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#54553 - 11/11/05 03:31 PM Re: OT: Jokes
oz350z Offline

Registered: 05/31/05
Posts: 562
Loc: Atlanta
I liked this quote from Chris Rock.

You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon.' Need I say more?

"Life is what happens while your busy making other plans" John Lennon

#54554 - 11/11/05 04:01 PM Re: OT: Jokes
SirQuack Offline
shareholder in the making

Registered: 01/29/04
Posts: 13571
Loc: Iowa
Watch out for these new viruses - Neither Symantec nor McAfee have solutions as yet!!!

The George Bush Virus - Causes your computer to keep looking for viruses of mass destruction.

The Clinton Virus - Gives you a permanent Hard Drive with NO memory.

The Al Gore Virus - Causes your computer to just keep counting and re-counting.

The John Kerry virus - causes the floppy to flip flop on it's stored memory.

The Bob Dole (aka Viagra) Virus - Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy.

The Lewinsky Virus - Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then e-mails everyone about what it did.

The Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus - Terminates some files, leaves, but will be back.

The Mike Tyson Virus - Quits after two bytes.

The Oprah Winfrey Virus - Your 200 GB hard drive shrinks to 100 GB, then slowly expands to re-stabilize around 150 GB.

The Ellen Degeneres Virus - Disks can no longer be inserted.

The Prozac Virus - Totally screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care.

The Joey Buttafuoco Virus - Only attacks minor files.

The Lorena Bobbitt Virus - Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy... then discards it through Windows.

Anthem AVM60 Outlaw 7700 Emotiva A500 Epson 5040UB

#54555 - 11/11/05 10:25 PM Re: OT: Jokes
JohnK Offline
shareholder in the making

Registered: 05/11/02
Posts: 10623
Rick, I put that rather mild one in(it appears that the Polish navy isn't held in very high regard, is it?)knowing that Peter would laugh(although just a little)as I did, rather than being offended. I'll point out that when I discuss audio with some of my best friends it seems that they're often moved to exclaim in a jocular way "You cheap hunky!" and I'll often respond with a comment appropriate for their ethnic background. All in fun, and too bad that there are some in the world who get upset over harmless words.

Enjoy the music, not the equipment.

#54556 - 11/14/05 01:43 PM Re: OT: Jokes
Capn_Pickard Offline

Registered: 03/09/04
Posts: 1056
Loc: Arlington, VA (NOVA)
In the "Glass bottom boat" category... (I had actually always heard about it regarding the Italians)...

These come from a Frenchman (by descent only) who'll be travelling to Paris next week...

Q: Why are the streets of Paris lined with trees?

A: So the Germans can march in the shade.

Q: How many French does it take to defend the city of Paris.

A: I don't know, it's never been tried....

#54557 - 11/14/05 04:38 PM Re: OT: Jokes
bugbitten Offline

Registered: 04/06/05
Posts: 2339
Loc: Madisonville, KY
At 85 years of age, Wally married Lou Anne, a lovely 25 year old.

Since her new husband is so old, Lou Anne decides that after their wedding she and Wally should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may overexert himself if they spend the entire night together.

After the wedding festivities Lou Anne prepares herself for bed and the expected "knock" on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Wally, her 85 year old groom, ready for action.

They unite as one. All goes well, Wally takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep..

After a few minutes, Lou Anne hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it's Wally. Again he is ready for more "action".

Somewhat surprised, Lou Anne consents for more coupling. When the newlyweds are done, Wally kisses his bride, bids her a fond goodnight and leaves.

She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha you guessed it - Wally is back again, rapping on the door, and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more "action". And, once again they enjoy each other.

But as Wally gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, "I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Wally."

Wally, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Lou Anne and says:

..............."You mean I was here already?"

The moral of the story:
Don't be afraid of getting old, senior moments have advantages.

#54558 - 11/15/05 07:35 PM Re: OT: Jokes
pmbuko Offline
shareholder in the making

Registered: 04/02/03
Posts: 16437
Loc: Ben Lomond, California
More newlywed stuff.

During the first week of a deaf couple's marriage, they discover that they are unable to communicate well in the bedroom with the lights off because they can't see each others hands as hey sign. After several nights of fumbling around and some embarassing misunderstandings, the wife proposes a solution.

"Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time."

The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea! Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my penis one time. And if you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis... fifty times."
I can explain it to you but I can't understand it for you.

#54559 - 11/17/05 08:00 PM Re: OT: Jokes
pmbuko Offline
shareholder in the making

Registered: 04/02/03
Posts: 16437
Loc: Ben Lomond, California
First-year medical students were attending their first anatomy class with a real human cadaver. They all gathered around a table on which a donor's body was layed out and draped with a white sheet.

The professor was a famous doctor from Russia, where medical schools are notoriously hard on students. He began the class by telling the students, "As aspirink doctors, eet eez necessary to be havink two important qvalities. Ze first eez that you not be disgusted by anythink involvink ze human body."

To demonstrate this quality, the doctor pulled back the sheet, stuck a finger in the cadaver's anus, withdrew it, and then stuck his finger in his mouth.

"Now, to show me zat you are not disgusted, please be doink as I did," he asked.

Naturally, the students freaked out at this request. They hesitated for several minutes, but eventually began taking turns sticking their fingers into the butt of the dead body and then sucking on them.

When everyone had finished, the doctor looked at them and said, "Ze second important qvality to be havink eez careful observation. None of you vere noticink zat I insert middle finger into the anus, but vas suckink index finger. Next time you vill be payink better attention, yes?"
I can explain it to you but I can't understand it for you.

#54560 - 11/17/05 08:24 PM Re: OT: Jokes
MarkSJohnson Offline
shareholder in the making

Registered: 09/27/04
Posts: 11437
Loc: Central NH
Dude, that's just wrong on so many levels!
::::::: No disrespect to Axiom, but my favorite woofer is my yellow lab :::::::

#54561 - 11/17/05 11:14 PM Re: OT: Jokes
JohnK Offline
shareholder in the making

Registered: 05/11/02
Posts: 10623
Yes, Peter, it does pay to be observant. For another tasteful contribution consider the young woman in the maternity ward who was about to enter into labor. The nurse asks "Would you like your husband to be present?" She replies "I have no husband". The nurse asks "Then your boyfriend?". The reply is "I have no boyfriend", and the nurse, while curious, says no more.

The birth goes well and nurse comes in and tells her "You have a healthy bouncing baby boy, but before you see him I must tell you that the baby is black". The mother explains "I was without money to live and became so desperate that I worked in a porno film. The star was black".

The nurse replies "I see, but I must also tell you that the baby has blond hair". The mother says "The co-star was a big Swedish guy".

The nurse responds "But the baby has slant eyes". Mother explains "A little Chinese guy was also brought in".

The nurse then goes out and brings in the baby. The mother immediately gives it a big swat on the butt and he begins crying loudly. Mother cries "Thank God!" The puzzled nurse asks why she said that. "I was terrified that he would bark!"


Enjoy the music, not the equipment.

#54562 - 11/17/05 11:16 PM Re: OT: Jokes
bridgman Offline

Registered: 08/25/04
Posts: 6068
Loc: Bowmanville, Ontario, Canada
What Mark said
M60ti/VP180/QS8/M2ti, SVS PC-Plus 20-39, EP500
M5HP, Sierra-1, M40ti
M3v4, VP100

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