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#54613 - 01/30/06 10:55 PM Re: OT: Jokes
RickF Offline
axiomite

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 5210
Loc: Vero Beach, Florida
Yep Peter, this is the one. Wife and I cracked up watching that.
_________________________
Rick
Our Room

smile

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#54614 - 01/31/06 03:31 AM Re: OT: Jokes
littleb Offline
connoisseur

Registered: 08/03/03
Posts: 1235
Loc: Moorhead, Minnesota/US
This gives new meaning to the song, Smokin' in the boys room.

Top
#54615 - 01/31/06 11:05 AM Re: OT: Jokes
barilkobart Offline
old hand

Registered: 11/19/04
Posts: 87
Loc: Pickering, Ontario, Canada

An ugly woman walks into a shop with her two kids.
The shopkeeper asks "Are they twins"?
The woman says "No, he's 9 and she's 7. Why? Do you think they look alike?"

"No", he replies "I just can't believe you got laid twice!"


Top
#54616 - 01/31/06 11:27 AM Re: OT: Jokes
HomeDad Offline
connoisseur

Registered: 12/29/05
Posts: 3301
Loc: Central,California
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time.." A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain'tgonnabelievethisshit....

_________________________
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

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#54617 - 01/31/06 12:30 PM Re: OT: Jokes
pmbuko Offline
shareholder in the making

Registered: 04/02/03
Posts: 16267
Loc: Leesburg, Virginia
Speaking of unions.....

A union man visiting Nevada decides to check out the local brothels. He enters one and asks the madam, "Is this a Union brothel?"
The madam replies, "No sir it isn't".
"Well then, how much of a cut does the girl get?" asks the gentleman.
The madam answers, "The house gets 80% and the girls all get 20%."
"That's outrageous!" he says and he goes out to find a brothel with fairer standards.

He enters another house and asks the madam, "Is this a union house?"
"Yes it is, the girls all get 75% here," replies the madam.
"That's more like it!" replies the gentleman, "I'd like that cute blond over there!"
"I'm sure you would sir," she says. Then, gesturing to a large older woman, she says, "But Ethel here has seniority".
_________________________
"I wish I had documented more…" said nobody on their death bed, ever.

Top
#54618 - 01/31/06 01:05 PM Re: OT: Jokes
HomeDad Offline
connoisseur

Registered: 12/29/05
Posts: 3301
Loc: Central,California
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".

_________________________
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Top
#54619 - 02/04/06 12:04 AM Re: OT: Jokes
pmbuko Offline
shareholder in the making

Registered: 04/02/03
Posts: 16267
Loc: Leesburg, Virginia
A man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says, "Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache."

His wife is lying in bed and replies, "I think you'll find that's a sheep, you idiot."

The man says, "I think you'll find I wasn't talking to you."
_________________________
"I wish I had documented more…" said nobody on their death bed, ever.

Top
#54620 - 02/04/06 01:46 AM Re: OT: Jokes
JohnK Offline
shareholder in the making

Registered: 05/11/02
Posts: 10372
Very good, Peter, and for another sheepish tale:

Mary had a little sheep

She took it to bed to warm her sleep

Then she saw it was a ram

Mary had a little lamb
_________________________
-----------------------------------

Enjoy the music, not the equipment.



Top
#54621 - 02/04/06 02:55 AM Re: OT: Jokes
HomeDad Offline
connoisseur

Registered: 12/29/05
Posts: 3301
Loc: Central,California

What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs

What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes

_________________________
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Top
#54622 - 02/05/06 12:24 AM Re: OT: Jokes
pmbuko Offline
shareholder in the making

Registered: 04/02/03
Posts: 16267
Loc: Leesburg, Virginia
A young man goes into a pharmacy and tells the pharmacist, " I'd like a condom. My girlfriend has invited me for dinner and I think she is expecting something from me!"

The pharmacist gives him the condom. As the young man is almost to the door, he does an about face and returns to the counter.

"Give me another condom," he says. "My girlfriend's sister is very cute too. She always crosses her legs really sexy when she sees me and I think she might be looking for some action, too."

The pharmacist gives him a second condom. Once more as the boy is leaving, he turns back.

"I'd better get one more. My girlfriend's mom is pretty hot, too. When she sees me she always makes allusions... and since she invited me for dinner, I think she might be looking for some, too!"

During dinner, the young man is sitting with his girlfriend on his left, the sister on his right, and the mom facing him. When the dad arrives, the boy lowers his head and starts praying.

"Dear Lord, bless this dinner. Thank you for all you give us...."

A minute later the boy is still praying. "Thank you Lord for your kindness...."

Ten minutes later, and the boy is still praying, keeping his head down.

The others look at each other, surprised and exasperated. His girlfriend leans over and whispers in his ear, "I didn't know you were so religious!"

The boy responds, "I didn't know your dad was a pharmacist!"
_________________________
"I wish I had documented more…" said nobody on their death bed, ever.

Top
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