Now that Vancouver is hosting the 2010 Winter Olympics, these are some questions people from all over the world are asking.
Believe it or not these questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website.
Obviously the answers are a joke; but the questions were really asked about Canada!

Q:I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow(England)
A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.

Q:Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.

Q:I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto -- can I follow the Railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only Five thousand kilometres, take lots of water.

Q:Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto ,Vancouver , Edmonton and Halifax? (England)
A: What, did your last slave die?

Q:Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North...oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.

Q:Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada?( England )
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do .

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )
A: Aus-t ri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary , straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? ( Germany )
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Where can I sell it in Canada? (USA )
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? ( Italy )
A: Yes, gay nightclubs .

Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? ( USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. ( USA )
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go?(USA )
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

The drive from Vancouver to Whistler is one of the most gorgeous drives I've ever taken. I can't wait to return.

I have seen more than one group of tourists arrive in Toronto airport intending to drive to Vancouver (and assuming the drive will be a few hours at most).

I guess European countries tend to have their major cities fairly close together (I still have trouble with the idea of "going to a party in Germany but will be home later tonight" ;)), while we spread ours out along a line a few thousand miles long.

I remember my Wife's Aunt came over from England and we took her from here(Calgary) to her Uncle's cousin's place by Invermere BC(~4hrs of driving), then up to my Father-in-laws, on Shuswap Lake(~5 more hours North and West). They were amazed at how long we had to drive and asked if we were near Vancouver. They were further amazed to hear we were only about the half way point between Calgary and Vancouver. They also couldn't get over how cheap gas was here.

They later took a train ride through the mountains to Vancouver and then hopped a plane back here, they loved that trip.

Haha. Sort of the same... Something that I often used to get asked by bicyclers getting off the Ferry to PEI while we were getting on,
"So, what ferry do you think we should try to catch this evening after biking around The Island and getting a bite to eat?"

At one time, I used to try to explain to them that yes we are a very small province but the perimeter of the island runs about 500km so I hope you took a tent. Later on I just gave up and said, "Oh, whatever one is closest to 7:30 should do." and left out the part that that would be 7:30 in a few of days from now.

I also used to have fun convincing people that they were on the wrong ferry and actually headed to Newfoundland because there was a big "NFL" on the smokestack for "Northumberland Ferrys Limited."

Didn't work on some American's because they generally thought the boat was just promoting football.

And Peter, the 'Sky Highway" from Vancouver to Whistler has been totally revamped for the Olympics. Mostly to handle more traffic but also to maximize the incredible view.

It truly is amazing. The mountains there dwarf ours here on the East Coast.

Murph, those are called hills, not mountains

On PEI, your not kidding. I can ski down the fastest and shortest run on our ski hill in under 60 seconds, probably 30 seconds if I tuck and ski like I want to be kicked off the hill. Our highest point in the province is only 459 feet over sea level.

Cape Breton tops out the East Coast with beautifully viewed peak overlooking the Atlantic Ocean at 1749 feet. Still, certainly no oxygen tanks required.

Re: Sea to Sky Highway - some (really large) pictures.

Very nice, for a highway anyway.

And right in my backyard! Kinda. Sorta. OK, about an hour's drive.

Kruncher, will you be attending any Olympic events?

As much as I wish that I could say "Yes" to attending a once-in-a-lifetime local event Tom, at this point I doubt it. It's just not in my humble single income, family of four, budget. But I'm not complaining as the kids really benefit from Mom being home, at least for the next couple of years. After that though, who knows.

Right now it's all I can do to try to save a few rupies to one day add a VP100 and some QS's to my wonderful M22s.

When the tickets where initally offered, they were quite pricey - for most "good" events anyway. And since there's no anti-scalping law here in BC, the aftermarket prices are through the @#$@#$@ roof.

Isn't the coverage always better on TV anyway? That's what I keep telling myself. One day I'll believe it.

I am with you on ALL those points!

I'm a little wistful about a missed opportunity, but the logistics are even more difficult and costly for those of us not residing within a commuting distance.

Perhaps you can make some money by renting your home to some foreign dignitaries

This reminds me of my plans to attend the Sydney Olympics in 2000. A friend had contacts in Australia who could get us event tickets at the citizens rate and talked it up. I got excited I went so far as to pay for an event ticket.

Then I thought about just how expensive that trip would be and chalked up the expense to wishful thinking.

I hope Chicago gets the 2016 summer games. I'd go.

I enjoyed a Dream Team II game in Atlanta, 1996. Still have my Hakeem Olajuwon #15 souvenir jersey, despite my wife's multiple attempts to give it away.