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#206177 - 04/30/08 04:19 AM The Collaire Report
CV Offline
Founder, Axiom Upgrade Club
shareholder in the making

Registered: 07/20/06
Posts: 11273
Loc: Richland, WA, USA
Yeah, I cleverly changed her name.

In case you were unaware, I'm currently in pursuit of an unavailable girl, and it's not even Regina Spektor! She's sweet, she's funny, beautiful (I'll admit it), and she likes to hang out with me. Now of course that may be just because I seem like a non-threat, but my huge ego would like to believe it's because there's a connection that could turn into something more substantial.

Then there's the guy she's dating. It's a little worrying that she started dating him to begin with. He's 27 or so, lives at home, doesn't have a car (neither do I, but out of choice, not because I totaled it), and he just had a child with an ex in February--a child he has yet to meet. None of these things can tell the whole story, of course. However, after meeting him, I'm at a loss for what's causing the attraction. He's not attractive, and apparently he's even told her that he's glad he has her, as now he doesn't have to try to be attractive anymore. A true romantic. Not only that, but he was completely cold to me the one time we met, even though I went out of my way to be nice.

I know this girl through a coworker. They're best friends, and my coworker has ColLAIRE come in and join us for dinner usually at least a couple of times a week. It used to be that we had her bring food in for us--that was the excuse--but now we just have her come in to hang out with us. Anyway, my coworker is dating this guy, let's call him WoWboy, and it's his best friend that ColLAIRE is dating, so it's two best friends dating two best friends. Insurmountable? Maybe. I mostly hear complaints about the guy. My coworker says that he's always hanging out at her apartment (which she shares with her boyfriend), and he helps himself to her food, never offering to reimburse or replace. Not only does she buy extra groceries just because she knows he's going to eat it, but he leaves messes around the apartment, too. This is my competition?

I guess that's the worst thing. He gets to date the coolest girl in the world, and he doesn't even have to put forth any effort. How do I compete with that?

I've simply been trying to enjoy my time with her and see if anything develops, despite the circumstances. Besides her coming in for dinner, we've gone to comedy night twice, they've come over for a movie twice, and we went for a walk once. The only time her boyfriend was along was for pho.

I'm scared that I'm getting further and further into the "friend zone," but I'm still torn between what to do. On one hand, it would be nice to put up a fight for once. On the other hand, this is a decision she's made, and I feel like I should respect it. If she likes me enough, she should break it off with him on her own. But then, saying nothing is just going to lead to regret. This is the spin cycle I'm in right now. I suppose the only way I'll respect myself is to talk to her about it and see what happens. I'm taking my time weighing how important self-respect is. \:\)

I really like her!

Now that you're up to speed on the basics, I'll tell you about her birthday, which was the 28th. She likes to read, so I looked through my collection of books trying to find something she might also like. It became painfully apparent that all of my favorite reading is geared towards adolescent males. She has said she reads anything that's around, and when she came over for a movie the first time, she pointed out Ender's Game, saying she liked it, and Ranma 1/2, saying nothing about it, but I get the sense she at least had an interest in it. I decided to give her a copy of I Was a Teen-Age Dwarf by Max Shulman, which is a book based around the character, Dobie Gillis. It's a light, fun read, and I figured its goofiness might fit her well. Also, giving her something I already owned wouldn't be too awkward of a gift (I actually bought her the copy I gave her, as I wanted one in a little better condition, but don't tell her that).

I needed a way to wrap the gift, so I took advantage of the Shout Box here, and Sean came to my rescue, suggesting aluminum foil. I almost always enjoy what I find in aluminum foil, so I had to take his suggestion and run with it. However, it was still obviously a book, so I decided to put it in a Ziploc bag covered with duct tape. Scary? Maybe. I didn't have any duct tape, so I had to borrow something from my dad. Thankfully, he had aluminum foil tape, which went along well with the aluminum foil, and I thought it looked better than duct tape would have, too. At first I was going to pretend that NASA had planned on launching it into deep space to let an alien culture enjoy our literature, but the mission was scrapped, and I was able to buy it at their annual yard sale. After getting to work with it and seeing the refrigerator, though, I decided to throw it in the freezer. I thought it would be funny to give it to her nice and cold and explain that it had been sent hurtling forward through time, Back to the Future style, and that's why it was iced over. I didn't have the opportunity to give it to her myself, but my coworker took it home and put it in her own freezer, and she gave it to Collaire the next morning.

Apparently she thought it was funny, and was fascinated with the Ziploc bag. My coworker said she went so far as to say I'm awesome. I'm looking forward to seeing her again, as I don't know if she knew what was up with the pressed "flower" that I put in the card.

Back on Valentine's Day, when she came in to join us for dinner, she made me a flower out of a paper napkin, which turned out really horribly. She said she wouldn't be offended if I threw it out. Naturally, I held onto it. I figured it would be funny to give back to her at some point, and this was the perfect opportunity. I simply said in the card that someone gave me this beautiful flower (aka abused napkin) once, and I thought it was appropriate to pass it on to her.

I don't know what's going to happen with all of this, but it's nice to know I can still like someone so much. If it was up to me, I'd see her every day. Here's hoping she's not already just thinking of me as a brother.

That's all for now! Finally!

