where it is supposed and no other carb issues it won't run on.

Really no need to increase the plug gap, as well unless he has further modified the engine. It's the increase in plug gap that causes the increase in the KV output. The extra plug gap, just changes the flame front and in turn chnges the burn rate in the cylinder, causing some other issues.
Received these today and got a chuckle, so I thought this was as good as place as any to share/post..


That teamwork picture is great.
Those are pretty good.

In a similar fashion, the guys at despair.com have always given me a chuckle. Really slick designs, and the style of the web site and catalogs (one of which came in the mail last week - yay!) are just spot-on perfect.

There's several dozen designs, so beware - this site is addictive and another major time-suck.

How I wish I could post some of those in my office, but they're just too snarky. So many of them apply to psychiatric practice.
I was thinking of the same site. When we were decorating our new offices at work I wanted very badly to get some prints from despair.com. Sadly, I was out-voted. \:\(


Starring my dog. \:\)
He he he...
And the other 10% is usually being noticed by a spouse because you STAYED on the couch and are handling the remote!

(is it REALLY your dog?)
Yes, it's really my dog.


Excellent!
Dear Sir,

It has come to my attention that you are using my material without my consent and without giving credit. Please cease and desist all posting or I will be forced to take legal action.

Sincerely,
Prince Adam



\:D \:D
Oh, right. Like YOU actually have a model release from Sunny?
The fact that she didn't move despite my camera stuck in her face was release enough. \:D
Awesome Peter.
I sent that to my wife. I expect she will want to order a framed copy from you.
Stacy Hedger playing the Theme from Star Wars for the 1993 Arizona State Beauty Pageant.

Warning - you cannot unhear/unsee this.

Bren R.
Bren:
I will hunt you down and kill you for that. Writing "you cannot unhear/unsee this" is NOT at all sufficient!

There are things in this world that cannot be seen without causing a life change for the viewer. You have ripped my Visual Virginity from me, and for that, you will never be forgiven.

Good Day, Sir.

I SAY: "GOOD DAY!
Bren, words don't do that justice. It's horrifically bad.
Good God. I want those 30 seconds back. Mark, let me know when you go hunting...
Sorry Bren, looks like we're forming a posse.

You deserve it for that link.
Must...resist...urge...to...click...on...link....
DON'T DO IT!!!!!!
Go ahead and click, Tom. We'll pick you up on our way over to Bren's.
"......Stacy was ready for the world. The world just wasn't ready for Stacy."



This clip of a pretty bad comedian getting his routine saved by a member of the audience with the world's funniest laugh.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=Z4Y4keqTV6w

The fun starts at 1:30
Yeah Bren, but she placed first in the talent competition. When I have more time I'll provide links for the other contestants.
Made me laugh. He's a pretty good comedian.
 Originally Posted By: St_PatGuy
Sorry Bren, looks like we're forming a posse.
I'm posting this from a laptop, I'm headed for places unknown and dropping coffee grounds behind me to fool the dogs.

Bren R.

... er, wait... I guess you'll just follow the coffee instead. Crap.
Just have wine in your hand. No one will recognize you if you're drinking wine.
Good point... shaven, drinking wine, not smoking and wearing something other than a t-shirt and jeans...

Brilliant!

Bren R.
 Originally Posted By: CV
Just have wine in your hand. No one will recognize you if you're drinking wine.


Now that's funny! \:D

I think we'd all just walk right past him, none the wiser.
Powerthirst 2: Re-Domination
Funniest. Thing. Ever.

I always wanted a jet plane made of biceps.

I'm thirsty all of a sudden.
Ummmm... I'm tricking you all by posting this link here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bejmATCIjOs&NR=1

But watch the whole thing, anyway. It's worth it.
Hey guys,

Who is this Regina Spektor? I've never heard of her until this Regina Spektor Day thing came along. Does she make a living doing what she does?

Edit: she's totally entertaining with the sound muted!
 Originally Posted By: Mojo
she's totally entertaining with the sound muted!


Ouch, dude.
She's a talented musician and humanitarian!
I like this song in French by Flight of the Conchords:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=FUVagbFcSUU
I got a kick out of this tonight

Muppets - Matrix
Well, Sean. I'll accept that she's a humanitarian. As for a talented musician, compared to what \:\) ?
Mojo, you don't know what you're saying.
I'll accept the fact that we all have different musical tastes.
Thank you. \:\)
 Originally Posted By: Mojo
Well, Sean. I'll accept that she's a humanitarian. As for a talented musician, compared to what \:\) ?


Compared to me and my short career with the trumpet in 5th grade.



I don't mind you having different tastes in music, Tex. Charles will hunt you down, though.
 Originally Posted By: St_PatGuy
Charles will hunt you down, though.


Oh, I'm fine with people having different tastes, but making snap judgments about someone as sweet as Regina Spektor stretches me out. I'll admit that's not her strongest performance, but I wasn't linking to that video to show off her musicianship. I just thought that what happens in the clip is funny.
By the way, nice Muppets meet the Matrix clip.
The first time I saw her, which I believe I shared already, was on a late-night program. What drew me to her was her on-stage charm and charisma. She seemed a little embarrassed because I think she just came out with her first album and was unsure how the studio audience would respond to the quirkiness. Hey, it made me a fan. I guess I'm quirky.
Alright, alright. My wife seems to believe that she is talented. But so was Darth \:\) .

If you have a music DVD of her, please send it to me. I'll mute her and play Twisted Sister on top \:D .
I had to sing once too and I was a little embarassed \:\) .
\:\) At least you appreciate the visual half of her performance.

I'm still waiting for her to release a DVD. I keep suggesting it in comments on her MySpace page, though of course I'm really gunning for HD DVD.
 Originally Posted By: Mojo
I had to sing once too and I was a little embarassed \:\) .


Actually, I feel sorry for my parents. I only knew one song and I practiced every night. Unfortunately, a trumpet is a lot unlike humming to oneself.

On a related note, my sister played the bagpipes.

No wonder my parents are hard of hearing.
Hey, at least they're only hard of hearing and not suicidal, right?
Yes. It was the neighborhood dogs that became suicidal.
Leashed themselves, huh?
 Originally Posted By: pmbuko
This clip of a pretty bad comedian getting his routine saved by a member of the audience with the world's funniest laugh.

Yeah, that's pretty cool. hyik hyik hyik hyik ...
Oh me Lord! That was precious. What a horrible comedian, but what a laugh!
Talk about a delayed reaction. \:\)
I figured you needed some Axiom love today.

Plus, we can't have CV hogging too much of the spotlight. One day he'll learn that it's all about me. ~ ~ ~
Unfortunately, I'm only solar-powered spotlight fodder. Everyone else is already well-illuminated when I'm trying to put my show on.
Not so much funny, but, as Pat Sajak says, ironic.

The most epic FAIL in the history of Wheel of Fortune
Oh, that was funny. What a maroon.
That's an ironic puzzle for sure...
I would have love to have known what the other contestants and Pat was thinking about that woman, that was bad.
I never noticed until the other day, but Safeway's logo looks like everyone's favorite number. Now everytime I see it, I laugh.


It's everyone's favorite number, with a White Snake soundtrack.
If you've never seen the CSS Monkey Dance by Lovefoxxx, you're missing out. Lovefoxxx is the lead singer for CSS (Cansei de Ser Sexy, meaning "tired of being sexy" in Portuguese). She had this video up on YouTube a while ago, but they took it down not too long after I saw it. I finally found it hosted somewhere else. Her unabashed enthusiasm makes me laugh every time. Be warned that the video is a little "hot." She's dancing to Bloodhound Gang's "The Bad Touch" aka Discovery Channel (I'm talking like I know, but I'm not really familiar with their music, as this is just what comes up in a search). Granted, it's in a goofy context, and no skin is shown, but the more sensitive may still object to some of her maneuvers. Ha ha. In any case, enjoy:

CSS Monkey Dance by Lovefoxxx
CV, I can not beleive you had never heard that song before now!

However, this video is new to me, and very funny!

interesting enough, the video before that one was some dieselboy video, which was quite odd. it did however remind me of laser light shows,

Check out the link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-MCKupK2vV8&feature=related

It gets really crazy at about 5:00

And almost as cool as that is this sand art stuff, you gotta check the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rdDHsehW01M

ok, and one more link that may be even cooler than the first two:
This has got to be the best stop motion film I have ever seen. these guys have WAY too much time on their hands.
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=AJzU3NjDikY


That sand art is pretty cool! I was kind of wishing it was pepper art just for the possibility of mucous discharge art.

I think I'd have to be at the laser show to get the full effect, but that video was cool, too.

And yeah, I'd heard people mention that song a lot, but I hadn't actually heard it until I'd seen the CSS Monkey Dance video.
The World's Fastest Clapper
He must just pi** these things off!

The fast clapper was neat Doc, but these two fellas from that same site had me cracking up big time....

Invisible rope



OK, I have a TiVo, so I don't really see these things, but at my in-law's house over Thanksgiving, I noticed an incredible amount of ads for the clapper and Chia whatever. Is this normal or is it just on on the evening news in small town Oregon?

Good lord, who buys this crap?
It's normal for the holiday season. They figure a lot of people are, like me, incapable of selecting a decent gift for those they care about and will, in a fit of panic, go for anything just to have the damned decision making over with. "Hi Mom, here's a clapper. Merry Christmas." ("WHEW! Glad that's over.")
But 3 ads for Chia in one break?
If it didn't get results, they wouldn't be spending the money on the ads. Sad commentary on the general public, eh? (No, I'm not Canadian, for which most Canadians are eternally grateful.)
Yeah. I was watching with my mother-in-law, and ridiculing them. She agreed-until the one for the Chia herb garden came on. Sigh.
c-c-c-cilantro!

p-p-p-parsley!

Ch-ch-ch-Chia Herb Garden!

Ken, you'll be happy to know that there are papers, film, and other original materials regarding the man responsible for both the Chia and the Clapper available for your perusal at the Smithsonian.

Scroll down for the biography of this great American, Joseph Pedott. Many answers await you, especially as to why his products are so big on the left coast. Turns out he's a native San Franciscan!
BrotherBob, the rope was funny indeed.
WARNING: This song will get stuck in your head...and it's not one you want others hearing you sing! You also don't want someone who's easily offended to be watching over your shoulder.

Anyway, it's an actual Dutch children's song, but some guy made subtitles to what it phonetically sounds like in English. It's so ridiculous, it's funny...especially watching the video at the same time! The more I watch it, the more I laugh!

Fart in the Duck
That's almost as funny as this phonetically subtitled Indian music video. \:\)
 Originally Posted By: medic8r
c-c-c-cilantro! p-p-p-parsley!
Ouch... I was drinking... I hate you.

Bren R.
We kicked a guy out of our Jeep Club because he refused to stay on the trails and was always tearing things up an knocking down trees.

These are just the kind of yahoos that give clubs who try and respect the environment by staying on designated trails and keeping things clean, a bad name.

Anywhooo, what I'm getting at is that a few weeks later he got busted for tearing up an area beside a highway where they had just hydro-seeded. He might have gotten away with it except after parking his Jeep for a few days while he was away on a ball trip, it looked like a Jeep Chia pet from all the hydro-seeded mud caked all over it.

I wish someone had pictures. Of both the chia jeep and him getting busted.
The LOLcats are in rare form today. I especially am diggin' the evil frog, banker cat, and (page 2 as of now, will be pushed back as new content appears) the stapler-seeking cat.
I was reading the Audiolofft question of the day and I came across the following:

 Quote:
The other night I was at a concert of the New York Philharmonic and sat in the 6th row for a Mahler 7th symphony that used two sets of percussion, two bass drums, orchestral bells, gongs, etc., and I measured peaks of 106 dB SPL at the end of the symphony during the final crescendo.


\:D

Do you take your SPL meter everywhere you go Alan? That's dedication right there!




God, I love this movie.
Vaguely on topic... one of my favorite online comics.
Yes, definitely quite an achievement. Irresistable movie.
It really ties my DVD collection together.
Color me lame. What movie is that?
It takes a brave man to admit that sort of thing, Mark.
It's one of the following:

Raising Arizona
The Hudsucker Proxy
Fargo
The Big Lebowski
O Brother, Where Art Thou?
The Man Who Wasn't There
Let's see... Cerulean... Forest Green... Wisteria... Burnt Orange... Raw Umber... Where the heck is the Lame-colored Crayon?!?!?

Here is the main character explaining himself. They peed on his rug, man.
Gotta be the Big Lebowski.....since I think it involves bowling.

Where do I turn in my Man Card?
Let's not get carried away. It's not like you said "I like Lite Beer" or something.
Silly Man.

Why drink Lite Beer when there's Wine Coolers available?
OK, road trip to New Hampshire for some educatin'. With big sticks.
 Originally Posted By: MarkSJohnson
Why drink Lite Beer when there's Wine Coolers available?

Wine coolers are almost as nice as Zima! I'm bummed that no stores up here carry Woody's Ice. This review - scroll down a bit - does it some justice.
Never mind, Ken. They're not worthy.
My wife points out that that means there's more good beer for the rest of us to stockpile drink.
I found this amusing, funny, and accurate. I give it a haha. \:\)

It's the internet funnyometer.


I give it a hah.
That's a weird way to spell "Hanukah"
It's weird no matter how you spell it.
Right now I'm re-enjoying the work of The Lonely Island. In case you don't know, they're three guys who were hired by SNL a while ago. That's where Andy Samberg comes from, and his friends, Akiva Schaffer and Jorma Taccone, were hired as writers.

The Lonely Island

In the Shorts section, I really like The 'Bu. In their Music section, I really like The Heist, Zanzabar, and Ka-Blamo!

It's been awhile since I've been to the website, and I don't remember all that I've seen, but yeah, they make me laugh. Just a warning: They can be pretty crude.
Some of the surrounding banner ads are often NSFW, but I can't find this anywhere else, and this video made me laugh like a chimpanzee. That plus the set-up and first comment.

Set-up:

Step One: Push the button to lower your garage door.
Step Two: Try to exit your garage by going really fast on your scooter.
Step Three: Enjoy the taste of metal.

Video

Comment #1 is awesome, as if bestowed by the wittiest of Axiomites, and you know who you are:

Get your motor runnin'
Head out on th...
CRACK!...F@CK!
(rewind)
Get your motor runnin'...
direct link:

http://media.nothingtoxic.com/uploads/media_e9b9e85aee1869658_1197429933.wmv
I got home the other night, and as I sat down for dinner with my family, I asked my 2.5 year old son if he had fun at daycare that day. He said "Yes I did. Did you have fun at work?"
 Originally Posted By: DL30
I got home the other night, and as I sat down for dinner with my family, I asked my 2.5 year old son if he had fun at daycare that day. He said "Yes I did. Did you have fun at work?"


Well, Did you?
I wish I did!! I laughed out loud (Lol'd). It's a commonly held opinion that one should have fun at work or work at something that they consider fun.

Well, I'm too old to play soccer professionally, but if I could play Tiger Woods '08 professionally, then I would be set!
In preparation for the Super Bowl and its multimillion dollar commercials, I am enjoying some YouTube clips of my favorite commercial of all time: Terry Tate, office linebacker.

There are several in the series, but this is the first, and still the best, IMHO. Genius.
OK, many of these made me laugh out loud, but they are going to contain a lot of inside jokes for shrinks and those in the medical profession. Still, there's enough here that should be understood by all. I'll be happy to answer any questions that you can't get answered by Google or wikipedia.

From Roy @ Shrink Rap (http://psychiatrist-blog.blogspot.com) and mythreeshrinks.com


How would a psychiatrist manage someone who could only communicate via emoticons? Below are the resulting progress notes...

:-) stable. cont prozac 40mg. follow up in 3 mos.
:-)) reduce prozac to 20mg. f/u 1 mo.
:-)))) d/c prozac. add lithium 300 tid. check TSH, creat. f/u 1wk.
:-D add depakote. check lithium level, LFTs, CBC. f/u 1wk.
:-| stable. cont prozac 40 mg. f/u 1mo.
:-( increase prozac to 60mg. f/u 2wk.
:'-( add wellbutrin SR 150mg. f/u 1wk.
X-( call 911. send to ER. check for OD.
:*} check breathalyzer. refer to AA.
%-} weekly tox screen. refer to AA/NA.
:-&@? add haldol 2mg bid.
|-0 d/c ambien.
:-# d/c elavil. use hard candies. [dry mouth side effects - Doc]
;-P d/c haldol. add clozapine. AIMS exam. vitamin E 800 iu bid. [dystonia]
:-)~ reduce haldol. add cogentin to reduce sialorrhea.
8-~ reduce dose of seroquel.
(:-) reduce depakote. add zinc, selenium. [Depakote can cause hair loss]
;-) establish boundaries. do not schedule at end of day.
;-x see with chaperone only.
=^..^= give Ativan 1mg IV to relieve catatonia. (thanks, ClinkShrink)
:-o (on seeing the bill for 1st appt.)
>:-O (on seeing the bill for missed appt.)

>:-O))))#&@?)~P*}

Should I be concerned doc?
Terry Tate is for sure one of my all time favorite commercial entities.
Eddie Izzard does Darth Vader at the Death Star's cafeteria -- animated with Lego. \:\)

http://youtube.com/watch?v=Sv5iEK-IEzw

I loved the Darth Vader thing. Our whole family cracked up.

I don't understand the cartoon. \:\)
The Darth Vader thing is great. "You shall die, and you shall die, and everyone in this canteen!"
Death by tray it shall be.

Oh yeah, THAT'S not gonna start a flame war...
Provocateur? Moi?!?

I think this flow chart worked perfectly for my wife, who is not a gamer and has friends. She has expressed interest in a Wii. Voila, the chart works!

I have a PS3, however, and I'm not buying what it says about me. I would think that I should have bought a 360 if I followed the chart, in that I am not really a gamer and have you guys as my internet friends.















Waitaminnit ...






















This means that you are not really my friends?!? I should have known this about Ken, of course - he'd always be the first one I'd boot off the island. But even Peter and Tom? Jack?! Mark?!? OMG!!!

I need a few days to process this! I'll be back when the wounds are healing - maybe ...

;\)

Man, I wish... those are sweet.
How to pull down a 20 foot palm tree with 20 feet of cable and a disposable pickup truck:

YouTube video
What amazes me is that it looks like he's right up against a fence. The plan was to catch the tree?
Yeah, no doubt. The comments are always a nice icing on the cake, eg "Palm tree - 1, landscaping service - 0"

First LOL of the day.
I knew I wasn't the only one who felt that Sarah Jessica Parker was unattractive! Burn!
 Originally Posted By: medic8r
I knew I wasn't the only one who felt that Sarah Jessica Parker was unattractive! Burn!


I'll admit, there was a time when I thought she had a certain charm about her, but, in the end, I agree--definitely not attractive.
She's a classic Butterface.
I found this example sentence amusing: "Damn [girl] was hot, then she turned around, and I was like Pete, check this [stuff] out, he said "word" and then we went fishing."

Fishing cures everything.


By the way, I had to do some strategic editing [].
He really IS angry!

Scrolling waaay down , here's a sample of his take on "Airborne", the over the counter (OTC) cold preventative. I should add that his opinions of teachers are not shared by the management of medic8r, LLC. Even though they are funny in this case.

I felt bad about doing it, but I figured I'd better remove the swear words.

---
So, it has come to my attention (a few days ago) that Airborne must pay 25 million due to a lawsuit claiming that it didn't work.

Some highlights include:

* Airborne not proven to work
* The "clinical study" was preformed by a couple of random dillholes and probably was just made up
* If you purchased airborne, you can get a refund
* Making medical claims without FDA approval


Now, I know that any self-respected pharmacist would never ever suggest airborne to anyone that they cared about. Why? Because it doesn't work. We all know this, you all know this. Its vitamin-C and a bunch of other OTC [stuff!] all in a fizzy alka-selzer tablet that makes you feel all warm inside. Its like donating $0.75 a day (the price of a cup of coffee) to starving African kids when its just going to feed Sally Struthers. Rich folk do that just so they can get [excited!] by 'helping people' as they [gripe!] at me about their $30 copay.

The only person you would sell Airborne to is that retired teacher who always calls you out front for an OTC recommendation only to tell you how wrong you are and buy something else. Those [folks!] you are happy to see waste money because they have no problems wasting your time.

Which brings me to another point. One of the major selling points of Airborne is that it was "CREATED BY A SCHOOL TEACHER!". Now just not any teacher, but a 2nd grade teacher. Someone enlighten me as to why I would trust anything a school-teacher made? How is that even a half-way valid selling point? Some of the most ignorant people I know are school teachers (mostly because they think they know everything and are very vocal about it). If it were made by a pharmacist it might have some basis because at least we know how the body works, but a 2nd grade school teacher? Is this [stuff!] going to work based upon the vast knowledge of social studies? Cursive writing? Multiplication tables? Is this teacher applying their vast knowledge of [*&$%]-stupid physical science to prevent my cold? What qualifications does he/she have (being a 2nd grade teacher and all) that would actually give her some real-world claim to actually know something about medicine?

Victoria Knight-McDowell, please inform us pharmacists what your methods were to determine what does and does not work to prevent colds as well as any relevant research and study data? What? No I do not wish my name on the chalkboard. What?!? Detention? Aww!!! I'm sorry for implying that you are a fraud preying on the stupidity of the uneducated population, can I go to recess now?

I'm confused as to why people waste their money on this [stuff!]. I'm actually shocked that people swear by something that is proven to not work and has every pharmacist in the country saying that it does not work. Its the "#1 best selling" because people are stupid. Not because it works, but because people are [*&$%]-stupid.

Of course they also buy "Head On" which is chap-stick for your forehead so I guess I should just shut my mouth.
---
From pandabearmd.com, here are some emergency room patient encounters:

----
Actual Patient Interaction Number One:

“So Mrs. Smith, how’s your pain?”

“Oh doctor, it be paining me real bad. Can I get some Dilaudid.”

“How about we start with some Nubain?”

“What’s that?”

“It’s a synthetic narcotic, kind of like Demerol.”

“Is it any good?”

“Sure, it works great and doesn’t give people the rush they get from other narcotics.”

“Oh, I’m allergic to it.”

Actual Patient Interaction Number 2:

“I felt sick, doc. At work.”

“When did it start?”

“About twelve hours ago. But it’s gone now.”

“Really, how are you feeling?”

“Great. I didn’t feel that sick but I thought I’d better come in.”

“So you don’t feel sick now?”

“Naw, I feel like a million bucks. It only lasted about an hour and it’s gone now.”

“So let me get this straight…you sat in the waiting room for upwards of ten hours to be seen by me, it’s two in the morning, you feel fine, and there’s nothing that I can help you with?”

“Well, I need a note for work.”

“You said you weren’t that sick, why didn’t you just finish the work day and go home? I mean, you could have been asleep at home instead of hanging out here watching late-night television.”

“I don’t like my job that much.”

“You realize that your non-problem is still going to cost close to five hundred bucks, right?”

“Well, I really don’t like my job…”

Actual Patient Interaction Number Three:

“What do you mean there’s nothing wrong with my kid?”

“I didn’t say that. I said he had a cold which will get better on its own and there’s nothing you need to do about it except give him some Tylenol or Motrin for his fever.”

“How do you know he ain’t got pneumonia?”

“He doesn’t. He looks great.”

“I want a cat scan.”

“I’m not going to get a CT on a kid with a cold, ma’am.”

“My sister said he needs a CT.”

“He doesn’t.”

“We waited five hours.”

“I’m sorry. He has a cold. Drive home carefully, they tell me it’s snowing tonight.”

“We came by ambulance…can I get a taxi voucher?”

“No.”

Actual Patient Interaction Number Four:

“So, what brings you in Mr. Jones?”

“I’m constipated.”

“How long has it been going on.”

“Almost three years.”

“Uh…okay…what do you expect us to do about it?”

“I need help getting the sh@@ out.”

“There is a fine selection of fiber and other laxatives at Wal Mart. In the pharmacy section…and just like us, they never close. Have you tried any of those things?”

“No.”

“Uh…Okay, well, there you go. I can give you some Colace right now and by the time you get home things should start moving.”

“My mother said you’d scoop it out for me.”

“Not in this lifetime.”

Actual Patient Interaction Number Five:

“I’m going to sue all y’all.”

“We’re doing everthing we can for your mom.”

“You’re not. Can’t you see she’s suffering?”

“I’m trying to make her comfortable.”

“You just don’t care. She’s in a lot of pain.”

“Well, she’s had a lot of muscle and tissue breakdown from laying on the floor in her room in your house for three days. Tell me, does your mother have any health problems?”

“She’s been falling a lot lately.”
This blog collects toilet signs from 'round the world.

kudos to Peter, who told me of growabrain, the site that linked me to it.
Some are quite nice (I really like the huge king and queen of hearts with the jacks inside). Some are a little... ahum...
I kind of liked the rope ones. Takes a split second to register, then, to quote Fozzie Bear, "aaAAhh, funny!"
I found this comedy skit disturbing but funny. The title is "Ass Pennies for Confidence"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YT7UyPuwlbI
Hee hee. Yes, Upright Citizens Brigade rules.
I'll have you know that, as I was leaving the grocery store this evening, I saw two pennies in the parking lot. I didn't pick them up, thanks to you!

Or should I say, "No thanks to you!"

;\)
I hear that someone is doing that with $20 bills. You'd better send me all the ones you come across.

Just wear gloves when you put them in the pre-addressed envelopes I'll send and you never have to dirty your hands with that money again! \:\)
<-- wonders what Mark will do when he gets a foul-smelling envelope in the mail next week \:\)
pwn3d

Live reporters encountering various challenges. By the end, I was laughing like I was watching a Marx Brothers movie.
I hav gud dentul hi jean
Ah, my own little shout thread.

Top Ten Shirts to get Arrested in
This olympics protest picket sign is the definition of irony.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/dead-ro/2403957312/in/photostream/
I think it is just sad, someone has no idea it actually happened.
The comments are great, as usual.

"Would we let morons parade in the streets? Yes, yes we would."
Interesting fact I heard tonight: the torch relay was originated at the 1936 games. So many levels of irony there.
BEER!
The wrong way to right an overturned truck.

http://jalopnik.com/352317/how-not-to-lift-an-overturned-truck
Photobombers!

You know, "that guy" who messes up your picture by doing something silly in the background.

Slightly NSFW in the sense that it does have a couple of full moons. You have been warned.
I want this guy to design my next avatar.
I saw that one the other day and had to laugh.
I can't get the picture to show up. I swear, my internet connection at work is anti-fun.
If mine were anti-fun, then I'd run on time and have a clean desk. Hmmm.
Imagine that.
As I'm looking around at my messy desk, it is clear that I have a poor imagination.
\:D

My desk is pretty messy, too. I'm gonna blame you. You're a bad influence.
Only if I get to call you my minion.

How are the skin grafts?

(shout box leaks into boards)
No.

Good.

Yikes!
How'd you get it past the internet police?!
My bad.

I thought you saw the picture of the OGC and were responding to that.

Now I see your answers to my three statements.

<-- slow
 Originally Posted By: medic8r
How'd you get it past the internet police?!


Let's just say, thanks to my "plan."


(horribly obscure movie/book reference)
yeeeee-ownnnnnnnn

(over my head)
 Originally Posted By: medic8r
My bad.

I thought you saw the picture of the OGC and were responding to that.

Now I see your answers to my three statements.

<-- slow


Yeah, I tried to add your quote to my reply so it would make sense, but I didn't.
 Originally Posted By: medic8r
yeeeee-ownnnnnnnn

(over my head)


"Papillon"

A "plan" was where the convicts kept their money and other small valuable items. Tucked away in a safe spot, or should I say inserted up into a safe spot.
I'll tell the internet police that they need to subject you to anal probes.

Just to be safe, I'll dial your district manager also.
 Originally Posted By: medic8r
I'll tell the internet police that they need to subject you to anal probes.


Not again. . . \:\(
Click the north arrow.
Ow.
LOL. Looks like he's combining the athletic prowess of a cyclist and a hurdler. Just not very well!
Fox News: Fair, Balanced, Half-right

I'm so politically fatigued that this helped me slog on another day. Bless you, Fox News!
oh god no, make the politics go away...
Ken is like the canary in the coal mine as far as political content on these boards goes.
This seems to play to the forum crowd:

Computer and programming jokes
Tim Russert (Meet the Press) farts on live TV

link
Also today, The 8 types of annoying people you'll find at Starbucks
Well, those last ones went over like a lead zeppelin.

Now this one is really worthy:

Photos of TV
Thank goodness Illinois, Indiana, and Kentucky are aware of the doughnut thief. Whew!
Okay, if anyone has today's LA Times (May 23, 2008) there are two headlines on the front page that are next to each other and somewhat comical.
I went to their web site and looked at the top stories, trying to figure out which ones they were: the same-sex marriage one, McCain = hardy one, gang probe one, or freak weather one ...
Hang on. Let me see if I can take a photo of it. . .
Hopefully this shows up okay:


Funny commercial for a hot dog. You know it's gonna be good when their motto is "the World's Most Wanted Weiner".
Fist of iron, indeed.

Hey, take a picture of your office while you're at it. Is your receptionist as hot as Jenna Fishcer?
No receptionist. She quit back in November and we haven't been able to hire another one. We hardly get visitors to the building, but when we do everyone scatters. There are two giant receptionist desks in the front lobby, but both are unoccupied. I'll use one when my desk gets overcrowded.
 Originally Posted By: St_PatGuy
I'll use one when my desk gets overcrowded.

You mean with comic books and candy wrappers?
How'd you know?
It's kinda obvious, Sean.

Also, you're one post away from 3000. Do it! Do it!
Weezer's latest video, Pork & Beans, is full of internet memes, with the original players in many cases.

Good song, too. \:\)
Shortcuts can be dangerous. Ow.
Oh god... one of those things you do that you really, really hope other people didn't see.
Hunh... just watch the weezer vid. I didn't see the guys who had the lightsabers, but I suspect that I know them. Anyone have the list of references?
 Originally Posted By: pmbuko
Weezer's latest video, Pork & Beans, is full of internet memes, with the original players in many cases.

That made my day. Genius.

They speak the language of my life. Awesome.

I liked it.
 Originally Posted By: medic8r

I liked it.


No!
 Originally Posted By: pmbuko
Weezer's latest video, Pork & Beans, is full of internet memes, with the original players in many cases.

Good song, too. \:\)


I was going to post the link if no one else had. I liked it, too.
This isn't really funny -- more sad, really -- but worth sharing.

Detention note
That is pathetic.
 Originally Posted By: kcarlile
That is pathetic.


I agree.
That teacher should be chained to a boulder and whipped until he has pulled it a kilometer. Or, if he prefers, a mile.
This guy was sick and tired of working for the man, I guess.

JP, what's your analysis?
A case of the Mondays?
That's a case of the life-sucks.
Rage against the machines?
Not to mention that poor woman who got a crt dumped onto her chest.
Uh, people, call security?

Interesting, all the responses, the "Is this really happening? What do I do? Maybe if I amble from area to area it'll stop happening ...?"
I have to say for good or bad, I would have been on the guy like stink on poop after the initial shock wore off.

Then again I'm not your normal dyed-in-the-wool business suit automaton either.

Still kind of sickens me that so many people milled around while people (including women) were getting hurt. Maybe you don't like Jeannie from the secretarial pool, but I think you're still expected to man up and protect her when she takes a 17" Viewsonic to the head.

Bren R.
 Originally Posted By: BrenR
I would have been on the guy like stink on poop after the initial shock wore off.

Why am I not surprised? ;\)
Does your computer need to get debugged?
I'm with you, Bren. When something totally out of the ordinary happens, many people's lizard brains take over. In this case, the lizard brain is very afraid.

I've only been tested in much milder circumstances, but I'd like to think I'd be sitting on top of that guy within about 30 seconds.
I would have missed everything. I'm pretty sure I'd be in the break room.
Yeah, I guess if I think about it, I'd be unable to divert my attention from the internet.

Now if he threw my monitor around, he'd be dead meat.
More video (with sound!) from the same office incident.
One of those little thoughts in the back of my mind: how many sociopaths will this inspire? I'm picturing a disgruntled drone in middle America dialing up this video and having that last thin shred of self-control snapping in two.

Dateline - Fredericksburg:

"Yeah, man, that comrade had it right!"

*stands up, lifts monitor*

*sets monitor down* - "I could never hurt you, sweet internet..."
I probably would have taken that guy down too. I am not the type to just stand around while innocent ppl get hurt.
But then again... how many people still go out of their way to help people?

And when they do... usually you get a weird look.

In the last month I've stopped to offer the new neighbour a hand carrying drywall into his house, helped push one stalled car off to the side of the road, helped one woman change her tire at 1am in a bad part of town (which was probably even scarier than if I didn't stop - mine is not the face of "helpful motorist") and probably a few other minor things - holding doors open and the like.

I kind of get a laugh about the quick "what's your angle" look when I offer to help.

Bren R.
Being raised in the South, I try to be gentlemanly, but you, sir, are a real Walter Raleigh.

You really should move down here for the better roads and to help our Southern ladies.
Does southern ladies mean what I think it means?
 Originally Posted By: medic8r
Being raised in the South, I try to be gentlemanly, but you, sir, are a real Walter Raleigh.
Nah, just working off about 1000 years of purgatory for a misspent youth (and a further eternity for a misspent adult life).

At some point I became determined to leave the world a better place than I got it - mostly because I like what an astonishing idea that is to many people.

How we got here from "man, I would so totally punch that crazy office guy out" is beyond me...

Bren R.
I think punching him out would at least leave the situation better than you found it. ;\)
Yeah, I'm going to use Bren as my personal air marshall from here on out.
 Originally Posted By: kcarlile
... just watched the weezer vid. I didn't see the guys who had the light sabers, but I suspect that I know them. Anyone have the list of references?

