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#349895 - 06/10/11 12:15 AM Virgins, Whores, Wieners and Weiners
BobKay Offline
connoisseur

Registered: 03/23/10
Posts: 3164
Loc: Massachusetts Badlands
Hey, Toneeee! Listen up. I got some 'dvice fa youz.

First o' alls, dat time in da gym don't seem ta be helpin' outchya face a whole lot. Hey, don't get me wrawng. I know dat da 60's is still in 'nd everyting, but I don't tink dat includes A'fred E. Newman.

Seriously, brudder, you coulda had dat blind guy's job. Ta get in all dis trouble and still be dry. I can't see wheah it's wort it.

Look, I know she's an x-ray and dat ain't whatcya always in da mood ta pound. Butcha know, it's cool dese days ta marry a whoah. Really! I seen dis show--dey got all dese crazy f'upped broads who's all married ta these rich and famous guys. Dey all look like whoahs. And I known some whoahs dat wasn't dat classy, but I'd radder be seen wit dem at Vinnie's Venetian Gahdens dan any dese bitches. I mean, a coupladem are real hot, but I wouldn't do 'em from anudda state, wit Rosie's strap-on tied to a goa'post.

Guy, George Clooney dated hahr. Dja know how many guys'd kill for Clooney's sloppies? Do ya? What is she? Ain't she like some princess from Tibet or summ'n? Buddy, you could use her connections some day, for like a pardon ya might need, or summ'n.

'memba how I told ya's dat da phone brought down de Anguilos and some a da udda fam'lies? But dey wasn't sendin' picthas o' dere schwanzes, ya know?

So, Tony, baby... Wait, what'd you say your last name was? Shit! Lemme see dat schwanz picthca. Holy f--kin' 'a.'

Ya ain't neva seen me or nuthin.'
I'm in a wholatta trouble. Ya know, mistakes like dis ain't' been so cool since Lepke got fried.

'memba, I knows wheah youz live and whatchya look like negged, so don't go doin' anyting stupid- like. I'm watchin' ya.


Edited by BobKay (06/10/11 12:17 AM)
_________________________
"Ya rolls the dice and ya takes yer chanskes."
Popeye

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#349939 - 06/10/11 02:58 PM Re: Virgins, Whores, Wieners and Weiners [Re: BobKay]
medic8r Offline
axiomite

Registered: 02/05/06
Posts: 6398
Loc: Fredericksburg, Virginia
I was trying to figure out which celebrity accent I should read that in, but I failed.

Who would be good? Joe Pesci? Marlon Brando? Joan Rivers? Fat Tony from The Simpsons? Maccauley Culkin?
_________________________
"The Universe is the game of the self, which plays hide and seek forever and ever" - Alan Watts

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#349940 - 06/10/11 04:05 PM Re: Virgins, Whores, Wieners and Weiners [Re: medic8r]
tomtuttle Offline
axiomite

Registered: 06/20/03
Posts: 8292
Loc: Tacoma
Yeah, I was going with Tony Soprano.
_________________________
bibere usque ad hilaritatem

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#349944 - 06/10/11 04:53 PM Re: Virgins, Whores, Wieners and Weiners [Re: tomtuttle]
Da_Gimp_Pimp Offline
connoisseur

Registered: 06/23/07
Posts: 4025
Loc: Sitting down somewhere
Bob, you lose me within the first few words of your meandering soliloquies laugh .

But I love them because they're AWESOME smile !
_________________________
Does a dyslexic atheist not believe in dog?

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#349976 - 06/11/11 10:28 AM Re: Virgins, Whores, Wieners and Weiners [Re: medic8r]
BobKay Offline
connoisseur

Registered: 03/23/10
Posts: 3164
Loc: Massachusetts Badlands
Originally Posted By: medic8r
I was trying to figure out which celebrity accent I should read that in, but I failed.

Who would be good? Joe Pesci? Marlon Brando? Joan Rivers? Fat Tony from The Simpsons? Maccauley Culkin?


When I was "composing" it, I was simultaneously thinking of Edward G. Robinson and Elmer Fudd.

Seriously, I encounter people who talk like that everyday since I've been a multi-degreed-failure tradesman. Crap, I had relatives that sounded almost that bad.

Cam, don't be concerned. By the 2nd paragraph of these thingies, I'm not sure anymore either.
_________________________
"Ya rolls the dice and ya takes yer chanskes."
Popeye

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#349984 - 06/11/11 11:42 AM Re: Virgins, Whores, Wieners and Weiners [Re: medic8r]
St_PatGuy Offline
axiomite

Registered: 03/07/05
Posts: 7406
Loc: Glendale, Arizona
Originally Posted By: medic8r
I was trying to figure out which celebrity accent I should read that in, but I failed.

Who would be good? Joe Pesci? Marlon Brando? Joan Rivers? Fat Tony from The Simpsons? Maccauley Culkin?


