I can't believe I got the scoop on JohnK with this one. He must be getting a bbig massage or something. Think we should do a safety check on him?

Anyway, happy birthday to our photo snapping, square room loving, Axiom homecoming fostering, Olive Garden scarfing friend. Cheers!

Happy Birthday, my friend. Cheers!

Happy Birthday! No Cake Man.

Happy Birthday Mark!

Happy Birthday! Take a picture of something cool!

The doc covered everything in the first post. Nothing left to be said, but happy birthday!

Happy Birthday, Mark!

Happy Birthday Mark!

Hahhppy Bahhthday, Mahhk!

Mark,

It is with great humility and sincerest respect that I lay this offering of a most Happy Birthday at your feet.

Your friend,
Peter

Happy Birthday Mark! enjoy your day.

Well, at least you aren't bringing him headless mice and lizards any longer.

Headless animals are always implied?

Happy Birthday, Mark!

Hope you have a great day Mark.

Cheers!

As tradition: Mappy Mirthday Mark!

Happy Birthday Mark!!

No, really... I'm not just mailing this one in like I do if it's say, Ken's birthday or something.

Bren R.

Happy Birthday Mark!!!

Tell Joyce to buy you something nice from me.

Happy birthday to a really nice guy!

Was it someone elses birthday besides Mark?

Yes! Happy Birthday, indeed.

Happy birthday, Mark!

Happy Birthday Mark!

Happy Birthday Mark. Hope it's a good one.

The real date for Patriot's Day Holiday in Massachusetts is today, you old revolutionary, you. You're the first person I ever met online that I got to know in person (and didn't have sex with!) See, you're way luckier than you knew!

Happy Birthday to one of the really Good Guys!

Thank you everyone for the well-wishes!

But especially to you, Bob, for keeping the secret!

Happy Birthday, my friend.

Thank you, Jack!

Here's lookin' at 'ya kid..... and vice versa!

Mahhhk, Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday, Mark!!!

Thanks for making me laugh everyday!!

You are like a clown. Without the make-up. And all the kids around. But still with the balloon animals.


Wait, I'm starting to get creeped out now.

As long as he is not a mime. I hate those guys. Especially the French ones with the stripes and the funny hats. No offence to the French, just French mimes.

Luckily, Mark is nothing like a mime, although he does have trouble getting out of his HT box. Hmmmmmm?

Does anyone here know how to make balloon animals? We got a bunch of those balloons, but I couldn't do a whole lot with them.

Start with very small animals. It's easier to stretch the neck of the balloon around them to get them inside.

Andrew, I just spit my coffee all over my computer.

Once you have the small balloon tricks down, you can start working your way up to balloon humans.

Happy Birthday!

Who's this Mark guy everyone keeps talking about?
Does someone have a picture for reference b/c i don't remember any Mark guy?

Happy Birthday Mark!

Have a goodin' Mark!

Thank you very much everybody!

It's really nice to get well wishes from your pseudo-family!

Thanks Dad!

Now, can I get a raise in my allowance?

You wore out your pair of Salks already?

It's the only pair I have and I've been using them everyday!

Does your mother know this?!?!

She only worries about my underwear.

Ain't nuttin' "pseudo" about it.

Augh, everybody RUN!! Uncle Jack is here!!!


He smells like cheese.

Yes, but a very high quality cheese.

Definitely a sharp cheddar.


Or smoked gouda?

Just be glad it's not limburger.

Belated birthday wishes Mark.

Happy belated Mark!

Hope you had a good one Mark.

Thanks again for the birthday wishes, everyone!



I picked up a Harmony One remote. I never fully utilized the MX700 capabilities as far as Macros, etc... (several pieces of equipment didn't have discrete codes) so I thought I would try a Harmony instead. It'll allow me to start fresh on my newly-refreshed HT.

Not only can I make use of said macros, Harmony has codes for older, professional and esoteric equipment in my edit rack that the MX700 NEVER had.

Murph, should Joyce email you a .PDF of the invoice or would you rather have a snail-mail printed copy?

UPS should be here soon with the rack shelves I needed to finish this install!

