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#54573 - 12/01/05 10:51 PM Re: OT: Jokes
JohnK Offline
shareholder in the making

Registered: 05/11/02
Posts: 10309
Well, I'll follow up on my medical theme. An American traveled extensively through China, on occasion enjoying the pleasures of some of the young ladies and not using a condom. About a week after returning home he's horrified to see bright green spots all over his penis. He goes to his American doctor, who's somewhat puzzled, but after numerous tests he reports to him days later that "It's a rare disease called Mongolian VD about which little is known. We'll have to amputate".

Obviously unsatisfied by this, he decides to go to a Chinese doctor who might be more familiar with the problem. Sure enough, after just a brief look, the Chinese doctor immediately announces "Ah yes. Mongolian VD".

"What can you do?", the man asks. "My American doctor wants to amputate".

The Chinese doctor laughs "Stupid American doctors! Always want to operate! Make more money that way. No need to operate!"

"Oh, thank God!" the man replies.

"Yes" says the Chinese doctor. "You no worry! Wait two weeks. Dick fall off by itself!"
_________________________
-----------------------------------

Enjoy the music, not the equipment.



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#54574 - 12/01/05 10:56 PM Re: OT: Jokes
F107plus5 Offline
connoisseur

Registered: 01/24/05
Posts: 2034
Loc: Fla. Orig. Mich.
I,..uh...traveled extensively around Hong Kong in the 60s.



























Thankfully I'm stil relatively intact.

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#54575 - 12/05/05 03:31 PM Re: OT: Jokes
Amie Offline
connoisseur

Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 1620
John is driving home after downing a few at the local pub. He turns a corner and much to his horror he sees a tree in the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid it and almost too late realizes that there is yet another tree directly in his path. He swerves again and discovers that his drive home has turned into a slalom course, causing him to veer from side to side to avoid all the trees.

Moments later he hears the sound of a police siren and brings his car to a stop. The officer approaches John’s car and asks him what on earth he was doing.

John tells his story of the trees in the road when the officer stops him mid sentence and says,

"Fer heaven’s sakes, John, that's yer air freshener!"

_________________________
Amie Colquhoun
Axiom Audio

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#54576 - 12/05/05 03:51 PM Re: OT: Jokes
MarkSJohnson Offline
shareholder in the making

Registered: 09/27/04
Posts: 10694
Loc: Central NH
This wasn't Bridgeman, was it?
_________________________
::::::: No disrespect to Axiom, but my favorite woofer is my yellow lab :::::::

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#54577 - 12/05/05 05:11 PM Re: OT: Jokes
Amie Offline
connoisseur

Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 1620
Shoot! I meant Jean, Jean was driving home. . . oh man.
_________________________
Amie Colquhoun
Axiom Audio

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#54578 - 12/05/05 06:48 PM Re: OT: Jokes
pmbuko Offline
shareholder in the making

Registered: 04/02/03
Posts: 16227
Loc: Leesburg, Virginia
A Jewish man walks into a pub and sees a Chinese man sitting on a stool at the bar. He walks up behind him and clocks him on the head so hard that the man falls to the floor.

"What the hell did you do that for?!" says the Chinese man.

"Pearl Harbor," response the Jewish man.

"What?? That was the Japanese, you idiot! And that was more than 60 years ago, besides!" yells the man.

"Chinese, Japanese, whatever," retorts, the Jewish man as he heads for a stool at the other end of the long bar.

Before long, the Chinese man approaches the Jewish man from behind and bashes him in the head, knocking him to the floor.

"What the hell was that for?" he asks, though he knows why.

The Chinese man thinks for a bit and then says, "The Titanic."

"What the heck are you smoking? How could I be remotely connected to that disaster?"

As he walks away, the Chinese man says, "Greenberg, iceberg, whatever."
_________________________
"I wish I had documented more…" said nobody on their death bed, ever.

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#54579 - 12/07/05 10:36 PM Re: OT: Jokes
bray Offline
connoisseur

Registered: 06/10/04
Posts: 1791
Loc: Colorado
PROOF OF GLOBAL WARMING.










_________________________
LIFE IS SHORT.
DON'T BE A DICK.

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#54580 - 12/13/05 03:37 PM Re: OT: Jokes
pmbuko Offline
shareholder in the making

Registered: 04/02/03
Posts: 16227
Loc: Leesburg, Virginia
Adjustable Face Lift

A 40-year-old woman, being a rather vain person, decided she needed a face lift. With a pocketbook as large as her ego, she went to several plastic surgeons before choosing the best money could buy. The doctor assured her that he could make her look young for many more years thanks to a new technique he used.
After the operation, the doctor told her that he had put a screw behind each ear that she could tighten as needed, to maintain her fresh young look.

The woman was pleased with her surgery for many years until one morning when she noticed bags under her eyes. She stormed furiously into the doctor's office and demanded to know why there were bags under her eyes.

The doctor replied, "Lady, those aren't bags, they're your breasts, and if you don't stop turning those screws you'll soon have a beard!"
_________________________
"I wish I had documented more…" said nobody on their death bed, ever.

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#54581 - 12/13/05 03:42 PM Re: OT: Jokes
pmbuko Offline
shareholder in the making

Registered: 04/02/03
Posts: 16227
Loc: Leesburg, Virginia
Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over a table in the corner. He walks over and asks him what's wrong.

"Well," replies Paul, "you know that girl I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?"

"Yeah," replies Jeff with a laugh.

"Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed."

"That's great!" says Jeff, "When are you going out?"

"I went to meet her this evening," continues Paul, "but I was worried I'd get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped my penis to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show."

"Sensible," says Jeff.

"So I get to her door," says Paul, "and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, tiniest dress you ever saw."

"And what happened then?"

"I kicked her in the face."
_________________________
"I wish I had documented more…" said nobody on their death bed, ever.

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#54582 - 12/13/05 03:47 PM Re: OT: Jokes
Sutter Cane Offline
aficionado

Registered: 04/10/04
Posts: 626
Loc: Wichita, KS


Peter where do you come up with these? lmao



Sutter

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