Wikipedia has it ...

Here's the 411 on the light saber dudes.

I've watched this Weezer video about once an hour for the last few days.
 Originally Posted By: medic8r
Yeah, I'm going to use Bren as my personal air marshall from here on out.
Since I hate flying, I'd be a better Parade Marshall or Penny Marshall.

Bren R.
LOL, good one, Laverne.
Who else was picturing Bren with a big 'B' sewn to his shirt.\:\) At least you would be easy to identify as the good samaritan who stopped to help.
Bren has a complex personality, so I'd figure he's got the big 'B' on his breast, a smiley face on each sleeve, and the finger on the back.
 Originally Posted By: jakewash
Who else was picturing Bren with a big 'B' sewn to his shirt.
As long as you weren't picturing "the Big Ragoo"

 Originally Posted By: medic8r
Bren has a complex personality, so I'd figure he's got the big 'B' on his breast, a smiley face on each sleeve, and the finger on the back.
I can't wear the smiley face on my sleeve - that would make me a goose stepping member of Jerry Brown's California Uber Alles.

Bren R.
JP's a bottom. His last album was "Doktor Unter Allen."
In response, I finally found video of pmbuko sexually assaulting a news reporter on live TV. Despite the buildup, this link is actually safe for work, I would say. Just hilariously hideous. Enjoy.
\:D
This is hilarious beyond words.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=BUS6nKpddec
I'm glad to know he doesn't always use his TV voice. I always imagine newscasters at the dinner table intoning, "Pass the beans." It never sounds right in my head.


This makes much more sense.
15 ads that will make you say WTF?!

Also good are the worst photoshop mistakes; click on the link in the right column.
 Originally Posted By: medic8r
Also good are the worst photoshop mistakes; click on the link in the right column.
Those give me heart palpitations in my line of work. It's like the professional equivalent of leaving a scalpel in a patient.

Bren R.
Those Photoshop Mistakes are priceless...Haha...That Curves cereal box....hahaha!
This is the best laughing baby video I've ever seen.
 Originally Posted By: pmbuko
This is hilarious beyond words.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=BUS6nKpddec

OHMYGOD

That was really, really funny.
Even more so since i do alot of deep woods work and more often than not, a bug diet is what one gets on occasion.
Little buggers fly right into the ol' gob...

Ah geez Peter that was damn funny.

Ah geez, you're not yankin' my chain, eh? \:\)
Steampunk hits the comics.

http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=1173 (don't worry about the url, totally SWF)
Dogs can make funny faces. \:\)
http://mute.rigent.com/index.php?ladat=2008-06-11
Catz 2 !!!!1!!!one!1!

Teknishunn cat
Curses!

I've never actually caught the cat in the computer, but it's been close...
I saw a car with a B&W oval sticker (the ones that are usually used to declare you nationality) with the words KITTEH on it. Made me smile.
I think JP will make lolcat the official language of Medic8rstan.
Tempting ...

And Malignant Narcissism will be the national anthem!

Oh, how fitting.

No more oversung vocals in my country's anthem before sporting events!
Wow. The douchiest phone message evar.

Is there a single woman in the world who'd call this guy back?
That is gold. You really have to stick with it, it does get better and better.
Then i saw this photo linked to Peter's link and laughed even harder.


I am so glad I don't have excess hair between my chin and waist.
Wow. I uh....I'm floored. That is indeed the douchiest phone message ever.

It just builds and builds in levels of douchiness as it goes on, too.
Sort of reminds me of some of the .... never mind
Wow... wow.

Wow. What a total dip$#!7.
Sadly, Dmitri has more game than I do.
CV, you don't want that kind of game.
It's a Risk I don't want to take?
It's not like you have Cooties, or anything.
That's only because I'm waiting for the Xbox 360 version.
I hate to admit it, but we had the original version.
Who won the most in your family?
I don't think my sister and I ever played with the rules. We just built the little guys over and over again.

This was before cable was invented.
Hmm ... Dmitri uses a lot of psychological terminology at the end. I wonder if he is a mental health professional, or if he has been under the services of one.

Waitaminnit. Wasn't Dmitri the life coach who convinced Negative Orange to work through their difficulties, preventing the break-up of the band, back in 2004?
I don't know, but I bet CV has the "Yoko Sucks" tee shirts to prove it.
 Originally Posted By: medic8r
Tempting ...

And Malignant Narcissism will be the national anthem!

Oh, how fitting.

No more oversung vocals in my country's anthem before sporting events!


I 2nd that choice - it's one AFL-rad song!
AFL, memories of MarkSJohnson, who needs to pop in again to Muppetize himself, BTW ...
Passive Agressive Personality Disorder? Wow!!! That is incredible. The first message was pretty good, but the second one... wow. I won't say too much more in case Dimitri is an Axiom speaker owner and lurking. I don't want him calling me for sure.
 Originally Posted By: medic8r
AFL, memories of MarkSJohnson, who needs to pop in again to Muppetize himself, BTW ...


Agreed, you'd think Mark would be all over the Muppets (No, not in that way).

JP, I'm impressed you caught the AFL reference so quickly. Great memory!
Hey, remembering you 50 or so regulars is a drop in the ocean compared to my patient load ...

Course, sometimes the lines between the 2 groups blur ...
Dmitri either gets no play or tons of it. I think we'd be surprised how often that kind of garbage works. Now, that said, I also bet that Dmitri will be single for a very long, long time.
This guy is so fired.
That is a lot of water.
Nobody seemed to be in a rush to close the water supply valve
 Originally Posted By: onn
Nobody seemed to be in a rush to close the water supply valve


Uh, they're Target employees. None of them know there a water shut off even exists. Looks like all of them are just going to wait until the pipe runs out of water.
Nobody seemed to be in a rush about any of it. Pathetic.
They're all just saying, "I'm so glad I didn't do that."
Of course, now that Demetri's douchey phone message is a hit, the spin-offs are coming:

Demetri orders a pizza

This one is even better:

Girl reacting to Dimitri's message
So how was your date?
Quite nice, actually. \:\)
Just don't call yourself a catch.
I was going to go Ron Burgundy and say "I'm kind of a big deal." ;\)
Dimitri the Lover

My favorite part is the chronic masturbation in between appointments. I mean, haven't we all been there?
No comment.

;\)
I think I like this guy even less.
Yeah, dude has issues. Slimy issues.
On a less slimy note, here are the ten worst sports team logos. Mildly amusing, and I LOL'd at the description of #1.
I forwarded that page to my coworkers. One's a Trailblazers fan and the other's a Cubs fan.


Yeah, that last one is just odd.
Hamster using a lego elevator. This guy doesn't give up!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OeBKHj_WaEY
Digging the banjo music.

Cursing myself for wasting 3+ minutes on this.

I'm conflicted.
Wasn't it Lego Elevator fans that started that flame war with Negative Orange fans back in January?
I don't know, but I'm sure Charles has the right angled cuts in his foot to prove it!
Ken, you almost made coffee come out my nose! Good one.
Ken joins the fun!

Sean, when Peter said "Hot brown liquid goes in, hot brown liquid comes out" yesterday, that's not what he meant.

\:o
Yeah, I wouldn't want that coming out my nose, either.


Talk about serious plumbing problems. . .
I have some surgeon friends who could make that happen for you, no prob!
Then at parties you could play games with people:

"Hey everybody, what am I?!" you'd say, then while your friends are amazed, you answer yourself: "A chocolate soft serve ice cream machine!"

You'd be a huge hit, I just know it.

You could go on "America's Got Talent" with that boob-crushing lady.
I watched a clip of that show with a woman who played the kazoo with her hoohoo.

I don't think it was real.
Weren't the Queefing Kazoos the rockabilly band that got booed off the stage at Bonnaroo just before Negative Orange was set to perform?
There are things I don't need to contemplate, let alone see.
 Originally Posted By: kcarlile
There are things I don't need to contemplate, let alone see.

*laughing so hard my forehead slumped to my desk, then I snorted.

Ken, you are so Bert.
 Originally Posted By: medic8r
Weren't the Queefing Kazoos the rockabilly band that got booed off the stage at Bonnaroo just before Negative Orange was set to perform?


I don't know, but I bet CV has the commemorative side-burned kazoo to prove it.




(that one was tough)


I'm sure you can appreciate a challenge!
I tried so hard to reference a sportscaster who's last name is Masengill, but I can't remember his first name. Frustrating.
I heard there's this thing on the internets that lets you search for stuff like that. Googoo or something like that.
You sure it's not hoohoo?
 Originally Posted By: medic8r
I heard there's this thing on the internets that lets you search for stuff like that. Googoo or something like that.


I tried! Nothing was coming up, though.
...too easy.
 Originally Posted By: kcarlile
You sure it's not hoohoo?

*chuckle*

No, and put away that kazoo.
 Originally Posted By: St_PatGuy
I tried! Nothing was coming up, though.

That's what she said!

(goal, medic8r; assist to kcarlile)
Most men cannot find any answers when searching Hoohoo.
The answer is never verbal.
Unless it's an echo.
Sean, are you the 40 Year Old Virgin?
Slander!

He's only 38.
Bags of sand and a bologna sandwich?
Ha ha.


You guys are funny. \:\(
Top Ten Funny Homeless Guy Signs
I really like Shania Twain. So does this guy.

la Paquena Shania Twain

This is SFW despite the nipple slip at 0:25 ;\)
Not your style, amigos?

Then maybe you are one of the 30% of Americans who would (not) benefit from Herpex.

Safe for work, but side effects may include teleporting.
I think I'm glad work blocks all youtube links.
Okay, Herpex=funny, little Shania Twain=disturbing.
Now, if little Shania pitched Herpex, there'd be harmonic convergence!
I only know Russell Brand from Forgetting Sarah Marshall, but after seeing him interviewed on both Letterman and Conan I'm interested in his stand-up comedy.

Here he is on Conan:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=CQaRdICTOXk

And on Letterman:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=BQlvqWW3tGc&feature=related
Re: What funny thing are you appreciating tonight?

My wife made the 2 hour drive to her Mom's house yesterday for a return sometime this evening and she actually believes I'm working on the list she gave me.

\:\)
Now that is funny!
Who knew our new avatars were so foul mouthed?

Unnecessary Sesame Street Censorship

Hilarious! Suitable for work as long as nobody misinterpreted all the bleeps.
You're late!

The party was three days ago. ;\)

Break.com is pretty funny. I like gorillamask.net better, though - it usually works out my procrastinating superpower more thoroughly.
You're right, though, that video is the funniest thing I've seen in a while.

Do you like my sig?
I like it. I laughed hard at that video.

Mrs. Tuttle thought it was inappropriate when I showed it to the children, though. \:\)
That was great!
Funny! The 'Woman Bus Driver' was pretty good also. ;\)
OK Sorry, didn't read the original posting. Oh well, it resulted in a broader audience. More minds twisted is always a good day.
Especially if it means more business for me!
FCC OKs nudity on TV as long as it's Alyson Hannigan

SFW, it's from the Onion.
The onion is still ok but either it’s lost a step or I’ve just gotten use to it.
.
.

.
I present, Old Gregg.

I found this video to be hilarious but have discovered that people either love it or hate it, no real inbetweeners.

Crack open a fresh Baileys and enjoy!
Oldie but a goodie: Best prank call ever.
 Originally Posted By: pmbuko
Oldie but a goodie: Best prank call ever.


I listened to this one on the Bob an Tom show one morning while driving to work ... thought I was going to wreck the truck. This is hilarious.
50 ways to die trying to dunk a basketball.
http://www.athlists.com/?p=30
Well, only 20, but...
This one's for JohnK:

Touch Tone Phone Symphony.

Hmmm, somebody with more time on his hands than me. Frightening.
Here's a photo of my Uncle Tupelo ;\) at the family reunion:



Guess if I keep eating the pecan pie for breakfast, I might become a walking watermelon after all!
Jeezus Xmas, man!
Maybe it's in the genes? *gulp*

Gimme more fatback on that Big Mac!
Ewwww! Wheres our moderator when we need them.
*chuckles evilly*
Ah, Firefox with your wonderful blocking of images. I never have to see that again.
Click here if you love eggs.
Bet that one makes the audiobytes shine, eh? :P
 Originally Posted By: pmbuko
Click here if you love eggs.


I haven't been so mixed up between
"That was cute"
or
"That makes me scared it's creator might someday move in beside me!"
since somebody once sent me to the old classic.
We Like the Moon!
.
*chuckle*

Sank you berry much ...
Is it just me, or does my avatar look like a total smart-ass you just wanna smack?
I thought we had our share of ass-smacking talk last night in the Shout Box.

I'm sensing a theme, here, Peter. Anything you want to share with the rest of the group?
Peter's avatar looks smarmy.
He's saying, "Be nice to nerds! You may work for one some day."
Long ago, I embraced my inner nerd.
With your left or right hand?
*must resist crude joke*
Ah, I get it. Both hands make an embrace.
Watching this video/song about the different styles of BBQ will explain a lot to you non-southern Yankee folks.

They left off Virginia, but lump us in with NC.

This could explain a few things about me when you realize that my Mom's side of the family would fit in with the band jes' fine.
A radio station minivan has unfortunate placement of the call sign letters:

http://failblog.org/2008/08/08/radio-fail/
My son enjoyed Superman ice cream a couple of times during our vacation last week. For those not in the know, it's vanilla with healthy doses of red, yellow, and blue food coloring.

The funny begins when I changed his diaper and saw that the food coloring had turned my son's poop green. Solid, kelly green. To which my wife said, "Hmm - goes in Superman, comes out Incredible Hulk!"
That's why you married her.
Seriously, I'm a lucky guy.
That's funny! \:D
Steve Ballmer sells Windows 1.0
Ballmer hasn't changed much, huh?

The video for the Bat for Lashes song, "What's a Girl to Do?", is cracking me up.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n1wnOUH2jk8
Do you think this might help Ken through his labs? At least give him something to memorize while he waits?

The System Administrator's Day Song
Richard Dawkins reads his "fan" mail. I laughed out loud.
This has been on YouTube for awhile now, but I laugh every time I watch it. "Ken Lee"
tulibu dibu douchoo... wow.
That was hilarious. I, too, wondered what language that was in. . . \:o
Oh, and not that it really matters, but it should be Harry Nilsson's "Without You."

Probably the most popular prom and wedding song of the 70s.
 Originally Posted By: St_PatGuy
That was hilarious. I, too, wondered what language that was in.

Ingleshku!
 Quote:
Ingleshku!


Good call. Funny and accurate! \:D
Unlike her lyrics, which were funny because they were inaccurate, heh.
Saw this linked to off of Audiojunkies.com:

Britney Spears Live!
"Owie!" says my ears.
She should sue the guy who recorded her raw vocal track.
A kid filmed his parents smoking salvia. The resulting babbling is hilarious.
Is it true love when your significant other lights your bowl for you if you have a broken hand?
I don't know if I've ever told you all to check out Jay Barnes's stuff, but he's pretty entertaining. He has a ton of content on his Livejournal:

livejournal shmivejournal

He also has a website:

Jay Barnes - Oh, the fun.

His highest-profile piece was Rock Paper Saddam! which still makes me laugh.
Triumph the Insult Comic Dog at the Republican National Convention was pretty good.

Part 2
I love Triumph.
This.
El Chorizo Bandito!
The comments are good, as usual. "Assault and Pepper", indeed.
Oh, actually, the comments on sfgate are usually the most polarized things I have ever seen. I guess both radical whackos and fascist pigs can get together to laugh at someone beating people with sausage and sprinkling them with spices.

My question is, what were the spices? And what kind of sausage was it?
Talk about too good to be true!

PharmAmorin
This 911 call is great.
Sorry, another Triumph clip. It's him talking to the protesters at the RNC, and I thought it was even funnier than the other two parts.

Triumph at the Republican National Convention Part 3
Conan O'Brien's Speech to the Harvard Class of 2000.(Pt 1 of 2)

Conan O'Brien's Speech to the Harvard Class of 2000.(Pt 2 of 2)

20 minutes between the two parts, but very worthwhile. I saw the clip for part 1 linked to when watching the Triumph clip, and I thought, "Hey, Ali G's Harvard speech was good, so why not give Conan a shot?" Nice material.
Mom steals daughter's identity so she can attend high school and be a cheerleader. Fails.
I saw that on our local news. The wife and I got a chuckle out of it. That gal is a few fries short of a happy meal. \:\(
 Originally Posted By: pmbuko
This 911 call is great.



I thought the warthog part was the punch line.

Boy, was I wrong! \:D
An SNL Digital Short - Space Olympics

I can't explain why this one makes me laugh.
Charles, I can't explain it either.
Oh yeah, that song's not stuck in my head. . .
Tried to appreciate Dane Cook, but couldn't.
+1 Dane Cook sux.

He is so unfunny.
Measuring my newborn daughter's banshee-like screams with an SPL meter... and yes, she can achieve 100 dB from 1M.

I'm not sure if I feel better or worse after confirming this. While I'm impressed with her abilities, according to "the Internets," 15 minutes at this level will produce permanent hearing loss. Lovely.
That's why you have a "nursery" as a separate (soundproof) room.
OMG! She killed Cookie Monster!
Hilarious.
Inventive costume.
Ex-F1 driver takes his wife around the track in a Honda...
That was good.
The most understandable pie chart you'll ever see.

http://www.austinthirdgen.org/upload/piechart.jpg
Pretty good! The simplest is often the better!
Burger King is closed???
*smacks forehead*

Another fine product of our edjumacation system at work ...

*runs away before Tom wakes up*
What happens when you cross Star Trek and Brokeback Mountain? The best movie trailer mashup I've seen yet.
Warning, Spoiler:
The "getting split in two halves is no theory with me" line is the best.

The following content is rated TV-14 for suggestive sexual content.

Safe for work, though, no doubt. Unless your boss has no sense of humor, and then, who knows, s/he may be just looking for a reason to fire you anyway. Hey, is that a pecan chocolate chip cookie?!

Things to do with your Mom, FAIL edition.
I bet you don't have these Star Wars action figures in your collection.


I used to, but I lost them in the fire.
Are you all familiar with Microsoft's "I'm a PC" ad campaign? This site features user-submitted lines and I found many of the submissions hilarious. \:\)

http://andimapc.com/
BWAHAHAHAHA AHH HA HA. HA. Ha. huh?

http://www.wnbc.com/news/17539627/detail.html
Mildly funny but had to be shared.


Kids impersonating Bill O'Reilly say the darndest things!
Oh my.
Well, I had no idea who Bill O'Reilly is and now I will thankfully keep it that way.
You are extremely fortunate not to know. I wish I had that privilege.
Louis C.K. on Conan O'Brien

From the other night. All of his interviews make me laugh.
If you like a good fart joke, then this allegedly true story will not disappoint.

http://www.ihos.com/steakhouse.html
I so hope that was true because it is heart-wrenchingly sad, funny, and heroic.
That was hilariously gross....
I knew Canadians can be pretty rugged, but I had no idea of the extent until I saw this.
Just sent that to one of my coworkers. She'll appreciate it.
Some forums get hijacked much more quickly and voraciously than this one. \:\) \:\)
THIS THREAD WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT FUNNY THINGS YOU F$%#ER









;\)

good stuff...
Of course, a bit of warning about the BSFW ads would have been nice...
As if you need to worry. You could show it to Al.
This is one reason people have kids. So cute! \:D
Andy Samberg in Mark Wahlberg Talks to Animals

I liked this one but forgot about. Thankfully tonight's SNL reminded me of it.
He does a pretty good impression, I think.
The internet overdose song

I related to it. \:\)
And to think, I didn't own a computer until I got to college in 2000. Now, I have a thousand different ways to waste time without ever moving out of my chair.
It's amazing we're not all rotund blobs of quivering flesh.


Edit: yet
Rotund....
At the risk of starting another "Negative Orange" posting, I think this would be a great name for a new Amplifier manufacturer. Kind of like Rotel but the amps are waayyyy more Rotund!
In the "funny cause it's true" category....
Miscrosoft Surface get you drunk faster...
.
I'm still waiting for a holodeck.
 Originally Posted By: pmbuko
I'm still waiting for a holodeck.


That would be sooooo awesome! The future of home theater?
Speeding muppet caught on camera in Germany. Funny story, actually.

http://arbroath.blogspot.com/2008/10/german-police-seek-speeding-british.html
Ronald Chevalier
I just found my Halloween outfit!
This is what happens when your product review comments are unmoderated: hilarity!
I think the last comment is the best.
Check out the actual page here. What you saw in the picture was less than half of all the comments. Hilarious.
That is good stuff!
Those comments are great.
This one made me laugh:

Conan O'Brien - DenyCex
Get on it!! \:\)
I made my porn star ID card at zackandmiristarid.com :


Does this supersede your old one?
I didn't need the visual of JP super-seeding anyone.
Wondertwin powers, activate!
 Originally Posted By: medic8r
Wondertwin powers, activate!


Oooh, what to choose--a puddle, or ice cubes. . .?
Well, if you're the water product, then that means I get to be the animal! You're very gracious!
Wonder Twin powers activate! Form of--a salty tear. . .for my crappy super power. . . \:\(
By the way, I still can't get the Family Guy version out of my head. . .
 Originally Posted By: St_PatGuy
By the way, I still can't get the Family Guy version out of my head. . .
I got a big eye-roll when I used that in front of the sister-in-law last weekend... "and now we play the waiting game"

Bren R.
\:D
Pretty much the only way to make an ironic knuckle-dap even worse.

Bren R.
You mean terrorist fist jab?
I never dap in anger.

Bren R.
 Originally Posted By: medic8r
Wondertwin powers, activate!


Form of.......Ron Jeremy!
Look, a hedgehog!
Form of. . . . . . . .lube?



This really is the worst power ever.
This guy does not have AIDS.
Nice how his beer belly gives the snout a realistic 3-d look.
Hive mind. I was just about to post that wolf shirt guy here.

I found it on UniqueDaily.com with the headline, "Dear God, lady, don't look behind you!"

Good stuff.


This is even better than ninja cat!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hPzNl6NKAG0
Cats excel at getting themselves in situations, but they still need to work on the extraction part.
Okay, it's not even funny. It actually makes me sad. I guess I wanted to pervert the thrust of this thread.

Kotaku - Don't Ask Lara Croft Model Archaeology Questions
I like when she says, "This is going to make Lara look bad," the cameraman focuses on her boobs.

That says it all.
Was this, perhaps, the worst tv show of the 80s?
Did I watch that show? I think I may have. And why are you over 11,000 posts now? Showoff.
I'm over 11,000?












11000? That's the funny thing you appreciate tonight. Not funny at all. ;\)
I think it's no small wonder that I had never seen or heard of Small Wonder.
Man, I was really hoping to catch up, too.
Now that the neighbors are back,
I have time to post this (true) story entitled
"As close to an Urban Legend as you can get."

This scene happened Yesterday (Saturday night). Someone from work was at my place to have a listen (guy looking for TV then some audio; not sure he came to the right place as his total budget is about 2000$ for everything). Anyhow.

He tells me he likes it dark for music. So I open the light in another (so we can still see something), but shut everything off in the living room.

As the music flows, he is impressed and everything, but that is not the point of the story. At some point he decides to compliment me on my power meters:

Him: "Great power meters you got there Master!" (I added the master, but I am certain he meant it that way).
Me: "What?"

He then proceeds to lower the volume and repeats the queston:
Him: "Great power meters you got there!"
Me: "What? No, I can hear you, I just don't undertand what you mean."

Him: "Sorry, I don't know all the tech jargon. I used to, but it's all so complicated now with new stuff and all."
Me: "Yeah, I know. The more they try to simplify, they get it worse..."

Him: "He he he. Nice meters, though"
Me: "What?"

Him: "The meters! Cool stuff!"

Me: "Yes, thanks! Er... what?"


Him: "Oh! Er... You know... The thing that goes up and down."
Me: "Huh?"

Him: "Aaahh! You know what I mean. The thing like in iTunes. You know. When you want to 'see' the music."
Me: "Visualizers?"

Him: "Maybe. Not sure. Is that what you called them?"
Me: "What who calls what?"

Him: "The thing! The thing that goes with the power."
Me: "..."

He then bends forward and points to the the "thing that goes up and down".
Him: "THAT! How to you call THAT in proper 'technical' terms?"
Me (very slowly): "An Ethernet switch..."

Him: "F**k!" (the guy is an IT technician and spends half his days with those devices; he just never realized that Ethernet is now an integral part of a sound system nowadays and I just happen to have TWO switches in my rack, both with 5 ports connected, which could be misinterpreted as stereo power level meters in the dark).

Just thought I would share this as we laughed a heck of a lot when it happened (and it was longer than this edited version! \:\) ).
At least now he'll know the next time he wants to compliment someone on their meters in the dark.
 Originally Posted By: CV
At least now he'll know the next time he wants to compliment someone on their meters in the dark.

SEMI-dark. Don't get in-one-doughes! \:\)
Yeah, but is he buying the speakers?

Also, roflmao.
 Originally Posted By: kcarlile
Yeah, but is he buying the speakers?

Not sure, but he has a whole new appreciation of Linksys...
That's funny, Eric!
Great story! \:\) Will you now refer to him as the power meter guy at work?
 Originally Posted By: pmbuko
Great story! \:\) Will you now refer to him as the power meter guy at work?

i was thinking more in the line of "Jolly Jumper" type of jokes. Can't beat the "thing that go up and down". Or maybe stock market jokes... ;\)
Hey, buddy, how did you like seeing my thing that goes up and down this weekend?
Funny stuff.
In much the same fashion, I once discovered the problem with my Universal Remote when I noticed that the red signal light on my IR Blaster was keeping time with the EP500. It just needed to be moved to a higher shelf but I remember laughing aloud when I noticed.
Eric.... you "tell" a funny story....
LOL! I'm really relieved how that story ended.
 Originally Posted By: EFalardeau
"Great power meters you got there!"
Orchestral (Power) Meters in the Dark?

Bren R.
my eyes! my ears!
Louis C.K. is a funny man. It maybe funnier if you have kids, though. \:\)
I enjoy his comedy.

I'm going to click on more of his links now.
Yeah, that guy's amazing.
Killed a good forty minutes revisiting his comedy sets. He's lovably abusive to his family.
And his daughter. Man! What a douchebag. \:\)
Top 100 April Fool's Day Hoaxes of All Time.

I only checked out page one, but some of those are pretty creative.
I like the Voodoo Tattoo Sleeves. Wouldn't it be fun to show up for a day at work at a white collar job with a pair of these on?


"Sarah Palin's Top Ten Excuses" for giving that TV interview while turkeys were being slaughtered in the background.

Letterman, he's still got it.
World's best book title and cover?
I really want to read her other book.
That was a great Top 10. It's reassuring as I've watched his show a few times and thought the quality had really gone down in recent years. This was great. \:\)
The last line of this news story really makes the piece.

Iowa Fans Busted Having Sex in Metrodome Bathroom
Youch... rough day at the Metrodome.
I think they both would have prefered to go to jail
"Cooking by the Book" A Lil' Bigger Mix by Mastgrr

Be warned that there's some rough language.
I don't want to cook at all now.
Come on, cookout with your book out.
I don't like to cook by the book. I like to improvise. You know... aimless noodling?
Kitchen Jazz......
Either that or I like to randomly toss cooked spaghetti around the kitchen.
.
Beware of the Doghouse! A Christmas warning for all men.
I like it. \:\) Too bad it's an advertisement. \:\(
\:D That was pretty good.

Yeah, sucks about the advertisement part.
That's not my wife.

I thought it was great. My wife disagrees. You decide.
I thought it was great.


And fantastically awkward!
Not quite awkward enough.
An SNL Digital Short

Warning: It's crude.
 Originally Posted By: pmbuko
Either that or I like to randomly toss cooked spaghetti around the kitchen.


I was just thinking of an angel hair afro.
 Originally Posted By: CV
An SNL Digital Short

Warning: It's crude.


Must not get song stuck in my head. . .

No need to be singing it all day long while I'm out in public. . .


Curses!

I had to read that one a few times.

\:D



Darn you, JP, for getting me hooked on LOLcats!
Here's something that makes me laugh every time I watch it.
Hey Joe, that is a good one!

\:D
Hey Joe, where you goin' with that gun in your hand?!
Alright, you got it!

Pseudo hive mind strikes again!!



High five! *smack*
I was thinking the same thing when I saw that earlier.


:::throws shoe at JP:::
 Originally Posted By: Joe_in_Ct
Here's something that makes me laugh every time I watch it.


You will have to post a title so I can find it elsewhere. I can't view your link because your crazy, "We complain about China but we are not allowed to send harmless, internet video content, outside the US border" police shut me down.
 Originally Posted By: Murph
 Originally Posted By: Joe_in_Ct
Here's something that makes me laugh every time I watch it.


You will have to post a title so I can find it elsewhere. I can't view your link because your crazy, "We complain about China but we are not allowed to send harmless, internet video content, outside the US border" police shut me down.


Ditto
Search for Peyton Manning United Way video. It's from a Saturday Night Live skit.
This fail blog link is for wheelz999.
I found the Weng Weng Rap video to be ridiculous and funny.
My New Year's resolution is to get Weng Weng's haircut.
The Jeff Dunham Christmas Special was a funny break during Christmas Holidays.

I especially enjoyed 'Achmed the Dead Terrorist' pretending to be Santa Claus.
That Christmas special had me laughing so much I thought I was going to wake up my wife who was asleep 2 floors up!


The smaller one could be Nolan in 12 years. You never know.
With the wonders of modern medicine, he could be the other one too if he wanted.
You mean that big thing is female?



Bren R.
What the deuce?!
Homemade video to a Mitch Hedberg skit, pretty funny.
How to fit four people in one (well, two) Smart Cars.
I like his t-shirt.
Good stuff.
Warning, Spoiler:
To quote Maxwell Smart, "Missed it by that much." Staying upright, that is. Now why on Earth did I feel the need to put this in Spoiler tags?

Microsoft Songsmith. Sounds like a good idea, right? The video ad is pretty unbearable, though. Still, seems like you could do some really cool stuff with it.

Someone decided to run a David Lee Roth vocal track through it and it produced this. Painfully funny and terrible. \:\) It made me giggle. (And the comments are great, too.)
That is one of the worst ads ever! Unbearable, indeed.

If you can kick as high as David Lee, you don't really need to sing, right?
Diamond Dave's torn vocal cords that give him that "bagpipe drone and chanter" sound really creep me out.

I always thought he sang through an octaver & phaser.

Bren R.
I enjoy Van Halen when I'm in a stadium rock kind of mood but I think I need to go add Dave's solo album to the "Worst LP you ever owned" list.
I have to say, I haven't liked much of the Stones music since 'Made in the Shade'. Few songs, yeah, but nothing like the earlier tunes '65-74.
Weezer - Pork and Beans Video v2.0
I like that song more and more.
I had to go back and listen with the video minimized because I kept losing the song to all the guest appearances. Nicely done. Musically and virally.
I'm gonna catch hell for this one, but it will so be worth it.

It's questionably safe for work. No nudity, just suggestive themes.

OK.

Deep Breath.

Here goes.
Warning, Spoiler:


Family or patients?
Neither - staff.
ow--laughing hurts!

 Quote:
Here goes...

Grandma?


Some things just can't be unseen; this is one of them.

Too funny!
Here is a reader response to an article about Obama keeping his Blackberry. That Harper guy is the current Canadian Prime Minister:

So Obama is addicted to his blackberry and the Blackberry is made by a Canadian company. Hmmm.... OK Harper, here's what you do. Make up a list of demands for when Obama comes to Canada. Then tell him if he refuses you will nationalize Research in Motion and cut off Obama's service. I figure the Prez will cave within 48 hours.

And Stephen, don't wimp out. Go for the big stuff. Like we get Alaska, they keep Sarah Palin. Don't forget that Obama is smarter than you. He will try to keep Alaska and stick you with Palin, so don't screw up.
 Originally Posted By: fredk
I figure the Prez will cave within 48 hours


Could be a lead-in for next season's '24'.
Metallica's Enter Sandman lyrics, with lolcats. \:\)
Oh, man, I've been hearing those lyrics wrong for a long time... And it ain't snow white?
I'd like to be appreciating this short:

The Baby and the German Intellectual

But I can't find the video anywhere.
.
Drunk Test Fail
.
Sorry. I'm on the conference call from hell and you guys are not posting enough to keep me sufficiently diverted.

OMG! Noooo! Not another rainbow!!

Favorite quote
"Everywhere we look, the visible spectrum, is rainbows!"
Check out the programming and general vibe on this product page from Dutch retailer HEMA. Great!

Just pull up the page and watch what happens. Sound, too.

http://producten.hema.nl/
That's Cool! \:\)
There's a massive white square with a flashblock icon in the middle.
Impressive, but I'd hate to be actually trying to buy something on that site.
 Originally Posted By: tomtuttle


Just pull up the page and watch what happens. Sound, too.

http://producten.hema.nl/


Haha!! that's imaginative. I was trying to scroll down the screen before I new what was going on.
Awesome. Creativity at its finest.
I've always liked Spiders on Drugs. I don't know if I first saw it linked from here or not...
I haven't laughed this hard at anything on the internet for a long time. Check out overdubbed infomercial for Mighty Putty.

This one's about Kaboom.


(Contains profanity)
Ha ha. I swear I don't even own a vase.
A chain... a f#*%ing chain...why not?? \:D \:D \:D
Hey, that stuff looks pretty good...
 Originally Posted By: pmbuko
I haven't laughed this hard at anything on the internet for a long time. Check out overdubbed infomercial for Mighty Putty.

This one's about Kaboom.


(Contains profanity)


If those were the actual aired commercials, I would so buy that stuff just because. \:D
Yeah, I'd be kabooming everything.
I think I have some kaboom.

No magic putty though. That sh*t looks cool.
I'll have to get both products to go with my ShamWow.
You have GOT to be kidding me.

