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#308496 - 05/28/10 04:42 PM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: CatBrat]
CatBrat Offline

Registered: 08/05/09
Posts: 6015
Loc: Milky Way Galaxy
One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.

The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.

He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.

Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.

The blonde started laughing.

This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.

This time the blonde laughed even harder.

Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.

The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.

The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"

#308497 - 05/28/10 05:18 PM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: CatBrat]
pmbuko Online   content
shareholder in the making

Registered: 04/02/03
Posts: 16362
Loc: Leesburg, Virginia
That's not a cat joke.

But I did laugh. \:\)
I can explain it to you but I can't understand it for you.

#308504 - 05/28/10 05:52 PM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: pmbuko]

OK, a blonde cat was driving one day...

#308534 - 05/28/10 09:51 PM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: ]
CatBrat Offline

Registered: 08/05/09
Posts: 6015
Loc: Milky Way Galaxy
She has a cat. Does that count.

#316104 - 07/22/10 02:26 PM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: CatBrat]
medic8r Offline

Registered: 02/05/06
Posts: 6442
Loc: Fredericksburg, Virginia
A guy is 84 years old and loves to fish. He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, "Pick me up."

He looked around and couldn't see anyone. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, "Pick me up."

He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog. The man said, "Are you talking to me?"

The frog said, "Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up, then kiss me, and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I will be your bride!"

The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front pocket.

The frog said, "What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride!"

He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, "Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog."

with age comes wisdom.
"The Universe is the game of the self, which plays hide and seek forever and ever" - Alan Watts

#316107 - 07/22/10 02:37 PM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: medic8r]

Originally Posted By: medic8r

with age comes wisdom.

...and senility...

#316177 - 07/22/10 10:35 PM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: ]
fredk Offline

Registered: 12/06/07
Posts: 7585
Loc: Canada
Senility and 'I don't give a crap what other people think' often look the same from the outside.

Blujays1: Spending Fred's money one bottle at a time, no two... Oh crap!

#316186 - 07/22/10 10:59 PM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: fredk]
Ichigo_Kurosaki Offline

Registered: 06/18/10
Posts: 463
Loc: Japan
The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know
anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"

"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the
prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the
prisoner in the prison.

And then they made love for the first time.

Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.

Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."

Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."

After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but
the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him
a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"

The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently
born foal.

Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.

She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."

Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence,
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.

#316192 - 07/22/10 11:22 PM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: Ichigo_Kurosaki]
Adrian Offline

Registered: 12/27/08
Posts: 6699
Loc: It's all about the location.
I'm glad she didn't ask the prisoner if it wanted a cell mate.
Half of communication is listening. You can't listen with your mouth.

#316212 - 07/23/10 02:17 AM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: Adrian]
HomeDad Offline

Registered: 12/29/05
Posts: 3301
Loc: Central,California

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories.

There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved. Then the teacher realized that only Janie was left.

"Janie, do you have a story to share?'

''Yes ma'am. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy. She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife.

She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break, and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.

She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.

''Good Heavens,' said the horrified teacher. 'What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?

"Stay away from Mommy when she's been drinking."
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

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