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#231618 - 11/26/08 12:24 AM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: pmbuko]
CV Offline
Founder, Axiom Upgrade Club
shareholder in the making

Registered: 07/20/06
Posts: 11170
Loc: Richland, WA, USA
Brown omelette time!

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#253405 - 03/24/09 11:54 AM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: CV]
medic8r Offline
axiomite

Registered: 02/05/06
Posts: 6387
Loc: Fredericksburg, Virginia
*bump*

A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, “Where is Jesus today?”

Steven raises his hand and says, “He’s in heaven.”

Mary answers, “He’s in my heart.”

Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, “He’s in our bathroom!”

The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this.

“Well,” Little Johnny says, “every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells ‘Jesus Christ! Are you still in there?!!’”
_________________________
"The Universe is the game of the self, which plays hide and seek forever and ever" - Alan Watts

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#253436 - 03/24/09 02:14 PM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: medic8r]
pmbuko Offline
shareholder in the making

Registered: 04/02/03
Posts: 16268
Loc: Leesburg, Virginia
I just saw this the other day and was going to post it.


Get off my (internet) trail!!
_________________________
"I wish I had documented more…" said nobody on their death bed, ever.

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#253540 - 03/25/09 01:28 AM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: medic8r]
JohnK Offline
shareholder in the making

Registered: 05/11/02
Posts: 10376
Yeah, John; the old question from catechism class: Where is God? Also reminds me of the church bulletin board that announced that the sermon topic at the first service would be "Jesus Walks on the Water", and for the second service, "Finding Jesus".
_________________________
-----------------------------------

Enjoy the music, not the equipment.



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#253874 - 03/26/09 07:14 PM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: JohnK]
samandnoah Offline
devotee

Registered: 03/11/03
Posts: 320
Loc: Austin, TX
Since there seems to be a theme...

Little Jill came into the kitchen where her mother was making dinner.
Her birthday was coming up and she thought this was a good time to
tell her mother what she wanted. 'Mom, I want a bike for my birthday.'
Now, Little was a bit of a troublemaker. She had gotten into
trouble at school and at home.. Jill"s mother asked her if she
thought she deserved to get a bike for her birthday. Little Jill, of
course, thought she did.
Jill's mother, being a Christian woman, wanted her to reflect on her
behavior over the las t year, and write a letter to God and tell him
why she deserved a bike for her birthday. Little Jill stomped up the
steps to her room and sat down to write God a letter.


________________________________
LETTER 1:
Dear God:
I have been a very good girl this year and I would like a bike for my
birthday. I want a red one.

Your friend, Jill

Jill knew this wasn't true. She had not been a very good girl this
year, so she tore up the letter and started over.

________________________________
LETTER 2:
Dear God:

This is your friend Jill. I have been a pretty good girl this year,
and I would like a red bike for my birthday.

Thank you, Jill

Jill knew this wasn't true either. She tore up the letter and started again.

________________________________
LETTER 3:
Dear God:
I know I haven't been a good girl this year. I am very sorry. I will
be a good girl if you just send me a red bike for my birthday.

Thank you, JIll

Jill knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get her
a bike. By now, she was very upset. She went downstairs and told her
mother she wanted to go to church. Jill's mother thought her plan had
worked because Jill looked very sad.

'Just be home in time for dinner,' her mother said. Jill walked down
the street to the church and up to the altar. She looked around to see
if anyone was there.. She picked up a statue of the Virgin Mary ,
slipped it under her jacket and ran out of the church, down the
street, into her house, and up to her room. She shut the door and sat
down and wrote her letter to God.

________________________________
LETTER 4:

I GOT YOUR MAMA.


IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE.


Signed, YOU KNOW WHO

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#263955 - 06/16/09 11:48 PM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: samandnoah]
HomeDad Offline
connoisseur

Registered: 12/29/05
Posts: 3301
Loc: Central,California
5 year old's first job

Here's a truly heartwarming story about the bond formed between a little
5-year-old girl and some construction workers that will make you believe
that we all can make a difference when we give a child the gift of our
time.

A young family moved into a house, next to a vacant lot. One day, a
Construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot.

The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all
the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the
workers.

Eventually the construction crew, all of them "gems-in-the-rough,"
more or less,
adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit
with
them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do
here
and there to make her feel important.

At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope
containing ten dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who
suggested that she take her ten dollars "pay" she'd received to the
bank
the next day to start a savings account.

When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and

asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a
young
age. The little girl proudly replied,
"I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house
next
door to us."

"Oh my goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be
working on the
house again this week, too?"

The little girl replied, "I will, if those
assholes at Home Depot ever deliver the fuckin' sheet rock..."
_________________________
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

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#263962 - 06/17/09 12:13 AM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: HomeDad]
JohnK Offline
shareholder in the making

Registered: 05/11/02
Posts: 10376
Heartwarming indeed, Michael!
_________________________
-----------------------------------

Enjoy the music, not the equipment.



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#263967 - 06/17/09 12:17 AM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: JohnK]
HomeDad Offline
connoisseur

Registered: 12/29/05
Posts: 3301
Loc: Central,California
\:\)
_________________________
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

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#263975 - 06/17/09 02:33 AM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: HomeDad]
JohnK Offline
shareholder in the making

Registered: 05/11/02
Posts: 10376
Another example of how kids learn things these days: Little Johnny went to summer camp and the first night it was awful dark and he was afraid of sleeping by himself. So he gets up and goes to one of the young female teachers and asks if he could sleep with her because he's afraid of the dark. "No!", she answers, so he then whines "But mommy lets me when I'm scared". "Well, all right", she says, "but just for tonight".

A couple minutes pass and Little Johnny asks "Can I tickle your belly button with my finger?" "No!", she responds, but again he whines "But mommy lets me". "Well, I suppose it's okay", she says.

A couple more minutes pass, and suddenly the teacher jumps up screaming "That's NOT my belly button!". "Yeah, and it ain't my finger either!".
_________________________
-----------------------------------

Enjoy the music, not the equipment.



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#263978 - 06/17/09 02:45 AM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: JohnK]
danmagicman7 Offline
connoisseur

Registered: 12/16/05
Posts: 1467
A woman sued a local super market for not putting "Keep out of reach of children" stickers on their packages of cheese.

The women gained inspiration for this lawsuit when her mischievous son was reaching for some cheddar cheese. In horror, she yelled, "Bobby, don't touch that! It's sharp!"
_________________________

M22s|VP100|QS4s|HSU STF2

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