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#298487 - 03/25/10 03:53 PM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: tomtuttle]
pmbuko Offline
shareholder in the making

Registered: 04/02/03
Posts: 16289
Loc: Leesburg, Virginia
Mmmm. Beer.
_________________________
"I wish I had documented more…" said nobody on their death bed, ever.

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#298488 - 03/25/10 03:53 PM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: tomtuttle]
GOD Offline
connoisseur

Registered: 03/23/10
Posts: 3169
Loc: Massachusetts Badlands
That's funny, when I go into third person I call myself the same thing.
_________________________
"Ya rolls the dice and ya takes yer chanskes."
Popeye

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#298556 - 03/25/10 10:33 PM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: GOD]
Adrian Offline
axiomite

Registered: 12/27/08
Posts: 6613
Loc: It's all about the location.
An escaped convict breaks into a house looking for money and guns. Inside he finds a couple in bed. He orders the guy to get out of the bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the homeowners wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes to the bathroom. While he's there, the husband whispers over to his wife "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman for years. I saw how he kissed your neck, if he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain...do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill both of us. Be strong, honey. I love you!!"

His wife responds: "He wasn't kissing me on the neck, he was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline.
I told him it's in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!"
_________________________
Half of communication is listening. You can't listen with your mouth.

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#298558 - 03/25/10 11:01 PM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: Adrian]
GOD Offline
connoisseur

Registered: 03/23/10
Posts: 3169
Loc: Massachusetts Badlands
House dog #1 is lying on the kitchen floor minding his own business, trying to ignore the yelling in the living room. House dog # 2 trots in looking really put out.

Dog 1:What was that all about?
Dog 2: If he didn't want me to chew up the goddamn sofa, then he shouldn't have left it out like that!
_________________________
"Ya rolls the dice and ya takes yer chanskes."
Popeye

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#298636 - 03/26/10 01:38 PM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: GOD]
fredk Offline
axiomite

Registered: 12/06/07
Posts: 7147
Loc: Canada
_________________________
Fred

-------
Blujays1: Spending Fred's money one bottle at a time, no two... Oh crap!

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#298641 - 03/26/10 02:07 PM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: fredk]
CatBrat Offline
axiomite

Registered: 08/05/09
Posts: 5914
Loc: Milky Way Galaxy


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#298661 - 03/26/10 03:34 PM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: fredk]
MarkSJohnson Offline
shareholder in the making

Registered: 09/27/04
Posts: 10942
Loc: Central NH
 Originally Posted By: fredk

Man, do I know a lot of people that will love that one! \:\)
_________________________
::::::: No disrespect to Axiom, but my favorite woofer is my yellow lab :::::::

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#299891 - 04/01/10 05:49 PM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: MarkSJohnson]
pmbuko Offline
shareholder in the making

Registered: 04/02/03
Posts: 16289
Loc: Leesburg, Virginia
My favorite is "Making Baby Smile" \:\)


_________________________
"I wish I had documented more…" said nobody on their death bed, ever.

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#299893 - 04/01/10 05:58 PM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: pmbuko]
Ken.C Offline
shareholder in the making

Registered: 05/03/03
Posts: 17791
Loc: NoVA
I know there are a few of those that I've done the wrong thing on...
_________________________
I am the Doctor, and THIS... is my SPOON!

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#299904 - 04/01/10 08:04 PM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: Ken.C]
St_PatGuy Offline
axiomite

Registered: 03/07/05
Posts: 7412
Loc: Glendale, Arizona
If that one was titled Clearing Sean's Nose it would be right on.


Err. . .i mean, TOTALLY WRONG!
_________________________
***********
"Nothin' up my sleeve. . ." --Bullwinkle J. Moose

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