\:o
Wow, that's the definition of shameless. ShameWow.
Uh.. dude has barely any hair. Why make a chia pet?!
Because you CAN! Yes...... You Can!

I'm gonna order them for all my friends!

Order taker? One, Please!
An interesting comic
Nice. \:\)
You can't make this stuff up:

Officials nab traveller with pigeons in his pants
I picture the guy/gal searching him saying "Alright Buddy! I just found a bird in your pants!"
Good thing he didn't have a couple of woodpeckers down his pants.
"an undeclared eggplant"


Now that's funny! \:D
I really want to make this flashing traffic sign in my neighborhood say "ZOMBIES AHEAD!".

Here's how.
\:D
More Billy Mays with another fantastic product
He's a great salesman.
\:D That's classic. The guy who dubbs those should do Dr. Phil, too. Same kind of voice.
Now I'd subscribe to cable again just to watch that.
[Dr Phil voice::" Now George, you gotta treat her better than that, yeah, she might be a f*%&ing b$&ch sometimes, but who gives a sh%t ":Dr Phil]
[George:: "but Dr Phil..."]
[Dr Phil voice:: "Don't make f$%@ing excuses now George, that kind of sh#t won't help your relationship...okay now let's bring on George's wife now and hear what the f*%#ing B^#%ch has to say":Dr Phil].....
Someone with a LOT of time on their hands extracted every single instance of profanity in the entire Sopranos series, and strung them together in order in this movie.

Someday I'll watch the whole damn show. I've got gaps I need to take care of.
Sony's latest product and what people think of it. \:\)

Extremely funny. Video has some profanity.
Ooh.

I want one.
Who doesn't?
I think I already have, like, four of them.
 Originally Posted By: pmbuko
Someday I'll watch the whole damn show. I've got gaps I need to take care of.


That's what she said, and yeah, I have yet to watch a single episode of The Sopranos. I have the whole series in my Netflix queue, which I'll get to eventually.
Hopefully this is still the same when other people look at it.
How is a Tool CD funny?
Maybe the picture was to a "My Little Pony" video, or something?



Or. . . Ken's just not funny.


At all.
Well, on mine, it's the little ad about what's available on blu-ray just underneath the product specs.
I wondered if that was what you were talking about. I get: "Mamma Mia!" is Also Available on Blu-ray ...

Peter, that g*%#@amn video was f&*#ing hilarious, you funny piece of $#!t.
Yeah, Doc, that's it. Cracked me up, but apparently I'm the only one.
I half-raised an eyebrow, if that counts.
It doesn't.
Dang.
Ken, I saw it too, but wasn't sure if it was like a personalized recommendation and didn't want to admit WHY "Mamma Mia" would be recommended to me.
Top 278 Star Wars Lines Improved By Replacing A Word With "Pants"

Some of them are quite excellent. \:\) Actually, I'm about doubled over in pain from quiet at my desk laughter. \:D
Yeah, there are some winners in there.
This thread on modern albums with dynamic range.

No, no jokes in there... just thought that subject was a setup for a joke. Or something philosophical like "what's the sound of one hand clapping?"

Bren R.
Fredk, Fredk, you are being pm'ed re trip to Dwight...please advise, over.
I can audibly clap with one hand. It's not difficult.
Secure Website
Authentification
Questions.

BY JOEL GUNZ

- - - -

What is your mother's maiden name?

What is your older sister's favorite Monopoly game piece?

Who did your paternal grandfather vote for in the 1956 presidential election?

Why did you choose a liberal-arts degree when your entire family urged you to go into finance?

In what year did you begin working on your novel?

How many weeks away was graduation when you dropped out of college?

What was your score on the civil-service employment exam?

Where were you sitting when your girlfriend told you she was pregnant?

Where did you never end up going for your honeymoon?

In what year did you begin working for the post office?

What is the name of the hedge-fund manager your ex-wife married?

How many hours did it take you to drink that bottle of Jack Daniel's yesterday?

What time was it when, in a drunken rage, you threw your novel into the fire?

If you could do it all over again, what would you do differently?


Poor Bizkit. She's a sleepwalking/sleeprunning dog.
ALL HAIL VOICEBOX CAT.

Turn up speakers for maximum effect.
Ummm.... any chance some of your collegues have mentioned that this cat - thing fetish might be getting unhealthy?
(From Peggie, my office nurse:) "Well, now that he mentions it, there might be something there."

Crazy cat lady from the Simpsons has always been one of my favorite recurring characters...
Let's see, actually it was last night but I couldn't find this thread, we went to Keller's Hamburgers, only in Texas I would guess, it's a drive in burger joint where they bring burgers and beer to your car, along with the world's best onion rings, an outdoor jukebox with suprisingly good sound, and old fashioned chocolate milk shakes, there are Harley Davidson biker folks and all kinds of crusty types all around, for some reason it warms the soul . . .
Is this funny, or was it the yummy thread you were looking for? Because I'm not laughing, but I'm very hungry. \:D Hungry because of the burgers, not the bikers.
 Originally Posted By: medic8r
(From Peggie, my office nurse:) "Well, now that he mentions it, there might be something there."

Crazy cat lady from the Simpsons has always been one of my favorite recurring characters...


Hmmm,
Have you ever scrubbed your cats with a washboard down by the river?
Well, you can't base anything on that.

Hasn't everyone at one time or another?
I think you meant to say you can't bass anything on that.
 Originally Posted By: Murph
Have you ever scrubbed your cats with a washboard down by the river?
Still my favorite story from the "user submitted IRC chat database" :

<raven> Any cat people here? I've got a problem with Nicky...
<Leth> I've been known to be handy with a wok
<Lore> Why, I'm a cat person.
<raven> I took Morgan to the vet yesterday - he was gone for a total of 45 minutes, got two vaccs and a blood draw.
<raven> Brought him home and Nicky went BALLISTIC.
<raven> Spent the rest of the night yowling and hissing and attacking MOrgan.
<CrazyClimber> nicky smells the hospital smells on morgan
<Lore> Yeah, I've seen that happen.
<raven> Is there anything I can do to get the hospital stink off him, then? Pack his carrier in coffe grounds or something?
<tieboy> how about a bath
<CrazyClimber> just give it a day or so
<Lore> We tried catnip and butter, and neither worked.
<agent_orange> butter?
<agent_orange> you buttered your cat?
<Lore> Yes.
<raven> it's the best way to butter the house.
<raven> Cats are effective butter delivery units.
<Lore> We read somewhere to put butter on a cat's forehead.
<agent_orange> did the emolient facilitate insertion?
<Lore> And the other cat licks it off, and likes the first cat, because it tastes like butter.
<Lore> As I said, it didn't work.
<agent_orange> you read sopmewhere to put butter on the cats foreWHAT THE F*** WERE YOU THINKING
<tieboy> rub the two cats together vigorously until they smell like each other
<agent_orange> piss on them both at the same time
<tieboy> KITTY TASTES LIKE BUTTER
<raven> It's more fun to put tape on their feet.
<agent_orange> why not do both
<agent_orange> and then get out the handycam
<Lore> I believe what I was thinking was "Maybe it will work. And even if it doesn't, I get to butter the cat's forehead."
<agent_orange> AFHV would *love* some footage of sticky-pawed, freshly buttered cats trying in vain to avoid a stream of steaming miller lite
<Samwise> You know what helps with feuding cats, Lore? Sending me lots of cash.
<agent_orange> now, see, I read somewhere --
<agent_orange> I think it was leviticus
<agent_orange> -- that what you should do is frost them
<agent_orange> betty crocker, right out of the can
<raven> Chocolate or buttercream?
<Leth> rave: go chocolate, buttercreme isn't pareve
<CrazyClimber> you're frosting meat?
<agent_orange> and then there'a always Cat Wellington
<agent_orange> "What are you doing in the kitchen, dear?" "Just buttering the cat, pumpkin!"
<agent_orange> "Why don't you baste the chicken while you're at it, too, dear?" "Baste the ... *light bulb* ...Sure! Sure, I'll 'baste the chicken'!"
<CrazyClimber> a google images search for "buttered cat" returns a picture of isaac hayes
<agent_orange> chocolate salty cat balls
I find it amazing how useful IRC can be in solving real problems.
I won't be able to stop laughing in time to see the next patient.

Damn you, BrenR!!!

Lord, that was awesome.
I can't find the original Google image of the buttered cat, but it was a guy buttering a cat... I have it as a 96x96 MSN Messenger display picture.

And this was the Isaac Hayes picture spoken of:



Bren R.
Shutcho mouth...

Mark, it's happening again!





Another good offering today:



How can you tell if a turtle is a male or female? It's easy if it has a sneaker fetish. (video contains turtle nudity)
I knew shoes were female.
And I thought I found weird stuff on the web.
... speaking of which, here's what happens when you mash up Reservoir Dogs and TMNT:

Link

If you like that one, you may like the rest of this top ten. Disclaimer: I haven't watched them yet, just the TMNT one.
That's awesome. I should post this on the Axiom board! Oh, wait....
Hey, look! A fast car!
 Originally Posted By: CV
I should post this on the Axiom board! Oh, wait....

Well, it does meet the recommended daily allowance of turtles.
This one's not so much funny as it is damned cute: a classic Sesame Street clip. Kinda reminds me of my daughter. \:\)
I am pretty sure I remember that from when I was a kid.
Old Sesame Street clips on YouTube are always good for a laugh if I need on. Grover the Waiter clips are a personal favorite.
Gotta love Sesame Street! Sesame Street and I (and Tigger!) are all "Founded 1968", so to speak. Cool.

That girl is cute. She laughs like Nolan, my 3 yo, who now has discovered the "Guess what? ... CHICKEN BUTT!" meme.
Two of my coworkers were talking about chicken dishes last week, so of course I broke out with, "Oh, oh, guess what." Somehow they didn't even expect the next part.
Ha! Amateurs...
Chick-fil-A, by Tim Hawkins. I've never seen him before, but now I have to check out more of his stuff.

Funny, the way my monitor is set up, I got only the first three panels, and thought that was the end. Then I saw the fourth panel.

I think I like it better with just the three panels!

Good either way.
OMG perfect timing as this exact thing just happened to friends of mine last week after near ten years of marriage. Which looks like it will be capped at ten, by the way.
'ya think?
 Originally Posted By: medic8r
Chick-fil-A, by Tim Hawkins. I've never seen him before, but now I have to check out more of his stuff.


Pretty funny.

We don't have any of those near us, so I've never heard the pronunciation. I always read it as Chick Feel Ahhh". Never knew what the name meant. {slaps palm into forehead}
Yeah, they're Southern, but expanding rapidly.

Don't worry, I hear that Ponch didn't know how to pronounce it either.
But if you just watch those perfect white teeth, it never really mattered what he was saying!
Mark, maybe if you're lucky, Axiom will upgrade the forums so that you can but hearts over your "i"s when you write about Ponch...

Couldn't hurt to ask, right?
That would be positively dreamy!
The Horribly Slow Murderer with the Extremely Inefficient Weapon

Awesome. \:\)
Wow, they put a lot of effort into not the strongest premise. I like it.

Here's one my sister sent me:

Kill Bill 1 & 2 in one minute
That was good. I like the (necessarily) sped up dialog.
Speakers for sale

I love his solution for the rattling speaker. \:\)
20,000 spoonfuls of terror. Love it.
I couldn't watch the whole thing. The minute and a half I invested in it seemed sufficient.

How many of us solved the math teacher's problem?

Here's what I got:

Warning, Spoiler:
Dad = 31, kid = 10 years old

Great stuff guys.

 Originally Posted By: CV


At least he's honest! \:D
 Originally Posted By: medic8r
Here's what I got:


Holy crabs. I should have a 10-year-old son.
Nah, I'm 40 and have a three-year-old son.

You've got 6 years to find Mrs. CV and get bizzay...

***sits back, waits for punchlines to roll in***
OK, CV, your friends are obviously nicer than I thought.

In the meantime, here's a Star Wars video for all you nerds.

;\)
That was great!!
I'm sure most of you have seen this already, but...

http://www.badpets.net/DogHumor/DogsInElk.html
 Originally Posted By: bridgman
I'm sure most of you have seen this already, but...

http://www.badpets.net/DogHumor/DogsInElk.html


That is funny.
My wife read that one several years ago and was in stitches for about an hour or so. She read it to me, but she was laughing too hard, and I didn't find it nearly as funny.
I keep getting the kid as 22 and the father as 79, but that can't be right.
 Originally Posted By: Murph
OMG perfect timing as this exact thing just happened to friends of mine last week after near ten years of marriage. Which looks like it will be capped at ten, by the way.


Some guys have all the luck...


The essence of frustration....

Boy just wants to kick the ball.
.
 Originally Posted By: Murph
The essence of frustration....

Boy just wants to kick the ball.
.


That video very accurately describes how some of my coworkers go about doing their jobs...

Complete with the crying.

;\)
Good video and comment!

Today's LOLcat WIN of the day:


im in ur noms, spreddin toxoplasmosis.
As long as you're not spreading any disease.
The subtitles on this Joe Cocker Woodstock video are pretty funny. \:\)
 Originally Posted By: Dr. Bukowinski
toxoplasmosis

Main thing I remember about that disease from med school is that it's the reason you don't want pregnant women changing the litter box.
"I need some wonderloaf"
 Originally Posted By: pmbuko
The subtitles on this Joe Cocker Woodstock video are pretty funny. \:\)


Yes, they are!
Ladies (?) and gentlemen, I present the DLR Soundboard
 Originally Posted By: pmbuko
Ladies (?)

Yeah, they have all disappeared.

We still got it!
WOOOOOOO!! YEAaaaAAHH! that's hilarious! \:D
This is making me inexplicably hungry.


King LOLcat approves this message.
Google launches...
Scroll down to the comments and check out the post by EvilGentleman.
Not sure if this has been posted here:

Bert and Ernie on a mother^%#$@ Boat

Crank up the sound for bonus points, due to NSFW language.
Hilarious.

Bonus points for me.
Very nice.
Only 9 more posts to the 1k club. Woo hoo
Noob.
 Originally Posted By: danmagicman7
Noob.


Pretty much. \:\)
Awkward Family Photos

Scroll back for some real gems. I like the Van Helsings.
What is going on with the Wonder Years??

"Yes, dear, that is daddy's *bleep*"
That was just some messed up sh!t right there. I thought that was not so much an awkward photo as a WTF photo, a little out of place.
I can't stop laughing at it. . . . but then I get incredibly creeped out!!!
\:D \:D


Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. is my favorite author.

If you, too, like him, then you'll like these motivational posters.
Those were great! The Skill one made me laugh out loud.

I've never read Vonnegut. I'm going to get one of his books now.
That was great! I read a lot of Vonnegut in my 20's
*
Nice posters. I have to admit I haven't read any of his work. I'm a dullard.
Oh, yeah, and I meant to post the link to this Marina & The Diamonds blog entry about her chest and mouth. It made me laugh, and now I always have to refer to her as 28G.
You made me look for a picture of her.
Ha ha, of course. There are things you just have to investigate.
Ditto, Sean.
 Quote:
I have to admit I haven't read any of his work. I'm a dullard.

That's a shame, because you could really use a WOB from the sound of it.
You have to watch our for those squirrels.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lYocnoj3nXs
 Originally Posted By: pmbuko
That's a shame, because you could really use a WOB from the sound of it.


 Quote:
WOB Wolfsburg (Germany)
WOB Wet Openbaarheid Van Bestuur
WOB Woman-Owned Business
WOB Work of Breathing
WOB Weight On Bit (Oil Industry)
WOB Waste Of Bandwidth (slang)
WOB White On Black (printing)
WOB Writing on Back (descriptive of condition of vintage postcards & other ephemera)
WOB World of Britney (website)
WOB Wife of Bath
WOB World of Business
WOB Way of Being
WOB Wings of Blue (Air Force Academy)
WOB Whole of Business
WOB Weight of Blend
WOB Work Order Bin


Hmmm, which to choose...?
Ninjas of the forest, baby.
Of course! NOFBWOB. Makes perfect sense now.
 Originally Posted By: pmbuko
*

Hey, this is a family forum!

[Read "Breakfast of Champions" to get this one.]
ME BEING F'ING DONE WITH FINALS
You spelled FAILING wrong.
I think he got it 79% right!

;\)
4/7 is 57%. You fail, too.
You assume each letter has the same value!
This isn't scrabble.
Stop being jealous of my triple word score.
And you used all seven letter tiles, too. I hate you.
If you have an issue, take it up with the board.
I don't think that would get me anywhere. The board is filled with a bunch of squares.
I am the Godzilla of our local Scrabble league. Bring it.
Got a 97% on the lab part of the exam. Bring it.
Hey, we got the numbers right, but in the wrong order.

Congrats on the 97 - much better than a 79!
Excellent Dan! Woo Hoo!
Rivers Cuomo in a great outfit.
I didn't need to see that.
This lady will make you feel smart:

Rainbow Conspiracy
That's the scariest thing I've ever watched.
Scary and sad.
 Originally Posted By: medic8r
I didn't need to see that.


By the way, I didn't want to leave you hanging. Here's an article explaining the attire:

Wuggies: Weezer Creates Their Own Snuggie
http://www.npr.org/blogs/monkeysee/2009/06/other_shows_that_could_use_a_g.html?sc=fb&cc=fp
That's good!!



It makes me want to get a catapult.
Maybe we can build one this weekend!

Home Depot run!
Whoo hoo!

*adds it to the weekend planner*
You could offer your services to those people who forgot passports at our border now that the new laws are in place.
Best cat training device I've ever seen: The Blender Defender

\:\)
Perhaps the greatest hack of all time. Sweet!
A Bear and a rabbit were taking a @#$% in the woods. And the bear turns to the rabbit and says, "Excuse me, do you have problems with @#$% sticking to your fur?" And the rabbit says, "No." So the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit.

What can I say, I have been on a delirious kick lately.
So the bear had a hare-y ass?
Newegg.com - Give the Gift of BOSE® Quality Sound and Save

This seemed more appropriate than the Deals thread.
That IS funny!

\:D
Yeah, that father and son are sitting way too close to get good imaging.
But they are getting great imagining.
Norm Macdonald on The Tonight Show last night was pretty good:

Norm MacDonald on 'The Tonight Show': He's a national treasure
I guess I should have linked to the first part first.
That was funny. I like Norm Macdonald.
While this is specifically relevant to our Virginia and Metro DC brothers, I think it is highly applicable to anybody who lives in North American suburbia. Great stuff.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4T1RMuoQnKo
I've so far refused to watch that for reasons that remain vague, even to myself.

That guy was featured on the local news last night (DC, Ch 5).
BTW, Tom, I'm digging your shiny new avatar - let's immortalize the bigger version of that in the avatars thread, bitte schoen.
Wierd Al comes through with an instant classic:
Craigslist, in the style of The Doors, featuring Ray Manzarek himself on the keyboard.
Wow. Al delivers again, indeed. He really found his purpose in life. His band is just as amazing, replicating all those different styles over the years.
The guy is amazing.
Auto-Tune the News

#1

#2

#3

#4

I like it.
Didn't watch them all but they are pretty well done.
#5

Still makes me laugh.
Cool Guys Don't Look at Explosions (YouTube)

Okay, so I'm behind on watching Lonely Island videos.
Pretty funny.... \:\)
Auto-Tune the News #6: Michael Jackson. drugs. Palin.
Brüno on the Today Show with Matt Lauer
And that made me watch this classic interview of Posh Spice and David Beckham by Sacha Baron Cohen as Ali G.
My coworker told me about this commercial, so I had to look it up.
I think what's funnier than the commercial is not knowing who makes it and trying to search for it.
 Originally Posted By: CV
My coworker told me about this commercial, so I had to look it up.


Ah, the new Schick Topiary Blade. Makes a good stocking stuffer.
How many stockings have you been stuffing?
You mean I'm supposed to keep track?
You live dangerously!
This is the best FAIL pic I've seen yet. And completely accurate.

Hat Fail
Ha ha, that's great.
Marina cracks me up.

Her blog post about her new poncho.

And you can see it in this live clip.
I'd better check her heartbeat.
Who? The woman with the heart on?
\:D
Apparently some things have changed since last time I took an anatomy class!
The male body is the one that needs the heart to move down to Florida later in life to increase potency.
Auto-Tune the News #7: texting. rhyming. pat buchanan fail.

Mwah ha ha, another convert to the LOLcat fold.

I'm mailing you complimentary tickets to the next convention...
The big annual one is taking place in The Mouths of Cerberus this year.

I wish that was a real location.
Whiny Facebook-Updating Woman vs. Her "Friended" Boss... WHO YA GOT?!?!
I'm appreciating the humor of this article's author's ignorance. See paraphraph 8, the one about British scientist Steven Hawking.

http://www.ibdeditorials.com/IBDArticles.aspx?id=333933006516877
Ha ha, Marina looks like she could kick my butt:

http://www.gettyimages.com/detail/89260398/Redferns
I'd let her kick mine....
I like this picture of Lovefoxxx.
The Rolling Stones like you've never heard them before:

http://www.stsanders.com/
I like it. \:\)
Is this what we have become?

Big Bang Theory -- The Acoustic Sweet Spot
Sheldon has a golden ear, much like a recent visitor to the forums. \:D
Funny homemade signs. I like the bicycle one, the sting ray one, and Sir Oinks-a-lot the best.
Wooooooww.
 Originally Posted By: Murph
Is this what we have become?

Big Bang Theory -- The Acoustic Sweet Spot


Saw that episode tonight. Thought that was hilarious. I would laugh my ass off if someone did that in real life at the theatre.
Auto-Tune the News #8: dragons. geese. Michael Vick. (ft. T-Pain)
Good, but I think they're slipping.
There were some weaker moments, yeah, but I'm still enjoying them.
Usually, I take a pass on Hitler references, but I found this dub laugh-out-loud funny. As an Oasis fan, I empathize with him.

Hitler reacts to the Oasis Split.
What movie is the clip from?
 Originally Posted By: medic8r
As an Oasis fan, I empathize with him.


Don't worry, The Verve are recording a new album. \:\)
Mark, according to one of the YouTube replies the clip is from the movie 'Downfall'...

Downfall

Never heard of it, but it looks interesting.
 Originally Posted By: RickF
 Originally Posted By: medic8r
As an Oasis fan, I empathize with him.

Don't worry, The Verve are recording a new album. \:\)

LOL! That was one of my favorite bits. Well played, sir.
 Originally Posted By: medic8r
Usually, I take a pass on Hitler references


What do you have against Hitler?
Lovefoxxx is such a dorkkk on CSS's bloggg.
Ha ha ha!
Secretary Chung and President Obama Auto-Tune Health Care
Mommy, what does virgin mean?

So great. Watch it all. \:\)
Great tattoo maker!

Yes, the "gr8 tat2" maker, a toy, for kids!
I'm surprised Ken hasn't posted this, since it's through him that I know if it. This is totally a music geek joke, and even then, it's an eye-roller, but still clever.

---

A C, an E-flat, and a G go into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve minors." So the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and the G is out flat.

An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.

A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me. I'll just be a second."

Then an A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor.

Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims, "Get out now. You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight."

The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next night in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender (who used to have a nice corporate job until his company downsized) says, "You're looking sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a major development." This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit, and everything else, and stands there au natural.

Eventually, the C sobers up, and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility. On appeal, however, the C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.

The bartender decides, however, that since he's only had tenor so patrons, and the sopranout in the bathroom, everything has become altoo much treble; he needs a rest, and closes the bar.
HaHa!! there's way too many punchlines in there for just one joke!
The music part of my brain hurts now.

Here's one for you Facebook fans: 4 awkward Facebook "like"s.

And, everyone remember, it's Movie Quote Thursday.
Those are funny!


Oh, and awkward, too!
She sure does.
*looks*

You know, I do too!
I think I found the funniest video on the internet.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-5Ilq3kFxek
That one IS pretty funny!
Keep clicking on :07 on the timeline for instant replays.
That is hilarious!

I don't think I've ever seen a cat misjudge something that bad.
This one is good too!
Sorry Peter, this one beats yours by a mile. \:\)

Stealth kitty

The music definitely helps, too.
Seen that, but I don't find it as funny, just more impressive. This one says WIN while the other one FAIL.
I saw Ninja cat before but I laughed out loud at the ending of Mark's. It reminds me of the old days when I used to try and impress my Sensei and get horribly humiliated every time.
So, if you ever wondered what it would be like if Speakergrrl expanded her territory past the Axiom boards, then you might enjoy NoFirstDate.com.
Those are funny, J.P.
\:D
Dude...some guys are REALLY desperate...
Truly!!

At least the first guy drew the line at helping her house stolen goods.
This one's for pmbuko and the other Photoshoppers out there. But the rest of you can look also. Just enjoy the progression of the pictures.

Photoshop Tennis on FARK.com
I think you know me, because I found that to be hilarious. First lol moment was the addition of "I see four lights!" Picard. Another one was the addition of this dog.
Hey, thanks for the reference. That is one hip-mo-tized dog.
That was creepy.

I'm going to have nightmares about that dog's eyes.
When you just gotta have it.
Now THAT'S style! \:D
The small farming community where I work in south Florida (30 miles west of West Palm Beach) has a private school next to the airport, a few years back there was a student who lived in West Palm and was dropped off at school by his dad in their Bell Jet Ranger helicopter ... the ultimate chick magnet.

We also had a guy down here who would fly and land his Robinson R44 helicopter at one of the restaurants on the outskirts of town for lunch a few days a week.
remember when reporters and newscasters used to at least 'pretend' to be objective?

.....cause that's how long it will take to unfreeze my PC?.....
Eavesdropping ... You want some of this?
that is funny as $hit, thanks Rick.....lmao
\:\) I like it.
 Originally Posted By: Murph
remember when reporters and newscasters used to at least 'pretend' to be objective?

.....cause that's how long it will take to unfreeze my PC?.....


You're right. That was pretty pathetic.
 Originally Posted By: RickF
Eavesdropping ... You want some of this?

This Video is not curently available in your country
Ha ha. Funny... ;\)

Edit: can somebody draw me a picture and post it. I hate missing out on funny.
Top Ten Creepy Unintentionally Sexually Charged Commercials

A couple of these have been featured in the thread previously, but now they're all in one place.

I voted for the Shake Weight - many lulz raht thar.
The Wunder Boner!

My wife would like that.
I'll bring mine and then she can have two!
Don't forget the base, it can be used as a chopping board.
I'm now how to entendre that one.
No Lorena Bobbit jokes, please.
Wow, I sure botched up that sentence.... Should have read "I'm not sure how to entendre that one."
Don't worry about it. Those things are bound to happen when your wife is operating the Wunder Boner.
It's late fall and the Indians on a remote reservation in South Dakota asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.

Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared..

But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea, he went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, 'Is the coming winter going to be cold?'

'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,' the meteorologist at the weather service responded.

So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.

A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. 'Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?'

'Yes,' the man at National Weather Service again replied, 'it's going to be a very cold winter.'

The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.

Two weeks later, the chief called the National Weather Service again. 'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?'

'Absolutely,' the man replied. 'It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters we've ever seen.'

'How can you be so sure?' the chief asked.

The weatherman replied, 'The Indians are collecting firewood like crazy.'
Auto-tune the News #9 is the best yet.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LnoD3NUux3M
I totally forgot about Auto-Tune the News. Thanks for the heads-up. \:D

\:D
The set-up line for this site really sets the tone and makes all the laughs possible. I particularly liked the gentleman with the layers of hats. And the lumberjack shirt.

Russian gangsters make me proud of American gangsters.
Good god. The 12 year olds with the knives and clubs. Niiiice.
Yeah, my favorite is the homeboy with the yellow bandana and cream colored suit.

He's one tough mofo.
OMG - no lie, when I posted it, I almost typed, "Watch for the picture of Sean and his yellow bandana."

Where do you do your shopping?
K-martski.
No like blue-lightsky, so I go Wal-martsky.
Cyrillic old skool, yo!
Another Downfall remix. This time, it's about the Balloon Boy hoax. Awesome reference to a 1980s movie, too.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zdxwoho9v7w
Pretty funny!
I wonder what the Minister of PooP-aganda Goebbels thinks of this.
Creed Shreds 3. I knew they were bad, but...
 Originally Posted By: pmbuko
Creed Shreds 3. I knew they were bad, but...


They actually sound pretty good there!

Well, I think it's an improvement.

\:D
Posted By: fredk Re: A Mans Journey... - 11/06/09 11:54 PM
When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend.

When I was 16 I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.

In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide.

So I decided I needed a girl with stability. When I was 25, I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.

When I was 33 I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless.

So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition. When I turned 40 I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground, so I married her. She was so ambitious that after 20 years of marriage she divorced me and took everything I owned.

I am older and wiser now, and am looking for a girl with big tits.
Posted By: SirQuack Re: A Mans Journey... - 11/07/09 12:05 AM
Your wish is my command...


Posted By: fredk Re: A Mans Journey... - 11/07/09 01:37 AM
\:D

The guy who sent me the email will appreciate those.
Posted By: fredk Re: A Mans Journey... - 11/07/09 06:01 PM
What are the chances of rehabilitation?
Posted By: Adrian Re: A Mans Journey... - 11/07/09 10:29 PM
Some people just never got their fair share of grey matter.
I just watched this very entertaining CG cartoon about a rookie CIA agent's run-in with a pigeon.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jEjUAnPc2VA
Funny!
Yeah. Especially the eyes.
I find it very hard to believe that they could endure the high pressure spray of a car wash. Especially on...........the eyes.

I know my ..........eyes....are shrinking back into my body just thinking about it.

Also, depending on what options they paid for, waxing my ..........eyes.... also paints a disturbing picture that I don't want to think about, either.

I now understand why my dog never liked the car wash. He takes very good care when he washes his.........eyes.... also.
So it's unanimous? The Eyes have it?
Hey, check out Marina being sarcastic about how clever I am!:

HIDE TO SEEK.
Oh dear GOD.
LOOK AT THESE BEAUTIFUL ADDITIONS TO MANKIND.
INVISIBLE SHOES.

It's always nice when a celebrity directly acknowledges your existence. \:\)

This is why I always throw rocks at celebrities if I see them in public.
Wow. Way to give a complement, dude. "marina I think your a hot chick with an amazing voice. "
Posted By: fredk Merry Christmas... I think. - 12/25/09 07:05 PM
With friends like these...
Posted By: CV Re: Merry Christmas... I think. - 12/25/09 07:20 PM
That's a pretty good one.
Posted By: medic8r Re: Merry Christmas... I think. - 12/29/09 04:36 PM
There's been a bunch of "On a Boat" parodies, but this one still made me laugh:

"I'm on a Mac"
Posted By: terzaghi Re: Merry Christmas... I think. - 12/31/09 04:46 AM
This was kind of amusing:
Dave Matthews Beer:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YY7WmepCcBY
 Originally Posted By: pmbuko
I just watched this very entertaining CG cartoon about a rookie CIA agent's run-in with a pigeon.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jEjUAnPc2VA


Helluva nice briefcase.
http://www.dontevenreply.com . Funny Stuff!

 Quote:

Christmas Dinner
Posted at: 2009-12-06 12:21:18 | 246 comments | Add Comment
Original ad:
we need profesional catering for our christmas day dinner party. must have experence catering. SERIOUS RESPONSES ONLY
From Me to ************@*********.org:

Hello,

I am writing in response to your ad looking for a caterer for your Christmas dinner party. I am a freelance chef with a lot of catering experience. I was the top chef at the world renowned Restauran de Bon Foodeux for over five years. If you are still looking for a caterer, let me know.

Thanks,

Michael

From Brian ******* to Me:

michael thank you for responding. what are your rates? we are expeting about twenty people at are dinner party so will need enough food for all of them. can you supply the food and we reembirse you? also do you have a menu of mealss you cook for us to choose from?

From Me to Brian *******:

Brian,

Supplying the food will not be a problem. I have a wide variety of exquisite dishes for you to choose from, which I will list below. My rates are per person and it depends on the meal, but generally ranges from $20-$40 per person. Here are the meals I typically offer:

La Nouille du Triomphe
A meal of pure bliss and flavor - a delicious plate of ramen noodles boiled in the purest of water. Noodles can be flavored with either chicken or beef seasoning.

Le Repas du Fromage Délicieux
A mouthwatering bowl of easy mac cooked to perfection in a microwave. Served with a side of peanut M&Ms.

Le Repas de la Faim de Grande Personne
A delectably and savory microwaved TV dinner. The dish comes with two pieces of fried chicken, mashed potatoes, freshly grown vegetables and a satisfying brownie that is heated to absolute perfection.

Le Sandwich Rouge
A truly phenominal sandwich consisting of ketchup spread over a carefully microwaved piece of bread, and then topped with another piece of bread. Comes with a side of mayonnaise for dipping.

Dessert

Le Plat du Lait et de la Céréale
A satisfying end to your meal, this dessert consists of a bowl of fruit loops served with either skim or 2% milk. Milk can be substituted with water for those on a diet.

La Pâtisserie Bourrée
Individually wrapped twinkies that have been microwaved to sheer delight.

Let me know which meals you are interested in, and I can give you a quote on how much everything will cost.

Thank you,
Michael

From Brian ******* to Me:

what the fuck you actully cater that shit to people ? yea im gonna serve easy mac and twinkies for christmas dinner are you fuckin kidding me. my son in college could make that shit!

From Me to Brian *******:

Brian,

The twinkes aren't for everyone. I understand if you are on a diet, but for me, nothing celebrates the birth of Jesus like a twinkie and some good easy mac. If you aren't interested in that meal, would you consider any of my other options? My personal favorite is Le Sandwich Rouge. That is also very affordable. For twenty people, it would probably cost you about $400.