You're dead to me.

You?

Ray has already hired Ninja Assassins!

Welcome to the dark side, Mark.

but do you have one of these for your remote?



I need to take an update pic because it's done!

No, I don't Ben.

But yours doesn't count either without a current photo!

That looks like a spot for a Crestron panel!

::Mark gets even by planting the upgrade bug and runs away giggling::

Isn't that the Scotch shelve?

BOO-YA!

nice!

::foiled again!::

I had a thought about keeping this 'Mark Birthday' thread going for as long as possible with at least one daily post. Guess it wasn't a very original idea.

This can become my "thread about nothing"!

Or 365 (leap year) days of belated birthday greetings.

Actually, I think keeping your birthday thread as your Vatican Dumpster is kinda cool.

Is it his NEXT birthday yet? Sure seems like it should be by now.

Sure, just send it to my Tacoma address and mark it, "Care of Tom."

Yeah, that'll work.

Actually, I decided to buy Mark a new minivan alternator for his birthday this year. Oh, sure, it's on MY minivan, but the dedication is going to be lovely.

I went to get the grill's propane tank filled on Saturday afternoon, so I wouldn't have to smell sacrificed cow throughout the house in the morning. The weather's been awesome!

I went to our local warehouse store, around the back, where the auto service is. There was no one there waiting, so someone got right to it. Another minivan pulled up beside me. A man, a coupe of years younger than I got out, opened the back of his minivan, and took out his tank.

Man: I was here this morning and there were 8 people ahead of me, so I left.
Bob: Well, he's almost finished filling mine, so you picked a good time.
Man: Picked a good time. Ya, two trips here today. Pain in the ass.
Bob: When you were 22, did you ever, for one minute, imagine yourself on a beautiful Saturday in April, going to get propane, for the second time that day, at 5 o'clock-------in a minivan------knowing there are several people back home timing you?

It was telling that he mustered merely a pained guffaw, but the woman waiting her turn next to us nearly fell over. She was driving a Jag.

Seriously guys, how could you let down 'mer'can mandom and allow this to happen to you? Mark and I have valid excuses, but YOU!?!

Oops! Gotta go. Timer just went off and I gotta go out to the grill and fetch Bandit's ribeye.

Natural Gas.

There, I fixed it.

I am so jealous. Mark's birthday thread has been alive for a month now.

ok no more posts

doh!

Happy un-birthday Mahhhk.

How is it that all threads about me eventually turn to the subject of Natural Gas?

Maybe it's your catalytic converter and not you?

Page 8 of birthday thread. Alright!

Only page 3 here.... I guess my preferences are set up differently!

Oh, man...I missed Mark's birthday here! I'll say it anyway...HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MARK!!!

It's OK, Mary.

Evidently, we're celebrating it all year!

Just until Mary's then you are outtahere!

If this thread continues long enough, we'll see the searchbots perusing it, like they always check out The Beer Thread.

It's Mark's Birthday continuum.

In that case, we need to get some good associations going for the search bots.

Mark Johnson, Barbie Doll or Alien Invasion, Mark Johnson, Scientologist, Mark Johnson, Dance Contest Winner, Mark Johnson, Urban Legend, Mark Johnson,Harikrishna Flower Boy, Mark Johnson, Red Michael Jackson Jacket, Mark Johnson, Male Enhancement, Mark Johnson, Pro Wrestler for Hire.


OK, Your turn....

Mark Johnson---Make BIG $$ working from home. Mark Johnson---Lowest Mortgage rates on the Web. Mark Johnson---Get one on eBay today. Mark Johnson---best prices on Viagra, Cialis...
Mark Johnson---alias Doc Johnson. Mark Johnson---FREE adult website.

Mark Johnson loves the new iPad.
Mark Johnson knows the secrets of iPhone 5 release date.
Mark Johnson will watch the 2012 NFL draft tonight on ESPN.
Mark Johnson won the Mega Millions lottery with a ticket bought locally!

MarkSJohnson once had a birthday
And he had all his friends over to play.
He was just about to tell them
As he coughed up yellow phlegm
That he was too sick to host the soiree.

