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#54533 - 11/04/05 11:18 AM Re: OT: Jokes
pmbuko Offline
shareholder in the making

Registered: 04/02/03
Posts: 16298
Loc: Leesburg, Virginia
any warning I gave could have ruined the punchline. I had one in originally, but took it out. oops!
_________________________
"I wish I had documented more…" said nobody on their death bed, ever.

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#54534 - 11/05/05 08:06 PM Re: OT: Jokes
rcvecc Offline
aficionado

Registered: 04/17/03
Posts: 608
Loc: east haven ct
not really a joke,but i thought it was funny-- http://tinafolsomphotography.com/ebay_song.html

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#54535 - 11/05/05 09:02 PM Re: OT: Jokes
bugbitten Offline
connoisseur

Registered: 04/06/05
Posts: 2339
Loc: Madisonville, KY

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#54536 - 11/07/05 03:41 AM Re: OT: Jokes
pmbuko Offline
shareholder in the making

Registered: 04/02/03
Posts: 16298
Loc: Leesburg, Virginia
Ray returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor told him he has only 24 hours to live. Given this prognosis, Ray asks his wife for sex. Naturally, she agrees, and they make love.

About six hours later, he goes to his wife and says, "Honey, you know I now have only 18 hours to live. Could we please do it one more time?" Of course, his wife agrees and they do it again.

Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes he now has only 8 hours left. He touches his wife's shoulder and asks, "Honey, please... just one more time before I die?" She says, "Of course, dear." And they make love for the third time. After this session, his wife rolls over and falls asleep.

Ray, however, worried about his impending death, tosses and turns until he's down to 4 more hours. He taps his wife, who rouses. "Honey, I have only 4 more hours. Do you think we could....?"

At this point his wife sits up and says, "Listen Ray, I have to get up in the morning. You don't!"
_________________________
"I wish I had documented more…" said nobody on their death bed, ever.

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#54537 - 11/07/05 03:47 AM Re: OT: Jokes
pmbuko Offline
shareholder in the making

Registered: 04/02/03
Posts: 16298
Loc: Leesburg, Virginia
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?"

The other replies, "I'm having a ball."
_________________________
"I wish I had documented more…" said nobody on their death bed, ever.

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#54538 - 11/08/05 06:22 PM Re: OT: Jokes
pmbuko Offline
shareholder in the making

Registered: 04/02/03
Posts: 16298
Loc: Leesburg, Virginia
One of those allegedly true stories found on the internet...
-----

My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate since she never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that I would to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me."

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top, she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight out the front door towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing there, waiting.

With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are so glad that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."


The moral of this story is:

Always keep your condoms in your car.
_________________________
"I wish I had documented more…" said nobody on their death bed, ever.

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#54539 - 11/09/05 12:13 PM Re: OT: Jokes
player8 Offline
aficionado

Registered: 01/19/04
Posts: 521
Loc: PHX/Flagstaff, AZ
Hilarious!

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#54540 - 11/09/05 02:34 PM Re: OT: Jokes
AdamP88 Offline
aficionado

Registered: 08/12/03
Posts: 639
Loc: Omaha, NE
That definitely deserves a "LOL!" response.

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#54541 - 11/10/05 07:41 PM Re: OT: Jokes
pmbuko Offline
shareholder in the making

Registered: 04/02/03
Posts: 16298
Loc: Leesburg, Virginia
Once upon a time there was a mamma mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole. They lived in a hole outside of a farmhouse out in the country.

One morning, the papa mole poked his head out of the hole and said, "Mmmmm, I smell sausage."

The mama mole popped her head outside of the hole and said, "Mmmmm, I smell pancakes."

The baby mole tried to stick his head out of the hole to get a whiff, but became frustrated because the two bigger moles were in the way. Unable to take it any longer, the baby mole mumbled, "The only thing I can smell is molasses."
_________________________
"I wish I had documented more…" said nobody on their death bed, ever.

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#54542 - 11/10/05 09:30 PM Re: OT: Jokes
JohnK Offline
shareholder in the making

Registered: 05/11/02
Posts: 10412
Peter, that last one really had me groaning, so for another groaner, did you hear about the guy who opened a dry cleaning business next to a convent? He knocked on the door and asked the Mother Superior if she had any dirty habits.
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