To all the fine women of the earth who have children.. Happy Mother's day!!

I think your post got no response, 'cause most of the guys around here do not come from any mother who fits your description.

I mean, they weren't sluts or anything, just really terrible mothers who raised a lot of the losers who hang out here.

Happy Mother's Day! Let's hope their kids get it right!

My mom's pretty cool. I think. She almost never nags, but maybe that's a sign she doesn't love me?

OMG Bob. I think you have finally gone to far. Your post is edited too. Yikes.

Or perhaps we were out with our mothers, taking them out for dinner to show our thanks for the wonderful things they did for us growing up, rather than hanging around around here posting dumb-ass postings thinking we are funny.

Dont mind Bob, he is kidding and cant help himself.

He suffers from hilariousness. One of the best cases I've seen I'm afraid.

I need to edit my post. to should be too

Wow, dude. Settle down! Dumb-ass? Seriously? Before you judge somebody for a single post, why don't you sit back and get the lay of the land, first?

Bob is a cherished resource around here precisely because he's crass, and right now, you're the new guy who can't take a joke and made himself look like the dumb-ass he thought Bob was.

Congratulations.

Peter's right, one has to take Bob (and a lot of the folks around here) with a grain of salt. Maybe with Bob, one might need 5 grains.

If you've ever seen The Colbert Report or The Ali G Show, then you'll know what I'm talking about. You don't take the comments literally. They're infused with a special blend of sarcasm, satire, and farce.

Dump truck load?

Hey, its not Bob's fault he got stuck with a crappy mom. Just let him vent. He'll be OK. Well, after he gets that special package from jp he will be.

ANOTHER post about JP's package?

It's the same story every Halloween, it's either "pizza delivery guy" or "UPS man."


His poor wife. . .


Or not?





Ding dong, baby. Ding dong.

I'm not worrying what everyone else thinks. When Axiom finally sends me my speakers it won't matter. All you lot of the losers who hang out here with your really terrible mothers who raised you can be here in peace, because I will be listening to my music on my Hi-Fi with my wonderful Axiom speakers.

Is that Crass enough for you as that is what you seem to be admiring.

Not bad, but I'm sure Bob will be along shortly to offer pointers. He has a really good mentorship program, but he doesn't like to brag about it. It's his way of being useful around here.

Each of us here makes a contribution that reflects his personality. Take Mark: his totally inadequate square room makes us all feel better about ourselves. Or JohnK, who exists as a purely digital life form and is good at calculations and birthday reminders.

Anyway, if you're lucky, maybe Bob will help you work on your game a little. If you wanna make it to the bigs, you'll listen to him.

Your comedic timing needs a lot of work, and your punchline was transparent. I'd also try working on your endearing qualities.

Yo, Ding Dong, man, Ding Dong, Ding Dong, yo!

Weird Al is the man. 0:28

It's just another corporate holiday, Oakvillematt. That's the reality.

And leave my bitchy boyfriend Bob alone. He's cranky because I've been sleeping on his side of the bed for the past week.

The treatment of Oakvillematt in this thread is shameful.

I think it summarizes why there are so few regular users here even though thousands are registered.

Interesting that Lampy invokes shame in the Mother's Day thread.

Now I feel all bad about myself! Thanks a lot, Mom! I mean Lampshade!

::runs away, scribbling in his own chart::

Great, Lampy, now you've gone and broken J.P.!

Wait. What?!

It's OK. You've still got that package that Fred and Mark are always talking about.

You know that Axiom doesn't give away speakers for reaching 10,000 posts any more, right?

D'oh!

Aw, OK, I'll cut it out.

Is your chart full now?

Jeezuz, Chris! I just saw you a week ago! We have discussed this repeatedly over the 4 years we've known and hung out with each other.

First, only I know when I've gone to far, because only I get that cease-and-desist PM from Amie. You're right, though. It IS amazing I've only gotten one in 4 years.

Apparently, I must offend MULTIPLE people here for that to happen, hence her, "Boy, you really lit up the switchboard with THAT one!" PM title. Oh, and it must be sexual, 'cause I've tried all sorts of political and religious offenses and that doesn't seem to work.

It's a dangerous and very fine line to tread, my friend;
attract, repulse; offend, amuse; shock and guffaw. But it must be done, as it is the will of someone who used to be GOD.

Matt,

There is no restaurant I like that will allow a Mother's Day reservation for five, plus a 33-year old corpse.

So, for 33 years I have had nothing better to do on Mothers' Day, except annoy people. Before the Internet, it was prank calls, fake pizza deliveries to the apartment next door and the occasional "pretend" ransom note. Now, I have so many more opportunities.

So, welcome to the boards, where everyday is Mother's Day!

P.S.
I publicly swore off emoticons when they began to take over the type. It's scarier that way.

Which ones DID allow it? I'm not fancy if I'm pretty hungry...

I'll bet you a Peruvian or Swahili one would allow it, dontcha think?