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#54423 - 07/17/04 06:56 PM Re: OT: Jokes
rcvecc Offline
aficionado

Registered: 04/17/03
Posts: 608
Loc: east haven ct
where do hamburgers go to dance?










to the meatball

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#54424 - 07/20/04 09:35 AM Re: OT: Jokes
bigjohn Offline
connoisseur

Registered: 01/21/04
Posts: 3016
Loc: San Angelo, TX
OK, this isnt PC, but its still funny.. texas humor..

there are three guys standing on a bridge.. a russian, a mexican, and a texan.. the russian has a bottle of vodka, the mexican has a bottle of tequila, and the texan, well he has a bottle of budweiser.. the russian cracks the seal on the vodka, takes a big ole' drink, and throws the bottle over the bridge and proclaims,(use your best russian accent)"WE HAVE PLENTY OF VODKA IN THE MOTHERLAND OF RUSSIA"!! well, the mexican cracks the seal on the tequila, takes a big ole' drink, and throws the bottle over the bridge and proclaims,(use your best mexican accent)"WE HAVE PLENTY OF TEQUILA IN MEXICO, ESSE"!! so the texan, he twists the cap on the bottle of budweiser, drinks the whole bottle, then grabs the mexican and throws him over the side of the bridge and proclaims,(use your best texan accent)"WE GOT PLENTY OF THEM DAMN WETBACKS IN TEXAS"!!

just so you'll know, my best mexican friend told me that joke! he also told me this one..

how do you know where the pink flamingos live?? they have little plastic mexicans stuck in their yard!!

hey man, if you cant laugh at yourself, then you cant laugh at all!!

bigjohn
_________________________
EXCUSE ME, ARE YOU THE SINGING BUSH??

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#54425 - 07/20/04 01:13 PM Re: OT: Jokes
spongeworthy Offline
buff

Registered: 05/13/04
Posts: 47
Loc: Rockville, MD
Ray,
Here's hoping the scofflaws get a stiff sentence. Bada bing (Is that what a rim shot is Ajax?).

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#54426 - 07/20/04 01:38 PM Re: OT: Jokes
pmbuko Offline
shareholder in the making

Registered: 04/02/03
Posts: 16268
Loc: Leesburg, Virginia
In reply to:

hey man, if you cant laugh at yourself, then you cant laugh at all!!


Not to worry, bigjohn. I laugh at yourself all the time!
_________________________
"I wish I had documented more…" said nobody on their death bed, ever.

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#54427 - 07/20/04 02:33 PM Re: OT: Jokes
Ajax Offline
axiomite

Registered: 12/30/03
Posts: 6250
Loc: Cleveland, Ohio
In reply to:

Bada bing (Is that what a rim shot is Ajax?).


Close enough! I tend to think of the drum accent to a bad (usually) joke as "chick-a-boom." the "chick" is the rim shot on the snare, the "a" is a cymbal crash, and the "boom" is the kick drum. TA DA!
_________________________
Jack

"People generally quarrel because they cannot argue." - G. K. Chesterton

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#54428 - 07/20/04 03:25 PM Re: OT: Jokes
pmbuko Offline
shareholder in the making

Registered: 04/02/03
Posts: 16268
Loc: Leesburg, Virginia
Don't ask me to do my impression of a Neil Peart drum solo...
_________________________
"I wish I had documented more…" said nobody on their death bed, ever.

Top
#54429 - 07/21/04 05:08 PM Re: OT: Jokes
sidvicious02 Offline
aficionado

Registered: 05/09/03
Posts: 973
Loc: Brandon, Manitoba
this one will make more sense to the Canucks in the crowd, but you can use it for just about anywhere....

This is a true story: the warning is both serious and reliable. Yesterday, a friend was travelling on a flight from Toronto to Calgary. A man of Arabic appearance got off the plane and my friend noticed that he had left his bag behind. She grabbed the heavy bag and ran after him, caught up with him in the terminal and handed him back his bag. He was extremely grateful and reached into his bag, which appeared to contain large bundles of money. He looked around to make sure nobody was looking and whispered "I can never repay your kindness, but I will try to... with a word of advice for you: "Stay away from Regina. You got it? Please stay away from Regina, no matter what." My friend was genuinely terrified. "Is there going to be a terrorist attack?" she asked him. No," he whispered back. "It's a shithole.
_________________________
"Chickens don't clap."

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#54430 - 07/21/04 05:44 PM Re: OT: Jokes
bigjohn Offline
connoisseur

Registered: 01/21/04
Posts: 3016
Loc: San Angelo, TX
In reply to:

Stay away from Regina




HOUSTON.. trust me, HOUSTON..

bigjohn
_________________________
EXCUSE ME, ARE YOU THE SINGING BUSH??

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#54431 - 07/06/05 07:08 PM Re: OT: Jokes
pmbuko Offline
shareholder in the making

Registered: 04/02/03
Posts: 16268
Loc: Leesburg, Virginia
BUMP. The re-emergence of political discussion requires a foil.


What's the difference between a rooster and a lawyer?




The rooster clucks defiance...
_________________________
"I wish I had documented more…" said nobody on their death bed, ever.

Top
#54432 - 07/06/05 07:58 PM Re: OT: Jokes
pmbuko Offline
shareholder in the making

Registered: 04/02/03
Posts: 16268
Loc: Leesburg, Virginia
And another one. JohnK's dirty mind should appreciate this one.
-----

An elderly couple is enjoying an anniversary dinner together in a small tavern. The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind this tavern where you leaned against the fence and I made love to you."
"Yes," she says, "I remember it well."
"OK," he says, "How about taking a stroll round there again and we can do it for old time's sake.
"Oooooooh, Henry, you old devil, that sounds like a good idea," she answers.

There's a police officer sitting in the next booth listening to all this, having a chuckle to himself. He thinks, "I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's not any trouble." So he follows them.

They walk haltingly along, leaning on each other for support, aided by walking sticks. Finally they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt, takes her knickers down and the Old man drops his trousers. She turns around and as she
hangs on to the fence, the old man moves in. Suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the watching policeman has ever seen. They are bucking and jumping like eighteen-year-olds. This goes on for about forty minutes! She's yelling, "Ohhh, God!" He's hanging on to her hips for dear life. This is the most athletic sex imaginable.

Finally, they both collapse panting on the ground. The policeman is amazed. He thinks he's learned something about life that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, still watching thinks, "that was truly amazing - that old man was going like a train - I've got to ask him what his secret is."

As the couple pass, he says to them, "That was something else. You had sex for about forty minutes. How do you manage it? You must have had a fantastic life together. Is there some sort of secret?"

The old man says, "Well...Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."
_________________________
"I wish I had documented more…" said nobody on their death bed, ever.

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