I read it in Mark's accent.
_________________________
***********
"Nothin' up my sleeve. . ." --Bullwinkle J. Moose

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#349985 - 06/11/11 11:55 AM Re: Virgins, Whores, Wieners and Weiners [Re: St_PatGuy]
MarkSJohnson Offline
shareholder in the making

Registered: 09/27/04
Posts: 10911
Loc: Central NH
I'm flattered!

Those that have spoken to me have told me I sound EXACTLY like Emo Phillips!
_________________________
::::::: No disrespect to Axiom, but my favorite woofer is my yellow lab :::::::

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#349986 - 06/11/11 11:58 AM Re: Virgins, Whores, Wieners and Weiners [Re: MarkSJohnson]
St_PatGuy Offline
axiomite

Registered: 03/07/05
Posts: 7406
Loc: Glendale, Arizona
Mark, that made me LOL. laugh
_________________________
***********
"Nothin' up my sleeve. . ." --Bullwinkle J. Moose

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#349994 - 06/11/11 04:14 PM Re: Virgins, Whores, Wieners and Weiners [Re: BobKay]
fredk Offline
axiomite

Registered: 12/06/07
Posts: 7059
Loc: Canada
Dude. Your writing reminds me of Kurt Vonnegut.

... only on acid.

... and stranger.

When are you releasing your first book?
_________________________
Fred

-------
Blujays1: Spending Fred's money one bottle at a time, no two... Oh crap!

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#349998 - 06/11/11 04:56 PM Re: Virgins, Whores, Wieners and Weiners [Re: fredk]
MarkSJohnson Offline
shareholder in the making

Registered: 09/27/04
Posts: 10911
Loc: Central NH
He already has........

{{<<--~~ In His Mind~~~-->>}}
_________________________
::::::: No disrespect to Axiom, but my favorite woofer is my yellow lab :::::::

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#350000 - 06/11/11 06:55 PM Re: Virgins, Whores, Wieners and Weiners [Re: MarkSJohnson]
Adrian Offline
axiomite

Registered: 12/27/08
Posts: 6613
Loc: It's all about the location.
I read it in an Andrew Dice Clay accent. Mawk's accent didn't work for me.
_________________________
Half of communication is listening. You can't listen with your mouth.

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#350022 - 06/12/11 10:51 AM Re: Virgins, Whores, Wieners and Weiners [Re: Adrian]
BobKay Offline
connoisseur

Registered: 03/23/10
Posts: 3164
Loc: Massachusetts Badlands
Originally Posted By: Adrian
I read it in an Andrew Dice Clay accent. Mawk's accent didn't work for me.


Hadn't even thought of him, but great choice. Anyone remember when he got in deep scheiss for something he said and apologized on Leno---and cried! Just another foul-mouthed pussy in leather.
_________________________
"Ya rolls the dice and ya takes yer chanskes."
Popeye

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#350041 - 06/12/11 02:12 PM Re: Virgins, Whores, Wieners and Weiners [Re: BobKay]
Da_Gimp_Pimp Offline
connoisseur

Registered: 06/23/07
Posts: 4025
Loc: Sitting down somewhere
Originally Posted By: BobKay
Originally Posted By: Adrian
I read it in an Andrew Dice Clay accent. Mawk's accent didn't work for me.


Hadn't even thought of him, but great choice. Anyone remember when he got in deep scheiss for something he said and apologized on Leno---and cried! Just another foul-mouthed pussy in leather.


I've always thought he is a complete moron. And pussy smile !
_________________________
Does a dyslexic atheist not believe in dog?

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#350374 - 06/16/11 05:01 PM Re: Virgins, Whores, Wieners and Weiners [Re: Da_Gimp_Pimp]
BobKay Offline
connoisseur

Registered: 03/23/10
Posts: 3164
Loc: Massachusetts Badlands
Damn it to hell. It's already over.

No weeks and weeks of more and more women, nastier and nastier photos, people lower and lower on the food chain weighing in, etc.

A "sex" scandal just up and gone in less than 2 weeks. Jeez, Wilbur Mills and Fannie Fox lasted longer than that.

And the "NY Post" headlines that will never be:

*Congress Whines, Weens Wiener Over Weener

*Wiener's Weenergate

*The Wiener Affiar: A Circumspect tale of Circumvention, Circumcision, and Circ du Soleil.

*Angry Ant'ny: Wiener Gets Cleaner, Meaner

*Anthony Wiener: Dickhead Goes to Washington?

Well, here's hoping the Schwartzenggar/Skeletor 'DV' gets televised. She's super scary in HD!


Edited by BobKay (06/16/11 05:02 PM)
_________________________
"Ya rolls the dice and ya takes yer chanskes."
Popeye

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#350464 - 06/17/11 03:12 PM Re: Virgins, Whores, Wieners and Weiners [Re: BobKay]
pmbuko Offline
shareholder in the making

Registered: 04/02/03
Posts: 16283
Loc: Leesburg, Virginia
Did you hear how Larry Flynt wants to hire him? No joke.


Here's the joke:

Yeah, he wants to milk every last drop of Wiener's political capital before it dries up.
_________________________
"I wish I had documented more…" said nobody on their death bed, ever.

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