Ah, my friend, bad news there! Not only is there probably no way your wife would accept such a monstrosity in your home, but worse, trying to sneak it past her could get you seriously hurt.
Of course, I do not presume to know anything about your wife, however, my long term association with the fair, unappended gender, my continuing wonderment at how differently their brains work, all conspire to inform me that you'd be lucky to survive the attempt.
However, my experience is with ladies from south of our northern border. It may be that your results may differ in Canada.
