First, I would like it to be a really good phone, since there has yet to be one that does that as well as the bakelite one my brother pounded on me with.

Two. I want to be able to disable the GPS, so I don't have drive 2 miles from my girlfriend's house before I call home.

Three. I want it to look for ME when it's lost.

Four. I want it available in colors that match my power tools, so I'll NEVER be able to find it while I'm working.

Five. There are toilets in Japan that immdediately send lab results to your Dr.'s office. I want my earpiece to be able to do that with my shrink.
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Always call the place you live a house. When you're old, everyone else will call it a home.