Michael

From Brian ******* to Me:

cut the bullshit fancy french names and call it a goddamn gross ass ketchup sanwich

From Me to Brian *******:

Brian,

I am personally offended that you are insulting my masterpiece meals. These are perfected family recipes that have been passed down for generations of chefs in my family. Cooking is my art, and for you to insult me without even trying my work is just plain rude.

Michael

Today's (12/4/10) cracked me up to no end, but the whole strip is great. http://basicinstructions.net/
He reminds me of Bren.
And she could be Mary?
Thought you might get a chuckle out of this. We noticed it in a neighboring building yesterday going for coffee. The picture is horrible as it was taken through a glass door with a camera phone. The ghostly image is the coworker with the camera but if you stare through it you will see that Santa is taking way too much liberty from the term, "Christmas Nutcracker."



The other funny thing is that the photographer tried to block the flash with her finger but instead it glowed like ET.
I found an internet comedy goldmine. The tagline of this site tells you all you need to know.

Sleep Talkin' Man

"My mild-mannered English husband Adam lives quite a colorful existence in his dreams. Having benefited from our of delight at his dead-of-night musings, I though it only fair to share them with the world."
I would really like to hear audio clips of many of those quotes!
Sister Mary Katherine entered the Monastery of Silence.

The Priest said, 'Sister, this is a silent monastery. You are welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until directed to do so. '

Sister Mary Katherine lived in the monastery for 5 years before the Priest said to her, 'Sister Mary Katherine, you have been here for 5 years. You may speak two words.'

Sister Mary Katherine said, 'Hard bed.'

'I'm sorry to hear that,' the Priest said, 'We will get you a better bed.'

After another 5 years, Sister Mary Katherine was summoned by the Priest.
'You may say another two words, Sister Mary Katherine.'

'Cold food,' said Sister Mary Katherine, and the Priest assured her that the food would be better in the future.

On her 15th anniversary at the monastery, the Priest again called Sister Mary Katherine in to his office. 'You may say two words today.'

'I quit,' said Sister Mary Katherine.

'It's probably best,' said the Priest, 'You've done nothing but bitch since you got here.'
Recent discussion made me think of The Two Cow Philosophy of Government. There are other versions of this list, of course, but I thought some of these were particularly funny.
A bit of harmless fun.

http://www.cbc.ca/cp/Oddities/100114/K011404AU.html

Reminds me of my days of sliding down the lower slopes of Mount Norkway in a dish pan.
I met a beautiful girl the other day and she wanted to know if I liked breasts or legs, I told her I prefer a shaved sn*tch.

Anyway, they won't let me in at KFC anymore.
ok,

Toyota New Zealand have to make some for the best ads...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iTmzLpV4zpU
I don't know why I kept thinking of the Axiom forums as I was watching this.
I see what you mean, Ken.

That was pretty witty!
Ok, so this isn't exactly funny, but it's sure to get a strong reaction.


Ha, it took so long for the picture to load I was sitting here wondering what you left out.
 Originally Posted By: kcarlile
I don't know why I kept thinking of the Axiom forums as I was watching this.


Ken you would get a kick out of a couple of the fishing forums I visit. \:D
Nice picture.

I just keep thinking of Carrie Fisher's duct tape.
I remember her saying that she was thinking of one day holding a lottery to see which crew member got to pull it off, but she never did.
Not sure how the rest of the world handles it, but in Ontario car license plates are assigned to the owner, not the vehicle.

This morning the vehicle in front of me had "1COOL4X4" on the license plate, which would have been fine on a lifted Jeep but the guy was driving a Toyota Corolla.
Maybe the owners name was Juan Coolferbifor.
heh heh. Plates belong to owners here too. I'm glad I didn't opt to get the plate reading ollllo I was thinking of getting. It would no longer suit my ride either.
I tried to get "MEDIC8R" on my new Georgia tag, but it got rejected. They musta thought I was endorsing recreational medic8ing.
Or maybe they thought you were a Medic Hater, they misinterpretted.
Virginia was much easier to get vanity tags in. I saw "I95 SUX" and "RT3 SUX". Yes, I saw them on I-95 and Virginia Route 3.
Interesting post-script: SUX is the airport code for Sioux City, Iowa.
From the wikipedia article:

The airport designator "SUX" has been contentious. Sioux City Mayor Craig Berenstein in 2002 described SUX as an "embarrassment" to the city. After petitioning the FAA for a changed airport identifier in 1998 and 2002, authorities found the alternatives offered - GWU, GYO, GYT, SGV and GAY - to be unappealing, and elected to stay with SUX. In October 2007, airport board member Dave Bernstein proposed embracing the identifier, saying "Let's make the best of it. I think we have the opportunity to turn it into a positive." and noting "I've got buddies that I went to college with in different cities that can't even remember their own birthdays, but they all know the Sioux City designator — SUX." The airport now sells merchandise with the words "Fly SUX".

---

Was it not hilarious that the FAA basically said, "We'll trade you a GAY for a SUX"?
Then they'd have to put mesh tank tops on all incoming flights.
I found a leak in my basement this last couple of days with the warmer weather. I patched that very spot a few years ago by chiselling out the crack some, then mixing up a patch of hydraulic cement and filling it back in. It seemed OK until yesterday when I noticed a small puddle on the basement floor. Anyway, for the last couple of hours I've been chiselling and grinding out the crack to seal it again...real messy crap....

Errr, I think we should start a new thread..."What shitee thing are you not appreciating tonight?"
For all you Apple fans.
Live TV broadcast whilst employee in background is watching porn.

http://money.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=1007509

He even turns around at the end to show himself....
:::tries to quickly hit delete button and accidently sells a million shares of IBM:::
 Originally Posted By: Adrian
:::tries to quickly hit delete button and accidently sells a million shares of IBM:::


Oh, hell, there starts GFC V2.0.

The plot thickens with this one. Apparently his screen says "Now turn around" just before he turns around...

The words is some of his work mates set him up.....
I wondered if that might be the case. Something just didn't seem right with his behavior.
So now the model has gone in to bat for the guy to save his job (nothing to do with the publicity of course)...

http://news.ninemsn.com.au/national/1008408/miranda-kerr-supports-macquarie-banker

Star Trek: The Sexed Generation

Real scenes/quotes from Star Trek:TNG, cherry-picked and arranged together in a certain way. \:\)
That was really well done!

I've never watched TNG, and really didn't think I'd watch all 10 minutes, but....
 Originally Posted By: MarkSJohnson

I've never watched TNG...

****GASP***

I was obsessed with that show from about 1990 to its end in 1994.
 Originally Posted By: medic8r
I was obsessed with that show from about 1990 to its end in 1994.

And look where it lead you...
 Originally Posted By: MarkSJohnson
That was really well done!

I've never watched TNG, and really didn't think I'd watch all 10 minutes, but....


WHAT? Aside from the highly annoying Wesley character, it should have been your favorite show back in the day. At least from an obligatory nature for anyone obsessed with electronics and gadgetry and such.

Now, had you said the very first episode turned you off of it, I would have given you that. Q went on to become one of the most interesting characters but Episode one was so over the top, I almost gave up on the series.

There, I did it. I insulted episode #1. Now we will both be hunted down by packs mad Treckies. I couldn't leave you to the wolves alone Mark!
Remember, I'm the one who stated recently that I wasn't all that geeky!
Yeah, but everyone assumed you had stated that because you're a closet geek and were in denial.
Oh, no. I'm so out of the closet in terms of my non-geekyness, I've even admitted that I've never built a computer!
Man, that SIG line is SO very funny.
Hmm, lets review.
Audio equipement nut.
Attends an audio equipement web board daily.
Spends a lot of time on the Internet, see above.
Just how many camera lenses do you own?
Currently has Stewie Griffin as his avatar.

Face it. You Are One Of US Now! "We are a family and it's time we showed the world that we are to be feared and respected." Oh Wait.... That was a quote from the last "Heroes" episode. Still....
Hmmmm...you mean I'm assimilating to Geekdom the way JP is assimilating to the belt buckle?
Yeah, the locals have almost rid me of my inner demon, bbigwyres.
Oh wow. What a dip$#!*
Ken, you just made my head explode with that.


What a pompous something-or-other. . .
I wanted to slap him through my computer!
Watching some youtube video from som dumb a$$ that has no idea what he is talking about regarding home brew making, lol.
That was pretty bad.
It was terrible!
Unbelievable how bad some people can make themselves look.
At first I thought he was just drunk, so I was willing to cut him some slack. But then he seemed more lucid and just generally asslike. Wow, he was an awful interview. Epic awfulness.

The subtitles were hilarious!
Billy-Boob.
Yeah, I was thinking he was stoned or something until about halfway in.
Ah "famous guy bands"...

Reminds me of Frenzal Rhomb's song "Russell Crowe's Band"

"Even if our paycheques might as well be counterfeit,
at least we know that Russell Crowe's band's a f***ing pile of sh*t"

Bren R.
This Super Bowl photographer has a sense of humor
Very good, Peter!

A very tired nurse walks into a bank,
totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift.

Preparing to write a check, she pulls a rectal
thermometer out of her purse and tries to write with it.

When she realizes her mistake, she
looks at the flabbergasted teller and without
missing a beat, she says:

'Well, that's great....that's just great....
Some a**hole's got my pen!'
That's a pen-ultimate joke.
Just watched an old DS9. In the credits, one of the characters is listed as "Medical Big Shot."

Seems unusual for Star Trek...
It was my first acting gig. Dr. Horse House was my understudy.
Topless Robot has an interesting contest going on until midnight: what fictional character would you most like to kill? The blog post is pretty funny, but the comments are effing hilarious.
Wow, my first thought was Jar Jar, too. Apparently I'm not alone in that sentiment. Ha ha, like I'm surprised!
Absolutely, Jar Jar. Anybody putting in other names is just trying to be cooler than the next guy with their non-conformist originality.

The only alternate answer I would accept is Mr. Lucas himself for creating him and slowly turning my most favorite movie of all time into an ever worsening spiral of childish humor wrapped around the least cohesive story lines I have ever seen in a series. But unfortunately, he is not fictional, so Jar Jar it is.

The Wonder Twins are a close second for ruining my childhood cartoon heroes. Even when I was young, I knew they were just wrong.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oavMtUWDBTM

No comment.
Gag city.
Now I know what happens when Mr Bean gets infected by the Progenitor Virus.
This picture:


and this one:


Very good, JP!


No thanks. I'm on a diet.


Wow, that's highly disturbing!

LOL!
Whoa, now *that's* a compelling argument for vegetarianism.
Eh, not gonna work with this crowd, though.
I love the "Meesa Delicious!" part.
Not exactly funny, but make sure you watch to the end. It will make you go

O_o

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3sYVLHwf7JQ
Yes, it did embiggen one testicle while shriveling the other.
I'm really late watching the latest Auto-Tune the News.

Auto-Tune the News #10: Turtles.


No comment. (Urp..)
I can has pastels?
Thtarship trooper?
Text of some of Paul Lynde's best Hollywood Squares answers.
A barbershop quartet hits on a girl from a Taxi:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6YUAnhM4TY4
Here's a remix of the happy Russian "Trolololololo" guy that's even more painful than the original.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MQ78IlJs5JQ&fmt=18
that one seems more fitting.
 Originally Posted By: pmbuko
Here's a remix of the happy Russian "Trolololololo" guy that's even more painful than the original.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MQ78IlJs5JQ&fmt=18


He reminds me of the aliens on Galaxy Quest.
Best T-shirt I've seen in a while. \:\)
 Originally Posted By: CatBrat

He reminds me of the aliens on Galaxy Quest.

LMAO!! you're so right!
Check out this lucky guy polishing his classic Ferrari 250 GTO.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xu5mgbwz9HI
The day my arse died

Two dudes eat the world's hottest curry. Lovingly named "Satan's Ashes".
Now... why? Perhaps I'm just getting old.
So we're sitting in a restaurant last night and my oldest boy (17) made the comment that his hair was getting darker - he used to be a platinum blond - but it was still lighter than his brothers... and not as light as my wife's. Then I said, yeah, but she has her hair highlighted. To which she commented that there was better way to find out the true color of a girls hair... at which point she caught herself and stopped talking. So the 17 year old finishes her statement with "... does the carpet match the drapes?"

Five minutes later, we were still laughing, still red-faced, and the rest of the restaurant was still staring at us. The other two at the table (7 and 13) were sitting with completely puzzled looks on their faces -thank God!

So at some point they get it. Now we know we have to be more careful...

Scott
A family that laughs together is a wonderful thing. \:\)
Yeah, we keep reading all these studies that suggest that families should have at least one but preferably two meals, all together, per WEEK !!

For us it's a rare occasion when we don't have at least one and usually two meals, all together, per DAY. Tonight, the middle kid is at a sleep over party (airsoft battle deluxe, extravaganza, something), but the youngest has a friend spending the night here, so we'll still have a full table.


Scott
Have you seen the (now pretty old) "Yo, dawg I heard you like X" meme, taken from MTV's Pimp My Ride show?

This is the best one I've seen:


I'm beginning to wonder if we are bad parents of something... on the heels of this lovely conversation with a 17 year old, my 13 year old, who plays guitar in 2 church bands and secretly picks up my bass from time to time and who is learning the guitar portion of Zac Brown's "Toes" asks.. "Dad, what does it mean to 'roll a big fat one'?"

I had to think for a moment as to the proper answer for a 13 year old, so I told the truth as I understand it "it's a marijuana cigarette"

OHhhhhhhh, OK he says.

Up for parent of the year award, eh?

Scott
Probably better with the truth, than them learning later that you lied about it. Could mess up trust issues.
I can haz wedding caek?!!!!
AAAAHH!! I'M BLIND!!!!
and, from the same site.

*shakes head*
Instant Buttons = a very busy and rich soundboard. I think I'll keep a tab open to this every time I surf the Axiom Boards.
Oh my, those are fun!
Submitted without comment:

http://arnoldenjoys.ytmnd.com/
The shout box \:\) You guys are good.
Oops!
Hey, don't knock the recipe until you've tried it.
I love a good sign vandalism as much as I love Cheezburgers. Some of these are lame, but some are LOL funny. I like the Slayer one the best. I wonder which amp He uses?
Gotta vote for Comcast Sux, myself.
But the timing is all wrong for Shelley Duvall to play the Drug Rep in the screen adaptation.


While not super funny, a certain fan base on this board might appreciate the
Out of Work Terminator..... Or is he?
Lord Jesus Christ was hit by a car today.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/37015837/ns/us_news-weird_news/

Strangely enough, this is not a joke.
The crucifixion just wasn't enough, huh?
He suffered minor facial injuries for our sins.
This story would really freak me out if the woman's name driving the car was Auntie Christ.
LOL....
Yeah, that was a good one.
Best cheezburger of late:


I lied. It's really this one:


I think someone with a pet peeve or two about breaks [sic] wrote this page about driving on the Pakistani government website:

http://www.nwfp.gov.pk/services/Drive-safty.php

Funny. \:\) And by the URL, looks official, too.
Cheezburger Cat of teh day:


I guess that's a planter in the background. At first I thought it were picnic baskets.
 Originally Posted By: CatBrat
I guess that's a planter in the background. At first I thought it were picnic baskets.


You mean like Yogi and BooBoo?
Nah, then he'd've spelled it "Pic-a-nic baskets". \:\)
 Originally Posted By: medic8r
Nah, then he'd've spelled it "Pic-a-nic baskets". \:\)


\:D I had forgotten that...
How about a bas-KET of goooodies?
Do you know when it just starts raining after a long dry spell and the rain water causes oils to rise up to the surface of the road? Did you know there's an (un)official term for that?

http://www.centredaily.com/2010/06/02/2011128/penndot-sign-offers-an-unusual.html


Well, at least now I know what that funky smell was last time I went through Pennsylvania....
Read this online today:

"I was in a restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed by gas to the beat of the music.

After a couple songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me....

Then I remembered that I was listening to my iPod."
Damn Apple!
Sure, Peter, you read that online. Likely story. I've seen too many people at parties who, when they find out I'm a psychiatrist, say, "I have a friend who ..."

;\)
Friends are the worst.
Wait 'til September, friend-o.

;\)
Startling web site exposes the dangers of a widespread chemical substance!

I especially like the FAQ and editorial links.
Well they went to great lengths for that gag, I'll give them that.
Camera memory cards are waterproof, right?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I8N0zq0q5s4
Thanks, Peter. I sent that one out to a few friends.... smile
This girl's "How to trick people into thinking you're good looking" video is awesome.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OYpwAtnywTk

(I think she looks best before all the steps, myself.)
This video is very funny! I rather see her in make up though.
The Iphone4 antenna song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VKIcaejkpD4
Funny, cause I don't have one.
When a Helmet is not enough - a tinfoil room. I like the accompanying text, especially "To use a Three Little Pigs metaphor, you're like the one who built his house out of retarded."
Nice, Tom.

This is from the web site that's the dog equivalent of "I Can Has Cheezburger" --- "I Has a Hotdog".


That is frighteningly dead-on.
Found this one on another site:

Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?'

She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'

She again replied, ' Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'

The defense attorney nearly died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, 'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.'
This picture reminded me of Rick, John and some of the rest of y'all. I like it (and you) a lot.


Not only funny, but pretty stinkin' cool.

It took me a while to get that one. Now I see that it's Pac-Man. You have an interesting sense of humor. I hope you don't watch CSI to get ideas.

I love these motivational poster satires that are all over the web.


If you haven't seen this already:

Watch the official video news clip first:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EzNhaLUT520

Then watch the bed intruder song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hMtZfW2z9dw

You can even by Bed intruder T-shirts
http://www.zazzle.com/hide_yo_kids_hide_yo_wife_tshirt-235868183365006527

(and they sell them for dogs and babies too).



Another good one:

Tarp surfing:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t6-vb20srZI&feature=player_embedded
Sucks to be the waverunner. smile

And I love the Gregory Brothers.
just noticed i said "by" above when meant "buy".

doh!
variation on an established theme, but amusing for its completeness...


Good one, indeed.
Meet Turpy the Tapdancing Mouse.
Well, that was rather disturbing..........
White powder could be gum
The cash was for the cops to take a let her go. Stupid cops.
You'd think that rich people would have something classier more expensive to carry coke in than a plastic bag.
I like the comment - "Cocaine gum?! We'll make a fortune!"
Terminator 2: The Opera smile
I like it.
"Now they don't die, they just say Owww."
Bollywood jumps the shark
Wasting time with clever advertising.
Originally Posted By: pmbuko
The cash was for the cops to take a let her go. Stupid cops.


Smart cops. Well, depending where they searched the purse. If it was in the field, then I'd rather not have the Paparazzi flashing 6 pics per second of me pocketing the cash and letting her go.
I don't like the way this QVC lady is squeezing that juicy hot dog.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a8T6GeayUnI
Yeah, I don't even think Gray Poupon would help that one out.
Navy Boating Tips
http://theoatmeal.com/comics/juicy_fruit
That looks like a good site.
From that same site, here's one for tomtuttle:

Bacon > Love
I'm hungry now.
Do they make bacon beer?
No, but they do make bacon martinis.
For JP...

True Mud-Sesame Street parody of HBO's True Blood.
Cool. You are a True Bud.
Is he a True Bud, or
... ?
He had to go stick his tongue out at something.
Aw, come on.

troubadour
Somehow I missed this guy's signs when I was in Toronto a couple of weeks ago, but the HuffPo was there to point out how creepy they are:



Peter, you been Photoshopping on the side for $$ ?
That lamb's no sheephead.
Dude, he put his head on a ewe.
Why you should never grab a girl from behind without permission ... Physics!


That's gonna leave a mark! laugh


Meet David Jonathan Winkelman - a 48-year-old Iowa man who is bitterly regretting ever listening to radio station KORB.
That is what he was doing in 2000 when he heard a disc jockey offer listeners a six-figure payout if they tattooed the hard rock FM station's call letters and logo on their forehead.

Winkelman and his equally gullible stepson Richard Goddard promptly took themselves down to the local tattoo parlour in the decision that would change their lives.When they emerged, they each had the words 'Quad City Rocker' and '93 Rock' etched - permanently - into their foreheads.
Then they went to the station to collect their cash - and were confronted with the horrifying truth.

The call had been a practical joke, a silly radio stunt, and the station had no intention of paying up.

Winkelman and Goddard sued, claiming that the station had sought to have listeners permanently marked so they could be 'publicly scorned and ridiculed for their greed and lack of common good sense'.
But within months of filing, Winkelman dismissed the complaint. Goddard's case was later dismissed by a judge when he failed to show in court. It might have been the end of the matter - but Winkelman was arrested on Thursday night on a misdemeanour charge.

Police snapped his mug shot - and it found its way on to the internet, where it swiftly went viral.

Since Winkelman got the tattoo, KORB has changed both its call letters and its format. It is now an adult contemporary station known as KQCS, Star 93.5.


LOL! I live in the Quad Cities and TOTALLY remember that story! What idiots!

Here's more idiocy from the Quad Cities...I saw this ad the other day, and I HAD to take a picture of it! grin

Couldn't find the Joke thread, so I'll post this here...


Clean up in aisle 25...

A husband and wife were shopping at their local Walmart when the husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in the cart.

"What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife.

"They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans", he replies.

"Put 'em back, we can't afford them!" demands the wife as they keep shopping.

A few aisles further along, the wife picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.

"What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband.

"It's my face cream...it makes me look beautiful", replies the wife.

Her husband retorts, "So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price!"


PA System.... "Aisle 25 cleanup, we have a husband down.... "
Just for clarification, that also could have been posted in the "beer" thread or in the "Free Test Tones" thread....
OOOH!! yah!....should have posted in the beer thread!

Thanks Ultraman.
I hope that frequent fliers like Lady GaGa's music.
The hell with Lady GaGa... I would pay attention because the flight attendant is really, really cute....
When these guys get up and go to work in the morning, their jobs are to build Batmobiles for a living. So cool.


Originally Posted By: MarkSJohnson
The hell with Lady GaGa... I would pay attention because the flight attendant is really, really cute....


WOW! She IS cute!
Someone in the Caledon area has/had a Batmobile replica(haven't seen for a few years). It was based on the car from Batman returns, if memory serves.
Quad Cities is a great name for a rehab hospital.

Obvious foggot grin
That article's going to be hard to foggot.
I like the foggot's exercise and weight training program, I'll have to give it a try.
That had better be a French word with the "t" being silent, or THIS foggot is completely offended!

Just kidding. It only hurts when it comes from your boyfriend.
Originally Posted By: BobKay
That had better be a French word with the "t" being silent, or THIS foggot is completely offended!

Just kidding. It only hurts when it comes from your boyfriend.

laugh
That's hilarious Mary. I'm not sure I would bait someone who threatened to shoot me on the off chance they are just smart enough to find me and follow through.
With a .32 ? We're not talking about the "Walther PPK in 7.65mm" (.32 ACP) crowd here, and .32 H&R is not exactly the go-to caliber for your discerning redneck. My first thought is that the "fan" is not actually a gun owner.
Do you feel lucky punk?
500-600 young teens partying downstairs and the parents are unaware? Yikes!

Party Time!

eek laugh
I once woke up at 2:00am to find my roomie had invited 15 of his best friends in to party. Apparently I missed the first hour or so.
Did you test out the drugs before everyone showed up? That's a plausible explanation. Wait, you probably wouldn't remember that....
Nope, I'm just a really sound sleeper.
That's what they all say, Frederoooo wink smile .

So my mother in law likes shopping at dollar stores, big lots, the like, where a lot of the products are there because they've been discontinued. She buys a lot of odd snacks for our kids. My favorite this time has to be a flavor of Pepperidge Farm Goldfish, in their Flavor Blasted line: Explosive Pizza. For the life of me, I cannot figure out why this didn't take off in the market.
.......never mind.
This commercial. My friend saw it today while watching NFL football.

Originally Posted By: kcarlile
... a flavor of Pepperidge Farm Goldfish, in their Flavor Blasted line: Explosive Pizza. For the life of me, I cannot figure out why this didn't take off in the market.

You are hilarious. I imagined you delivering that one as David Letterman, by the way.

One would guess they were aiming for an "explosion" of pizza taste. But what if ... the explosions occurred further along the digestive system? Like you said, it's amazing that the product failed.

As the father of three young sons, I imagine that you're familiar with digestive explosions of all sorts. Gail's favorite story is Nolan's feat of hitting the bedroom door from the changing table, ~6 feet away.
I have 3 sons?
Wait.

Six feet away?
E2 would be surprised and confused, eh?

That's Gail's FAVORITE story? You obviously have a storybook marriage.
Originally Posted By: kcarlile
I have 3 sons?

Wait, I thought you had two and then a newborn. I had to look back over some PMs to deduce that the middle one, E2, is a girl, as E1 is referred to in the masculine, and #3 is as well.

Geez, I feel like I just did a logic puzzle.

@Tom, I may have presented that in not the most accurate way, heh.
Image 6
Gotta love creativity and a sense of humor.
The following comment is about the recent US election results, so I've spoilerized it for safety. (Keep in mind that this is the funny things thread.)

Click to reveal..
“Settle down everyone. Last night just proved two things... 1) Obama *will* be re-elected, and 2) It's just going to take a lot of midgets.

Look, we're living the Star Wars trilogy right now. In 2008, we had "A New Hope." In 2010, the Empire struck back. Which just means, in 2012, we're going to see the Return of the Jedi, which is awesome, but it also means we're going to be knee-deep in Ewoks by the Iowa caucuses.”


source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/social/getoffthecross/a-centrist-democratic-age_b_777955_66053040.html
Apparently, I'm not too mature to laugh at this. Made me hungry, too. smile


What!! no fatyourcheenie?
I can't explain it. Made me LOL, too.


Like you, I'm glad I haven't grown up completely yet.
Understandably, I like Aspergers.

I have patients who think I am saying "Ass burgers". Also good for a chuckle.
SunnyD and Rum!
Cam, no more You Tube for you!
HEHEHE!
How to wrap a cat for Christmas.
Im constantly browsing 4chan. Definetly not for the faint of heart.
Saw this and thought of Mark, Adam, Bray and our other photographer friends.


Yeah, but I think I'm the only one who is into guns AND photography!

My undies are a bit moist from that photo, Tom.

I probably shouldn't post that.
Yeah, I probably shouldn't have read that.
Mm hm, I probably shouldn't have pictured that in my head.
I probably shouldn't have needed that much kleenex to clean up after picturing that.

On a less funny note, I saw a Today Show piece (about a month or two ago) where they mailed jewelry with known amounts of gold to about ten of these companies that buy gold. The amounts they got back were maddeningly low in many cases. Cash4Gold was one of the worst. I think they offered somewhere in the range of 10 to 20% of true value. A couple of other companies were about as bad, but some were surprisingly good, over 70 or 80% of value.

you - you - you oughta know!!!
Ironic. Dontcha think?

A little tooooo ironic. Yeah, I really do think.
$600 for a 1 meter USB cable!
What's USB used for in audio?
Originally Posted By: kcarlile
What's USB used for in audio?


You haven't heard, Ken? grin

I don't have a sweet clue either.
You could pair it with this: http://www.benchmarkmedia.com/dac/dac1-usb
...except it is actually a good piece of equipment, that is "Jitter-Immune" so what ever magic spell they've cast on the USB cable is rendered null.
Jitter-isn't that what you do after using a urinal? I could be wrong, as the only use I have for them now is to lose my dinner in when I'm too hammered.
So you could say that you too are Jitter-Immune?
Originally Posted By: ClubNeon
So you could say that you too are Jitter-Immune?


laugh
Video of Miley Cyrus, whacked from taking a couple hits from a bong laugh .
Is anyone truly surprised by this?
Me being amused, or her activities? smile
I am so ripping her posters off my wall now.

And ceiling.


I don't idolize her anymore either. I'm lonely now frown .
Sean, I feel your pain, man. I mean, c'mon, first it was Britney and her bald-headed rage, then Lindsay Lohan's endless substance abuse. What's next, Hermione sporting a butchy short haircut?
Originally Posted By: wheelz999
I don't idolize her anymore either. I'm lonely now frown .

So, it was a no-go between you and Fyre Starter? (<--- Do not Google her at work!)
Originally Posted By: medic8r
Sean, I feel your pain, man. I mean, c'mon, first it was Britney and her bald-headed rage, then Lindsay Lohan's endless substance abuse. What's next, Hermione sporting a butchy short haircut?


All my heroes have confused me.
Originally Posted By: medic8r
Originally Posted By: wheelz999
I don't idolize her anymore either. I'm lonely now frown .

So, it was a no-go between you and Fyre Starter? (<--- Do not Google her at work!)


laugh

No, J.P; my wheelchair couldn't take the extra weight. And I'd suggest not "Googleing" her anywhere sick .
Originally Posted By: St_PatGuy
I am so ripping her posters off my wall now.

And ceiling.


Time to tape that circular cutout back into the one you have taped to the side of your bed, too.
Do not fry gnocchi.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UkXy12xVnRs
Now that's funny! Gotta love the laugh! laugh
Speaking of a silly laugh, this is one of my favorites!
Originally Posted By: pmbuko
Originally Posted By: St_PatGuy
I am so ripping her posters off my wall now.

And ceiling.


Time to tape that circular cutout back into the one you have taped to the side of your bed, too.


Hello? A little privacy here!!
And I thought engineers did weird things with sheep...
A Singer-Songwriter Meets a Suit (YouTube)
Just came across this really old live Pink Floyd performance of Astronomy Domine. The guy who introduces the act reminds me of BobKay smile. Make sure you catch his interview with the band that starts at 5:40 into the clip.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ts-2lg5fpQ4

He doesn't get it.
Excellent, Syd Barrett and anything off Piper at the Gates of Dawn.

Bought the album on CD... they include a stereo disc and an identical disc but in mono, lacking all the odd panning of the stereo disc.

Bren R.
The Interviewer is an antagonistic "duck*.
That was funny.

His mustache scared me.
http://i.imgur.com/2dr29.jpg

Found this on FB today. Possibly from Jim Russel, whoever that is.
You're missing the caption:

How to piss off LOTR, Harry Potter, and Star Wars fans with one picture.
Yeah, I know.
Typical British humor

Hilarious.
That was good!
Great stuff Rick. I enjoy the British humor as well.

I used to watch the Benny Hill show quite a bit years ago.

Thanks for sharing!
I loved the Benny Hill Show!


I loved Benny Hill as well.
I thought I remembered hearing many years ago that Benny Hill died bankrupt and penniless. I'm glad these posts prompted me to Wiki him and find out that was not the case! smile

Joyce and I still whistle the Benny Hill Theme Music when something strikes us as particularly silly.
Originally Posted By: RickF

I watched the video an hour ago, but now it's "been removed by the user"! frown
Is that part of the British humor?
Originally Posted By: MarkSJohnson

Joyce and I still whistle the Benny Hill Theme Music when something strikes us as particularly silly.

...or the "Looney Tunes" theme song is another one. I worked with a welder years ago who did some rather silly things on the job and I couldn't help but think of that tune when he did something stupid. laugh
Originally Posted By: MarkSJohnson
I watched the video an hour ago, but now it's "been removed by the user"! frown

S'OK Mark, they can run but they can't hide ...
Typical British humor, again.

cool
Awe, pouty face Mark gonna be okay now? Our pampered baby.... smile
::sniff-sniff::
I have the Looney Toones theme as my ring tone and Marvin is the pic on cell phone

Thanks, Tom. I love it!
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal is a sometimes entertaining web comic. This one made me laugh. (Click to go to original site)


What do they call alternative medicine when it works?



Medicine!
What do you call the guy that graduates last in his medical school class?



Doctor!
Originally Posted By: medic8r
What do you call the guy that graduates last in his medical school class?



Doctor!


Who?
Hmm? That seems like a familiar family moment. Can't
recall when or why, though.
Originally Posted By: medic8r
What do you call the guy that graduates last in his medical school class?



Doctor!


What do you call a doctor who thinks that all doctors are "he?"

MCP!
Originally Posted By: ClubNeon
What do they call alternative medicine when it works?



Medicine!


It actually depends on what you mean by "it works". Delusional people believe that homeopathy actually works, but it's nothing more than treatment via a solution of water. But, just because they claim that it works, doesn't make it medicine.

Alternative medicine ceases to become "alternative", and thus medicine, when there's actually scientific proof that it works.

I'm sure that's what you meant, Chris smile ; I'm just being pedantic grin .
This is pretty darn funny.
Hey guys,

One of my caregivers sent me this picture literally moments ago.

Somebody left the outside tap turned on at the side of my house (or some kid cutting through my property turned it on), and it had a constant slow drip that ended up creating this huge icicle that's formed from the ground up. It was even bigger than this, as the picture was taken after we got a couple days of 5-8 degree weather which melted all of the snow.

Anyway, I think it's pretty cool.



And draw your own conclusions as to what it looks like laugh .
Cam, Cam, Cam. You are a filthy, dirty-minded, puerile imp. And those are only SOME of the reasons why I like you.
Cool? I'd say it's dang COLD!! laugh
Originally Posted By: medic8r
What do you call the guy that graduates last in his medical school class?



Doctor!


My dentist friend uses that one often.
Originally Posted By: BobKay
Cam, Cam, Cam. You are a filthy, dirty-minded, puerile imp. And those are only SOME of the reasons why I like you.


Originally Posted By: Adrian
Cool? I'd say it's dang COLD!! laugh


laugh laugh

I just thought-here's hoping that the pipe doesn't burst. My caregiver turn the tap off outside, but if it was dripping, it obviously means that the inside tap wasn't turned off. If I was thinking, I should have turned the inside tap off first and then turned the outside one off later on eek .
Whiskey, anyone? Yowzers!
Whiskey in cans?


I'm gonna play some Thin Lizzy.
Cans? You mean a jar-oh.

I love Thin Lizzy, but always hated that lyric. Of course, I think it might be an old folk tune, so I might have to blame whoever wrote it 100 years earlier.

