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#275061 - 10/15/09 08:53 AM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: Adrian]
Adrian Offline
axiomite

Registered: 12/27/08
Posts: 6559
Loc: It's all about the location.
Here is a very inspirational story emailed to me by a friend, I'd like to pass on.....


THERE IS HOPE FOR US ALL....A VERY INSPIRATIONAL STORY


As we get older we sometimes begin to doubt our ability to "make a difference" in the world. It is at these times that our hopes are boosted by the remarkable achievements of those "seniors" who have found the courage to take on the challenges that would make many of us wither. 85 yr old Harold Schlumberg of Saskatoon is one such person.

I've often been asked, "What do you old folks do now that you're retired"? Well...I'm fortunate to have a chemical engineering background, and one of the things I enjoy most is turning beer, wine, Scotch, and Margaritas into urine.

And I'm pretty damn good at it, too!!
_________________________
A person convinced against their will is of the same opinion still.

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#275143 - 10/15/09 10:52 PM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: Adrian]
RickF Offline
axiomite

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 5210
Loc: Vero Beach, Florida
A U.S. Navy captain was about to start the morning briefing to his staff. While waiting for the coffee machine to finish its brewing, the captain decided to pose a question to all assembled.

He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep.

He posed the question of just how much of sex was "work" and how much of it was "pleasure?"

A commander chimed in with 75-25% in favor of work..

A lieutenant said it was 50-50%.

An ensign responded with 25-75% in favor of pleasure, depending upon his state of inebriation at the time.

There being no consensus, the captain turned to the seaman who was in charge of making the coffee. What was HIS opinion?

Without any hesitation, the young seaman responded, "Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure."

The captain was surprised and, as you might guess, asked why?

"Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them."

The room fell silent.
_________________________
Rick
Our Room

smile

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#275957 - 10/22/09 06:08 PM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: tomtuttle]
Joe_in_SC Offline
devotee

Registered: 02/16/04
Posts: 306
Loc: Charleston, SC
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

(Complements of Henny Youngman)
_________________________
I started out with nothing & I've still got most of it left
M60 VP160 QS8 EP350
M22 VP100
Algonquins

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#276416 - 10/27/09 06:47 PM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: Joe_in_SC]
Adrian Offline
axiomite

Registered: 12/27/08
Posts: 6559
Loc: It's all about the location.
What is the difference between Bird Flu and Swine Flu?



For Bird Flu you need Tweetment and for Swine Flu you need Oinkment.

\:D
_________________________
A person convinced against their will is of the same opinion still.

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#278198 - 11/09/09 09:58 AM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: Adrian]
Adrian Offline
axiomite

Registered: 12/27/08
Posts: 6559
Loc: It's all about the location.
The Flu's:

I'm not too concerned about the swine flu, but I have some concerns:

1) 3 years ago, Chinese calendar year of the Cow....Mad Cow disease.

2) 2 years ago, Chinese calendar year of the bird....Avian flu

3) This year, Chinese calendar year of the pig....Swine flu


.....NEXT YEAR IS THE YEAR OF THE COCK!!!....ANYONE ELSE WORRIED?
_________________________
A person convinced against their will is of the same opinion still.

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#279842 - 11/19/09 06:16 PM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: pmbuko]
Adrian Offline
axiomite

Registered: 12/27/08
Posts: 6559
Loc: It's all about the location.
Superman was getting bored with fighting crime, so on Saturday night he decided to go out for a night on the town and have some fun for a change.

He dropped by Batman's house..."Hey Batman! Wanna hit the town tonight?"

"No, I can't, replied Batman. "The Batmobile is broken, I gotta stay home and fix it or I won't be able to fight crime."

"You loser", said Superman, and flew away in disgust.

He then decided to stop by Spiderman's house. "Hey, Spidey! how about hitting the town tonight, you and me," he said.

"I'd like to, but I can't," replied Spiderman. "My web-slinger is jammed and I gotta fix it in order to fight crime."

Superman, again pissed off, quipped "You loser. Go ahead, stay home and fix your stupid web-slinger."

He again flew away.

While flying around the city looking for something to do, his supervision spotted Wonder Woman lying on her back, stark naked and spread-eagle!

Superman thought, "Hey, I'm Superman, so I can fly down there at the speed of light, have a quickie and she'll never know the difference!"

Wonder Woman yells, "What the hell was that?"

The Invisible Man replies, "I don't know, but it hurt like hell!!"


_________________________
A person convinced against their will is of the same opinion still.

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#279888 - 11/20/09 01:49 AM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: Adrian]
CV Online   confused
Founder, Axiom Upgrade Club
shareholder in the making

Registered: 07/20/06
Posts: 11062
Loc: Richland, WA, USA
\:\)
_________________________
SuperGrand UltraDeluxe (Plus Extra More)

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#280491 - 11/25/09 12:00 PM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: pmbuko]
EFalardeau Offline
connoisseur

Registered: 08/27/07
Posts: 3269
Loc: Laval, Quebec, Canada
I don't know if that was ever posted, but there are some good ones.
http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%...41a223c3403b614
_________________________
E = MC2 = ((2M80 + VP180 + 4QS8)/(EP800 + EP500))^(ADA1500 x D2v)
Audiobytes! 2M22! 2VP150!

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#281754 - 12/08/09 01:54 PM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: EFalardeau]
tomtuttle Offline
axiomite

Registered: 06/20/03
Posts: 8135
Loc: Tacoma
Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father.

He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs, rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?'

His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy.

Johnny, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom...'
_________________________
bibere usque ad hilaritatem

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#286690 - 01/13/10 04:17 PM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: tomtuttle]
pmbuko Offline
shareholder in the making

Registered: 04/02/03
Posts: 16225
Loc: Leesburg, Virginia
What did Sigmund Freud say come between fear and sex?




Fünf.
_________________________
"I wish I had documented more…" said nobody on their death bed, ever.

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