Axiom Home Page Forums General Discussion The Water Cooler TEXAS BASHING FODDER

i just received this in an e-mail.. found it funny, give ya'll something to hound me over.

BTW- i am not a george w supporter..

GOD BLESS TEXAS...

For those of you who don't live in Texas and want to move here, come on; we
have plenty of room for you.

After listening to all the gloating in the press and seeing the liberal
whiners along the inauguration route, the folks from Texas would probably
decide to take matters into their own hands, if Kerry is elected President.

#1: If he gets elected, let Kerry become President of the 49 United States.

#2: Texas will SECEDE FROM THE UNION as guaranteed by our right to do so
when we joined the Union

#3: George W. Bush becomes the President of the Republic of Texas.

Will we survive as a Republic? Well, let's see...

-NASA's in Houston (so, we basically control the space industry.)

-85% of the gasoline in the United States is refined in Texas City.

-Over 65% of the defense industry in located here. (The term "DON'T MESS
WITH TEXAS" would take on a whole new meaning.)

-Oil - we can supply all the oil that the Republic of Texas will need for
the next 300 years.

-Natural Gas - Again, we have all we need. Maybe we'll sell some to Mr.
Kerry.

-Computer industry - HP, Texas Instruments, Dell, Compaq, EDS, Raytheon,
National Semiconductor, Motorola, Intel, AMD, Atmel, Applied Materials, Ball
Semiconductor, Dallas Semiconductor, Delphi, Nortel...All located here.

-Health Care - We have the largest research centers for cancer research, the
best burn centers and the top trauma units in the world.

-Education - Between UT, Texas A&M, Texas Tech, Rice, TCU, SMU, University
of Houston, Baylor, University of North Texas and Texas Women's University,
we ought to be covered. Ivy grows better in the south, anyway.

-Labor - Lots of workers here (and just open the border when we need some
more.)

-We have control of the paper industry, plastics, insurance, etc.

-Defense - in case of a foreign invasion, we have the Texas National Guard
and the Texas Air National Guard. Oh, and let's not forget that Ft. Hood is
the largest military post in the free world (and still growing).

-Agriculture - We are totally self-sufficient in beef, poultry, hogs,
chickens and vegetable produce. (*Gotta mention that we have an abundant
supply of the best-looking ladies in the whole world. Any snide remarks
about our women being "corn fed" will get your butt kicked--by our women!)

We have faith in God as our Supreme Creator and Savior.

Texas will have "In God we Trust" on the front and back of its own money.

-Texas will have prayers at all sporting events.

-Texas will have the Ten Commandments posted wherever they want.

-Each school day will be opened with prayer.

We've got mountains.

We've got beaches.

East Texas is forest.

West Texas is desert.

There isn't a thing out there that we need and don't have.

Now to the rest of the United States under President Kerry:

--God bless you all...truly..and good luck!

Signed,

The Citizens of "The Republic of Texas."

Nicely comical, if a bit controversial.

The US would cease trade with Texas and set up an embargo in the gulf. There wouldn't be a need to invade. We'd let you sit behind your border guards and just wait while all your cars and home theater equipment became obsolete. About the only thing we'd let through the embargo are your magazine subscriptions so you'd know about all the latest/greatest cars and home electronics you wouldn't be able to get your hands on.

The citizens would revolt, beg to be let back into the Union, and the Republic of Texas would cease to exist.

Hehe. That's just waaaaay to easy.

jr

Just one strategic problem, Peter. The Texas-Mexico border.

I've visited The Republic of Texas a number of times, and feel confident that I would be perfectly happy living there. The proud, friendly, independent vibe I perceived exemplifies some of the best parts of "America" to me. Not to mention the strength that comes from inclusive cultural diversity.

'course, I didn't go anywhere near Houston.

In reply to:

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Not to mention the strength that comes from inclusive cultural diversity.

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Sorry...that just kinda made me chuckle.

this is just the written version of a long standing joke between fellow texans. i have been hearing texans say this kinda stuff since i was knee-high to a grasshopper. we are a proud bunch, there is no doubt about that.

i do feel what tom is talkin about on a daily basis. people around here just have a way about them that is different from anywhere else i have ever been. i lose sight of it cause i live here on a daily basis, but when i travel out of state, it all comes slamming back to me. i often find myself driving back to the state, just anticipating getting back to the border and being 'home'. which is kinda odd, cause once i hit texarkana on the border, i still got 8 hours of driving to get to my 'hometown'.. but just making the border is wonderful to.

bigjohn

Didn't someone try this about 140 years ago... ?? Hmm.. the exact even escapes me, but I'm pretty sure it didn't work out then... I just wish I could remember the name of that thing, I think it started with a "C"...

Just kidding... I'm in Texas too... and there was a clause in Texas joining the U.S. that we are given the right to secede at will. There's even a nutjob every few years that will declare himself President of Texas and claim that Texas has seceded under his authority. Never really works out for him, either.

Texans can be a hilariously proud bunch. I mean, Bush could be a cannibalistic Satanist, but the fact that he's a Texan would pretty much still tip the scales in his favor down here.

That email was pretty darn funny, though.