At least it wasn't green.

Peter, thanks for another limmerick. Now that you and I have each made one devoted soley to Mark, there may be some jealousies brewing. I'll try to fix that before the week's out.

Next thing you know, there will be Mark Haiku.

Brilliant! Since you brought it up, you first.

Haiku if you want it.


Happy Birthday, Mark
The air races behind you
We must take shelter

Autumn leaf reveals.
Summer, Mark is no longer.
Winter is coming.

Ya just had ta put seasons in there, didn't ya?

I thought seasons were a requirement for Haiku.

Ya, ya, ya. They're "supposed to" evoke the natural world. Well, passing wind is just as natural as snow in winter, right?

5/7/5 is limiting enough w/o nixing gas.

I'll try again.


Earth around the sun.
Near gloom thread to sever,
joyful life pretend.

So, if you leave out the seasons, it has to get suicidal?

I don't know. I am new to this. I read about the seasons on wiki so I figured it must be true. The second one I was pandering to the beatnik crowd.

Oh, so it WAS manic depressive and suicidal. Cool! Beatniks are the godfathers of all things punk, goth and emo.

Edit: Look! We actually hijacked Mark's Birthday thread. And he's a week closer to 50 than when this thread started!

Happy 51 week to 50 Mark!!!

Bob: I think you mean he's a week farther from 50.

Give the guy a break. When you get to be Bob's age, your memory is not what it used to be.

Bob was right. I'm 49.

Mark...you still celebrating? I hear you, about the 50 thing. I have a bit before I am 49 (about 5 months)and that half century is coming fast.

the sky is blue
stars are bright
campfire light

Can you just imbed that phrase into your posts, like your insect man face was? Better yet, can you somehow imbed it into Fred's posts?

50 weeks away from 50 years. Gee, I feel like I finally have a purpose around here---a daily purpose. Please forgive me if I overlook birthday wishes for any of you over the next, whaddid I say, of yeah, 50 weeks. I can get kinda horse-blindered with these sorts of commitments.

[quote=BobKay I can get kinda horse-blindered with these sorts of commitments.

[/quote]
Gee Bob. The lengths you go to to keep us entertained. I'm looking forward to those pictures.

I just want to know how many pages we're shooting for on this thread.

No posts?

Did you guys forget that it was my birthday a week ago?

Sorry, I was distracted because it's "Setting Day" here. It overshadows all.

FYI, Setting Day is the day before lobster season when fishermen put out all their traps. They can't haul them until tomorrow. They always need extra help on the first day so it can be a big community event. I haven't been out in years but it's both hard work and lots of fun. Beers open on the last trip back to the wharf (or perhaps earlier) and by 3:00 in the afternoon when everyone is back (and assuming nobody drowned,)it pretty much looks like this.

Annual singing of "The Lobster Song."
Warning: Language is definitely not suitable for work. Unless, of course, your job is a lobster fisherman.

So you can see Mark, why we had to take a day off here from your Birthday season.

We're not counting pages, Ben. The goal is to keep it going at least several days a week until he turns fifty. With all that attention, he'll have nothing to bitch about on December 21st when he realizes no one is getting another birthday, ever.

If the world does not end before next April 19th, we will ignore his actual birthday. Well, that was MY long term plan, anyway.

Just a note to say that I'm thinking of you.

…with some fava beans and a nice chianti.

No one's THAT hungry. (Sorry, Mark, it was like a pinata and I was blindfolded, holding a stick.)

Luckily, your stick was small.

Happy Cinco de Mayo, last-month-birthday-guy.

Thanks, Bob! And a Merry Thanksgiving to you!

Bump...

Since I missed Mark's birthday I'll just wish him (in advance) a happy birthday for next year.

Thanks Michael! Is seeing your avatar my early gift?

(It's awesome! I heard Peter only got a fat short guy sans tutu!)

Sorry for the 5-day lapse in Mark's ongoing B-Day thread. Hmmm, I once got birhthday wishes when it wasn't my birthday and now Craig has, too?!?

