Woman at Hairdresser's: We just got back from a trip to Rome.

Hairdresser: Why would you want to go there? It's so dirty and takes so long to fly there? What airline did you use?

Woman: American

Hairdresser: American? They're awful I've never had a good flight with them.

Woman: They were wonderful to us. We got bumped up to first class and it was incredible.

Hairdresser: Where did you stay?

Woman: The Treste

Haridresser: The Treste? That's an awful place. No facilties, the rooms are ugly and filthy.

Woman: Oh, they just finished a 25 million dollar renovation. It was beautiful. They had overbooked, so they gave us the Presidential Suite. The views of the city were amazing.

Hairdresser: What did you do there?

Woman: Well, we were hoping to see the Pope.

Hairdresser: See the Pope!?! Ya, you and 60,000 other people. You'd be so far away, he'd look like a purple ant.

Woman: Well, actually, while we were in line at the Vatican, a Swiss guard pulled us out of line and said the Pope likes to meet visitors chosen at random from the que. After about a 30 minute wait, we got to meet the Pope.

Hairdresser: Well, what did he say to you?

Woman: He asked me, "Who fucked up your hair?"

Good one!

Haha.

This is a "cute" dirty joke w/no foul language (in English). Proceed AYOR.

El Al Flight # 354, JFK to Tel Aviv

Captain: "This is Captain Moshe Feldschuh.
We hope you've enjoyed your flight.
We are begining our descent into Tel Aviv.

Please fasten your seatbelts. Thank you for flying El Al."

Forgetting to turn off the PA, he asks his co-pilot what he's going to do in Tel Aviv with his 22 hour layover.

Co-Pilot: "Well, foist, I gotta take a huge dump!
Then, I'm gonna try 'n' schtoop that new flight attendant, Rhonda."

Hearing this, Rhonda makes a mad dash toward the cockpit to turn off the PA, when she trips and falls over the handbag of an older woman passenger.

Woman Passenger: Dahlink! Vat's your rush? He said he had to take a dump foist!

Thumbs up!

Holiday warning....

A recent joint study conducted by the department of Health and the Department of Motor Vehicles indicates that 23% of traffic accidents are alcohol related.

This means that the remaining 77% are caused by @$$holes who drink bottled water, Starbucks, soda, juice, energy drinks and sh!t like that.

Therefore, beware of those who do not drink alcohol, they cause three times as many accidents.

This message is sent to you by someone who worries about your safety.

(all joking aside...be safe and don't drink and drive, esp. Starbucks )

I hereby declare the founding of the "77%" movement!

I think that's called DDAM! for Drunk Drivers Against Mothers!

Over three months and no jokes!!! Sinful. Oh! That reminds me!:

A man went to Saturday confession with the same priest he'd known for years.

Man: Holy Father, I confess to al....
Priest: Jim?
Man: Hi, Dan.
Priest: What brings you here?
Man: I used the "f" word this morning.
Priest: Go on.
Man: I got up early to play golf.
Priest: I can see where this is going, Jim, but continue.
Man: Well, I had done OK on the first three holes. I made the longest drive from the 4th hole tee I've ever made----into the woods.
Priest: That's when you said it?
Man: No. I found it and got it out of the woods----and into the woods on the other side of the green.
Priest: Ah, so that's when you said it?
Man: No, it stopped within 4 inches of the hole.
Priest: And you fucking missed it!?!?!?!?!?!