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#298487 - 03/25/10 03:53 PM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: tomtuttle]
pmbuko Offline
shareholder in the making

Registered: 04/02/03
Posts: 16227
Loc: Leesburg, Virginia
Mmmm. Beer.
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"I wish I had documented more…" said nobody on their death bed, ever.

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#298488 - 03/25/10 03:53 PM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: tomtuttle]
BobKay Offline
connoisseur

Registered: 03/23/10
Posts: 2987
Loc: Massachusetts Badlands
That's funny, when I go into third person I call myself the same thing.
_________________________
If I didn't have a shrink, all of my friends would think there's something wrong with me.

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#298556 - 03/25/10 10:33 PM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: BobKay]
Adrian Offline
axiomite

Registered: 12/27/08
Posts: 6559
Loc: It's all about the location.
An escaped convict breaks into a house looking for money and guns. Inside he finds a couple in bed. He orders the guy to get out of the bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the homeowners wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes to the bathroom. While he's there, the husband whispers over to his wife "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman for years. I saw how he kissed your neck, if he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain...do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill both of us. Be strong, honey. I love you!!"

His wife responds: "He wasn't kissing me on the neck, he was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline.
I told him it's in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!"
_________________________
A person convinced against their will is of the same opinion still.

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#298558 - 03/25/10 11:01 PM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: Adrian]
BobKay Offline
connoisseur

Registered: 03/23/10
Posts: 2987
Loc: Massachusetts Badlands
House dog #1 is lying on the kitchen floor minding his own business, trying to ignore the yelling in the living room. House dog # 2 trots in looking really put out.

Dog 1:What was that all about?
Dog 2: If he didn't want me to chew up the goddamn sofa, then he shouldn't have left it out like that!
_________________________
If I didn't have a shrink, all of my friends would think there's something wrong with me.

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#298636 - 03/26/10 01:38 PM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: BobKay]
fredk Offline
axiomite

Registered: 12/06/07
Posts: 6969
Loc: Canada
_________________________
Fred

-------
Blujays1: Spending Fred's money one bottle at a time, no two... Oh crap!

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#298641 - 03/26/10 02:07 PM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: fredk]
CatBrat Offline
axiomite

Registered: 08/05/09
Posts: 5663
Loc: Some random location


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#298661 - 03/26/10 03:34 PM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: fredk]
MarkSJohnson Online   happy
shareholder in the making

Registered: 09/27/04
Posts: 10698
Loc: Central NH
 Originally Posted By: fredk

Man, do I know a lot of people that will love that one! \:\)
_________________________
::::::: No disrespect to Axiom, but my favorite woofer is my yellow lab :::::::

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#299891 - 04/01/10 05:49 PM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: MarkSJohnson]
pmbuko Offline
shareholder in the making

Registered: 04/02/03
Posts: 16227
Loc: Leesburg, Virginia
My favorite is "Making Baby Smile" \:\)


_________________________
"I wish I had documented more…" said nobody on their death bed, ever.

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#299893 - 04/01/10 05:58 PM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: pmbuko]
Ken.C Offline
shareholder in the making

Registered: 05/03/03
Posts: 17699
Loc: NoVA
I know there are a few of those that I've done the wrong thing on...
_________________________
I didn't do it, no one saw me, you can't prove anything.

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#299904 - 04/01/10 08:04 PM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: Ken.C]
St_PatGuy Offline
axiomite

Registered: 03/07/05
Posts: 7374
Loc: Glendale, Arizona
If that one was titled Clearing Sean's Nose it would be right on.


Err. . .i mean, TOTALLY WRONG!
_________________________
***********
"Nothin' up my sleeve. . ." --Bullwinkle J. Moose

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