Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as'HILLBILLIES.'



You must now refer to them as



APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.


And furthermore



HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:



1. She is not a 'BABE' or a 'CHICK' - She is a
' BREASTED AMERICAN.'



2. She is not 'EASY' - She is



'HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.'



3. She is not a 'DUMB BLONDE' - She is a



'LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.'



4. She has not 'BEEN AROUND' - She is a



'PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.'



5. She does not 'NAG' you - She becomes



' VERBALLY REPETITIVE.'



6. She is not a 'TWO-BIT HOOKER' - She is a



' LOW COST PROVIDER.'



HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:



1. He does not have a 'BEER GUT' - He has developed a


'LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.'



2. He is not a 'BAD DANCER' - He is



' OVERLY CAUCASIAN.'



3. He does not 'GET LOST ALL THE TIME' - He


' INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.'


0A



4. He is not 'BALDING' - He is in


'FOLLICLE REGRESSION.'



5. He does not act like a 'TOTAL ASS' - He develops a case of


RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.'


(Loved this one!)



6. It's not his 'CRACK' you see hanging out of his pants - It's


'REAR CLEAVAGE.'

Perverted; sexually disfunctional

Serial killer;person with difficult to meet needs

Lazy; motivationally deficient

Fat; horizontally challenged

Fail; achieve a deficiency

Dishonest; ethically disoriented

Bald; follicularly challenged

Clumsy; uniquely coordinated

Body Odor; nondiscretionary fragrance

Alive; temporarily metabolically abled

Worst; least best

Wrong; differently logical

Ugly; cosmetically different

Unemployed; Involuntarily leisured

Short; vertically challenged

Dead; living impaired

Vagrant; nonspecifically destinationed individual

Spendthrift; negative saver

Drunk; Chemically inconvenienced

Pregnant; parasitically oppressed

Ignorant; knowledge-based non-possessor


(from ajokes.com)

OK, I've gotta work this one into office conversation somehow.

I'm picturing a weatherman in front of an animated weather map:

"As you can see here, we have a rectal-cranial inversion settling over the mid-west"

:::ducks:::

I liked the one where the main anchor lady said to the weather man, "Hey Bob, what happened to the 10" you promised last night?"

And then he (innocently) tells her the 10" went to her mother.

Speaking of pervading America, I just heard another person ask if your new president (Barry O'Bama) was Irish.

1/8th

Speaking of perverting America...

Bren R.