In reply to:

So the home theater will be set up eventually and will have great sound, video, ambiance, etc.

But what movie should I watch first?




The question is about the first movie you should watch but the question behind the question is, “What is the correct ritual for bringing my new HT into this world.”

Ahhh, my friend, each culture, religious sect, and genotype has their own specific ways of celebrating new life but the most elaborate of these is the celebration of the birth of sound by the mute pygmy tribes of North Florida. A little known group of inbred short folk with extremely bad teeth (no relation to the Brits) are absolutely gaa gaa over sounds. Through an extremely unfortunate compulsion to follow the old adage, “If you don’t have anything nice to say…,” they have completely bred out their ability to speak and therefore must beat on garbage can lids, old bass modules, and paper cones to communicate. They can often be found behind Sound Advice! and other big box stores looking for discarded speaker parts upon which to communicate.

Once a year, during the summer Equinox, they celebrate what they call, “Bam, chicka, bam, bam” (remember, they communicated by beating on things) or “The night the sound was born”. First, they break into the nearest department store and steal any speakers that have a 3.5” or smaller “woofer” and burn them in reverence to Amie, the bringer of kick-butt speakers and yet to be named components, and to Alan, the bringer of the flat response. Next, they mark their bodies with the ashes with A’s (which sometimes look like x’s, i’s, o’s, or m’s because they don’t write so good and them ashes is hot) and begin the ritualistic dancing and eating of popcorn.

Lastly (and this ties more closely into you question), they all gather around the box of light, connected to the giver of watts, connected to the holder of that which for the rest of the year was used as a coaster, connected to a really long extension cord tied directly into my backyard (for some reason). There they sit, transfixed, illumined by the box, and in the end refreshed and rejuvenated, ready for another year. What movie did they watch? Under Siege 2: Dark Territory. Hey, I didn’t say they had good taste in movies. You may want to go with The Incredibles. I would.


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