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#298433 - 03/25/10 01:03 PM Two Things
RayLewis Offline
veteran

Registered: 12/11/09
Posts: 153
(1) I had never heard of Charyl Cole until yesterday. I think she may be the most beautiful woman I have ever seen: http://www.cherylcole.com/biography/. Apparently she is in the process of separating from her husband because he cheated on her multiple times. (There would be a little shocked smiley face thingy here if I knew how to add one.) I think I may leave my wife to pursue my true soul mate.

(2) I thought the following were funny. (I hope the one about the Little Person is not offensive. I almost didn't include it, but it really did tickle my funny bone if it passes the CP test I normally try to apply):

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...

******************************************

My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

"No," she answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And then the fight started....

******************************************

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.

The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 5 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

And that's how the fight started...

******************************************

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get so stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a Little Person!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"

So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"

And then the fight started.....

*****************************************

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'

I bought her a bathroom scale.

And then the fight started...

******************************************

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her some place expensive... so, I took her to a gas station.

And then the fight started...

******************************************

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough of your age for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'

And then the fight started...

******************************************

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...

******************************************

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason took my order first. "I'll have the steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""

"Nah , she can order for herself."

And then the fight started...

******************************************

A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment."

The husband replied, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And then the fight started...

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#298437 - 03/25/10 01:12 PM Re: Two Things [Re: RayLewis]
BobKay Offline
connoisseur

Registered: 03/23/10
Posts: 3596
Loc: Massachusetts Badlands
That was a lot of typing, but well worth it. Gracias!
_________________________
Always call the place you live a house. When you're old, everyone else will call it a home.

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#298443 - 03/25/10 01:54 PM Re: Two Things [Re: BobKay]
RayLewis Offline
veteran

Registered: 12/11/09
Posts: 153
It's a cut and paste. Someone e-mailed them to me.

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#298457 - 03/25/10 02:57 PM Re: Two Things [Re: RayLewis]
tomtuttle Offline
axiomite

Registered: 06/20/03
Posts: 8488
Loc: Tacoma
Very good, Ray!
_________________________
bibere usque ad hilaritatem

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#298458 - 03/25/10 03:03 PM Re: Two Things [Re: tomtuttle]
RickF Offline
axiomite

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 5210
Loc: Vero Beach, Florida
Ray did very good Tom ... except he apparently has not laid eyes on this lady.


_________________________
Rick
Our Room

smile

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#298459 - 03/25/10 03:06 PM Re: Two Things [Re: RickF]
tomtuttle Offline
axiomite

Registered: 06/20/03
Posts: 8488
Loc: Tacoma
I was talking about the jokes, Rick!

I really don't think this is the forum for a "who are you lusting after tonight?" thread.

;\)
_________________________
bibere usque ad hilaritatem

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#298462 - 03/25/10 03:11 PM Re: Two Things [Re: tomtuttle]
Adrian Offline
axiomite

Registered: 12/27/08
Posts: 6878
Loc: It's all about the location.
What jokes?

....and that's how the fight started....
_________________________
Half of communication is listening. You can't listen with your mouth.

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#298463 - 03/25/10 03:12 PM Re: Two Things [Re: RickF]
CatBrat Offline
axiomite

Registered: 08/05/09
Posts: 6015
Loc: Milky Way Galaxy
Strip off all that make-up she is wearing (Cole that is) and she might look totally different.

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#298465 - 03/25/10 03:16 PM Re: Two Things [Re: CatBrat]
RickF Offline
axiomite

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 5210
Loc: Vero Beach, Florida
Come on Tom, we need a good "who are you lusting after tonight" thread .... don't we?

Then again, maybe not.

As usual, you are right Tom.

\:D
_________________________
Rick
Our Room

smile

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#298470 - 03/25/10 03:28 PM Re: Two Things [Re: RickF]
RayLewis Offline
veteran

Registered: 12/11/09
Posts: 153
I am offended that my announcement that I have found my true love, my eternal soulmate, my sun and stars, etc., etc. would be characterized as something as trivial as a "who are you lusting after tonight" thread! If I knew anything more about her than the pictures I've seen I'd really expand on the depth of my love for her. I guess rather than posting on a website I'll just talk to my wife about how much I love this other woman (I did send my wife the link so she'll know who I'm talking about).

Oh well, the real point of the thread was the jokes anyway. I thought they were kind of cute.

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