In the words of Albert Collins... I ain't drunk. I'm just drinkin'.
Yeah, well I took your advice Sir Squirrel-a-lot and tried this line of argument. Turns out the State Trooper had not read Mr. Collins so he told me to tell it to the judge. Then, when I rightfully blamed the drunk squirrel, they brought me a special jacket and some "sleepy medicine". Good news is that the acoustics of my padded cell are fantastic. Now I just got to get a radio in here.