Yup, I can't blame Phil!
Looks like Phil might have added the "O" though. Hear what I'm sayin' Daddy-O?!
You're right... and that's the part that bugs me! smile
Ooh, I hate Metallica's cover of that one! Mainly because it got so much freakin' airplay it was ridiculous.

I thing the Dead also covered it.
Voiceovers! I couldn't stop laughing......too funny!
Whatever you do, do not click on this. You'll be sorry.....

Police officer eating Weed Brownies Says Time is going by REALLY REALLY slow... grin
Dude, you crashing my party??

He even talks the cops into letting the band play one more after a noise complaint.
Boudreaux and Thibodeaux, are sitting at their favorite bar, drinking dem
bud-lite.

Boudreaux turns to Thibodeaux and says, 'You know me, I'm tired of going tru
life without dat education. Tomorrow me I'm goin to dat Community College
and sign me up for some classes.'

Thibodeaux thinks it's a good idea and the two have another bud-lite.

The next day, Boudreaux goes down to the college and meets Dean of
Admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math, English,
History, and Logic.

'Logic?' Boudreaux says. 'What's dat Hun?'

The dean says, 'I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?'

'Yeah.'

'Then logically speaking, because you own a weed eater, I think that you
would have a yard.'

'Dat's right, I do have a yard.'

'I'm not done,' the dean says. 'Because you have a yard, I think logically
that you would have a house.'

'Mais Yeh, I got me a house dare.'

'And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a
family.'

'Mais Yeh dats right too, I have a family.

'I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have
a wife. And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be a
heterosexual.'

'I am a heterosexual. Dat's amazing, you were able to find all dat out
because I got da weed eater.'

Excited to take the class now, Boudreaux shakes the Dean's hand and leaves
to go meet Thibodeaux at the bar. He tells Thibodeaux about his classes,
how he is signed up for Math, English, History, and Logic.

'Logic? ' Thibodeaux says, 'What's dat?'

Boudreaux says, 'I'll give you an example. Do you have a weed eater?'

'No.'

'Den you're a homosexual.'
HaHa!

An Irish man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk when he comes upon a preacher baptising people in the river. He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon he asks the drunk...

"Are you ready to find Jesus?"

The drunk shouts...."Yes I am !!"

So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water. He pulls him up and asks the drunk....

"Brother, have you found Jesus?"

The drunk replies..."No, oi have nah found Jesus"

The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again for a little longer, pulls him out again and asks him...

"Have you found Jesus me brother?"

Again the drunk answers...."No, oi have nah found Jesus"

By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk in the water again, but this time he holds him down for about 30 seconds and when he begins kicking his arms and legs, he pulls him up. The preacher asks the drunk again....

"For the love of God, have you found Jesus?"

The drunk wipes his eyes, catches his breath and says to the preacher...

"Are you sure this is where he fell in?"
Originally Posted By: RickF
Do you have a weed eater?'

'No.'

'Den you're a homosexual.'


Wow! That IS correct! Amazing!
I'm glad I've got 2 weed eaters. This had me worried for a while.
Ummm, you don't wack weeds on both sides of the fence do you?
laugh
Fortunately, the grass doesn't grow high on the other side.
Size matters? grin
I just received this email from my parents whom are in Cuba-

Hi : Get up and shovel the snow you lazy bastard... F*%# its hot hot here.
Hope all is ok ...
Mom and Dad
Would love to hear more about the Cuba trip - I've always wanted to go there. I'm sure my perceptions are based as much on Godfather II and Tito Puente as anything, but still. Wish I'd had more time to spend with you and your family while in Dwight.
Originally Posted By: tomtuttle
Would love to hear more about the Cuba trip


They go at least once a year, Tom; and love it. I'll definitely post some pics for you, and pass along some stories.

Wish I'd had more time to spend with you and your family while in Dwight. [/quote]

Tom, that's very kind, and I feel the same about you and everyone else frown .

Cats vs. metronome: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kdmd5fenroU
No one should be without their UFO detector kit.


Toward the end of the Sunday service, the Minister asked, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?"

80% held up their hands.

The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one man, an avid golfer named Walter Barnes, who attended church only when the weather was bad.

"Mr. Barnes, it's obviously not a good morning for golf. It's good to see you here today. Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"

"I don't have any," he replied gruffly.

"Mr. Barnes, that is very unusual. How old are you?"

"Ninety-eight," he replied. The congregation stood up and clapped their hands.

"Oh, Mr. Barnes, would you please come down in front & tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years & not have an enemy in the world?"

The old golfer tottered down the aisle, stopped in front of the pulpit, turned around, faced the congregation, and said simply, "I outlived all the sons of bitches."

smile
I didn't know where to put this, but England just moved up a few notches on my list of places to visit.

So you’ve always wanted to run over a car with A Tank...
Probably old, but I've never seen it before ... Trunk Monkey
I remember the first one from years back, but had never seen the others. Cool!

Tom, start saving for a tank ride.
Ever try to diagram a country song?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eYlJH81dSiw

laugh
HAHAHAHAHA!
Apparently Harry's wife's maiden make was Sakhof. And she chose to hyphenate.
From one of my favorite blogs, about an hour ago:
---
Do yourself a favor and follow Neil Hamburger on Twitter immediately.

Britney Spears is currently doing a live Q&A via Twitter and Neil is pelting her with questions like, "What are you more thankful for, prescription drugs or pitch-correction technology," and "How do you make it look so easy to dance and lip-sync for 2 solid hours with a stomach full of Carls Jr.?" while of course drawing the hilarious wrath of her rabid fans.
Originally Posted By: medic8r
From one of my favorite blogs, about an hour ago:
---
Do yourself a favor and follow Neil Hamburger on Twitter immediately.



So, what? Are you just letting a rhumba line of crazies wait outside your office door while you tweet?
I was in a client's house today and noticed on the DR table this month's issue of MAD. I didn't know it was still around.

This is the Justin Bieber issue.

On the cover, Alfred E. is sporting a Bieber coif.

The copy reads:
JUSTIN BIEBER

His Stupid Hair
His Dumb Smile
His Awful Movie
His Terrible Songs

Just though Terry would wanna know.
Originally Posted By: BobKay
So, what? Are you just letting a rhumba line of crazies wait outside your office door while you tweet?

I call it a "frustration tolerance exercise" and charge them for the time waiting as well as the time I spend face-to-face with them.






Just kidding, Medicare auditors! I keed, I keed.
You'd think with the amount of money he makes, his mother would stop cutting his hair.
Originally Posted By: medic8r
Originally Posted By: BobKay
So, what? Are you just letting a rhumba line of crazies wait outside your office door while you tweet?

I call it a "frustration tolerance exercise" and charge them for the time waiting as well as the time I spend face-to-face with them.






Just kidding, Medicare auditors! I keed, I keed.



That'd be awesome to keep 'em waiting on your EAS group session days!
In Boston (twice in 12 months), people who are unhappy with their therapy just kidnap and kill the Dr. OK, so one survived 'cause an officer waiting for HIS appt. shoosted him dead. All at MGH! Nuthin' but the best.
Originally Posted By: BobKay
In Boston (twice in 12 months), people who are unhappy with their therapy just kidnap and kill the Dr. OK, so one survived 'cause an officer waiting for HIS appt. shoosted him dead. All at MGH! Nuthin' but the best.


So now we are doing take offs on Green Acres?
Not exactly funny, but I didn't know where else to put it.

Home Theater for Dummies
Originally Posted By: Argon
Originally Posted By: BobKay
In Boston (twice in 12 months), people who are unhappy with their therapy just kidnap and kill the Dr. OK, so one survived 'cause an officer waiting for HIS appt. shoosted him dead. All at MGH! Nuthin' but the best.


So now we are doing take offs on Green Acres?


Good catch! It wasn't a take off. It was a quote.
Aahhhh! A quote.
Sleep Talkin' man laugh
I had lots of choices regarding which thread to use for this.

Courtesy of Letters of Note






NICE! I used to sit in the card section at the Carolina Football games. We had colored cards that were 2 feet square and made out of cardboard. Under each seat was a small paper card that told you which color to hold up for each "stunt". When the show was over, you could and did throw the paper cards into the air. HOWever, anyone throwing one of the big cards was summarily hunted down and ejected from the game. Invariably, there was always one a$$ that threw their cardboard. Those things coming down were akin to the lawn darts...
"I do believe Xanax will make you bisexual. Just look at the name - it goes both ways."

Stephen Colbert

What does that mean for people with palindromic names, like, oh, I don't know ... BOB?!
I don't know if this is funny or creepy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=13YlEPwOfmk

I love that one.
He, he, he, he.
Tom Hanks knows what it's like to be a kid
That was funny!
That was good! laugh
Wow! Good find.
ST:TNG clips overdubbed with comments that fit the lip movement.

My face hurts from laughing. laugh



Dude, he forgot the Eagle!

Originally Posted By: CatBrat


Still Life: Cat with bricks, plants, and vinyl replacement window.
And Lizard.
Thank you. Missed him. Once I got to the replacement window, I got stuck.
I subscribe to the RSS feed of Sleep Talkin Man and am consistently amused.

Today's nugget:

"I need you to take this stapler, and ram it into your forehead. No, it won't solve the problem, but it will make me happier. Much happier. (giggles) It's funny! Now go bleed somewhere else."
I used to follow this for a little while, but I felt it was contrived.
Oh, it may be. Still makes me laugh, though.
When I go to a massage parlor, I ask for a French new-wave ending. Sudden, abrupt and ambiguous.
I've heard that you should ask for a happy beginning. That way you can actually enjoy your massage without your mind focusing on that one area...
laugh laugh
Not quite historically accurate (yet?), but I got a chuckle out of it: youTube: Angry Birds Explains The Middle East Uprising
Do they keep score?
The 4 seasons of Seattle weather is surprisingly accurate.
So, you bought a ragtop for those two seconds of manic joy?
People have done much stupider things for two seconds of manic joy.

(Not that the car was stupid, Tom!) smile
Did you just call your wife manic?? I'm tellin!
Manic Expressive.
it's not a ragtop. It's a power retractable hard top. wink

But, yes.
Does that also make it a power erect-able hard thingy?
I saw a new drug rep in the office this AM.


Originally Posted By: medic8r
I saw a new drug rep in the office this AM.



There are two diametrically opposed schools of thought on the Pills-for-Lunch program.
http://peanutweeter.com/
Gawd. I haven't seen a tauntaun reference in decades!
You obviously don't read the same webcomics I do.
From Peanutweeter:

Bob's session with medic8r
Originally Posted By: medic8r
From Peanutweeter:

Bob's session with medic8r


No it isn't, really. I think there's now an app for that anyway. Or, if you dine before 5, there's an app WITH that.

And if one were to specify "teeth," it would keep the lookie-loo's away.
From our shout box discussion, here's

The Twenty Worst Tramp Stamps
Once again, the Axiom forum scars me.
Put some Neosporin on it; the redness will fade and let the tat's natural color pop out after a few days.
Some of the women are far more groti than their ink.

Did you find that site from your NASCAR link?
This is the second time in a week that KingBob and I have posted within one second of each other. Hmm.
Originally Posted By: Ken.C
Once again, the Axiom forum scars me.


Wait! Are we talkin' ink or scarification? I'm confused.
Originally Posted By: medic8r
This is the second time in a week that KingBob and I have posted within one second of each other. Hmm.


You (and everyone else on the entire planet) knows that the need for concern begins when our simulataneous posts contain the same thoughts.
Originally Posted By: medic8r
This is the second time in a week that KingBob and I have posted within one second of each other. Hmm.

You know, in some circles, posting carries an entirely different meaning.
Isn't that the thing you did with your pants in the early 90s? Where you wrapped the cuffs around and sort of flipped them up?
That was pegging.

(And, for the love of all that is holy, don't do a google image search for that term at work unless safe search is on.)
I was thinking you had mistaken posting for pegging. Although that would not have applied with KingBob and I because neither of us is female. wink
Originally Posted By: pmbuko
That was pegging.

(And, for the love of all that is holy, don't do a google image search for that term at work unless safe search is on.)

I didn't find anything interesting with a Google search. frown
Eh, the wikipedia article will give you a good idea.
And artwork, too!
Oh yeah, should have warned about that...
AHAHAHAHAHA!!
Little Chef

laugh eek laugh
That was cute!
Awkward Easter Photos (slideshow)

The slide titles were perfect.
Dude, what is up with the Donnie Darko bunnies?

Holy smokes.
What in the hell???




Hey, don't knock it til you've tried it, Rick.



JUST DON'T TAKE PICTURES OF IT!! LEAVE NO EVIDENCE!



laugh
Did anyone else think that was BobKay in that picture?


Couldn't find any Cat Brat's, but how about this Dog Brat?
Go to Google and type in "how come i" and see how it autocompletes your search for you. My friend, Jen, shared that with me.
wwwwwwow.
And how come Jen was Googling that? Were any of the top responses helpful?
I assume she needs to double check the water pressure in her bathroom?
And why she's friends with Charles.

How come I..........exercise such poor judgement?
I can't see youTube videos sometimes, either. How come?
Just saw a retweet:
@FMCAMPERS Did you know that the "B" in Benoit B. Mandelbrot stands for 'Benoit B. Mandelbrot'?

That's hilarious. laugh
Classic.
That's great.

Here's something not so great, yet oddly captivating: http://www.coolcrack.com/2010/10/keanu-is-now-ecstatic.html

I am appreciating coasters. And how they always manage to stick to the bottom of my glass at the wrong time.
I'm getting a kick out of this video.
That was very enjoyable!

Made me laugh!
Thanks, Mark. Bill and Bandit liked it too.
Funny. And CatBrat wins in the end.
Man, Eva Mendes is hilarious. Her interview segments with Conan just get better.
CV!

You CANNOT mention Eva Mendes without including a link!

Harrumph.
Eva Mendes on Conan

Eva Mendes Sex Tape

There you go, guy.
Yikes!
Originally Posted By: CV


No matter how many times I click on that second link it never turns out to be what I want.

*sigh*
I live to disappoint.
These guys are from Rodney, Ontario and I think they're absolutely hilarious. Here's their latest video where they found a redneck wheelchair ramp that's just dicked!

"Ah crap. Where's the bylaw dick? Sonofabitch!" LMFAO laugh laugh
Oh No! It's Pop Tart Cat!
Ohhhhhhh - Kayyyyyyyyyyy........

JP? Got a minute?
Best 3:37 ever spent, huh?! crazy
They also have a 3 1/2 hour version.
Yeah, and they play it at Gitmo in the enhanced interrogation rooms. wink
Originally Posted By: CatBrat
Oh No! It's Pop Tart Cat!


I wish I knew the flavor of the pop tart...looks yummy! grin Seriously, I LOVE pop tarts!

Some people have quite the imagination, huh? crazy
I buy the big packs at Sam's! smile
Originally Posted By: MarkSJohnson
I buy the big packs at Sam's! smile


What are your favorites, Mark? Mine are brown sugar cinnamon, cherry, and blueberry.
Yeah, they're a treat. My favorite is frosted blueberry. Others I like are Frosted Brown Sugar Connamon and Frosted Strawberry.

I can't believe how many flavors there are now. Must be dozens. Has anybody tried the Ice Cream Shoppe flavors?
Now I want Pop Tarts AND barbecue for lunch.
Brown Sugar Cinnamon and probably strawberry.

I've never tried any of the "exotic" (non fruit) flavors...they all sound like they would be too sweet.
Pop Tart club! Line forms here!

Did anyone else think it was ironic that the American Idol concert tour was sponsored by Pop Tarts?
Originally Posted By: MarkSJohnson
they all sound like they would be too sweet.


Mark, really??

"Oh, no, not THOSE Poptarts. Too sweet."

Guess you're gonna stick with the unsweetened organic ones, huh?
I haven't tried pop tarts in years. This might have to be my next purchase.
Well, ALL of them are sweet, but Fudge or Hot Fudge Sundae or Rainbow Cookie Sandwich just sound a bit much....
For a long while, Britney Spears was my favorite Pop Tart. Then she started to resemble some of my patients, so the appeal wore off.
Good thing she's not one of your patients. You could get in big trouble if they found out you wore off her appeal.
More psych humor:


Today's demotivator - your newscast just got punk'd:


Why you shouldn't post your mom's picture on a college message board...

http://www.tigerdroppings.com/rant/p/259...ite-please.aspx



Good stuff!
Buddy was beating me up this morning, and Joyce pulled out a camera and got this.

Yeah, it's my thumb. But it still looks like doggie-style porn to me.


In Soviet Russia...something about cats: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vm31xBjfMNY
Originally Posted By: MarkSJohnson
Buddy was beating me up this morning, and Joyce pulled out a camera and got this.

Yeah, it's my thumb. But it still looks like doggie-style porn to me.



And then the pizza guy showed up?
Typical smoker?
The Most Brilliantly Pointless Street Fliers.

Example:


grin
Oprah gears up for her last three shows
Good thing I'm wearing a brown shirt today.
Originally Posted By: MarkSJohnson
Buddy was beating me up this morning, and Joyce pulled out a camera and got this.

Yeah, it's my thumb. But it still looks like doggie-style porn to me.



Hey, I thought Joyce had rules about being up on the bed. You'd better slide off quick, Mark, before she catches you.
Equality fail:


Originally Posted By: pmbuko
Equality fail:



Awesome!
GOD's writings.



Very subtle, Dove. Very subtle.
Official soap of Michael Jackson?
This is the best commercial I've seen in a long time. http://vimeo.com/22984504
Awesome.
Obviously this is JP's cat.
.
.

Ha, I laughed at that one at lunch. First time I'd been to the cheezburger site in a few weeks.
No! No! I can't watch it again. Please don't make me. Please!
http://basicinstructions.net/basic-instructions/2011/5/29/how-to-comparison-shop.html

Hee hee hee!
Some truth in there indeed. I have a particular workmate who buys and returns a thousand electronics items a year. I always search for his online reviews in order to help determine which is the "stupid side". He only gives a good review if there is a no return policy or it's past it's return period. Then he gives a good review to justify his opinion.

Gnaaaah.
Scene from Pulp Fiction, with Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wBfmjromhhk&feature=player_embedded
These are the people at Walmart.
I caught Rob Cordry's 1/2 hour sitcom, "Childrens Hospital" the other night on Adult Swim Channel.

He's a surgeon who spends all day, everyday, in clown face, as do some of his patients and their parents.

The patients on the 8th floor, the psych ward, hold full, no-access, control of Ward 8. They also manipulate the workings of the hospital to their advantage.

This week, Sarah Silverman, in suburban pink clown make-up, played the parent of a dying boy, in greenish-yellow, sickly clown make-up.

It's got my name twisted all over it.
When did it become a half-hour show?

And yes, good stuff.
It's not, it's 15 minutes for a complete episode now, rather than the two shorts airing together with a bit of filler.
It was late, I was tired, but I could swear it was on for a whole 1/2 hour. Maybe I went to the bathroom and didn't realize it had changed when I returned.
Let's get a hundred people to strap fake bombs to themselves and stand in line at an airport to screw with TSA agents.

(I know, not so funny, but it did sound funny at the time I thought it up.)
laugh laugh

They probably wouldn't find them. The TSA search test failure rate is around 70%.
I think I mentioned it before but I had a friend who received a free, high end butcher's knife as a free gift with some kitchen stuff she bought while we were all in Vancouver. She accidentally packed it in her carry on and it made it right through the x-ray machines. She discovered it looking for gum while we waited to board.

Maybe we need a new thread. What's the funniest thing you 'accidentally' smuggled through airport security?
Originally Posted By: Murph
Maybe we need a new thread. What's the funniest thing you 'accidentally' smuggled through airport security?


A handful of .308 rifle cartridges, maybe 18 months ago. It was an accident - I discovered them in my jacket pocket while unpacking in the hotel.

Then again, before 9-11 I never had trouble carrying the Leatherman tool (with 3 or 4 blades) through airport security as long as I took it out of my pocket before going through the metal detector.
4 inch folding knife.

But they got the pruning shears!
Originally Posted By: Murph
I think I mentioned it before but I had a friend who received a free, high end butcher's knife as a free gift with some kitchen stuff she bought while we were all in Vancouver. She accidentally packed it in her carry on and it made it right through the x-ray machines.


One of my caregivers just told me on the weekend that she had the same thing happen to her recently, although it was a dagger style knife or something (being around females so often, I've developed a filter that makes it difficult for me to recollect what they've said). The clinical term that I coined is "solipsism bypass". I'm currently writing a self help book for anyone that's interested in learning how to create their own filter.
No need for a long book on how to do that.
Chapter 1. Getting Married. The End.
Originally Posted By: Powertothepeople
(being around females so often, I've developed a filter that makes it difficult for me to recollect what they've said). The clinical term that I coined is "solipsism bypass".


Cam, I think a term for blocking out female speech already exists. It's called heterosexuality.

There is a sub-disorder suffered only by homosexuals and other females. It's called VIAD--Vaginally induced auditory disfunction.
Fuming Bride
Originally Posted By: BobKay
Originally Posted By: Powertothepeople
(being around females so often, I've developed a filter that makes it difficult for me to recollect what they've said). The clinical term that I coined is "solipsism bypass".


Cam, I think a term for blocking out female speech already exists. It's called heterosexuality.

There is a sub-disorder suffered only by homosexuals and other females. It's called VIAD--Vaginally induced auditory disfunction.


laugh laugh laugh laugh .
Originally Posted By: RickF


Rick, that's gross, funny, and sad!
Ach, oy!
Barking Cat
Whazzup!
If you and your uncle Jack were horseback riding and you got stuck on top of the horse, and your uncle Jack helped you off the horse, and then when it was your uncles turn to ride the horse, he got stuck on the horse, too. Would you help you uncle Jack off?
Famous Movie Cars As PIXAR Cars.

Looks like something that Peter or Chris could have whipped up in a few minutes with Photoshop, but still kinda funny.
No, just because it's cartoony wouldn't mean it was easy. Given that those all had the same style, those were drawn, not 'shopped. Of course, they could have been drawn in photoshop, but I doubt that would be the tool of choice.
Luke's Landspeeder made me chuckle.
I tried to click on "fail", but it wanted me to logon, so I gave up.
Originally Posted By: CatBrat
I tried to click on "fail", but it wanted me to logon, so I gave up.

Apparently your fail was successful.
Originally Posted By: Ken.C
No, just because it's cartoony wouldn't mean it was easy. Given that those all had the same style, those were drawn, not 'shopped. Of course, they could have been drawn in photoshop, but I doubt that would be the tool of choice.

They're beyond my skill level in Photoshop; that's half because I don't even use Photoshop. smile I'd say the images were done in either a vector based program like CorelDRAW or Illustrator, or more likely using a cell shader with a 3D rendering program.

In 3D I'm more proficient at modeling things I see in the real world, but lacking in the creativity for much original content.
Teri has been traveling all throughout Asia for the past 2-3 months, and posts pictures regularly.

She's just finished trekking through Ubud, Indonesia and Phuket, Thailand, and took this pic. Apparently they're posted outside all the temples laugh .


And, if you happen to not be able to enter a temple, do you then have to march around it 7 times, shouting "unclean" over and over again?
I'll ask Teri smile .
What Lutherians do with their beer bottles. Clicky
Racism in the elevator.

CONTAINS PROFANITY.
I have DirecTV, but I may have to switch to Comcast to catch some of these gems.

Apparently the writers of their program guide's episode summaries have a sense of humor that pops up once in a while,
and this blog collects these Easter eggs for us.
Those are funny. It makes me want that job.
Well, helloo...aauugh!


Suck on that, Demi Moore!
Can you make Patrick Stewart pop out of the other side?
That would be perfect. I didn't make this one, and I'm not about to do it at work. smile
I've been meaning to post this for a while.

A short drive from my parents, there are these two houses that catch your attention (they're clearly visible from the highway) and make me laugh every time I see them. Best of all, they're neighbours and literally live 25ft from each other laugh.




what does the second one read, Cam?
Originally Posted By: MarkSJohnson
what does the second one read, Cam?


So is Elvis smile .
Originally Posted By: Powertothepeople
Originally Posted By: MarkSJohnson
what does the second one read, Cam?


So is Elvis smile .

Do small planes in your area frequently wobble off course?
Sesame Street/Beastie Boys mashup
Wow.
Comments are pretty good, especially the one about him being 24 years old.
I didn't know this product existed until I saw a huge end display of it at Fiesta Foods yesterday:

Squizz Snott Gorila Gel

I feel like my hair has wasted its life by not having Squizz in it all of the time.

Also, whenever I need to say excuse me, I'm going to try to say "gorilla squizz me" instead.
Jimpressions. Some were remarkably good.
That was great. His Morgan Freeman is quite unconvincing, though.
Maybe just a bit too high on the register, but I bought that one. The main one I didn't buy was Paul Giamatti, mainly because he's (at least to me) not that memorable as far as his voice.

The transition to George Clooney was breathtaking.
This one's for Cam. smile



Source: http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2318
grin laugh
This woman really loves her rainbow sponges.
The Meaning of Politics
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, “What is Politics?”

Dad says, “Well son, let me try to explain it this way:
I bring in the money for the family, so call me Capitalism. Your
mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the
Government. We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call
you the People. The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class. And
your baby brother, we will call him the Future. Now think about that
and see if it makes sense.”

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to
check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.

So the little boy goes to his parent’s room and finds his mother
asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny’s room. Finding
the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed
with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy say’s to his father, “Dad, I think I
understand the concept of politics now.”

The father says, “Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think
politics is all about.”

The little boy replies, “As Capitalism screws the working class, the
people go ignored by the sleeping government and the future is full of
shit”.
grin Oh, wait, that's true isn't it? shocked
It's getting a little slow, so I thought I'd add the latest Simon's Cat video, for fun.
There's this cat video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qpl5mOAXNl4, featuring quite a lot of inappropriate (yet funny in context) language. Play at your own risk.
Nice.
I want to be a cat.
I'm gonna go play with the toilet paper roll.
Sounds like a good activity for my 11/11 party.
All together or should we take turns?
This high school is the Milliennium Falcon, as pointed out here.

Start at the bottom of the page and work up through the awesome comments.
That is awesome.
Awesome indeed!
I'm too lazy to look through the hundreds of post I've missed lately so this may be a repeat.

Maple Bacon (Ultimate Dog Tease)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGeKSiCQkPw
This one's for chesseroo and all the other science types here:


This one's for elephant lovers:


Looks to me like the guys in the photo ARE elephant lovers. I mean, you'd have to be, right?
Both of those were very LOL worthy! laugh
My God!
My Subatomic Particle!
I posted a link like this before, but this new one is even funnier (new signs).

Brilliantly smart-ass responses to completely well-meaning signs.

The out of order weight bench is decorated with bacon (for tomtuttle) and a unicorn (for CV). Even when the weight bench fails, it wins.
Originally Posted By: medic8r
I posted a link like this before, but this new one is even funnier (new signs).

Brilliantly smart-ass responses to completely well-meaning signs.

The out of order weight bench is decorated with bacon (for tomtuttle) and a unicorn (for CV). Even when the weight bench fails, it wins.


There should be a warning about reading this at work...not due to inappropriate content (which can be true too!), but laughing may be disruptive. Gosh, some of these were hilarious! laugh
This is the best one.


I lied. This one is better.


Originally Posted By: pmbuko
I lied. This one is better.



Originally Posted By: pmbuko
This is the best one.


Oh you young people. For you, it's all about sex and violence!!!! frown




grin
What about you older people? Is it about hugging and arguing?
I think it's about the early bird specials at Denny's and going on travel cruises.
Not so much funny as amazing:

These are the guys I want when I call the Fire Department.
My Proctologist trains the same way.
Now that's funny! You poor guy.
Revisiting Teen Girl Squad. Still love it.
Try to touch this guy's nose with your mouse:
http://www.selfcontrolfreak.com/slaan.html
Cool. Once I got him to spaz out and swat repeatedly for a second or so.
JP, it's good to know that you have the professionalism to "make a guy spaz out". Seriously, that belongs in your resume! smile
With the arabic language t-shirt and the blank wall behind him (usually, there's a map), it looks like a jihad video.
Easy! And this is not an edited photo.

doing a printscreen before you try to touch his nose doesn't count! Neither does disabling some type of setting so he stops swatting. wink
Just go really slow. Or, make your browser not the frontmost application...
Ken, don't leave the Bay Area. I have found the perfect roommate for you.

I think it's Ken Jeong. Or someone who thinks he is Ken Jeong/Leslie Chow.

Language is NSFW, but it's only a picture of text (no audio).
Yeah, peter- A co-worker was able to do the same thing because his computer is slow and the network was bogged down.
I like it.
Ghosts with sh#t jobs.
While it attempts to subtly raise some points for discussion, some may certainly find that offensive. I fear another test of our members ability to debate without resorting to personal flaming is at hand.

But as I often say, "Were it not for the Devil's advocate, we might never know he was there."
Some more lmao material I shouldn't read at work. grin
Hilarious autocorrects.
LOL! I love those. I especially like it when people keep trying and it just gets worse.
Funny! I have to wonder if they're real, though...
The Comedy Central roast of Charlie Sheen airs 9/19 at 10 pm.

Some of the material has leaked online, and it is brutal. And awesome. A sample:

“You’re just like Bruce Willis — you were big in the 80s and now your old slot is being filled by Ashton Kutcher.” — Amy Schumer

shocked


Wait, what?
Kinky.
This has been floating around Facebook. It actually makes sense. LOL!

Originally Posted By: medic8r
Wait, what?


Ewww...that is just nasty! sick
Lactose intolerant, huh? wink
I saw a mourning dove once that lacked toes.
Bad Lip Reading, Michele Bachmann style.

Watch with caution. It may make you have to change your "fishy poopy pants".
Love it.
Last night my wife said something very profound.
We just finished watching "The Source Code". I liked it fairly well but she did not, leading to this comment from her.

"I like when a story has flow. A reveals B. B leads to C. B&C lead to the surprise of D. You on the other hand enjoy when B calls A into question, C rules out B and D leads back to the impossible B!"

Once I stopped laughing I realized the the brilliance and admittedly, much of the truth in it.
Oh, so you're big into Christopher Nolan.
Umm, I don't get it. Why?
Have you seen Memento or Inception? If not, and if your quote is accurate, you'll like them a lot!
Ahh, now I got ya. I should have IMDBed him.

I only middle of the road enjoyed Inception. I very much enjoyed the concept and the ongoing mind games but found that he pushed a little too far into the 'over the top' action movie side of things. I kept waiting for Neo or Morpheus to pop out.

I didn't see Memento but now I will.
"Of course, there's not time for all of us to party, tunaface."
Originally Posted By: Murph
I didn't see Memento but now I will.


I liked Memento a lot more than Inception. The latter did seem to try too hard.
Originally Posted By: medic8r
Bad Lip Reading, Michele Bachmann style.

Watch with caution. It may make you have to change your "fishy poopy pants".


Funny, she made no mention of her hubby's magical ability to turn fruits into vegetables.
I heard that Amanda Knox is home in Washington and in hiding------------at Tom's house. Or did they say "under?" I can't remember.
Media Frenzy. I don't get it.

On Topic:


Picture of an in-bred cat


This German, DJ Flula, doesn't understand a few things about American idioms. He overanalyzes them in his very German accent to hilarious effect. smile

Shooting fish in a barrel

Shoot the sh*t

Daddy long legs

Don't look a gift horse in the mouth

The proof is in the pudding

Rock, Paper, Scissors
Oh, man, I've only watched the first one, but that's great. Thanks.
My sister's favorite was the proof is in the pudding one. I'll admit it was inspired.
For those who haven't seen it yet, I got a kick out of this. Plus the damn song is catchy and is now severely stuck in my head.

Warning: Don't let Michael Bolton fool ya. You will need headphones or low volumes if at the workplace.

feat:Michael Bolton -- Jack Sparrow
Originally Posted By: pmbuko
This German, DJ Flula, doesn't understand a few things about American idioms. He overanalyzes them in his very German accent to hilarious effect. smile


By the way, I passed Flula on to one of my friends, and she loves him. So thanks, Peter. smile She didn't say anything when I first sent her a link, but a couple of days later she said she'd been watching his videos all day and thought he was "soooooo funny."
Hey, man, the proof is in the pudding.
Ha ha. You're a lucky tiny bastard!
Hot, timely stripper
It's the Rocky the Cat song.
Kitty Litter Cake
Exactly what were you Googling to come up with that? Litter pan edible?
My dog has been known to enjoy a "litter box crunchy" every so often.
Henry Rollins has lost his tattoos! Draw some new ones to cheer him up!

Also on that web site: Gran Torino lunchbox for sale.
Originally Posted By: medic8r
My dog has been known to enjoy a "litter box crunchy" every so often.


I knew there was a reason I didn't want a dog in the house.
But then you would have to clean the box less. Win Win
Until he licked you in the face. Lose Lose.
Also on that web site: Gran Torino lunchbox for sale. [/quote]

I love that.
Originally Posted By: MarkSJohnson
Exactly what were you Googling to come up with that? Litter pan edible?


Ha ha. My friend, Jen, is to blame. She's looking up a lot of recipes lately.
If you choose an answer to this question at random, what
is the probability that you will choose the correct answer?
  1. 25%
  2. 50%
  3. 60%
  4. 25%

Ha ha, nice.
For me it'd be

e. 00%
Originally Posted By: medic8r
Also on that web site: Gran Torino lunchbox for sale.


The next time I'm dieting, I'll pack my lunch in the Eric Roberts lunch box. Looking at that picture would make me lose my appetite! LOL! grin

Famous album covers come to life:

http://devour.com/video/album-covers-come-alive/

Pretty silly/funny.
Awesome.
Nice!
Funny. Very Monty Python.
The Empathy Belly

It makes me laugh that the list of symptoms are the selling points.
I'd be touching my Empathy Boobies all the time! grin
Ha ha, good idea. I should empathize out in the park and fondle myself with my falconry glove.
Originally Posted By: CV
Ha ha, good idea. I should empathize out in the park and fondle myself with my falconry glove.


