Cutting the lawn?

Cop neighbor: Hey! I'm out here mowing and doing yard work. Why don't you?

Me: 'Cause that's what boyfriends are for. You should get one.

Cop: I don't think Jan would like that.

Me: I don't get it. Wives can be so weird about that stuff.

Cop: I know, I'll talk to her.

Always call the place you live a house. When you're old, everyone else will call it a home.