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#206181 - 04/30/08 04:36 AM Re: The Collaire Report [Re: CV]
fredk Offline
axiomite

Registered: 12/06/07
Posts: 7237
Loc: Canada
Sounds like your guys get along well. Time for the next step?
_________________________
Fred

-------
Blujays1: Spending Fred's money one bottle at a time, no two... Oh crap!

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#206186 - 04/30/08 05:04 AM Re: The Collaire Report [Re: fredk]
jakewash Offline
shareholder in the making

Registered: 12/26/03
Posts: 10400
Loc: Calgary, Alberta
I'm glad I'm married, that sounds like way too much effort now.
_________________________
Jason
-----------------
TTTHHHPPPPPTTTT!

My HT

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#206197 - 04/30/08 08:29 AM Re: The Collaire Report [Re: jakewash]
myrison Offline
connoisseur

Registered: 02/03/08
Posts: 1898
Loc: Austin, TX
Though I suppose some people (not me of course) would say that shuttling the constant stream of subwoofers in and out of your house sounds like way too much effort.... :p
_________________________
Epic 80-800: HG Cherry | HT Pics

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#206221 - 04/30/08 10:54 AM Re: The Collaire Report [Re: CV]
St_PatGuy Offline
axiomite

Registered: 03/07/05
Posts: 7413
Loc: Glendale, Arizona
Charles,

It is inexplicable why women choose guys such as the loser Claire has chosen. If your feelings about her are as strong as I've interpreted them, you owe it to yourself to not give up on her.

The dreaded "friend" status is a death knell--stay away from this at all costs. As much as you want to tell Claire your true feelings for her, causing her to choose between you and her current boyfriend, let's first work on uping your stock. To put it simply, make her want to choose you.

I have no idea how your personal interactions with her go, but if I've read your description right, you're slipping into that safe "friend" zone where you like each other well enough, but there is no tension (at least on her part). You need to work on creating some sparks between the two of you to let her know that you are desireable.

It's a bit of a project, but you can do it. You don't want to spill your feelings for her only to be rejected because she is suddenly overwhelmed. Work on building up the right kind of relationship (more romance, less friend) and then break the news to her and put yourself in a better position.

And, Charles, I'm not saying you have to do this stuff, and by no means am I a relationship guru, but I've been sucked into that friend trap before. There is nothing worse than being friends with a girl you really like only to have her confide in you all her relationship details with another guy. Especially when you want to be that guy.
_________________________
***********
"Nothin' up my sleeve. . ." --Bullwinkle J. Moose

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#206232 - 04/30/08 11:41 AM Re: The Collaire Report [Re: St_PatGuy]
CV Offline
Founder, Axiom Upgrade Club
shareholder in the making

Registered: 07/20/06
Posts: 11273
Loc: Richland, WA, USA
I'll get my people on it.

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#206234 - 04/30/08 11:43 AM Re: The Collaire Report [Re: CV]
HomeDad Offline
connoisseur

Registered: 12/29/05
Posts: 3301
Loc: Central,California
Charles,

If my wife read this she would probably get all teary eyed. \:\)

One thing I've learned in the 50 odd years I've been around (and yes we do know more with age) is that you need to live your life with as few regrets as possible, especially when it comes to affairs of the heart.

I'll agree with Sean that you don't want to overwhelm her, but it seems to me that she has to have more than a minor interest if she's spending that much time with you. I say strike while the iron is hot and before she develops to much of a relationship with the other guy. Just my 2 cents.
_________________________
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

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#206270 - 04/30/08 02:21 PM Re: The Collaire Report [Re: HomeDad]
fredk Offline
axiomite

Registered: 12/06/07
Posts: 7237
Loc: Canada
 Quote:
you need to live your life with as few regrets as possible

Indeed! Disapointments and failures you can recover from, regrets linger.
_________________________
Fred

-------
Blujays1: Spending Fred's money one bottle at a time, no two... Oh crap!

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#206272 - 04/30/08 02:30 PM Re: The Collaire Report [Re: HomeDad]
jakewash Offline
shareholder in the making

Registered: 12/26/03
Posts: 10400
Loc: Calgary, Alberta
 Originally Posted By: HomeDad

I'll agree with Sean that you don't want to overwhelm her, but it seems to me that she has to have more than a minor interest if she's spending that much time with you. I say strike while the iron is hot and before she develops to much of a relationship with the other guy. Just my 2 cents.
I make a third vote.

myrison, moving subs around is only physical not the mental and emotional stress that goes along with the dating game, I'll take the subs anyday, although these 150+lbs boxes are starting to push the limits.\:\)
_________________________
Jason
-----------------
TTTHHHPPPPPTTTT!

My HT

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#206307 - 04/30/08 04:35 PM Re: The Collaire Report [Re: jakewash]
medic8r Offline
axiomite

Registered: 02/05/06
Posts: 6404
Loc: Fredericksburg, Virginia
Tell her how you feel! Ask her out on a real "date"! But I agree with the others, don't drop bombs on her too fast. Sounds like you've been doing fine so far. Hopefully she will get a clue and know of the attraction that you have for her. Then, if she has good judgment, she'll dump loser guy.
_________________________
"The Universe is the game of the self, which plays hide and seek forever and ever" - Alan Watts

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