You chickmagnet, you!
My plumage sure is colorful.
Dude. What are you doing in my...
Ok, that was disturbing.
Funny.
Oh! Click Me! Please, please, please. (Safe for work environment).

Originally Posted By: CatBrat
Oh! Click Me! Please, please, please. (Safe for work environment).


That was a lot funnier because not knowing what it was, I filled in Mark's name.
And I filled in Bob's.
Mahhhk, I thought that it was gonna lose some of it's umph, because I knew it was coming.

It didn't! The measure of funny is when a second exposure elicits an equal response. I'm about to try # 3.

You know, all this attention could cause me to acquire a God complex. Oh, wait...

I did click on Cat's thing. If anyone thinks a little shark tatoo on an overweight Latino's arse is gonna thrill me, please think about it some more.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dnnlRxntnDE
Things you can do with your microwave at 3:00am.

"If you are up for slightly more math, you can perform a kitchen experiment that Albert Einstein&#8203; would have loved: prove that light really does zip along at almost 300 million meters per second. Cover a cardboard disk from a frozen pizza with slices of Velveeta and microwave it at low power until several melted spots appear. (You don’t want it rotating, so if your oven has a carousel, prop the cardboard above it.) Measure the distance (in meters) between the centers of the spots. That distance is half the wavelength of the light, so if you double it and multiply by 2.45 billion (the frequency in cycles per second), the result is the velocity of the rays bouncing about in your oven."
i got to read this again when i'm fully waken up...
I'd rather just eat pizza.
Math + Velveeta + Einstein = Awesome
That can't be right.

Solving for E yields:

E = A - M - V.
Originally Posted By: fredk
Things you can do with your microwave at 3:00am.

Measure the distance (in meters) between the centers of the spots.


Jeez, you must have a HUGE microwave oven!

Is there are space/time-continuum involved that dictates we be moving around the kitchen at exactly the same rate as you did for the result to be the same? Or is that just what the whole thing looks like from here?
I tried this at home but the gravitational mass of my Epicness bent the light and distorted the results.

Sorry for that, we decreed today "Talk like Barney Day" here at work.
Originally Posted By: Murph


we decreed today "Talk like Barney Day" here at work.


Is there a firearms dealer nearby?
"Oh! The sights you see, when you ain't got a gun!"
Catching up on Maddox writings online after reading his new book. I missed some good ones. Mark, I thought you might like his April Fool's photoblog.

I like it.

A similarly good practical joke is to put parmesan cheese in a microwave, hit high power for five minutes, and walk away. Far away.

More bad lip-reading, Herman Cain edition.
I have an urge to try this but am afraid. What happens? eek

Also you can light a standard incandescent light bulb using your microwave. Put the bulb in a glass of water so that the metal base is just covered by the water. Turn your nukemowave on high and watch the show. That's power savings - using 1000W to light a 60W bulb! I have done this but only for 2 or 3 seconds. I've been scared to go longer.
Horrible smell. Best done in campus dining halls.
Oooh - new trick when unwanted company arrives. Thanks! That coupled with my son's whoopie cushion could be funny wink
Red Kool-Aid crystals are good in a shower head as well for horror movie buffs.
i once connected a 100 watt light bulb on one output of my Hafler 500 instead of a speaker.

the bulb did light up, but a bit weak; i then increased the vol. level and after less than a minute, a fuse in the Hafler blew up; 15 amp rated fuse.
i used a 60 Hz sinewave for that, and once the fuse replaced, no problem with the amp.

i also tried it playing organ music.
the light intensity would follow the music...

no cheese smell, but some would say i'm a cheese head, right?
I'm still waiting for the person that said they stuck their tongue in a light bulb receptacle and pulled the chain.
I am actually picturing more along the lines of a mad audio scientist.

Cat - you just gave me that 9V battery taste on my tongue and an immediate twitch! crazy
Originally Posted By: J. B.
..
no cheese smell, but some would say i'm a cheese head, right?


Does that mean you are also a Packers fan?
sorry, but maybe to your dismay, i have never followed another sport than F1, with a few occasional exceptions.
maybe if you saw me you would say i look like the one in "Back to the Future" !

My wife found this this very funny for some reason...
Personally, I like Nickelback but at some point that I missed, it became cool to hate them. Love em or hate em, kudos to them for being willing to make fun of themselves in response to the Packers petition.

Just mildly funny and some language definitely NSFW but I thought it would spark some discussion.
NIckleback responds to NFL petition.

One thing we all can agree on, Chad always has the worst hair cuts. ALWAYS!
That was really quite good.
Great to see them take it in stride.



What funny thing ?
When you have that much money and sell that many albums you can take alot of things in stride.
VERY funny - historical events Facebook updates!
Originally Posted By: Murph
Personally, I like Nickelback but at some point that I missed, it became cool to hate them. Love em or hate em, kudos to them for being willing to make fun of themselves in response to the Packers petition.

Just mildly funny and some language definitely NSFW but I thought it would spark some discussion.
NIckleback responds to NFL petition.

One thing we all can agree on, Chad always has the worst hair cuts. ALWAYS!


It was stated in the video, rather directly, that Detroit hates them because they're Canadian. That's weird, becasue the rest of the U.S. considers Michigan, Minnesota AND Wisconsin to be part of Canada.

The Dr. looks like the Monopoly guy.

Last time I'm playing Monopoly.
This was originally going to go in "what yummy thing are you eating tonight ?"

Potato Wedges

Preheat oven to 400F. Wash 3 potatoes, cut into 8-12 wedges each depending on size. Toss with a mix of jerk seasoning, hot sauce, and a bit of oil. Arrange wedges on baking sheet in neat rows. Open oven door, pick up baking sheet, observe baking sheet slide through fingers, observe wedges on floor.

Retrieve wedges. Wash kitchen floor. Debate whether hot peppers will kill floor cooties since 5 second rule was not observed.
Eh. They'll be fine.
You're in Virginia ?
Indeed, I am. I live here now. Virginia is cool.
Currently has some samples from the book, I Am Better Than Your Kids. There is rough language if that offends you.
The last name of the person I just bought something from on eBay is "Gaydar." That's funny, right?
Maybe it's pronounced with a soft g?
Originally Posted By: St_PatGuy
Maybe it's pronounced with a soft g?

...or maybe it's just a myth.
I will postulate that NORAD does not have a bank of gaydar screens.






Or do they? *cue dramatic music*
Wasn't Gaydar O'Reilly the pseudonym that Negative Orange always used when checking into Korean hotels?
Originally Posted By: medic8r
Wasn't Gaydar O'Reilly the pseudonym that Negative Orange always used when checking into Korean hotels?


I don't know, but I bet CV has the commemorative Kim Jong-il bobbleheads to prove it.
That was great Sean
Don't slip and fall off a curb in Augusta, GA.
What a riot! I re-posted to Facebook!
That was awesome.
Ha. That's pretty great.
I've read that story and a couple of other variations too many times not to look it up, so I did, and here's what I found...

http://www.snopes.com/politics/military/stabbedmarine.asp

I thought it sounded a little over sensationalized the first time I read it several months ago.

Nonetheless, good for the Marines!
Having lived in Augusta for 9 years, and having shopped at that Brest Buy, I took an interest in this story. I found the snopes link yesterday and also this editorial from the local newspaper. It is written in their typical pompous style, reminding me why I didn't subscribe. Enjoy?
Originally Posted By: medic8r
Having lived in Augusta for 9 years, and having shopped at that Brest Buy,


One letter away from an excellent Freudian slip there, Doc.
So, two psychiatrists meet for breakfast every other Thursday. Jim is always prompt, but not this morning. Larry is a bit concerned.
I like your new sig, Bob.

I know what I'm getting tomtuttle and pmbuko for Christmas.

Originally Posted By: medic8r
I like your new sig, Bob.


It was special--- made just for you.

I don't know. I was feeling all syrupy inside or something.
Originally Posted By: medic8r
I know what I'm getting tomtuttle and pmbuko for Christmas.


It's out of stock!
Make your own as needed. Fresh bacon strips and some cyanoacrylate.

Note: Not responsible for any injuries you occur from neighborhood dog attacks.
Hippos say the darndest things.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MyZwDcLGknU
LOL. It may be priceless, but I might give you $1.99 for it.
Did she really ask, "What was that?" at the end?

Really, lady?




I'm pretty sure I know what it was.
Originally Posted By: pmbuko
Hippos say the darndest things.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MyZwDcLGknU


YouTube had me watch this video after the hippo one. Louis CK says great stuff about George Carlin. I need to expose myself to more Carlin comedy at some point.
My Heart Will Go On -- covered on a recorder
That version would have made Titanic sink faster.
Or slower. Just to preserve the agony.
OH, THE PAIN


Obi-Wan is kind of a jerk.


Maybe he thought it was Bark Vader?











Oh, that was bad.
Originally Posted By: pmbuko
Obi-Wan is kind of a jerk.


Hey, that's what the dog gets for locking poor Obi-Wan out in the rain.
Africans being pelted by smart bombs from Mars!



That's no smart bomb. It's a double-sided booby trap.
That's good! I didn't see that until you mentioned boobies.
I Just Perform This Way Lady Gaga parody.

Watch at your own risk. May have to use extra soap to wash it off.
Don Cherry's piano desk

Must be a Canadian thing.
That's classic, it must be the jacket! I can hear my dad grumbling at the guy now!

Rick, I'd bet that the one on the left write the caption.

Here's my evidence, from her high school yearbook:


Did they drop the house on the fire or something?
The news report is correct. It's FOX "news" after all, and they're in an alternate backwards universe.

If you saw the broadcast, the next caption said "the water was quickly put out with fire thanks to the slow response from our Russian neighbours water fighters department".
Originally Posted By: Powertothepeople
The news report is correct. It's FOX "news" after all, and they're in an alternate backwards universe.

If you saw the broadcast, the next caption said "the water was quickly put out with fire thanks to the slow response from our Russian neighbours water fighters department".


Actually, I think that CAN happen in Las Vegas.
Originally Posted By: BobKay
Originally Posted By: Powertothepeople
The news report is correct. It's FOX "news" after all, and they're in an alternate backwards universe.

If you saw the broadcast, the next caption said "the water was quickly put out with fire thanks to the slow response from our Russian neighbours water fighters department".


Actually, I think that CAN happen in Las Vegas.


laugh
If you didn't catch the 20th anniversary show of Absolutely Fabulous the other night, check your listings, as I'm sure they'll run it ad naseum until the next 2 installments arrive. It's running on LOGO, but if you're afraid you'll get caught, it's also on BBCA.

This time 'round, Jennifer Saunders trashes the Royal Wedding, Pippa Middleton's ass, the Kardashians ("Look," she says, pointing to a group photo of them in a showbiz mag, "in America, diseases have become celebrities!"), and hosts of other contemporary people and topics.

I was afraid I'd be disappointed. No way.

Funny Thing #2

You guys brought up Fiat in the Shoutbox, so I take no responsiblity for the synapses involved in this vision.

I saw one of JLo's Fiat commercials again last night. Night shot, shiny, abondoned, rain-slicked city street, hotel entrance with still doorman.

The camera zooms in to the bottom of the driver's door. A single shoe extends and makes contact with said shiny street and displays it's full reflection in the wet asphalt. (Of course, JLo wouldn't be caught dead in shoes that cost less than $15,000--the MSRP of the gussied-up Fiat she's "driving.")

So I'm thinking, she needs some men in the commercial with her; make it sexier, something for everybody. She's very small, so, for contrast, we need really tall ones, like, umm JP, Peter, and Ray----- you know, just to show how "roomy" it really is.

After she ascends the curb to the sidewalk, the three of them slowly emerge and stand smiling, together, forming a wall behind her, where the top of her "do" barely reaches their lowest ribs.

Because she is tricked out to the 9's, they will be wearing tuxedoes, but with clown shoes. (You know, about the same size they already wear, but in bright colors and patterns, to emphasize the Barnum quotient of the car's true capacity.)

The final shot will be on her face. As she begins to speak the closing line, we pan back to include our forum buddies. Everyone is smiling as she says, "Whenever I go out cruisin' with my friends, Andre and The Marfan Twins, we do it in style!"

C'mon, I'm depressed! But that did make me feel a lot better about myself.
Quote:
Andre and The Marfan Twins


Now, that's some funny stuff, right there.

I am typically amused by stories that include clown shoes out of their natural environment.
Originally Posted By: tomtuttle
Quote:
Andre and The Marfan Twins


I am typically amused by stories that include clown shoes out of their natural environment.


Me, too, but what does that have to do with this?
Yeah, J.P. Patches and clown shoes go together like PB&J.
Don't denigrate yourself. The tuxedoes I had in mind were new, and designer!
Bob, I'm glad you hang around these forums.

People here used to think I was crazy. But assuming they're now grading on a curve, between your posts and Ken stabbing everyone, I'm looking like a pretty reasonable alternative.

::bracing for the stabbity, stabbity::
Don't worry, your current signature pic keeps you in the running.
Not a stabbity. OK, maybe a snickery.
Saturday Night Live TSA skit.

Another SNL TSA skit.

The following two contain colourful language.

News anchor fail compilation 2011.

The most important newscast you'll see (how the media works).
The Dali Lama joke was great!

I was once less than 10 feet from him and I had nuthin! Damn! I wasn't in awe or anything. I just wanted to get close enough to see if he smelled bad ( he did not), but I'm not offended by the smell of hard liquor anyway.

Cam, when the downtown city background photos of these network affiliates include less than 4 buildings over 17 stories high, your'e not exactly getting national caliber on-air "talent."

However, LA has tons of tall buildings (simply because they shouldn't), and netwtork affiliate news there is abysmal. I think there's a long-time weatherman there whose name is Rayne. Then again, we had a weatherwoman here named Chicage Windler.

Keep 'em coming, please. After all, stupid is stupid.
If you want to see something horrifying from the 80's, you tube search for the love boat and teri hatcher. She had a regular gig.
There is no one or no thing you could mention that would make me youtube The Love Boat. Even as a child who only had TFC (Two F__in Channels) I somehow knew it was wrong.
Hey wasn't Chicage Windler mentioned in the Negative Orange stalker song?
it's teri hatcher dancing.....
Not a Teri fan. I always wanted Superman to drop her.
Originally Posted By: Murph
Not a Teri fan. I always wanted Superman to drop her.


That's the second time in as many days that you indicated deriving pleasure from watching people be dropped rather than saved. I'd push up that meeting with your parents---for starters.
Originally Posted By: tomtuttle
Hey wasn't Chicage Windler mentioned in the Negative Orange stalker song?


I don't know, but I bet CV has Bob's mustache smudge on his bedroom window to prove it.

There is a very well-maintained child care center near my house. Just this week, they installed a large new sign streetside, where the old one had been. It is very attractive; carved in relief, off-white ground, deep blue lettering with really nice gold accents.

The final text at the bottom of the sign reads exactly:

CHILD CARE---15 months-12 years

Had I known, I may have bought a couple for myself a long time ago, especially since you can now warehouse them for such protracted periods.
Originally Posted By: BobKay
Originally Posted By: Murph
Not a Teri fan. I always wanted Superman to drop her.


That's the second time in as many days that you indicated deriving pleasure from watching people be dropped rather than saved. I'd push up that meeting with your parents---for starters.


I just like to think that I have a keen interest in the science of Newtonian Physics.
Originally Posted By: Murph
Originally Posted By: BobKay
Originally Posted By: Murph
Not a Teri fan. I always wanted Superman to drop her.


That's the second time in as many days that you indicated deriving pleasure from watching people be dropped rather than saved. I'd push up that meeting with your parents---for starters.


I just like to think that I have a keen interest in the science of Newtonian Physics.


Ya, falling bodies.
Going to see Achmed and Walter tonight.....terrifying!!
Sounds like fun, Adrian!
I love those guys. Hope you had a blast!
Thanks guys, Jeff was hilarious!
I wasn't really sure where to put this, but I thought it was pretty funny. Lots of Negative Orange material there.

Updated Coachella Festival Lineup


I think that any facial hair that I grow is going to be ironic.
I got a kick out of that Tom.
One of the better named local bands I have seen around here lately are "The Dysfunctional Dads".
There a rock band here of women in their 40's who call themsleves HRT (hormone replacement therapy).
Not a Bob joke.
Originally Posted By: BobKay
Not a Bob joke.

Could be a BOOB joke though.
Check out the guy trying to wave his hands with the crowd just after 6:40 min in. I don't think I have ever seen such awkwardness at a concert before. He is in the rightmost section of the screen.

Scorpions - Wind of Change

It's the Scorpions, but with a full orchestra backing them up so it's even JohnK safe for viewing.
Ok, now ve going to ze right. Now ze left. Wait, no.
I thought he had it right and the 18,000 people around him were out of sinc, no?
He was just out of phase

What I hate, is the revealing of all the action scenes while choosing the audio options and just before hitting play movie.

I feel that I've got to make those choices in a hurry, just so it won't spoil the movie.
Two dogs dining. laugh
That was GREAT, Cam!!!!! I wish Paul (Worfraza) were around to catch it. He could start a whole line of flatware for dogs.
That is a great one!
Originally Posted By: Powertothepeople


That was fantastic, Cam! I think I will share this one on Facebook. I LOVED it!
That was great.
My friend is going for a vasectomy tomorrow. His wife said it's been a long time coming....
Wouldn't it be funny, if I was the one now who tore you a new one for posting that? LOL LOL LOL
Originally Posted By: Powertothepeople
My friend is going for a vasectomy tomorrow. His wife said it's been a long time coming....

Who's your friend, Peter North?
Originally Posted By: medic8r
Originally Posted By: Powertothepeople
My friend is going for a vasectomy tomorrow. His wife said it's been a long time coming....

Who's your friend, Peter North?


Umm, I don't think that both of us are supposed to know that name. Remember, I get therapy, you dole it out on little signed slips of paper.
I was doing research.

Really, I searched, and then I searched again.
You probably liked him better when he went by Matt Ramsey.
Originally Posted By: medic8r
Originally Posted By: Powertothepeople
My friend is going for a vasectomy tomorrow. His wife said it's been a long time coming....

Who's your friend, Peter North?


Originally Posted By: BobKay
Originally Posted By: medic8r
Originally Posted By: Powertothepeople
My friend is going for a vasectomy tomorrow. His wife said it's been a long time coming....

Who's your friend, Peter North?


Umm, I don't think that both of us are supposed to know that name. Remember, I get therapy, you dole it out on little signed slips of paper.


Originally Posted By: medic8r
I was doing research.

Really, I searched, and then I searched again.


laugh laugh laugh laugh laugh
The bark side: 2012 Volkswagen game day commercial teaser
Originally Posted By: medic8r
You probably liked him better when he went by Matt Ramsey.


Sicker, way sicker. I know his real name!

Now that's research!
Movies/movie posters, reimagined.
I'd go to a theater to watch the Big Lebowski again if it starred Frank Zappa.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mSZmewEe_L8
Originally Posted By: medic8r


Those are really well done!
Originally Posted By: Adrian


That's awesome
Originally Posted By: St_PatGuy
Originally Posted By: medic8r


Those are really well done!


They really are. I'm impressed.
Since there have been a lot of Tim Horton's jokes on the board lately, I thought you US folks might like to see the results of Tim's changing their cup sizes up here. Complete with Newfoundland accents, which makes everything better.

New Cup sizes
My sister sent me this one: "Mission Impossible": I Don't Understand How Tall Everyone Is
Sh*t Walkies Say to Wheelchair-Riders
That's funny Cam.
I think it's hilarious and very realistic seeing that I've had a majority of those things said to me.
That's pretty funny Kevin.
Originally Posted By: Murph
That's pretty funny Kevin.


laugh
Are all vignettes now sited in front of a Starbuck's?

There's a Starbuck's where the Starbuck's used to be. I wouldn't have noticed, until you pointed it out to me.--John Wesley Harding
Reasons why life is better as a complete quadriplegic:

1) A pair of shoes will last a lifetime.

2) You never have to do any chores.

3) People wait on you hand and foot.

4) You get money for doing nothing.

5) You feel virtually no pain.

6) You don't have to look for a seat in a crowded room.

7) You get to bring a reclining chair to the movies.

8) Your personal chauffeur takes you where you want to go.

9) You never get your clothes all sweaty (you don't sweat below the neck).

10 You're never tempted to shoplift.

11) You'll never get germs from doorknobs.

12) There's no reason to be afraid of needles.

13) You can endure a beating like no other.

14) You don't have any nervous body movements (ex. Swaying, hands shaking, etc.).

15) You'll never mess up wet nail polish.

16) Childbirth

17) You won't pick scabs.

18) Short lines at amusement parks

19) Everyone politely opens doors for you.

20) Your feet never fall asleep.

21) You have an excuse not to work out.

22) People move out of your way when driving (you get the right-of-way).

23) You don't have to clap at a really lame speech.

24) You won't dirty hands while eating a messy meal.

25) You're not very abusive.

26) You'll never be agitated by a wedgie.

27) You'll never step your foot in gum or dog dookie.

28) No one can completely critique how well your clothes fit since you're always sitting.

29) No more writers cramp

30) Your servants feed you.

31) You won't trip.

32) You don't have to "make the first move."

33) No one cares if you're short.

34) You're never responsible for making a mess.

35) You'll never get caught picking your nose.
36.) No one cares if you have to be strapped into your chair in order to continue drinking.

Awesome list!!!!!
Originally Posted By: BobKay
36.) No one cares if you have to be strapped into your chair in order to continue drinking.

And you will.....
One of my online friends shared this: The Princess Bride Pregnancy Test
Cool. It's close to what I thought it might be. I figured it'd play off of "Inconceivable!" but with the positive result being, "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."

A couple of years after you get an Inigo result, then this will be relevant:


That's our situation now with the dog....most often the "H"....

Just happened a few minutes ago during my noon time walk.

I came upon two ladies with their backs turned to me trying to put change into a parking meter. Their change was going in one slot and flying out the other, falling into the snow.

I couldn't see their faces as they had their hoods up but it looked like they were not seeing that the change was falling out so I stopped and said something along the lines of "excuse me, but your change is falling into the snow." I also then noticed they were trying to use dimes and nickels and our machines only take quarters, Loonies and Toonies. Those are 1 and 2 dollar coins for our non-Tim Horton's drinking friends here.

When they turned to face me I could see that they were Chinese and looked confused. I wasn't sure if they didn't understand me or if the hood blocked their hearing so I repeated myself.

Now they looked even more confused and they said something in Mandarin that I did not understand. Then I had the bright idea maybe some visual aids would help. So I checked my pocket for change and found a quarter. I held it up and pointed at the meter.

Well, they definitely understood something because at this point, she snatched the quarter from my hand and said "Thank You, Thank You" and into the meter it went.

What could I do? I said "Your welcome" and walked away thanking myself I didn't dig deeper in my pocket for a Toonie.
Wow, you're like the Ambassador of Tourist Goodwill, despite being so cheap.

Shoulda gone for the Toonie. They probably got a ticket after their meter expired and they're cursing you as a mean local now.
Don't forget to go back for free money when the snow melts.
*plans trip to PEI, will stand in front of a car dealership with a perplexed look on my face as I watch my checkbook repeatedly slide off the hood of a new Porsche in hopes Andrew walks by to "help" me*
Also in Princess Bride news, another online friend sent me this: Alamo Drafthouse Unveils PRINCESS BRIDE Signature Wine Line “The Bottle Of Wits”

Someone please try some and report back. Bonus points if anyone can attend one of the Valentine's Day Quote-Along Feasts. There's one in Winchester, VA if that's anywhere near you Virginians. Otherwise, they're in Austin, Houston, and San Antonio, TX.
Originally Posted By: St_PatGuy
*plans trip to PEI, will stand in front of a car dealership with a perplexed look on my face as I watch my checkbook repeatedly slide off the hood of a new Porsche in hopes Andrew walks by to "help" me*


Porsche dealership on PEI ???

Um, Ferrari?

*darn it*
Aston Martin.
Maserati.
Skoda.
Ooh! Ooh! I know, Fisker or Tesla. Because Murph's all green and stuff.
International Harvester.
WINNER!

Actually, we have way more of the standard car dealerships than we need. Nothing high end though. Closest Porsche dealership would be in Halifax, Nova Scotia. About a 4 hour drive. Not bad.

There are lots of high end cars on PEI but they are mostly all owned by the same select few. You also won't see them this time of year due to winter and salt on the roads.
Sausage eating contest and anchorwomen ... "Oh, and like sausage eating?"
This kid is going places.
Someone sent me this a few minutes ago.
Congressman posts a 'The Onion' story on Facebook as a 'real' concern.
Originally Posted By: fredk
This kid is going places.


I am jealous. Either that or I'd spend all my money attacking him with the claw.
Originally Posted By: Murph
Originally Posted By: fredk
This kid is going places.


I am jealous. Either that or I'd spend all my money attacking him with the claw.


I bow to you.
Originally Posted By: Murph

Priceless!
This guy has really trained his dog well.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BgmuWFcbQUU
Ah, now that's my native dialect. Reflect. Respect.
Chalk another one up as to why I don't own dogs.
Originally Posted By: pmbuko
This guy has really trained his dog well.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BgmuWFcbQUU


That just kept getting better and better. laugh
'Objects come to Life' photos.
That was great. I loved the chicken and egg in particular. Thanks for the link Murph.
+1 for the toothpaste pic
That one kinda scared me a bit! Too many ways to interpret that pic. grin
Plop, plop, fizz, fizz.
Hey sexy!

Shut the door, drop your pants, climb on top of me, and satisfy your needs.

Love always,

The Toilet
Originally Posted By: Powertothepeople
Hey sexy!

Shut the door, drop your pants, climb on top of me, and satisfy your needs.

Love always,

The Toilet


Hey, that was a 1980's weekly newpaper personal ad of mine! Plagiarist bastard!
Originally Posted By: BobKay
Originally Posted By: Powertothepeople
Hey sexy!

Shut the door, drop your pants, climb on top of me, and satisfy your needs.

Love always,

The Toilet


Hey, that was a 1980's weekly newpaper personal ad of mine! Plagiarist bastard!


laugh

Brilliant, an interesting interpretation, funny, not so funny, cheesy, simply horrible, all of the above in that order?

I can't decide.
Cello Light Saber Battle.
He's not a bad player. Too bad he got that concept from some drunk Irish guy.
For Ken:

Exterminate! Exterminate!


So, everyone here knows this, but there's more evidence that I am crazy. This old chestnut is making the rounds on Facebook:

A Medical Student's Guide to Choosing a Medical Specialty


that's great, medic, my sister who's a retired nurse will love this one. :-)
It's not a very long path to psychiatry, is it?

That must have saved you some time at Upstairs Medical College (3rd door on the right).
I ended up as an ENT and I have no idea what that is.
Ear, Nose, and Throat doctor (otolaryngologist).

I would have thought your options were limited to psychiatry or emergency medicine.

You too, Mark.
Originally Posted By: medic8r
Ear, Nose, and Throat doctor (otolaryngologist).

I would have thought your options were limited to psychiatry or emergency medicine.

You too, Mark.


I'd rather be a gynecologist.
Originally Posted By: BobKay
It's not a very long path to psychiatry, is it?

That must have saved you some time at Upstairs Medical College (3rd door on the right).

Ha! That was my first thought to. Shortest path to the nuthouse and its a paying gig too.
Posted By: fredk On matters of great importance... - 03/03/12 05:34 AM
We MUST know!
Posted By: MarkSJohnson Re: On matters of great importance... - 03/03/12 12:51 PM
So now I have to worry about Beer Hip too?
Posted By: CatBrat Re: On matters of great importance... - 03/03/12 01:26 PM
The OWL and CAT video.
Posted By: fredk Re: On matters of great importance... - 03/03/12 10:37 PM
Originally Posted By: MarkSJohnson
So now I have to worry about Beer Hip too?

At least you can tell people research has proven you're a hip dude.
Posted By: SBrown Re: On matters of great importance... - 03/04/12 02:29 AM
You can be a "hipster" too.
Posted By: BobKay Re: On matters of great importance... - 03/04/12 05:32 PM
Originally Posted By: fredk


Hmm. First time I've ever seen the phrase "beer hips" in print.

I think it's time for another Bob poll, my dear little swillhounds. Measure from the top of R pelvic bone to L pelvic bone (at your iliac crest) above your ass. Now do the same for front side to front side through the middle of your gut.

Please post your rear-to front ratio, so I can award the Porker Prize. It's like the Pritzger Prize for architecture, only less well known.
Great foreign commercial, even if the youTube post gives away the joke in the title (so I might as well, too):

Round up your mates for a GUINNESS this St. Patrick's Day.
"'Who's your daddy?' - that's what the dog is saying"

Awesome. Thanks!
I like that! laugh
Mississippi conservatives.
I found the presentation of these pickup lines to be just perfect. smile

http://i.imgur.com/b1A55.jpg
George Takei's Facebook page.

Great place to catch up on internet memes and other funny stuff. He consistently presents quality funnies.
These are 3 recent Massachusetts news items I thought were funny.

A 100 year old woman was just found incompetent to stand trial for murder for the 2rd time! They first tried a couple of years ago, when her 100 year old nursing home roomate was found dead----strangled, with a plasctic bag over her head.
I guess living long has its rewards.

A suburban Boston policeman pulled over a woman driving erratically in her SUV. After determining that she had her child in the car and was drunk, he made her leave the car by the roadside and drove her to the police station where she called a friend to come get her. Her friend, also traveling with a child, arrived at the station to get her, also drunk. She was arrested as well.
Wonder who SHE called to fetch her?

An estranged married couple got into a fight last week on Cape Cod. It escalated to the point where he pulled out a gun and shot her. Being only wounded, she was able to whip out hers and shoot HIM---dead.
Getting through the desolation of winter on the Cape can be so hard.
Originally Posted By: BobKay
An estranged married couple got into a fight last week on Cape Cod. It escalated to the point where he pulled out a gun and shot her. Being only wounded, she was able to whip out hers and shoot HIM---dead.

There's a moral somewhere in that there very short story...
Couple of things this morning.

Did you ever notice that no one in a beer commercial has a beer belly?!

and


Originally Posted By: medic8r
Couple of things this morning.

Did you ever notice that no one in a beer commercial has a beer belly?!

and



He's a cute Rott mix. We can see that his owner is named Bubba and someone is about to ruin that (cheesy) Oriental by washing it with soap and water. Nice find, JP!
It's amazing what the mind can miss when looking at a photo. I saw the dog, of course, and chuckled at the tattooed guy in the wife beater but somehow a pink bucket just didn't register. I'd make a lousy detective.
The dog's teeth look clean, if that means anything.
Originally Posted By: BobKay
... someone is about to ruin that (cheesy) Oriental by washing it with soap and water.

Hey, thanks for the tip. You saved my rug. So how do ya like my new tattoos? crazy
This one's for grunt: http://johngoodmansfaceonanimegirls.tumblr.com/

Not that safe for work.
Originally Posted By: medic8r
Originally Posted By: BobKay
... someone is about to ruin that (cheesy) Oriental by washing it with soap and water.

Hey, thanks for the tip. You saved my rug. So how do ya like my new tattoos? crazy


You can't fool us. That guy is NOT 6'13"!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q34z5dCmC4M
This dude's dog sends him texts: http://textfromdog.tumblr.com/. Language advisory.
Guess which Axiomite has been immortalized on the interwebs?

No, not me.


D'ja ever have an old friend recall, with a snicker, something you did or said that you don't remember at all?

I stopped in to a friend's print shop today. I aways joke with him that he's on the leading edge of a dying industry.

We made reference to a departed close friend and bandmate of 40 years. There were 6 of us who all go back that far together who acted as pollbearers.

As we were carrying him out of the church and into the hearse for the final ride, I was talking, in his voice, as if from inside the coffin, and two of our friends almost dropped him from biting back laughs. I asked what the hell did I say. He said he couldn't remember and it didn't matter. I don't think his wife and two kids under 12 would have appreciated it, but he would have laughed his ass off. Still, I don't remember doing that.
Brilliant!
Here is something for our American friends who are always messing things up when referring to Canada's Geography. I believe it covers just about everything you will ever need to know.

New Ireland! Ha!
That's awesome, Murph! laugh

Who knew bears like trampolines?


I just got this Freeycle email a moment ago. No wonder the pants are too long!

Quote:
A nice person gave me some clothes this week. However, the pants are too big. So I am paying it forward and offering them on Freecycle. They are office type of pants and one pair of jeans. I am 5.5 inches tall and they are too long for me. Unless you want to hem them I would respond if you are 5.6 and above.

This happened yesterday...
I was in a record store with BobK and I asked him what he thought about Lionel Richie redoing his hits as country duets.

I got a very long vacant stare.
You're lucky you were not injured. You probably deserved to be injured.

I'm just sayin......
This happened yesterday.

I was in a record store with Chris. There was a 23 year old clerk wearing heels, fishnets and a pleated skirt that began at her waist and ended at her, umm, waist. I asked Chris many questions, but he never responed, since he was always looking away from me.
I laughed really hard at Bob's post because it was so true.
How did you know she was 23?
Maybe he cut her in half and counted the rings?
If she was blonde you start by asking her her mothers age. She will begin to reply with "Ummm Let's see, I'm 23 so......"

[Joins Mark in ducking and running away]
She was slightly gothy, with just a strip of bright red on her long, dark hair. Big smile, bright and friendly. I've seen her in a white latex sex-slave-nurse outfit at Halloween in the store. I'm not kidding. I hate when something like that casues me to revisit my core values.
And exactly WHERE is this record store located?
Braintree Plaza. It's not that far outta your way to or from RI.
I'm seriously addicted to this show.
It's also educational. For example, if you need a primer on Theoligical Debating Skills...
F-bombs on BBC1? Whoa! We are so retarditaire (I can still use that word, right?).