Well, I am incredibly embarrassed to have missed the actual day, but we should still be close enough for a highly belated "HAPPY B-DAY" my friend!!!!

I hope all is going well there.

I saw that Bob mentioned he was thinking of you a few posts back. Then I started thinking about Bob thinking about you. Then I got a headache and had to take a nap.

This is starting to get awfully kinky considering it's not my birthday any more...

Well, duh!

Since numerical accuracy seems to have been temporarily suspended here in the Axiom Zone, may I be the first to wish you a Happy 2013 Birthday?

I take this step with careful consideration to assure this tread gets bumped, but more importantly, just to be safe on the off chance those Mayan guys using tea leaves and stones 20,000 years ago are correct about the world ending in December.

I'm not gonna let that happen. I've been remiss for 6 days, so thanks for getting it back on the front page.

Ya take 16 tons
And whaddya get
Another month older
So you don't forget

50

Since Mark's Birthday, he as well as all of us, are now 31 days older. SOOOOO HAAAPPPY 31 days older everyone.

NOW I feel old. Thanks a lot, Gary!

Did you ever TRY to take 16 tons??????

Seriously - 5, maybe 6 tons tops and I'm absolutely DONE. And I gotta tell ya, I don't need anymore tons for a couple of days.

Tons - tons - tons!!! Doesn't it EVER stop?????

Ray, I'm too lazy too look up "the facts," but I'll bet, at our ages, we have consumed > 16 tons of food in our lifetimes. Gross! Well, I mean, 'cause there were almost that many tons of, ummm, consequences. Eww!

Ummmmm, this wasn't on the first page anymore.....

You guys are making me feel like my Birthday isn't on your mind everyday.

I almost forgot.

Awesome!

Happy Birthday!

Peter, that there is some bad acting.

But it sure made me laugh!

Happy Birthday!...

Thanks Ben!

Sorry, I've been distracted. Have a great day, Mark!

Hey, look! Mark's birthday has lasted long enough for us to have a double celebration!

Happy Birthday, Canada! Hope you all have a great holiday!

Longest birthday well-wishing ever.

Mark's life is flashing before OUR eyes!

It was intended as an aggravation. Thanks for keeping true to its spirit, Ray!

What? It's Mark's birthday, again?

Who is supposed to be aggravated? Me or all of you?

I missed Marks' bday.
Dagnabit.

Way to go big fella! Hang in there!

Happy Birthday!

Yes.

Pop-up Reminder:

One month left until Mark's next B-day!

Does anyone know if Bob drives a late-model Honda van?

There's one that's been following me the past few months...

Bob drives a chariot.

Bob drives a harlot?

Wait, I misread that.

Actually, I'm pretty sure Bob drives a hearse.

Not that it was the intended answer to the poorly written question but whats wrong with colored feet?

Bob drives an 18 wheeler.

oops

Happy Birthday, Mark!

Happy Birthday!

Thanks, guys! But, ummmm..... it's not for another month!

Bob, see what you started?

Happy Birthday!

Happy birthday, JP!

Looks like I wore the right suit to work today, then.

Jus' do'n my job, man.

And for the record, there's nothing wrong with "coloured" feet.
For eons they've been donned by coloured people, with no apparent ill effect.

Speaking of "coloured," is there a Canadian version of MS Word? Anytime I spell it that way, spellcheck castigates me.

bah humbug!

Just checking.

You know, Mark, when you finally do turn 50, you will become socially invisible, publicly discounted, and otherwise marginalized, therefore, I will no longer be able to associate with you, except surreptitiously.

My attentions will be, quite naturally, forced to focus elsewhere. Isn't Tom the next one to turn 50?

Whew. I thought I'd feel different at 50.

Tom is about a 1/4 of a year younger than me.

Punk kid.

Good one!

Wow, that soon eh? I've got little time to waste, then.

Maybe you can coach Tom on being B.S.'ed (Birthday Stalked).

(I'm merely doing what AARP does to EVERYONE on their 49th birthday.)

Mark! Mark!

I've been at a loss about what to give you for your 50th birthday. I was paging through some old threads and there it was!

