this needs reviving...i'm not normally an email joke person, but this one struck me as very humorous (apologies for the length):
Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris’s girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, “HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!” and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend’s bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, “Don’t [censored] with Chuck!” Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone
within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
To prove it isn’t that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of
cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of “beard”. Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen,
jealous of Jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of
roundhouse kick related deaths.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
The original theme song to the Transformers was actually “Chuck Norris–more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris–robot in disguise,” and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by “knit”, I mean “kick”, and by “sweaters”, I mean “babies”.
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