You just feel all comfy and homey with it, Andrew, 'cause the BBC has finally allowed potty-mouthed Irish working class characters on telly. Yay!!!
Well, America had Archie Bunker forever, it's about time the rest of the world followed suit.
Moose? What Moose?
Drop a cat: always lands on its feet.
Drop buttered toast: always lands buttered side down.

What if you drop a cat with a piece of buttered toast on its back?

The question, is at long last, answered.
Hilarious!
Today's entry to the 'you can't make stuff like this up' list:

The Prime Minister naked? Really?
Cool site!

I don't know why, but this one had me in stitches for quite a while.

Yikes!!
GrammarBot lives. He's been reincarnated in rap form.

Language = NSFW.
People who can talk that fast are aliens.
If you gave me just a little teensy bit of amphetamines, I'll bet I could do that.
Done! I'll bring them and my video camera to the next get-together.
Don't forget the helium.


JJJ FTW!
Memiac!
This was MY afternoon yesterday:

--------------------

Some days you just have to treat humanity like your own personal chew toy, got a drunken wrong number yesterday:

"Good afternoon"
'Hey... are you delivering my meat to (address deleted)?'
"Pardon?"
'My package of meat to (a/d). Are you delivering it?'
"Who are you looking for?"
'Is this Jacob's Meat?'
"Oh, yes, sorry.. I could barely hear you. Which size package was that?"
'The 40 lb one'
"Right, I meant to call you... we've got a special on this week, for the price of 40 lbs of beef, I can give you 120 lbs of bear meat... would you like to do that instead?"
'Uh... yeah, sure!'
"Okay, so let me just change your order..." (tapping on keyboard) "... okay, 120 lbs of bear meat... do you want the penis included in your order?"
'... ... ... the penis?'
"Yes, would you like the bear penis as part of your 120 lbs of bear meat?"
'Uh, no.'
"Well, perhaps you should ask your wife or girlfriend and call me back?"
'Yeah, okay, I will.'

That's the gift that keeps on giving... the poor guy answering the callback at the butcher and hearing "Hey, it's me again... my wife doesn't want the bear penis" - I only hope he came up with "then wear a condom or a candy bar wrapper or something".

Bren R.
Yay, Bren!
Excellent! Please have more bad days for our amusement!
Well done, Bren.
Sometimes the muse is upon me.

And other times I'm upon the muse... whatever we feel like that night.

Bren R.
I love that song by Toto.


Originally Posted By: medic8r
I love that song by Toto.


JP, I don't know if you'll like it, but I wonder if you've seen this version.

Africa

Don't be fooled. It starts out with silence even though they are moving. About 15 seconds into it, the volume comes up.
Today's 'you can't make stuff like this up' entry:

Its a bird. Its a plane. No, its...
Originally Posted By: fredk
Today's 'you can't make stuff like this up' entry:

Its a bird. Its a plane. No, its...


I beat you to it with my "In the News" message.
Originally Posted By: CatBrat
Originally Posted By: fredk
Today's 'you can't make stuff like this up' entry:

Its a bird. Its a plane. No, its...


I beat you to it with my "In the News" message.


Nope. I think there may be TWO dead helicopter cats out there, the second one being a dead helicopy cat.
Originally Posted By: BobKay

Nope. I think there may be TWO dead helicopter cats out there, the second one being a dead helicopy cat.


Arf! Arf!
Originally Posted By: BobKay
Originally Posted By: CatBrat
Originally Posted By: fredk
Today's 'you can't make stuff like this up' entry:

Its a bird. Its a plane. No, its...


I beat you to it with my "In the News" message.


Nope. I think there may be TWO dead helicopter cats out there, the second one being a dead helicopy cat.


BOOOOOOOO!
Originally Posted By: BobKay

Nope. I think there may be TWO dead helicopter cats out there, the second one being a dead helicopy cat.


Bob, as bad as that was, I can't stop laughing. laugh
This is much funnier for me because I have been to this place a bunch of times and because of my wife's friend who seems to feel obliged to constantly sing the real version of this song while she works out. You may find it anywhere from amusing to not so much. It's pretty well done for a school project though.

For the impatient folks, the video starts after 35 seconds of audio only.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v41sEavtJ3E
“It might be too cloudy to view the transit, but I know something that rhymes with Venus that needs looked at.” —Nobody’s wife, ever.
grin
Originally Posted By: Murph
This is much funnier for me because I have been to this place a bunch of times and because of my wife's friend who seems to feel obliged to constantly sing the real version of this song while she works out. You may find it anywhere from amusing to not so much. It's pretty well done for a school project though.

For the impatient folks, the video starts after 35 seconds of audio only.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v41sEavtJ3E


I really liked it until they began to repeatedly cut to the Senior Center, then I had an anxiety attack, then I got despondent, then my MDD came back. Thanks, Murphrey.
The $7k power cord isn't so funny, but some of the reviews are hilarious....

"Amazing!"
This is NOT OK for the office. Daniel Tosh is a guilty pleasure of mine. This is one of his better ones.


http://tosh.comedycentral.com/video-clips/defamed-mascot---uncensored
Originally Posted By: RickF
The $7k power cord isn't so funny, but some of the reviews are hilarious....

"Amazing!"


Yes, I do believe that more than one person has dipped into their kids' college funds to buy $7,000 cables. That spiral geometry is a siren, I tell you!
I make my own fun...

Client: "Can the top word not be made italic like I asked?"

Me: "Note the slanted letters - that is italic, the letters did not have polio as children."


Bren R.
Originally Posted By: pmbuko
#1.) “It might be too cloudy to view the transit, but I know something that rhymes with Venus that needs looked at.” —Nobody’s (#2.) wife, ever.


#2. mistake
#1. consequences.

Grammarbot, did you mean either, "needs looking at" or "needs to be looked at"?

Transposition IS harder than cut-and-paste, huh.
"Needs looked at" is a Britishism. The "to be" is understood.
Originally Posted By: pmbuko
"Needs looked at" is a Britishism. The "to be" is understood.


So it was intended just for the crownheads around here?
Yes, for the crownheads and the the royal pains in the ass. Glad to be of service.
Originally Posted By: pmbuko
Yes, for the crownheads and the the royal pains in the ass. Glad to be of service.


I always know you will be magnanimously inclusive, Peter. Thank you for the note on Anglophilia.
Originally Posted By: BobKay
Thank you for the note on Anglophilia.

I think I caught that when I was in college. I'm pretty sure it still affects me. Occasionally, I will cough twice and then suddenly wave a British flag.

If this Giant Panda had of been on Wheels, I would have suspected Cam had joined in on the Montreal Riots.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=y-QWZQou4jE
Originally Posted By: Murph
If this Giant Panda had of been on Wheels, I would have suspected Cam had joined in on the Montreal Riots.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=y-QWZQou4jE



LMAO!
I thought this list of Zen wisdom had some good ones:

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.
3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.
14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
17. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
18. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
19. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
20. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
Funny!
Some good ones, for sure. Thanks, Dan!
Cute,and funny, and #17 is SPOT ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just was in my Wish List @ Amazon Music. I'd never had one before, because they're so dangerous. It's maybe a month old.

At the end of my list, as a second-bar tag, were items I don't recall wishing for, but there they were: a pair of cables for $6,995.00 and Pac Man Fever. LOL!!!!

Very witty, very witty.

I will get you, bbigwyres!
The Frogger song is my favorite.
Originally Posted By: Lampshade
The Frogger song is my favorite.


bbiggie! You're here!
Memo to self: don't get into a Twitter war with Anderson Cooper.
“As a child, I was aware that, at night, infrared vision would reveal monsters hiding in the bedroom closet only if they were warm-blooded. But everybody knows that your average bedroom monster is reptilian and cold-blooded."

Neil deGrasse Tyson, Space Chronicles: Facing the Ultimate Frontier
Originally Posted By: medic8r
“As a child, I was aware that, at night, infrared vision would reveal monsters hiding in the bedroom closet only if they were warm-blooded. But everybody knows that your average bedroom monster is reptilian and cold-blooded."

Neil deGrasse Tyson, Space Chronicles: Facing the Ultimate Frontier


Mine were always avian in nature.
have a look here to see what a master does in horror:
http://www.joshuahoffine.com/#/6/2
[quote=J. B.]have a look here to see what a master does in horror:
http://www.joshuahoffine.com/#/6/2 [/quote


I haven't seen a good Horror film since the last time I saw Abbott & Costello meets Frankenstein. shocked crazy
Originally Posted By: Gary Vose Sr
[quote=J. B.]have a look here to see what a master does in horror:
http://www.joshuahoffine.com/#/6/2 [/quote


I haven't seen a good Horror film since the last time I saw Abbott & Costello meets Frankenstein. shocked crazy


Then don't start now by watching The Human Centipede. That one's enough to make anybody sick.
The Shining and The Exorcist are the best 2 horror movies i've seen, two old ones who look and sound very good on Blu-ray.
There may be others, but they don't come to mind now.

http://www.blu-ray.com/movies/The-Shining-Blu-ray/508/
(Plays well at Reference Level when using LPCM (+ DPLIIx Mv for 7.1))

http://www.blu-ray.com/movies/The-Exorcist-Blu-ray/2250/#Review
(Plays well at Reference level -3 dB)
The Exorcist damaged me. Another movie that some bought was silly but really freaked me out when I was younger was Poltergeist.
are you serious when you say "The Exorcist damaged me" ?
Lampy tripped over the VHS and fell down the stairs!
lol
I get drug to all the new horror movies as my wife is a fan. The only modern one that I actually enjoyed a decent bit was "The Lady in Black". It didn't scare me much although it does have some 'jumpy' scenes to it if your guard isn't up. However as a film, I enjoyed it about as much as I could for a horror flic. Except for the ending.

As a kid with a not-strict but present Catholic upbringing, "The Exorcist" definitely freaked me out in it's day. It's the last time I remember being scared at a movie. Well not entirely true. I was drug to "Message in a Bottle" and I was terrified it would never be over.

I remember liking John Carpenter's "The Prince of Darkness" as a teen in the 80's as well. Mostly because in the days when horror just equalled 'hack and slash,' it did try to blend religion and science together in an attempt to make it more believable. Pretty cheesy now by today's standards but the cameo by Alice Cooper as a zombie is still kind of fun.
At the time when the Exorcist was out, Satan and the occult were "all the rage". I read somewhere that the only way a person could be possessed was by thinking of Satan.

So, as a kid, I use to lie in bed trying NOT to think of Satan. Which of course, never worked!
Yeah, that's a toughie, alright! You might as well not think of dancing purple elephants!






whistle
Today, it's more subtle. You get possessed by listening to music and watching movies.
it appears that some music band or bands went so far as to record songs that, when played backwards, you could hear the devil speaking secret messages.
of course, every one had a cassette player or an 8 track machine that could play backwards, otherwise...you were out of luck.
Originally Posted By: CatBrat
Today, it's more subtle. You get possessed by listening to music and watching movies.

And TV commercials while not wearing your tinfoil hat.
Originally Posted By: J. B.
it appears that some music band or bands went so far as to record songs that, when played backwards, you could hear the devil speaking secret messages.
of course, every one had a cassette player or an 8 track machine that could play backwards, otherwise...you were out of luck.


And then there was that scary thing that happened if you played a MS Windows CD.......It installed Windows!!!!!
I am fairly sure that's an urban legend. Windows installs completing successfully? I doubt it.
Originally Posted By: Murph
Originally Posted By: J. B.
it appears that some music band or bands went so far as to record songs that, when played backwards, you could hear the devil speaking secret messages.
of course, every one had a cassette player or an 8 track machine that could play backwards, otherwise...you were out of luck.


And then there was that scary thing that happened if you played a MS Windows CD.......It installed Windows!!!!!


...but did not wash them afterwards. :-(
A moment ago my Mom sent me an email all in a panic because she got one of those spam messages inviting her to join some service where she could meet the following 12 people that would be perfect for her. The interesting part was that one of the 12 profile pictures was a pork sandwich.

I wonder where one would take a pork sandwich on a date? Start with a Jewish restaurant, I guess, so as not to have any chance of him seeing a friend or relative on the menu. Not sure after that.
Ahh. Just eat it and be done with it!
I find myself wondering if this is real...
I don't know how to title this.
Wa-hunh?
I need me some of them vegetable trees so I could plant them on my free land and use totally organic pesticides on them and take the vegetables to sell at the farmers' market.

I'm on the East coast, but I seem to have lost my slaves. Or they escaped again. Dagnabit!!!
Well now that she has all of those matters figured out for the rest of us, maybe she could figure this out as well E=MC2.
I thought she looked a little lop-sided.

At the supermarket yesterday picking up some fixings for making a batch of jalapeno garlic dill pickles. The herb section has a bunch of buckets, one for each type of herb. Not sure what was in the dill bucket (looked like curly parsley) but definitely not dill. The "vegetable manager" insisted it was dill, and said no it didn't look like what was in the curly parsley bucket.

In the end he pointed me to a squeeze tube of "dill seasoning". I said that wouldn't really be the same because I was making dill pickles, whereupon he asks...

"You can make pickles ?"

I went to another store.
Stores can be frightening. I once recall a similar fight at Canadian Tire get a shock on a Sunday when no auto-supply stores are open.

What kind of vehicle?
2003 TJ, Rubicon but you won't find it that way, here is the part number.
I don't see TJ. Is that like a Wrangler?
Yes, TJ is the Canadian term for Wranglers.
OK, so a 2003 TJ, how many cylinders?
6 but I don't want the part you are about to find.
Why?
Because I lifted my Jeep and I need a longer shock. This is the part number. I broke one and I just want this cheap one to -do me until the one I ordered online arrives so I can drive it now.
--I swear I could hear a cricket under the counter at this point--
Well, what make it model is the one you want from?
I don't know but I know this one fits. Can you not search by part number?
I can, but then it might not fit your vehicle.
--must suppress anger--
Please call your manager to help me, or your dad or whoever fixed your bicycle so you could get to work today after your paper route.






Olympic divers on the toilet.


With the looks on their faces, they all appear to be constipated.
Yeah, I'll bet they're not even getting any little whisper farts of bass.
Siri Argument
(Not safe for work)
Funny!

Please don't drag me into this.
That was funny.
Git yer hands offa my deelz!!!

Damn Canadians!
Water bed.
Finding this on the internet was easily the highlight of my morning.

Hilarious.

Would've been funnier if it was a yappy chihuahua, though. I kind of hate them.
It's like a real life Looney Toon, innit?!

I miss having a dog sometimes.
Cats rule!
Flight of the Conchords Team Up with Adorable, Tiny Kids to Raise Money for Sick Children


Sorry, here's the longer video: Flight Of The Conchords - Feel Inside And Stuff Like That (Red Nose Day 2012) with LYRICS
So here we are locked down for a storm and what movie came from Netflix today... White Squall

Go figure.
Stay dry(as possible), Scott.
So, for some reason, my family thought of me when they read this comic strip.
Stick it to 'em! (safe for work)
And Bouncy-Bouncy!. STILL safe for work!
Thanks, Mark!
Yeah, I enjoyed both of those.
Great stuff
Those were good, thanks Mark!
North Korean animation My bad.
This is funny and amazing at the same time:

The best cover of Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody you've ever seen
It's interesting what happens when you slow down the sound of a baby crying.
That sounds like my nightly crying.


h/t to George Takei. It's OK to be Takei.
This German guy is about to jump into an iced-over swimming pool. What could go wrong?
Looks like the world <redacted> him.
It's no wonder the Germans lost the war.
The Big Lebowski meets religion. I dig the zen bowling ball.

(edited - mild profanity on the picture, do not click if under 18, easily offended, yada yada)

Click to reveal..


Wow, I just came to post the same thing. Funny stuff!
This guy delivers a powerhouse comedic performance that could melt the clothes off all the women in the audience. Stick around for the "horny" solo. smile


As seen on a t-shirt yesterday in the office.
I like that!
Originally Posted By: pmbuko
This guy delivers a powerhouse comedic performance that could melt the clothes off all the women in the audience. Stick around for the "horny" solo. smile


That was good, I liked that. laugh
The first post. The truck analogy is priceless.
Gay guys will marry your girlfriends!

Edit: NSFW
This.
That made me pee.
Maybe we should start a "What is making you pee tonight?" thread? smile
Wouldn't be a good thread for us old guys cuz the answer would be "almost anything." frown


(Sidenote: In typing the above response, I double dribbled on one letter and ended up with the typo "almoist" which I nearly let ride since it would be so appropriate.) grin
I wonder if I would panic, laugh or kick her in the head. I wish I could honestly exclude #1 but I'm not so sure.
Good one, Jack. As a wise turtle said in an animated movie one time, "There are no accidents."

He must have been referring to your typing and not your bladder. wink
What would they do if the person they scared had a heart attack and died?
They'd have to audition someone else, I guess.
Ha.

"And ... CUT! Call 911 and clear the set. I want everyone back here in a half hour for our next take."

Just found this on youTube: If your friends acted like your pets, you might not keep them around.
Originally Posted By: CatBrat
What would they do if the person they scared had a heart attack and died?


This would be very sad

because the elevator would then have a real ghost and the little girl would be out of work.
This comedy sketch parodies the idiotic "leave the stickers on your baseball cap" trend. It made me laugh.

http://www.comedycentral.com/video-clips/uu5qz4/key-and-peele-dueling-hats
Hilarious. I love those guys.
+1, that was good stuff.
http://heeeeeeeey.com/
I wish that looped a little better.
This girl covered the Stanley Steemer jingle in many different musical styles, and it's hilarious.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4pBMOemTZ0
My God! Makes me want to go out and buy some carpet, so she can clean it.
It's probably also a viral marketing video. The production quality is too good while trying to look not so good. smile
Hegel, I Goethe, Goethe have you 'cuz I Nietzsche, Nietzsche, Nietzsche so bad
How to drink whisky.
Yeah, but how do you drink moon shine?

Oh Yeah!
You're supposed to use the moonshine to wash the Coors Light flavor out of your mouth -- not the other way around.
That is greeaat Dan!
Awesome!! I just sent that to a co-worker who makes his own 'shine.

lmfao
Here in the Maritime's where shine is more of a form of cultural, culinary arts, I found it a bit appalling. Funny though! Amazing too. That much shine in that short a period and not requiring a bucket? Unbelievable. Although not a skill I hope to ever learn.
Just got a Christmas card with a letter recapping the year. The wife describes their newly built home theatre as "The Monster", but adds that her husband's retort is that "it's only too big until you turn it on"

My wife scoffed and I just grinned smile
Originally Posted By: a401classic
"it's only too big until you turn it on"

Sounds like an good slogan for company specializing in sex toys.
Murph, that's the second post this week that involves sex. First porn, now toys.

How's your winter going so far?
"How's your winter going so far?"

for an answer, just have a look at his dog; actions speak louder than words!
A guy was in a bar behaving about as drunk as it's possible to get.

A group of guys noticed his condition and decide to be good Samaritans and take him home.

First they stand him up to get to his wallet so they can find out where he lives, but he keeps falling down.

He fell down eight more times on the way to the car, each time with a real thud.

After they get to his house, he falls down another four times getting him to the door.

His wife comes to the door, and one guy says, "We brought your husband home."

The wife asks, "Where's his wheelchair?"
That is hilarious! laugh
If there was an award for rant of the year, this guy would surely win. Hilarious once he actually gets to the Wii part, but tons of bad language if your at work. Nearly killed the poor guy to get it out at points.

Francis Hates the Wii U
I would love to write scripts for this guy.
Hard-of-hearing Vader
Peter, I shared that one with my nephew.

I'm liking some of these business cards / marketing ideas.
Q: Why Are crippled people always picked on?

A: Because they can't stand up for themselves!
Originally Posted By: Socketman


laugh laugh laugh laugh
Its not PC but then I didn't really feel anyone here was. Sorry if I offended anyone.
Every audiophile review... ever.

Make sure you hit refresh to generate a new review. smile
Quote:
tannic bottoms and farmyardy treble regions


Oh. Gawd. Can't. Breathe. laugh laugh laugh
I got one that ended in "Baked-in waves of artichoke draw the curtains." smile
... Available in walnut, cherrywood, and as a Riesling, the XB5-00 is available now.

Yum.
Would you rather fight 100 duck-sized horses or one horse-sized duck?

Think about it.

The question was submitted to President Obama during his Reddit "AskMeAnything" session last August, but it was not selected by his staff, so he never saw it. This article brings up the question. Skip to the part after the chair pictures if you don't want to read the whole thing. NSFW language in the article.

I saw this because Andrew Sullivan blogged about it here. Then, his readers chimed in, which to me is the really funny part about this: click through this post to read about the strategic use of bread, horse maces, and a Trojan Duck. Plus, Preston Manning gets in on the action.
Hmm... horse fricasee for 100 or a year's supply of giant duck meat. Tough choice.
Adult Truths -

1 Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind-of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Light than Kay.

17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

22. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

23. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.
+1 to number 20 but it hardly ever happens
I'm usually the jerk trying to cut in line.
Awesomeness.... and Audio Related!
There's another Bad Lip Reading video up on youTube. This time, they take on the NFL.

I want it now! I want cake now!
Dave Grohl's pre-show warm-up routine for Chelsea Lately is different than that of the usual E! personnel.
Mark, I saw that Buddy made the Interweb:

Not quite work friendly
Thanks JP, I needed a good smile this morning.
Fred, yours was funny too but now I have to deal with that image stuck in my head for the day.
Hey, Murph, another one, just for you. No one else look:

Click to reveal..
I refuse to comment as you will be scribbling something in your notes.

Wait, that's not my comment!

STOP SCRIBBLING !!!!!
Peter knows how to do that. And has done it. To every printer in the building.
Ken, hearing that made me laugh even harder. Thanks.

And don't forget to add a quart to that laser in the far corner of the third floor.
I made them say "OUT OF CHEESE" once, then "REPLACE WHITE TONER" another time.
White toner, is that like Liquid Paper?!
Meme of the day:
More cats in the home = more doggie treats.
I think the $12 ones would be good enough
My mind wandered to a "cheap gloves = chaffing" joke which led me to think of the "Big Bang Theory" episode where Walowitz made a robot arm with a realistic hand that got stuck in on his.... well lets just say he had to go to the hospital.

The quote that made me chuckle was something like. "Noo!! Don't turn it on. It's stuck in screwdriver mode!!"
As a segueway to the Meme of the Day, remember that time when the guys dressed up as superheroes?



Leonard Hofstadter: Fine, if Zack's going to be Superman, I want to be Green Lantern.
Raj Koothrappali: But I'm Green Lantern.
Leonard Hofstadter: You can be Aquaman.
Raj Koothrappali: I don't want to be Aquaman. He sucks. He sucks underwater. He sucks fish pee.
Leonard Hofstadter: Excuse me, I believe Aquaman uses his telepathic powers to request fish do their business elsewhere.

OK, not funny at all on it's own. What is funny, is the reaction of some folks you will show it to.

Thousands of Spiders in the sky of Brazil
Creepy.

Lets fry them up.
I found my new auto parts store. They carry everything.
NICE. I was holding off changing stores for an Arc Generator for my Iron Man suite but time travel would take care of that nicely.
Originally Posted By: medic8r
I found my new auto parts store. They carry everything.



How is that possible?
Originally Posted By: Ray3
How is that possible?

Of course it is!
Meme for the day/weekend:

I had some fun with one of my physiotherapists last night.
I was there for my frozen shoulder (not a funny thing) and usually at the end of the night they hook me to tens machine for a while. So last night I wore my new t-shirt with the LED, Iron Man ARC Reactor replica under the shirt.

When she hooked me up and turned the dial on the machine to get the current going, I hit the button for the shirt and my chest started to glow. I wasn't sure if she would notice right away but she did and actually gave a quick little scream and jumped back a bit with her hand over her mouth.

Mission Accomplished!!

Awesome!

I had an umbilical hernia surgically repaired several years ago. My doctor was top-notch...he did four tours in Iraq as a surgeon and right after my surgery he went to head up the trauma surgery team at Dartmouth. He had a really easy-going disposition though, and a good sense of humor. Before the surgery, he came to check on me in the pre-op area and told me not to worry about his shaking hands. He hadn't had a drink yet that morning and after a couple, the trembles usually stop.

Anyway, a week after the surgery, I was in his office for a followup and for him to check the stitches. He walked in and ,while washing his hands, asked me how it was going.

With an absolutely straight face and tone, I told him that I think it was all pretty good..... though I'm surprised that it was still draining some blood and so much green puss a week after.

I could tell that he was seriously trying....but failing... to remain calm and composed when he said "OK, let's take a look at it".

I ran into him a couple of months later (he still lives in town) and he recognized me. He put me in a headlock and tried to give my scalp "noogies". He told me he still laughs at how "I got him".
Jeff Gordon's test drive.

HILLARIOUS!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q5mHPo2yDG8&feature=youtu.be
That was pretty funny. I hope the salesman was wearing a diaper.
That was good! Thanks Andrew.
I really miss Michael Scott.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/mattbellassai/the-40-greatest-dog-gifs-of-2012-6z51

Some of these are much older than 2012, but they were still funny in 2012, I guess. Is that how they determine the eligibility requirements?

My current favorite is #16. WTF.
Well, that's not surprising considering I've seen YOU growl at cabbage too!
Soaring dog gave me a good chuckle.
Late to the party, but I've been enjoying Jake & Amir a lot. My sister had been trying to get me to watch them for a while, but I kept forgetting to, so she finally sent me a link when they posted their "Milkman" music video. NSFW, but funny if you don't mind some crude humor. The song is way too catchy. Their interaction in their normal videos is inspired. I'm making my way chronologically through their archive, and all of the videos are making me laugh.

I posted one of their early videos on Facebook, and my sister responded with one of their later videos. You should watch them to get a sense of how much crazier they've gotten over the years.

Beer

Butt-chugging

My coworker is a little more sensitive when it comes to gross humor, but even she liked these videos a lot. Ha ha.
That's just wrong.
Snapped this for JP

"Turned to the dark side Big Bird has ... battle him I must!!!"

I can't listen to Yoda without hearing Grover. Yeah, I know, because they're both voiced by Frank Oz.
This Ship My Pants ad from KMart.
How animals eat their food.
Michael Shannon reads the insane Delta Gamma sorority letter

Features offensive language. (NSFW)
http://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/25-youtube-comments-that-are-actually-funny
Nope, still dumb.
Kids today...
10,000 iPhone dominos
I don't want to stir up another gun control argument but you have to admin, this is funny.

John Oliver Investigates gun Control in Australia
Originally Posted By: Murph
I don't want to stir up another gun control argument but you have to admin, this is funny.

John Oliver Investigates gun Control in Australia


I missed that episode because my satellite receiver has dead for quite some time. I really enjoyed that. Thanks, bud.
Let's argue about guns.
Nice, Murph. The Daily Show and The Colbert Report are some of the most reliably funny things out there.

Of course, the stooge had to be from Virginia. *facepalm*
Nice find Murph.
If you enjoyed that, you should watch Part 2 and Part 3.
Would you rather save 30 seconds, or a life?
A guy interviewed his mom after showing her The Matrix for the first time. He recorded and animated her response. smile

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OMf9GlLXouA&feature=youtu.be
That was good. Moshimo!!!

Hey, Peter, I found the hidden camera footage of why your mom was banned from the bowling league:

Click to reveal.. (about 2 MB for those of you counting your bytes)
I seemed to have missed the part about Moshimo when I watched the movie.
I love Buzzfeed for moments like this. Everything's coming up Milhouse!!!

http://www.buzzfeed.com/summeranne/14-geeky-tattoos-that-are-actually-super-awesome
Originally Posted By: medic8r
I love Buzzfeed for moments like this. Everything's coming up Milhouse!!!

http://www.buzzfeed.com/summeranne/14-geeky-tattoos-that-are-actually-super-awesome

Tim Burton's Spyderman. I'd watch that movie!
Funny, I had the same exact thought Fred.
We never get enough fashion advice around here. I'm here to help. Never wear one of these 30 awful t-shirts.

[Voiceover guy: "NSFW due to profanity, sexual innuendo and adult situations. Viewer discretion is advised."]
The Bob Marley one is the best. I'd wear that one. smile
WTF? now it's "29 T-shirts" and they removed the Marley one.

Peter, are you secretly an editor at Buzzfeed? Or do you just have that kind of power/influence generally speaking?!

Since you like it so much, and for the sake of the Axiomites who haven't seen it yet, here's a look at where you can get one from a hairy man in Bristol, England.
This site is internet gold.

http://dontevenreply.com/
Gods that's painful.
Brutal. Funny. But Brutal.
Yikes. I couldn't read it all. Sometimes there's too much stupid.
Mostly just too much mean.
So far I like "disguised weapons" the best. I lost it when I saw the red cup.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=YgeYScYe8wI
Good stuff, you guys.

Ken, I like the chess video. laugh
Yogi, is that you?
Having watched a raccoon reach down from the tonneau cover and open a truck tailgate that way, I believe it!
Hmmm. Forget those picnic baskets, Boo Boo. I found some small 2 legged creatures in here.
Here's the new Bubble Butt Music Video that's gone viral on youtube.

Warning Language and Nudity.
I think I got a viral from watching it.

Really Effing stupid.

Or, I'm old and cranky.

No.

It's stupid.
This.
That is awesome. I really need to see the new movie.
Awesome indeed. That reminds me, I promised to take my son to see it at an Imax.
I haven't seen it yet either, Damn It!
Although I just did order a "Rocks, Paper, Scissors, Lizard, Spock" T-shirt with my ThinkGeek credit. That's gotta count for something.
I want to hook up my new computer to my Mackie mixer, and a 25' 1/8" cable won't quite reach. And the O/C side of me hates having to get a 50 footer, with all it's extra length. Luckily, I found this one that's just that tiny bit longer than the 25 footer. It's worth a couple of extra bucks to not have that 50 footer coiled up behinfd the mixer, right?
Is this a Catbrat post? It sounds like a Catbrat post.
Meow.
I was trying to figure out what kind of mixer you were talking about. I was thinking a paint mixer or something.
That's why I wrote Mackie.... to make it non-workshop and non social-gathering related! smile
Originally Posted By: Murph
Is this a Catbrat post? It sounds like a Catbrat post.

Post of the Week!
Originally Posted By: MarkSJohnson
It's worth a couple of extra bucks to not have that 50 footer coiled up behinfd the mixer, right?

It would be, to me. I've had to deal with wires, day in and day out, most of my life (setting up and tearing down a sound system for a band, etc.). I am so sick of dealing with them. I can't wait until everything is wireless.
Life imitates art...
That's a good one. Cute, too.
Huh. I hadn't pegged Tigger as a socialist.
Has the Spock vs. Spock commercial been mentioned here yet?

Edit:
It was, but it's worth linking again.

Spock vs. Spock

This is only funny because it's completely unexpected. It's really damned impressive.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EF3ptkucM4c
I saw it somewhere else Murph. Its hilarious.

Fathers day fun.
Nice one, Fred!
Originally Posted By: pmbuko
This is only funny because it's completely unexpected. It's really damned impressive.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EF3ptkucM4c


Holy crap. You might swear that that can't be real.

Fred. Your link times out on me right now. I'll try later.
Turns out he's a trained opera singer. Still good, though.
Originally Posted By: pmbuko
Turns out he's a trained opera singer. Still good, though.

That's pretty obvious from the moment he begins. Its incredible how high he can sing through. You could not possible expect that from a big guy.
I'm not sure that you can view this if you're not on FaceBook: Video
Originally Posted By: MarkSJohnson
I'm not sure that you can view this if you're not on FaceBook: Video

It can be viewed... and, yikes. shocked
Originally Posted By: Eno

It can be viewed... and, yikes. shocked
Yeah, Mark! You gotta warn people. Sheesh!!

I could have used that recently with group of teenagers at a lake in Arizona; one girl just refused to go in, explaining "You don't understand - I just CAN'T"...
Won't play on a iPad.
Originally Posted By: CatBrat
Won't play on a iPad.

Yeah, you need an iPax.
Things we could do when we were young...
I couldn't do 95% of those things when I was young. Who am I kidding?
Spock Monkey

LOL
Love it!
I can't remember whether we did this or not. Great stuff from DanLuVisiArt.

Laughing at being remiss in my parenting duties - the age of plastic:

So my 16 year old has been driving on his own for a month or so now in a new car that my parents won and gave to him. He's seen us for years pull up to the pump, slide the card in and out and dispense. We've even had him do the mechanics of nozzle in thank and lift handle or push button to start - so there's that portion. He was out yesterday and finally realized that the gas tank is not eternal and I get a phone call:

Son: DAD!! I'm on fumes - where's a gas station!??

Dad: go to main road, turn right, 2 blocks down on the right (one he's been to many times with us and one he runs past every day with the track team). Do you have money?...

1 min later, I get a text...

Son: where do I put the cash?

Dad <rolling on the floor laughing hysterically>: you have to go inside - make sure you know what pump number ur at.

1 minute later...

Son: do I give it to the cashier?

Dad: no, give it to the bum sitting outside... YES, genius!! you give the money to the cashier and tell her what pump ur at.

Then it dawned on me that our kids have never seen us go in and pay cash for gas, we've always used a gas or debit card. So he simply didn't know how it worked... epic fail on our part.
It's funny the things we take for granted and assume that kids know.

I've become aware that my niece and nephew, twins going on 12 years old, have absolutely zero sense of direction and where different places are located. When they're in the car to go someplace, their heads are always buried in their DS games. They're never looking out the window to see where they are.