Perfect! a Blu-ray of "Brokeback Mountain" and a sixer of Killian's Red.

I wish I had been around back in 2006 for your "Funny or Offensive?" thread, but I wasn't gay that year.

"Funny or Offensive?" Ha! I don't understand. Aren't they ssymbiotic?

Jeeez, Bob. Now I'm going to have to look up that thread!

::Sips a Killian's:: "Here's looking up your old threads!"

Jeeez. I had forgotten about that thread. Or blocked it.

Happy Birthday to the turkey who, weeks ago, said he was going to Skype me, and hasn't.........................yet.

OK. Tomorrow!

Skip the movie, upsize the beer to a twofer of Budwiser and get him one of these so he doesn't fall off the couch getting up after the beer is all gone.

If it's convenient for you.

So is it your birthday yet Mark?
Seems like it's always your birthday.

You are kind of like the Philippines of the Axiom board world. They celebrate Christmas season from early September until the Feast of the Santo Niño de Cebú on the third Sunday of January.

It's well worth it of course. Mark's birthday season that is.

After all, he provides us with valuable Buffy the Vampire trivia knowledge, visuals of obscure Power Ranger's rip offs, glimpses at the worlds most pristine woodworking shop, the best Christmas Card ever (I'm still waiting on the royalties,) square room expertise, AND a signature line with "Boobies" in it.

He doesn't share his Joy but he does bring us joy.

Happy Birthday Season Mark!!!

That there is funny.

Murph, you misread a post somewhere. I didn't say my shop IS organized, but rather that I am in the PROCESS of organizing it!

Taken this morning (find a horizontal surface other than on the drill press!):

Direct Link to higher-rez version.

I found the floor, everywhere!

Yeah, I'm sorry, that's still way neater than my shed. And also bigger...

Mark's shop takes my garage out behind your shed and kicks its ass. For laughs.

Boy, I am having real issues with syncing my best wishes to your birthday! Last year I was real late (or even more really early for this year!).

I was going to buy you an incredibly expensive work bench for your shop, but I see you already have one. Whew, dodged a bullet there!

That 50 milestone starts you into the old age of youth. 60 gets you to the youth of old age. Jack & I are just a couple of old farts drinking our concoctions of Jack Daniel's, prune juice, Geritol and liquid Beano. Gets us through the day, but we need to get up 7-8 times a night to pee.

The key message is have a great birthday and fun as you get older. Don't hesitate to request our old fart cocktail recipe when you think you need it. And get your gallbladder chaecked - soon.

Happy B-Day my friend!

Bump for Saturday because I need to cross this off my list.

HBD, MSJ.

... and don't forget that gal bladder check.

Happy Birthday.

It would seem appropriate to hijack this thread as a tribute.....ok, Happy Birthday instead! :-)

You know, we could turn this into the 'recommend and old guy test for Mark on his birthday' thread. I'm sure he'd like that.

Happy Birthday!!!

Happy Birthday, Bob!

You guys know it's not my birthday, right?

Oh, Dang!!

Guess I'll just keep this jointer planer I bought for you then.

Happy Birthday, JP!

Edit: Only one full shopping day left until Mark's real birthday!

Funny, this thread began 2 years ago, on your 49th birthday. Ha! So OTH!

Birthday FEST, Mark.

So, how WAS the colonoscopy?

With the history and length of this thread topic, we never know when it actually is any more.

Happy birthday, Nick!!!

Aaahahhhhh.... It's going to spiral out of control. Run away... Run awaaaaayyyyy.....

::runs away shouting happy birthday::

I guess you just looked older today.

Bwa ha ha ha haaaaa!

That's cool. I already have both a jointer and planer. If you want, though, I wouldn't complain if you exchanged them for a gift card for me to put towards a nice lathe, though!


Honestly? Disappointing. They should have used a bit more of the "sleep juice" so I didn't feel the whole freakin' thing.

And there weren't the busty, sexy nurses that I had imagined.


Well, if THAT is how it's figured, I should be celebrating my 137th birthday.

