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#54713 - 07/24/07 10:07 AM Warning on Beer!!! [Re: HomeDad]
SirQuack Offline
shareholder in the making

Registered: 01/29/04
Posts: 13344
Loc: Iowa
Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman. Many females use a date rape drug on the market called 'Beer.'



The drug is found in liquid form and is available anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, or from taps and in large 'kegs'. Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and sleep with them. A woman needs only to get a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then simply ask him home for no strings attached sex.



Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several beers, men will often succumb to the desires to sleep with horrific looking women whom they would never normally be attracted. After drinking beer, men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that 'something bad' occurred.



At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings, in a familiar scam known as 'a relationship. In extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer term form of servitude and punishment referred to as 'marriage.' Men are much more susceptible to this scam after beer is administered and sex is offered by the predatory females.



Please! Forward this warning to every male you know. If you fall victim to this 'Beer' scam and the women administering it, there are male support groups where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter with similarly victimized men. For the support group nearest you, just look up 'Golf Courses' in the phone book.
_________________________
M80s-VP180-QS8s-EP600-2xEP350 Denon3808 Outlaw7700
M22-OWM22-VP100-Denon2805
Audio Nirvana

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#54714 - 08/14/07 11:54 AM Re: Warning on Beer!!! [Re: SirQuack]
Ajax Online   content
axiomite

Registered: 12/30/03
Posts: 6255
Loc: Cleveland, Ohio
This is (allegedly) an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Walmart in Arkansas. (I could not verify the veracity of this at snopes.com, but I did find this story reproduced elsewhere on the internet, which is, of course, proof of absolutely nothing )

They hired him because he was so funny....


NAME: Jack Buckley (Grumpy Bastard)

SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place ?

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possi ble, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

NEAREST RELATIVE....7 miles

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.

***Old People Rock! *** (but only in chairs )
_________________________
Jack

"People generally quarrel because they cannot argue." - G. K. Chesterton

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#54715 - 08/14/07 12:34 PM Re: Warning on Beer!!! [Re: Ajax]
tomtuttle Offline
axiomite

Registered: 06/20/03
Posts: 8305
Loc: Tacoma
So, Jack, what hours did they actually give you?
_________________________
bibere usque ad hilaritatem

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#54716 - 08/14/07 03:03 PM Re: Warning on Beer!!! [Re: tomtuttle]
Ajax Online   content
axiomite

Registered: 12/30/03
Posts: 6255
Loc: Cleveland, Ohio
1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday, of course. It was my charm, wit, and elegance that did it.
_________________________
Jack

"People generally quarrel because they cannot argue." - G. K. Chesterton

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#54717 - 08/14/07 03:22 PM Re: Jesus and the burglar [Re: Ajax]
HomeDad Offline
connoisseur

Registered: 12/29/05
Posts: 3301
Loc: Central,California
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his
flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he
picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange,
disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying,
"Jesus Is watching you."
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his
flashlight out, and froze. When he heard nothing more
after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a
vacation after the next big score, then click the
light on and began searching for more valuables. Just
as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the
wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching
you."
Freaked out, he shone his light around frantically,
looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the
corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest
on a parrot.
"Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot. "Yep,"
the parrot confessed, and then squawked, "I'm just
trying to Warn you."
The burglar relaxed. "Warn me huh? Who in the world
are you?"
"Moses," replied the bird
"Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people
would name a bird Moses?"
"The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler
Jesus.
_________________________
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

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#54718 - 08/14/07 08:15 PM Re: Warning on Beer!!! [Re: tomtuttle]
St_PatGuy Offline
axiomite

Registered: 03/07/05
Posts: 7413
Loc: Glendale, Arizona
Quote:

So, Jack, what hours did they actually give you?




LOL!
_________________________
***********
"Nothin' up my sleeve. . ." --Bullwinkle J. Moose

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#54719 - 08/15/07 04:05 PM Re: Warning on Beer!!! [Re: St_PatGuy]
HomeDad Offline
connoisseur

Registered: 12/29/05
Posts: 3301
Loc: Central,California
FOR ALL YOU OLD TIMERS



A senior citizen goes in for his yearly physical with his wife tagging
along.
When the doctor enters the examination room he says, "I will need a
urine sample, a stool sample, and a sperm sample."
The man, being hard of hearing, turns to his wife and asks, "What did he
say?"
The wife yells back to him, "GIVE HIM YOUR UNDERWEAR!"
_________________________
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

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#54720 - 08/15/07 04:44 PM Re: Jokes [Re: HomeDad]
pmbuko Offline
shareholder in the making

Registered: 04/02/03
Posts: 16298
Loc: Leesburg, Virginia
I don't want to get old.
_________________________
"I wish I had documented more…" said nobody on their death bed, ever.

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#54721 - 08/15/07 05:36 PM Re: Jokes [Re: pmbuko]
Ajax Online   content
axiomite

Registered: 12/30/03
Posts: 6255
Loc: Cleveland, Ohio
Beats the alternative. We can arrange for a hit man if you'd like.
_________________________
Jack

"People generally quarrel because they cannot argue." - G. K. Chesterton

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#54722 - 08/15/07 06:27 PM Re: Warning on Beer!!! [Re: HomeDad]
BrenR Offline
connoisseur

Registered: 12/10/03
Posts: 3602
Loc: Winnipeg MB Canada
Quote:

The wife yells back to him, "GIVE HIM YOUR UNDERWEAR!"


I tell that joke using my father as the protagonist all the time.

Bren R.

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