When I was 12, I'm pretty sure that I knew my way from my home in South Jersey to the area where my parents were from near the Tappen Zee bridge in NY.... a 2.5 hour drive. And we only went a couple of times a year.

I swear my niece and nephew couldn't get to their school a mile away from their home if their lives depended on it.
Funny, my 13 yr old son has a great sense of direction despite having his head down all the time with DS,iPod, iphone etc., his 9yr old brother on the other hand still gets lost in campgrounds we have been to every summer for weeks since he was born.

I guess some kids are able to take it all in and others only take in what they want.
No offense to WhatFurrer and any other Texans, but this segment of Back in Black done banged mah funny bone. Don't F#@% with New York!

I'll be in NYC next month. Should I look for a shirt?
Originally Posted By: medic8r
I'll be in NYC next month. Should I look for a shirt?

Nah, just f#@% with New York and the shirt will find you!
Too true.

I am looking forward to sushipizza.
To give you guys a laugh, I'll admit to getting into some poison ivy last night. I'm covered in a horribly itchy rash from ankle to knee on the left side of my right leg. Somehow, my left leg is unscathed.

I keep an uncut buffer zone along the bank down to the shore at my place and I must have found some while dumping grass cuttings over the bank.

No Sir, I don't like it!
You must think we're a sadistic lot!

wink
There's nothing funny about Murph's misery.

Now, MARK'S misery, on the other hand...
I have Misery²
(I'm also old...I needed the bigger font to see that!) smile
You win!

Loser.
Cease and desist response letter. The url says it all.
Legal burnnnnnn!

Although what we can gain from it, is a new phrase that will suit many a conversation that we have here. I expect to see the term "anything else confusingly similar thereto" used a good bit more on this forum from now on.
Street Fighter II, Church Edition
Gotta kick out of this one.

SHARKNADO sequels! grin
[b][/b]
What? No 'Sharks on a Plane'?
This..

NSFW.
Originally Posted By: MarkSJohnson
This..

NSFW.


Fruits and Veggies....
Mark, that was very informative.




And funny, too.
Did anyone else think of Mr. Garrison saying "Oh, scissors!" when the two bunches of celery were going at it?
Bad Lip Reading
Funny!
I thought so. smile
Me too!
Hilarious Jack!
Originally Posted By: medic8r


JP, didn't you read the memo?

We're not supposed to click your links.
C'monnnn..... Just throw the ball, will ya!!

Murph: That's good.

Sean: ha!
The latest Mumford & Sons video is a parody done by well-know actors parodying the band. Full of self-deprecating humor and fool of WIN.
Just in time for this Sunday....

I know that this is like...what? The eighth or ninth video that you've probably seen of a Cat Wearing A Shark Costume Cleaning The Kitchen On A Roomba? But really, how can you not watch one more?
Ninth, but this is the best one yet.
For those who don't visit Facebook....

Here is the shark/cat/roomba combo video mentioned above.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FPrEMkB91eM
For Murph:

http://www.buzzfeed.com/robinedds/things-that-you-might-remember-troy-mcclure-from

The fan art in these is really impressive. I may have to print some of these for my Simpsons room.
After looking at these, I got to thinking. 2 minus 3 isn't possible. If you only have 2, how can you take away 3?
<RalphWiggum>That's unpossible!</RalphWiggum>
OK, I clicked the through-link to the original source of those Troy McClure posters:

http://youmightremembermefrom.tumblr.com/

There's even more goodness in there, including one for Tom about a union buster.
Originally Posted By: CatBrat
After looking at these, I got to thinking. 2 minus 3 isn't possible. If you only have 2, how can you take away 3?

You're joking, right?
Originally Posted By: CatBrat
After looking at these, I got to thinking. 2 minus 3 isn't possible. If you only have 2, how can you take away 3?

Kind of like when someone shorts the market...how can you sell something you don't own? wink
LOL
Originally Posted By: medic8r
For Murph:

http://www.buzzfeed.com/robinedds/things-that-you-might-remember-troy-mcclure-from

The fan art in these is really impressive. I may have to print some of these for my Simpsons room.


WAIT! You have a Simpson's room? WHERE ARE OUR PICTURES????

Also, your going to need some lego for in there.
Lego Announces Simpsons Lineup
Originally Posted By: Murph
WAIT! You have a Simpson's room?

You should see how accurately he replicated Nicole and Ronald's blood stains.
Hey, I had missed that announcement. Cool. My son is into LEGOs big time. We have a Bionicle battle most evenings ...
Creepy: "The 38 Most Unexplainable Images On The Web".

NSFW.

Not Safe Before Bedtime either.

Doc, you got some 'splainin' to do.
Why... why did I click on that?
Mwwwwwaaaaahhhhhhaaaaaaahhhaaaaaaa!
Not bad. Funny. The most terrifying manequins are pretty good too.
Mark, you have reframed my thinking. My job is not that bad. Certainly not as bad as it could be, from the looks of those guys. Those are just beyond ... everything.


C'mon, Canada!
Relax doc, we got it under control

Well, maybe not this guy

That guy needs to slow it down a little. Maybe a nice glass of wine will do the trick:

Too funny Peter. grin

JP. At least you could have posted a picture of Canadian wine.

Still have that on vinyl (no turntable these days though). Ah stubbies. I remember thee well.
I've never seen this before.
Sure, it's cute, but 34 million views? I don't get it.

This, on the other hand...

Originally Posted By: fredk
Too funny Peter. grin

JP. At least you could have posted a picture of Canadian w(h)ine.

"Oooh, Americans are so greedy."

I'm sure everyone's either seen it by now or doesn't care, but the latest viral video that my friend Nate foisted upon me explains what sounds foxes make.

You'll be singing this all day. You're welcome.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jofNR_WkoCE
I already know what the fox says.
Canadians are just SUCH nice people!
Pretty funny.

Except for maybe the Motorcycle killed by moose thing. People really do die from that every year in some areas. Their tall legs are the perfect height to send the half-ton body through your windshield.

On the funny side, I've fallen for the trap more times than I care to admit. You'd think I would learn.
Understood about the Moose. It's a big issue here too.
Lip Sync Battle with Joseph Gordon Levitt and Stephen Merchant on Late Night With Jimmy Fallon. Hilarious! grin
So a German guy asked his two brothers to be best men at his wedding. They made him this 80s inspired video to show him how they felt about "losing him". It is absolutely EPIC.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sxpLiQgdTI0
Originally Posted By: pmbuko
So a German guy asked his two brothers to be best men at his wedding. They made him this 80s inspired video to show him how they felt about "losing him". It is absolutely EPIC.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sxpLiQgdTI0


That's great! grin As funny as it is, it's not a bad song at all...and the video is awesome!

When Paper Army Invades CatBrat's House
Excellent! I gotta say, RC anything (esp. 'copters) with pets is a blast! Evil, but fun.
Originally Posted By: Murph


Good kitty! You killed all the vermin I see. Here's a handfull of cat treats for you.
It's not the fact these speaker cables cost $14,000 that's hilarious (although it's ridiculous!), it's the reviews. Before I read them, I actually thought 233 bought these things! LOL! Here is one of the customer images. grin


Here's one of the reviews:

"With the help of this cable, I can now experience music the way it's meant to be heard. I find that plugging this directly into my ears helps transmit the cleanest, most pure sound. Make sure you clean your ears out though (with liquefied dark matter, of course), because quality will suffer if your ear-holes aren't sparkly clean.

Also, I can fly now because of this cable."

One of the comments to the review:

"Humph! Amateur. Anyone still inserting things in their ears is a total noob. The only way to get the purest sound is to plug the AudioQuest K2s directly into the temporal lobes via solid gold binding posts drilled through the skull."

grin
This is pretty cool!

(Yes, safe for work)
That is pretty awesome. I'd donate hundreds to set that up for a few of my friends here.
Kids joke:

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As
she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his
stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.

After a moment or two, the vet
shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles,
has passed away."

The distressed woman wailed,
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied
the vet..

"How can you be so sure?" she
protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or
something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned
around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later
with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on
in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his
front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from
top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and
shook his head.

The vet patted the dog on the
head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he
returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also
delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat
back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and
strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the
woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most
definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."

The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and
produced a bill, which he handed to the woman..



The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she
cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"

The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it,
the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the
Cat Scan, it's now $150."
Good one, Mark! I wouldn't really call it a kid's joke. Kids these days can neither read nor remember that many "word things all bunched together."
IKEA or Death quiz

You're given a name and you need to choose whether it's an IKEA product or a death metal band. I got 15/20. smile
Dang! You got me by one point. I got 14.
Damn! I was really hoping there'd be one name that was both an IKEA product and a Scandinavian metal band. I guess living < 3 miles from an IKEA puts me at an advantage. Or maybe it's just because I'm gay?

I'm glad one of the 3 I got wrong was Watain, so I could see a pic of the bass player covered in blood.

Take note, you extreme Northerners! See what happens when humans don't get enough hours of sunshine?
11. Unfortunately, the pictures cut out about halfway through.
Originally Posted By: BobKay
I guess living < 3 miles from an IKEA puts me at an advantage. Or maybe it's just because I'm gay?

Either one puts you at an advantage for enjoying meatballs!
I totally believe you went there.
Not so much funny as awesome!

Originally Posted By: medic8r
Dang! You got me by one point. I got 14.


I got 14 too.
Originally Posted By: tomtuttle
I totally believe you went there.


It was totally predictable and presumptuous on both fronts. Of course he went there!

Just like the odds in quantum physics, someday he WILL, inevitably, have an original thought, but it will occur in an alternate time/space continuum to which no one else has access. Either that, or it'll just happen while he's under dental sedation and he'll forget it completely.
Murph, that's freaking awesome.

Nice work, Bob. smile
Saw this on Facebook, but in case you haven't, this is possibly the best picture of Samuel L. Jackson ever. grin
I match Ken and got 11 / 20
Hah! I scrolled down and was thinking Samuel L. Jackson before even reading your caption. Hilarious.
Bandit received a phone call last week. A small publisher is interested in his book and wanted to have him come in and talk.

He put on his dressiest harness and I drove him downtown for his appointment.

As soon as they were both seated, the publisher jumped right in.

"We love your novel! It's such a compelling and heart felt story of loyalty and obedience. I have one question, though. How come, in every scene, all of the characters are eating?"
Bob, did you see THIS?
Wicked pissah, Mark. Some of those video snippets were great!
I think most of them were those "Russian Dash Cam" clips, but it was still funny and well done!
I found a Halloween costume for Cam!

That new LG ultra HDTV is the bomb!

http://keepittrill.com/videos/2013/09/lg-tv-as-a-window-atomic-bomb-prank-during-interview/
That is awesome!
Indeed. The cracking elevator floor is another good one from LG.
I am found wat bbiggie doing f0r Hollow weenie. He barking bbig rrig in bbig contest. W!N!!1!!1

If that's real, that's impressive!!
Originally Posted By: Murph
If that's real, that's impressive!!


*giggle*
I spent two summers working as the student slave for the mechanics shop in a trucking company. I've seen them do some crazy sh__ out in the yard. Obviously the speed is farced but I would discount that a few drivers I knew at the time would't at least try. Probably result in a jackknife, but I could see them trying it.
Some of the pop at the place I had lunch today





I've seen the Martian Poop before, but not the others.

I like the Osama one: "Knock Knock. Who's There? America!!!"
I wish I had the guts to do something like this. Well...I suppose if I was VERY drunk, I might! grin
Mary, I've SEEN you pretty drunk and you STILL didn't do that! smile

Pretty funny, though!
That's cause she gave away her glass of Murphshine. Next time I'll be keeping a better eye on her.
Hey, Murph - Washington State has become a leader in the growing US craft spirits industry, including this gem which is produced in Seattle by one of the coolest guys I've ever met. It's all corn, and I've been keeping some in stock for a while now (I like to buy it directly at the distillery). Cheers!

Originally Posted By: Murph
That's cause she gave away her glass of Murphshine. Next time I'll be keeping a better eye on her.


I opted for a few more beers instead. I'm not sure which would have been better. BUT...I wasn't THAT drunk! grin
This Man’s Chatroulette recreation Of “Wrecking Ball” by Miley Cyrus.
25 of the worst food product names


Maybe I should hang around the soup isle more often.
The soup isle? I'm not aware of any islands that are famous for their soup. Unless, of course, you mean Guam's brown tree snake gumbo.
Mmm. That gumbo goes well with Hawaii.
Lot's of Islands in the Basque region famous for thier own version of Porrusalda. My favorite soup....
I normally don't pass along Buzzfeed links, but these are pretty funny.
I wonder if this guy ate the pretzels?

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B0067LGJK6/ref=redir_mdp_mobile?redirect=true&tag=cheapassgam08-20
This amazon review of a box of tissues is great. http://www.amazon.com/review/RFWM0CFO0UMWY/
Originally Posted By: pmbuko
This amazon review of a box of tissues is great. http://www.amazon.com/review/RFWM0CFO0UMWY/


That's hilarious! I sent it to my sister-in-law so she'll know what to look forward to. grin
What a clever dog! grin
Well, guess I'm crossing beagle off the list of possible dogs to adopt. smile
That is a pretty fat beagle.
And i can see why.
The home owner eats such healthy snacks.
At least one person hear should find this amusing.

http://minionfactory.blogspot.co.uk/2014/01/ultra-mad-men.html
I would love to have some of those helmet masks.
Devil Baby Attack

http://www.fastcocreate.com/3024885/ther...ets-of-new-york
What did I just watch?
Originally Posted By: nickbuol
What did I just watch?

A viral commercial.
Yeah, saw that on the news last night. Personally I don't find it funny at all.
YMMV
Yeah, it rated somewhere between "Meh" and a mild chuckle for me.

I liked the coffee shop Carrie that Mark posted a while back ( linky ) better.
Originally Posted By: medic8r
Yeah, it rated somewhere between "Meh" and a mild chuckle for me.

I liked the coffee shop Carrie that Mark posted a while back ( linky ) better.


Agreed.
Originally Posted By: nickbuol
Originally Posted By: medic8r
Yeah, it rated somewhere between "Meh" and a mild chuckle for me.

I liked the coffee shop Carrie that Mark posted a while back ( linky ) better.


Agreed.


I liked it, but then I've actually had demon children, so I think that magnifies my appreciation. Plus, that stroller looked like it controlled pretty well. I'm surprised you RC fans didn't like it just for that.
We once made an RC chassis and put a co-workers trash can on it. We just wanted to annoy her cause she wastes so much paper but we ended up scaring her so bad we had a lecture from our goofy HR dept.
Cute, funny, and creative. smile
tonight, like most other nights (evenings), i sit at my official MLP, set everything up, start the music and then close my eyes.

yesterday evening, i was listening to Ivan Rebroff and at some moment, i opened my eyes in the surrounding semi-darkness, and was surprised to see those M80s in front, not expecting to see them there.
for a moment, i had forgotten that the sounds do come out of them, they being so adverse to making their own sounds.

this is much much better than at my sister's where the sound system
is recessed in a 6 ft. large wardrobe with louvered doors.
it never "comes out of the closet"!
Watchy watchy. NO! YES!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yWcak9tZupc
Watchy watchy. NO!
Originally Posted By: sonicfox


That was pretty good.
This white guy pretending to be an Indian calling a hotel to ask for a reservation is hilarious.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZ3gs1K3rVQ
I saw this and thought of Ray. Sounds like the kind of thing he'd do.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/ellievhall/a-grandfather-wrote-this-moving-and-funny-obituary

Ray's version would no doubt include the dating advice he gave his daughters about teenage boys basically being erections with tennis shoes.
While not as appropriate for a psychiatrist, you may appreciate the humor in this epitaph.

William P. Rothwell, M.D.

1866-1939

This is on me.
Though of this after the RUSH comments in the Recent Remastered CDs thread.

Like! The fourth member must have been absent that day?
Oh, I know, he was taking the picture!
Not sure what IMAX was thinking when they made the IMAX Digital theaters? This video explains everything:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5qk_yjRRUA
That is why I usually seek out Regal RPX or Carmike XD theaters. They at least are a big screen experience.

Although I am going to the TCL Chinese Theatre IMAX on Monday night. (This is the former Grauman's Chinese Theatre that was redone as a large format IMAX.)

Also going to the Van Nuys Plant 16 theater on Tuesday to experience DBox motion seats.

Here is a time lapse video of the renovation of the Chinese Theatre:
I'm liking @midnight on Comedy Central. "Hashtag Wars" are always my favorite part of the show. Along those lines, I found this cool list of movies that you could ruin by adding one word to the title:

https://www.studentbeans.com/worldweirdw...tweets5599.html
Heheh Reminds me of when I got in trouble for changing the chalk sign for the the 'flavor of the day' at my usual coffee shop.

All i did was remove the "er" in "Chocolate Butter Crunch" but I guess it caused quiet a commotion.
The police and firefighters quite often don't see eye to eye, but this is ridiculous. Then again, it is the NY police department gang of thugs, so anything can happen....
What? You mean that's not how you play hockey???
Went to a fight and a hockey game broke out. Seriously though these guys need some serious reprimand and a full out apology plus they need to do some lines. I WILL BEHAVE IN PUBLIC
Originally Posted By: Socketman
Went to a fight and a hockey game broke out.

ya we've had a few of those in our neck of the woods lately
shameful really
I almost put this in the cold weather thread but it's more funny than anything. The hole in the ice below our place is opening up nicely after a warmer weekend and I saw the funniest thing ever out there this morning.

A bald eagle was eating a fish by the edge of the ice and, as usual, a bunch of crows and seagulls were flocking around, hoping he would fly back to his nest with it and and then they would try to beat it out of his grasp. Nothing unusual. Only this time, one particularly brazen gull was trying to see if he could slowly inch his way up the the eagle and sneak a piece of fish. I watched, expecting mayhem, but it was way better.

When the gull tried for a snatch and grab but was being a little to slow and cautious, the eagle caught the gull with his talon, pinning him to the ice by his head. He retained his hold on the fish with his other talon. There was nothing but feathers flying as the gull tried to escape but the real funny part was that the eagle just kept eating his fish as if it were no big deal at all that he was holding a panicking seagull under his other foot. He didn't look up from his food once. He just kept eating.

After 30-40 seconds or so, the gull got away and didn't seem hurt too badly but it did take him a while before he tried to fly.

The casual way the eagle pinned him to the ice and just kept eating the fish was like something you's see in a Pixar film. I wish I had been filming it.
USA! USA! USA! smile
Originally Posted By: Murph

The casual way the eagle pinned him to the ice and just kept eating the fish was like something you'd see in a Pixar film. I wish I had been filming it.


Sounds a lot like how it must feel to be one of JP's patients.
The one that was pinned or the one that was being eaten?
Or the one filming it? <eyebrow waggle>
Wow! How often is it that everyone agrees on everything? Cool!
I hate everything.
scribble scribble
I'd be with you, Murph, if I didn't hate you and your ideas.
Originally Posted By: Ken.C
I'd be with you, Murph, if I didn't hate you and your ideas.

LOL! It's so unfair that everyone thinks you're not funny, Ken!
That was funny AND mean! You go!
I've been bested by a grown man who speaks Klingon and now they are never going to let me into the comic store again.

WHERE the HELL am I going to buy my t-shirts now????? The Humanity!!!
Originally Posted By: Murph
I've been bested by a grown man who speaks Klingon and now they are never going to let me into the comic store again.

WHERE the HELL am I going to buy my t-shirts now????? The Humanity!!!


That's speciesist. I WIILL CUT OFF YOUR FINGERS.
Good idea. Maybe you could whip them up into some sort of dish. I could go for some Rokeg blood pie. What say we share some? I can bring some blood wine that's young and warm!
A friend called me a week ago to inform me that his Mom had died. She had been on her own until 92, then assisted living three years ago, then full-on nursing home care, dementia, etc.
She was 95. His Dad died almost 30 years ago. I would say to Mike, "He died to get away from her." "Oh, you bet!," (She was particularly relentless with his Dad.)

Bob: "I thought you said he had a myocardial infarction?,"
Mike: "He did."
Bob: "Well, I don't understand how a coroner can mistake 7 self-inflicted ice pick wounds to the chest for an M.I.
That one would always make him laugh!

Mike and I became friends and band mates 44 years ago. I knew his Mom rather well, as we hung out at each others' houses playing and listening to music every week. She would always groan at him about, well, anything, and hold me up as a paradigm, which amused me no end.

"Look how nice Bobby's clothes are. Why don't you dress that way?!" Nothing he or his Dad did could ever be good enough. She was an unhappy and frequently not a very nice person, in general.

Last night I called him, just to see how he was doing and that he was OK. He talked to me about how much he had on his plate; dealing with her condo, which had been rented since she left, her upcoming memorial service, her stuff, losing your living parent, etc.

After a few minutes of discussing these things, he paused and asked, "So, how are YOU doing?" I replied, "Oh, I was over it an hour after you called to tell me."
Brutal, Bob.

I'm trying to figure out if I should see this in an Atmos theater, a DBox Theater, an Imax theater, or a peep show theater:

(NSFW) Linky (NSFW)
You'd go to a peep show with Bob? You are a brave man.
THE HILLBILLY VASECTOMY

After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed.

So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem, but that it was expensive..

"A less costly alternative," said the doctor, "is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in Alabama) light it, put it in a beer can (COORS), then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10."

The Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."

"Trust me," said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can.

He held the can up to his ear and began to count!

'1'

'2'

'3'

'4'

'5'


At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued counting on his other hand.
That doesn't make any sense. A guy in Alabama doesn't drink Coors, he drinks Bud.
The prescription wasn't to drink it... so the doctor specified something not worth drinking
To me, it really looks like a re-worked ethnic joke---I'm thinking, maybe Pol...

What? Really? You're kidding! Hillbillies ARE an ethnic minority? Since when?

Oh, because they can trace their lineage back to the original Irish diaspora? I did not know that. Thank you.
Originally Posted By: BobKay
To me, it really looks like a re-worked ethnic joke---I'm thinking, maybe Pol...

What do you have against Polynesians???
Yeah! I mean, everybody knows that the best breakfast at Disney World is the Tonga Toast at the Polynesian Resort. So they've got that going for them!
I love how the latest spam in the HT thread talks about Jesus changing lives then goes immediately into advertising nude pics. It's really covering all the bases there.
Nah, not really all the bases. But it does cover the American Bible Belt.
Originally Posted By: Murph
I love how the latest spam in the HT thread talks about Jesus changing lives then goes immediately into advertising nude pics. It's really covering all the bases there.


Speaking of those two things, isn't there a new Prince album coming out soon?
From one of my favorite snarky celebrity gossip web sites:

"Our thoughts and prayers are with cancer during this difficult time as it battles Donald Sterling."
Great line!

When word of Reagan's cancer had just broken, A Boston DJ read the lines, then added, Yes! There IS a God!" We all laughed. He got suspended.

AND

Last week, a man in New Brunswick, NJ was awarded 1.5m by a judge in a suit filed against the city that forbade him to name his new establishment "Buck Foston's Sports Bar." Nice!

And

Last week we all learned that it can take decades longer to get into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame that it does to become a Saint!

It's a long way to the top if you wanna rock and roll! If you wanna become a saint, eh, not so much.
I thought of you guys when I saw this t-shirt:

I know that sonicfox and RockHead will like this one:

http://www.buzzfeed.com/danmeth/star-wars-characters-like-youve-never-thought-of-them

Rated PG-13 due to language.
I just discovered http://www.markprindle.com and the many record reviews he did from 1996 - 2011.

Bob, is he your long-lost cousin or something? Because I read his reviews with your voice in my head.

Here's the introductory paragraph from his page of Rush reviews, mildly NSFW due to Bob-like language:

---

Oh, Rush. Scourge of a nation. Murderer of a generation. Defamer of the eras. What is it with Rush, eh? You either love 'em or you hate 'em, right? Sure sure. It makes it easier to categorize them like that and not bother discussing their good points and bad. But dammit, I'm not an easy man. I'm a hard man. And I'm here to set the record (my own personal opinion) straight on Rush.

Rush is a band for nerds. Sorry, hate to break it to you like that, but they are. Drummer Neil Peart writes lyrics like "High on the sacred mountain/Up the seven thousand stairs/In the golden light of Autumn/There was magic in the air." Singer/bassist Geddy Lee has the high geeky voice of a guy who, as my girlfriend puts it, "has been playing Dungeons & Dragons his whole life." And guitarist Alex Lifeson???? Well, he seems okay. Not sure what he's doing hanging out with those other two dorks.

Now let me get to the good points of Rush, those that may be - all three of them are topnotch at their instruments. Sometimes it's hard to tell, because their songwriting can be a bit simplistic, but if you sorta pay closer attention, you can hear that behind their silly overblown mystical nonsense, they've got a helluva nimble-fingered bassist, a crapuva lightning-speed beauty run ambiance guitarist who doesn't hog the spotlight, and one vulva bigass drum kit. Again, sometimes it's just hard to tell. A little TOO hard, thanks. With spotty hard rock songwriting in the '70s and an overreliance on keyboards and generic pop melody in the '80s (not to mention one of the most 'has to grow on you' lead vocalists of all time), it was perhaps inevitable that they would end waiting until the '90s and '00s to put out their most instantly likable releases. At any rate, I used to loathe Rush, but something in the middle of 2005 (a few good albums in a row? a few solid live triple-CDs? me turning gay?) made me suddenly become a fan and supporter. I don't even hate Geddy Lee's voice anymore! Plus, I just feel so goddamned sorry for the drummer who lost so many beloved family members right at the same time (father, wife and daughter if memory serves. I could be remembering wrong though, so feel free to correct me via email or yardstick). So keep it up, Rush! You may have some lousy songs, but you have some great ones too! Plus, you're Canadian and one of you was on Bob and Doug McKenzie's "Take Off"! You're still a nerd band for loser dorks though.
See, there are lots of us out there, so be careful!

Can't say that I can find anything to disagree with, except that "turning gay" could make you like Rush. From the horse's mouth straight to your ear, it does not.

And what is "turning" gay, anyway? You can not do that any more than turning Japanese, I really think so.
Great. Now I'm going to have THAT stuck in my head all day.

Nice writing. I don't disagree much, but do think that Moving Pictures was a landmark album that the author glosses over.

And even the members of the band all hate Tai-Shan (the song from which those awful lyrics are drawn).
Tom, I believe that you live waaay too close to Canada to be objective about Rush.
Originally Posted By: tomtuttle
Great. Now I'm going to have THAT stuck in my head all day.
I can help get that out of your head:

1-877-Kars for Kids
K-A-R-S Kars for Kids
Whats wrong with nerd music?
I decided to go with Foo Fighters instead. Seems effective.
Originally Posted By: BobKay

1-877-Kars for Kids
K-A-R-S Kars for Kids

You bastard!
Originally Posted By: MarkSJohnson
Originally Posted By: BobKay

1-877-Kars for Kids
K-A-R-S Kars for Kids

You bastard!


I know, right? It makes everyone I know momentarily homicidal, especially when it is played while one is in terrible traffic!

Do you know all 3 versions?
Originally Posted By: tomtuttle
I decided to go with Foo Fighters instead. Seems effective.

A far better choice. Nuthin' wrong about a bit of Jingoism and isolationism now and again, right?
Today I saw a sign over a recently vacated store front that read:

COMING SOON!

KYOTO
Chinese Restaurant

and a bumper sticker: Caution! This vehicle makes frequent and sudden stops for tailgaters.
Originally Posted By: BobKay
Today I saw a sign over a recently vacated store front that read:

COMING SOON!

KYOTO
Chinese Restaurant


Excellent. Here's hoping their first special of the day is tacos.
This is funny, but probably NSFW.
One of my friends saw this guy on her way to work this morning. She did a u-turn and took the pic. LMFAO!

That seems less funny than sad....
Originally Posted By: Da_Gimp_Pimp
One of my friends saw this guy on her way to work this morning. She did a u-turn and took the pic. LMFAO!



Your friend is lying1 That pic is old and off the internet. I KNOW this, because I haven't had those shoes for three years.
That's really funny....
So yesterday, I'm out kayaking and stop into a beach to rest, eat lunch and have a swim. While I'm swimming I see a couple going by in a pair of sit-on-top kayaks. Something caught my eye as being funny on the girls kayak. At first I thought her feet were just sticking up near the bow but that would have given her insanely long legs. Then, what I thought were maybe feet moved from side to side. No feet should move like that!! It almost looked like something alive.

So I swim out to get closer, trying not to appear too obvious about my curiosity. Sure enough, there was a fairly large lizard of some kind riding happily along on the front of her boat. Her unnaturally twisting toes were actually this creatures head looking side to side.

First, I wondered if it could swim. Then, when it turned its pokey eyes to stare at me, I mainly wondered if it could swim faster than I could.

They waved & said "hi" and I said "hi" as if I see lizards every day and then I swam back to shore. It became a very surreal experience, I have to say.
Originally Posted By: Murph
t became a very surreal experience, I have to say.


...and that's the last time I took acid.
Pump-air-powered shotgun that shoots salt at insects. Great sound effects.

http://youtu.be/LYAAy8Q_smU
Implication from wearing a "Canada" shirt....

Linky.
Originally Posted By: tomtuttle
Pump-air-powered shotgun that shoots salt at insects. Great sound effects.

http://youtu.be/LYAAy8Q_smU


Thanks tom. I haven't laughed like that in quite a while.
Just leave me alone. I'll do it....!
Cam! I cannot believe YOU wrote those 7 words! Link or no!
Jeesh!

Richard, it's the first day of August, is it snowing yet?
I can't do this justice with an intro.

How to send your Drunk Neighbor Home.
.
neighbor looks like a hothead;
this could have been very dangerous in the end.
Reminds me of a "friend" I had once.
Quote:
Reminds me of a "friend" I had once.


Which one were you? The one with the hose or the other one?
That's so mean, I just wanted to borrow his hose.
Originally Posted By: MarkSJohnson
Quote:
Reminds me of a "friend" I had once.


Which one were you? The one with the hose or the other one?


I had a friend that always care over drunk.
I've been drunk uncle lately.
Originally Posted By: brwsaw
I've been drunk uncle lately.


Let he who is without (this one and ONLY) sin be the first to cast a stone!

Nice, Blair. Really nice.

I always wanted a "usernameless" confession thread around here anyway.

It wouldn't work, I know. The first one to abuse it would be someone who is a mental health professional of the highest order. And Gawd bless him for it.
As I read this I can't help but chuckle, I'm still on a run away.
Life is good.
Looks like Robin Williams committed suicide. Nothing funny about that, but this thread seems to be about what he dedicated his life to.
Now that is sad news. It's hard to think of anything funny right now but we should get the thread back on track tomorrow in his honour.

I met him a couple of times when he would show up unannounced at local bars to try out new material then go around and talk to people to find out what they liked & didn't like. It was always a shock how much of a difference there was between the crazy funny guy on stage and the smart serious guy you talked to five minutes later.

I guess if anyone has earned a break it would be him. RIP buddy.
Originally Posted By: bridgman
It's hard to think of anything funny right now but we should get the thread back on track tomorrow in his honour.


OK, then.

One of the millions of reasons to hate FaceBook:

I was on there twice, 5 years ago, with an alias. Of course my URL is still my URL, so...

Apparently, my former hematologist, who retired to Patagonia, Argentina almost 10 years ago, (he's originally from Rosario), is a HUGE user of Facebook.

Each week in my junk mail, I get a Facebook message asking if I know ______? All of the first and last names are Italo-Hispanic-Germanic, most people requiring three each. Some combinations are "purer" to one group than the other, but there are loads of mash-ups.

Each time I see them I think of "Boys from Brazil!" Half of these name combos could be the children or grand children of Nazi war criminals!

This week I got one asking if I knew Grisleda Restauredorelibros. WTF kind of name is that?! Her last name looks like a new-to-market Spanish pharmaceutical. ORrrr, a diner that's also a little boat, with a library.

I wish I could make it stop. I wish I could make it stop. I wish I could...

Edit: Has it ever occurred to any else that this one of the creators of social media has a diagnosed socio-psychological disorder? See, if he didn't have such a disorder, he would, I mean, he could understand that this persistent badgering (of the now) elderly, is exactly anti-social behavior?
My best friend put this on the back of my van just before we started our 45 minute drive home from a camping weekend....

Originally Posted By: Da_Gimp_Pimp
My best friend put this on the back of my van just before we started our 45 minute drive home from a camping weekend....

Well it is factual at least, if not funny.
After a few beers i suppose it seemed funny at the time...
crazy
It would be funnier if there were a toon picture along with the text!
Just not sure a picture of what.
I'd normally refuse to open a link sent to me with the name "Elmo" in it. However, this one made me smile.

Ricky Jervais sings a lullaby to Elmo
My new motto:

Originally Posted By: medic8r
My new motto:


I'm in. Whacha got for me?
I called our internet provider today to schedule a repair(resetting and restarting didn't work).
I was asked to complete a brief survey at the end of the call and I did.
The first question was "was your problem resolved?" Hit 1 for yes 2 for no.
My problem is everyone's problem (the entire local service is down) so I pushed 2. The phone went dead for a second and then a dial tone started. Yep, customer service at its finest.
I stayed on the line for +/- 5 seconds longer than most would and their system reset and started over with "was your problem resolved..."
I think this has to go down as one of the top 5 most embarrassing things that could ever happen to you and be caught on video.

Road Rage doesn't pay.
Funny baby costumes!
Mark, I kept thinking about you and Buddy when I saw this one:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5iTTNRE-njM
Now, that's funny!
Hey, Buddy is well behaved!
This.
A BBC reporter reporting on 8.5 tonnes of burning drugs.
Not so much funny as cool, but a friend found this on Facebook.



Whoa, right?

I was speechless for a few seconds.

Then I was like ... lookalike or Photoshop?

Then the link was revealed.
Playing hide and seek with the shed... Aha, found you!

© Axiom Message Boards