To our Arab Nation Friends:

Though we've all been excited for you and your little freedom fracasses, it's not about you anymore. Christianne Amanpour has gotten about all the face-time that was warranted.

There are gaslines starting again around here @ the bargain retailers. I know it's only going to get worse.

It's not our fault that we drink gasoline with every meal. Cars are cool! So are planes and trains and boats and delivery trucks and lawnmowers and snowmobiles, hedge trimmers. I could go on and on about the stuff we need that you're starting to screw with. And I haven't even gotten to plastics yet.

So, since we can't afford a condo in Dubai, if you don't stop this crap, then dates are definitely off the menu.

We'll still take your oil, even @ $175 per barrel, but, from now on, I'm wrapping bacon around scallops. Really, what else ya got that we want?

No, I don't heat my home or light my lamps with dung. Those beautiful fabrics? Get 'em knocked off from China. How high are the import tarriffs on virgins? If we can't afford a whole one, we'll just keep buying her hair.

Always call the place you live a house. When you're old, everyone else will call it a home.