LOL at the Dr. Seuss reference!
We say that all the time at our house.
Could be a number of things - Dean might have some ideas also. Besides your observation about water quality (which is likely), other explanations could include the particular yeast strain used, bad sanitation practices or overly aggressive filtration. I certainly wouldn't rule out the notion that they tried to squeeze every iota of starch out of the mash by sparging it too long. Could easily be something as simple as them not doing anything to mitigate chlorinated water from the city supply.
On a basic level, I don't care as much as I used to WHY beers are yucky. It's enough to know that they are, and move on.