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#318046 - 08/09/10 12:18 PM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: HomeDad]
CatBrat Offline
axiomite

Registered: 08/05/09
Posts: 5802
Loc: Some random location


Top
#318388 - 08/13/10 12:41 AM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: CatBrat]
pmbuko Offline
shareholder in the making

Registered: 04/02/03
Posts: 16259
Loc: Leesburg, Virginia
How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irish family?

None.

----

Why can't you tell jokes about the Jonestown Massacre?

The punchlines are too long.
_________________________
"I wish I had documented more…" said nobody on their death bed, ever.

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#319315 - 08/20/10 03:22 PM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: pmbuko]
CatBrat Offline
axiomite

Registered: 08/05/09
Posts: 5802
Loc: Some random location
One day, after a man had his annual physical, the doctor came out and said, "You had a great checkup. Is there anything that you'd like to talk about or ask me?"

"Well," he said, "I was thinking about getting a vasectomy."

"That's a pretty big decision. Have you talked it over with your family?"

"Yeah, and they're in favor 15 to 2."

Top
#319321 - 08/20/10 04:40 PM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: CatBrat]
medic8r Offline
axiomite

Registered: 02/05/06
Posts: 6380
Loc: Fredericksburg, Virginia
Gotta love the clown car vagina.
_________________________
"The Universe is the game of the self, which plays hide and seek forever and ever" - Alan Watts

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#320820 - 08/31/10 05:04 PM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: medic8r]
pmbuko Offline
shareholder in the making

Registered: 04/02/03
Posts: 16259
Loc: Leesburg, Virginia
After a late night of partying, a guy invites his friends back to his new apartment. While he is giving them a tour, one of his friends notices a huge gong and hammer near the wall.

"What's up with the gong?", he asks.

"Oh that's not a gong, it is a talking clock."

His friends voice skepticism, "Dude, that's not a talking clock, it's obviously a friggin' gong."

The guy replies, "No, I swear, you hit it with that hammer as hard as you can and it tells you the time. Go ahead, give it a try."

His friend shrugs his shoulders, grabs the hammer, rears back, and strikes it with a loud: "GOOOOOOOOOOONG!"

After a few seconds they hear a voice from the other side of the wall, "FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! IT'S THREE-THIRTY IN THE MORNING!"
_________________________
"I wish I had documented more…" said nobody on their death bed, ever.

Top
#323547 - 09/22/10 06:16 PM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: pmbuko]
Adrian Offline
axiomite

Registered: 12/27/08
Posts: 6600
Loc: It's all about the location.
Having a bad day?

We've all had bad days before and maybe wished it ended up like this...

There I was, sitting at the bar staring at my drink, when a large, trouble-making biker steps up to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.

"Well!! Whatcha gonna do 'bout it?" he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears.

"Come on man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd CRY...I can't stand to see a man crying!"

"This is the worst day of my life," I tell him."I'm a complete failure, I was late to a meeting so my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my old lady in bed with the gardner and my dog bit me."

"So I came here to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all, I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in it and wait here for the arsenic to dissolve, then some jacka$$ shows up and drinks the whole thing!! but enough about me...how's your day going?"
_________________________
Half of communication is listening. You can't listen with your mouth.

Top
#323564 - 09/22/10 10:37 PM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: Adrian]
a401classic Offline
connoisseur

Registered: 11/29/06
Posts: 1169
Loc: Alpharetta, GA
laugh laugh
_________________________
Scott

My HT

Top
#325678 - 10/15/10 10:07 AM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: a401classic]
pmbuko Offline
shareholder in the making

Registered: 04/02/03
Posts: 16259
Loc: Leesburg, Virginia
She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the oversized t-shirt she normally slept in. As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, "You've got to make love to me right now!"

My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!" Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and gave it my all, right there on the kitchen table.

When it was all over she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her t-shirt still around her neck.

Happy but a little puzzled, I asked, "Why are you thanking me?"

She answered, "Because the egg timer's broken."
_________________________
"I wish I had documented more…" said nobody on their death bed, ever.

Top
#331719 - 12/16/10 09:03 AM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: pmbuko]
BobKay Offline
connoisseur

Registered: 03/23/10
Posts: 3117
Loc: Massachusetts Badlands
Not mine.

"Can't you spare $2.00?"

Raji lives in a small village in Northern India. He is 9 years old. Through tagedies, he has only one leg, one arm, and one eye. His bike has a bent from wheel and only one pedal. His school is seven miles away. Every day this poor child makes his difficult way in the world.

So, please, send us $2.00. We'll send you a video. It's hilarious!
_________________________
I never wanted to run in an election, but I always thought it'd be cool to die in office.

Top
#331735 - 12/16/10 01:51 PM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: BobKay]
Adrian Offline
axiomite

Registered: 12/27/08
Posts: 6600
Loc: It's all about the location.
He's still got two ears apparently.
_________________________
Half of communication is listening. You can't listen with your mouth.

Top
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