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Forums » General Discussion » The Water Cooler » OT: Jokes
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#318046 - 08/09/10 12:18 PM
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![]() axiomite ![]() Registered: 08/05/09 Posts: 6015 Loc: Milky Way Galaxy |
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#318388 - 08/13/10 12:41 AM
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![]() shareholder in the making ![]() Registered: 04/02/03 Posts: 16437 Loc: Ben Lomond, California |
How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irish family?
None. ---- Why can't you tell jokes about the Jonestown Massacre? The punchlines are too long.
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I can explain it to you but I can't understand it for you. |
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#319315 - 08/20/10 03:22 PM
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![]() axiomite ![]() Registered: 08/05/09 Posts: 6015 Loc: Milky Way Galaxy |
One day, after a man had his annual physical, the doctor came out and said, "You had a great checkup. Is there anything that you'd like to talk about or ask me?"
"Well," he said, "I was thinking about getting a vasectomy." "That's a pretty big decision. Have you talked it over with your family?" "Yeah, and they're in favor 15 to 2."
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https://docs.google.com/spreadsheet/ccc?...amp;usp=sharing |
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#319321 - 08/20/10 04:40 PM
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![]() axiomite ![]() Registered: 02/05/06 Posts: 6469 Loc: Fredericksburg, Virginia |
Gotta love the clown car vagina.
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Bears, beets, Battlestar Galactica. |
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#320820 - 08/31/10 05:04 PM
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![]() shareholder in the making ![]() Registered: 04/02/03 Posts: 16437 Loc: Ben Lomond, California |
After a late night of partying, a guy invites his friends back to his new apartment. While he is giving them a tour, one of his friends notices a huge gong and hammer near the wall.
"What's up with the gong?", he asks. "Oh that's not a gong, it is a talking clock." His friends voice skepticism, "Dude, that's not a talking clock, it's obviously a friggin' gong." The guy replies, "No, I swear, you hit it with that hammer as hard as you can and it tells you the time. Go ahead, give it a try." His friend shrugs his shoulders, grabs the hammer, rears back, and strikes it with a loud: "GOOOOOOOOOOONG!" After a few seconds they hear a voice from the other side of the wall, "FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! IT'S THREE-THIRTY IN THE MORNING!"
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I can explain it to you but I can't understand it for you. |
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#323547 - 09/22/10 06:16 PM
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![]() axiomite ![]() Registered: 12/27/08 Posts: 6874 Loc: It's all about the location. |
Having a bad day?
We've all had bad days before and maybe wished it ended up like this... There I was, sitting at the bar staring at my drink, when a large, trouble-making biker steps up to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig. "Well!! Whatcha gonna do 'bout it?" he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears. "Come on man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd CRY...I can't stand to see a man crying!" "This is the worst day of my life," I tell him."I'm a complete failure, I was late to a meeting so my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my old lady in bed with the gardner and my dog bit me." "So I came here to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all, I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in it and wait here for the arsenic to dissolve, then some jacka$$ shows up and drinks the whole thing!! but enough about me...how's your day going?"
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Half of communication is listening. You can't listen with your mouth. |
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#323564 - 09/22/10 10:37 PM
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![]() connoisseur ![]() Registered: 11/29/06 Posts: 1328 Loc: Alpharetta, GA |
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#325678 - 10/15/10 10:07 AM
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![]() shareholder in the making ![]() Registered: 04/02/03 Posts: 16437 Loc: Ben Lomond, California |
She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the oversized t-shirt she normally slept in. As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, "You've got to make love to me right now!"
My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!" Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and gave it my all, right there on the kitchen table. When it was all over she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her t-shirt still around her neck. Happy but a little puzzled, I asked, "Why are you thanking me?" She answered, "Because the egg timer's broken."
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I can explain it to you but I can't understand it for you. |
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#331719 - 12/16/10 09:03 AM
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![]() connoisseur ![]() Registered: 03/23/10 Posts: 3596 Loc: Massachusetts Badlands |
Not mine.
"Can't you spare $2.00?" Raji lives in a small village in Northern India. He is 9 years old. Through tagedies, he has only one leg, one arm, and one eye. His bike has a bent from wheel and only one pedal. His school is seven miles away. Every day this poor child makes his difficult way in the world. So, please, send us $2.00. We'll send you a video. It's hilarious!
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Always call the place you live a house. When you're old, everyone else will call it a home. |
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#331735 - 12/16/10 01:51 PM
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![]() axiomite ![]() Registered: 12/27/08 Posts: 6874 Loc: It's all about the location. |
He's still got two ears apparently.
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Half of communication is listening. You can't listen with your mouth. |
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