As an aside- If I DO make it to 137, hire a couple of busty, sexy nurses to make sure I never see 138.


Funny! Though ::running away while showering Mark with expensive gifts:: would have been better!

Originally Posted By: tomtuttle
So, how WAS the colonoscopy?

Honestly? Disappointing. They should have used a bit more of the "sleep juice" so I didn't feel the whole freakin' thing.

And there weren't the busty, sexy nurses that I had imagined.

A few more cc's of "sleep juice" would have helped....

with the imagination, I mean.

Are we there yet?

Gastroenterologist: OK, Mr. Johnson, just relax and we'll begin. Sorry that you came in on the week that our nurse bikini team is on vacation ... anyway, looking good so far, you did a good job with the prep ... wasn't that special Kool-Aid just the best drink ever? ... hey, I see something ... what's this ... it's a little sign ... what the? Nurse, get over here ... tell me what you see?!

Nurse: "Bob was here"

Wait.

There was supposed to be a different Gastroenterologist?

But Bob told me he WAS the Gastroenterologist!

I THOUGHT there was something wrong when he passed by the paper mask in favor of a leather hood!

"Originally Posted By: tomtuttle
So, how WAS the colonoscopy?

Honestly? Disappointing. They should have used a bit more of the "sleep juice" so I didn't feel the whole freakin' thing.

And there weren't the busty, sexy nurses that I had imagined."

I just had a heart cath and I had TWO of the most beautiful nurses I've had. Under the spell of the joy juice, I actually told one I hoped she would take it in the respectful spirit given that I thought she was a very beautiful woman. Miraculously, she neither smacked me nor sued me for sexual harassment.

P.S. I don't know if you have been in a hospital lately, but I am seriously considering having my name and birth date tattooed on my forehead. They can't do anything without asking for those two pieces of information. I must have repeated them 20 times per day, at least.

Have you been born yet???

Not yet.

But Jacks story made my heart beat more....

Jack, your demographic, and your general nature, puts you in a unique place to exploit any and every opportunity to compliment a woman without consequence -- and perhaps with benefit.

Hadn't thought about it that way. Perfectly logical that a lovely young woman would NOT look upon an old flatulence, like me, as a threat and thus be receptive to the compliment. The older ones just might be flattered enough to be interested.

Happy Birthday Mark!

Ignore that other fake thread. This is the real Happy Birthday Mahk (whenever you feel like it)thread.

Fred's right, again! (That makes 16 times this year!)

HAPPY BITHDAY, MARKESS JOHNSON!

Baloney! Mark, or anyone for that matter, when YOU go to have yours, tell them you want Versed with a Dilaudid chaser or it's no go. (Well, don't use the word "chaser," OK?) You will be awake, but won't really "know" it. You will feel nothing, yet you will be talking. Nurses have told me about some of the wild things people say, confess to, ask for, profess, etc.

Apparently that O.R. table is where I have set a record for f-bombs per sentence, well, at least a personal best. I thought I was out cold. They should sell this stuff at Safeway!

Fred nailed it.

Happy Birthday, Mark!

Yeah, that Dilaudid did a really nice job in shutting my breathing completely OFF last year when I had the pancreatitis thing in Charleston.

THe entire colonoscopy thoing is somewhat amplified for me. I am on a "every three year" cycle because my Dad had colon cancer. Did NOT look forward to the first one years ago, but the happy juice has taken care of most issues each time.

Over the years I have moved from trepidatious to beginning to have unnatural feelings for the equipment. Fortunately, those feelings disappear when the happy juice goes away. In any event, EVERYTIME I leave one of the sessions, I feel, I dunno,.....all bummed out.

BTW - I don't think I feel comfortable with the whole idea of the movie Transcendence.

Thank you everyone!

You haven't seen our recommendation for a petrologist yet have you?

WAIT!!!! Don't thank everyone yet! I just got here.

Happy Birthday Mark! I hope all that stuff with Bob and the leather cat whip, the copy of your colon that Tom made and Jack's giant Boob's were fun.

Although I read this thread kind of quickly so I hope I'm getting all that right.