i was not sure if this was a little to much so highlight if you want to read Two Dutch girls are riding their old rickety bikes down the back streets of Amsterdam one late afternoon. As it turns closer towards dusk, the increasing darkness of the streets starts making the two girls a little nervous when one girl leans over to the other and says, "You know, I've never come this way before."

The other girl says, "It's the cobblestones."

I thought they were nuns.

Maybe they were Dutch nuns.

A very unattractive, nasty, mean-acting woman walks into Wal-Mart with her two kids.
The Wal-Mart Greeter, asks, "Are they twins"?
The ugly woman snarls, "Hell no, the oldest one, he's 9, and the younger one, she's 7. "Why... Do you think they really look alike?"
"Hell no", replied the greeter, "I just couldn't believe you got laid twice"

Maybe that is why TomT does not like Walmart, he used to be a greeter, ha ha lol....

One day, Superman was feeling a bit horny. So, he began to ask his superhero friends for ideas on where he could get a bit of action. "Hey, Batman! Who's good in the sack?"

"Well, Superman, everyone knows that Wonder Woman is the best sex in comicland. Why don't you try her?" replied Batman.

"I'd love to, but Wonder Woman and I are friends, and I don't really want to mess that up..."

"Darn shame," said Batman as he waved goodbye to Superman and drove off.

Ten minutes later, Superman was flying low over a city when he saw the Green Lantern patching up a building. He flew down. "He,y G.L., I'm looking for a little action. You're a swinging bachelor, who's the best babe in comicland?"

"Hey, Superman! Everyone knows that Wonder Woman is far and away the best lay in comicland, why don't you try her?"

"Well, we're sort of friends," Superman said, "but I didn't realize she had gotten around so much!" Superman flew off in frustration.

Twenty minutes later, he was flying over Metropolis when he happened to sneak a peek a peek into Wonder Woman's penthouse with his x-ray vision. There she was, lying naked in bed, getting more and more turned on.

Superman was tempted. "MAN!!!" he thought to himself, "I'm faster than a speeding bullet - I can be in and out of there before she even knows what happened! I'll get rid of these blue balls and our friendship will be safe!" So with a blur and a sonic boom he was down, in, and gone.

Wonder Woman stared up into the sky with a dazed expression. "What the hell was that??" she exclaimed.

"I don't know," said the Invisible Man as he rolled off, "But my ass is killing me."

Very good, Doc. Here's an oldie modified slightly to fit your requirements.

Woman walks into a bridal shop and tells the clerk that she's having her fourth wedding and she wants to order a nice white gown. Clerk: "If you've already been married three times are you sure that you want a white gown?" Woman: "Certainly. I'm still a virgin". Clerk: "How can that be?". Woman: "Well, my first husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it. My second husband was a gynecologist and all he wanted to do was look at it. My third husband was a stamp collector and all he......boy, I sure miss that guy!"

(alternate punchline depending on what group of professionals you're speaking to) "But my next husband is a lawyer, so I'm sure that I'm going to get f***ed".

John,

That was nasty! Your a BAAADDD boy. You wouldn't be the inspiration for all those Little Johnny jokes I've been hearing all these years, would you?

Top Ten Old West Phrases That Will Never Sound The Same After Brokeback Mountain

1. "I'm gonna pump you fulla lead!"

2. "Give me a stiff one, barkeep!"

3. "Don't fret---I've been in tight spots before."

4. "Howdy, pardner."

5. You stay here while I sneak around from behind."

6. Two words: "Saddle Sore."

7. "Hold it right there! Now, move your hand, reeeal slow-like."

8. "Let's mount up!"

9. "Nice spread ya got there!"

10. "Ride'em cowboy!"

#7 is the best, by far.