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#341443 - 03/09/11 05:18 PM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: Kruncher]
BobKay Offline
connoisseur

Registered: 03/23/10
Posts: 2970
Loc: Massachusetts Badlands
And I thought I'd go the distance for a punch line.

I lose.

Then again, I got 1/2 way through it before I realized that you weren't "recounting" anything at all. Up to that point you had my deepest empathy and I was gonna swap MY HD and Lowe's fart stories, but not now.
_________________________
If I didn't have a shrink, all of my friends would think there's something wrong with me.

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#346602 - 04/29/11 01:21 PM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: BobKay]
medic8r Offline
axiomite

Registered: 02/05/06
Posts: 6275
Loc: Fredericksburg, Virginia
Can't remember if this one's been told here or not, but here goes:

A man came home with a sheep in his arms and upon entering his house and seeing his wife said, "This is the pig that I have sex with when you are not available."

The man's shocked and disgusted wife said, "That's not a pig, it's a sheep!"

The man said, "I wasn't talking to you."
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Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, sometimes it rains.

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#346720 - 04/30/11 01:02 PM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: medic8r]
cb919 Offline
connoisseur

Registered: 02/17/09
Posts: 1041
Loc: Ottawa, Canada
This is my brother-in-law's witty humour - true story!

I was helping my bro-in-law finish his basement over the Easter weekend. We were installing drywall on the ceiling and had a number of holes to cutout for pot lights. To get the holes cut right, we put lipstick on the bottom of the pot lights, held the drywall up in place and pressed it against the pot light which left the circle impression from the lipstick for us to cut out. Great technique that works very well BTW. So I got a glob of lipstick on my thumb and accidentally smeared it on the drywall before I noticed. So I turn to my bro-in-law and ask him how we get lipstick off as I had no idea - his immediate response was 'Get married'. laugh
_________________________
Dan
In/On Wall 500 w M2 Center Channel

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#346751 - 04/30/11 05:39 PM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: cb919]
Adrian Offline
axiomite

Registered: 12/27/08
Posts: 6559
Loc: It's all about the location.
Some of you probably have already heard of the latest device from Apple....the iTit....Apple annonced today that it has developed a breast implant that can store and play music...the iTit will retail between $499 and $699 depending on cup and speaker size....this is considered a major social breakthrough because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.
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A person convinced against their will is of the same opinion still.

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#346777 - 05/01/11 09:56 AM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: Adrian]
BobKay Offline
connoisseur

Registered: 03/23/10
Posts: 2970
Loc: Massachusetts Badlands
Is that, like, totally for augmentation or can it be used reconstructively as well?

I think they should also make a penile implant called "one i," or "1i." It would contain cell phone components so you could set it on vibrate, take pix (in little or no light), listen to Queensryche, or phone to change next week's dental appointment. The ultimate multi-tasking schmuck for your putz.

It would also free up a pocket for other things, like a hole at the bottom.
_________________________
If I didn't have a shrink, all of my friends would think there's something wrong with me.

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#346779 - 05/01/11 09:59 AM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: BobKay]
BobKay Offline
connoisseur

Registered: 03/23/10
Posts: 2970
Loc: Massachusetts Badlands
I was riding the commuter train to an appointment in the city last week.

Sitting across from me was a beautiful young Thai woman. Our eyes briefly met.

I kept thinking, "Don't get an erection, don't get an erection." But she did.


Edited by BobLampy (05/01/11 10:01 AM)
_________________________
If I didn't have a shrink, all of my friends would think there's something wrong with me.

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#346781 - 05/01/11 10:03 AM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: BobKay]
BobKay Offline
connoisseur

Registered: 03/23/10
Posts: 2970
Loc: Massachusetts Badlands
Man calls 911. "I think my wife is dead."

911 operator: "Why do you think that?"

Man: "Well, the sex is the same, but the ironing is really building up."
_________________________
If I didn't have a shrink, all of my friends would think there's something wrong with me.

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#346791 - 05/01/11 11:36 AM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: BobKay]
tomtuttle Offline
axiomite

Registered: 06/20/03
Posts: 8135
Loc: Tacoma
grin Thanks, Bob.
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bibere usque ad hilaritatem

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#346796 - 05/01/11 12:47 PM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: tomtuttle]
danmagicman7 Offline
connoisseur

Registered: 12/16/05
Posts: 1467
Two peanuts walk into a bar, one was a salted.
_________________________

M22s|VP100|QS4s|HSU STF2

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#346799 - 05/01/11 12:52 PM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: Adrian]
CV Offline
Founder, Axiom Upgrade Club
shareholder in the making

Registered: 07/20/06
Posts: 11062
Loc: Richland, WA, USA
Originally Posted By: Adrian
Some of you probably have already heard of the latest device from Apple....the iTit....


What's sad is I actually dreamed about this last night after reading your post. I remember thinking I had to fiddle with the knobs to get it to work right. I'm not joking.
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SuperGrand UltraDeluxe (Plus Extra More)

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