Axiom Home Page Forums General Discussion The Water Cooler Why do parents....

There is a happy middle ground too. There's no reason you can't be a parent AND a friend. Sure, it can be an elusive goal, but it's not impossible -- says the man with a 22 month-old son....

Well Peter my kids are now 21 and 19 years old.I haven't had a bit of trouble out of either one of them.So be your childs friend if you feel you must.They already had enough friends, they needed to have a father not another friend.

I just don't see the two as being mutually exclusive. I'm glad your methods worked for you, but children are as different as the parents who raise them.

Agreed.

I agree, you need to be a parent first, and a friend second.

In reply to:

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I agree, you need to be a parent first, and a friend second.

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Yep I also agree, otherwise you'll have a kid that will walk all over you...and that's really asking for trouble.

I've never thought of the children as friends. 26, 24, 20 are their ages. Be dependable and trustworthy as you want your children to be. They will return both.
My children learned early that a simple request for a non-essential got a simple answer; NO. A request with the reason got more merit and sometimes a yes.

I'm totally with you there. I didn't mean to imply that a buddy-buddy relationship was of the utmost importance. That's not always compatible with the ultimate goal of turning out a better human being than the people who created him or her.

I too think there is a middle ground. You can be your childs friend but you must be your child's parent. There are times when it is hard to accomplish both. Growing up in todays world is very difficult. The one thing we must do as parents is learn to listen to them. Listen without judgement. Remember a lot of the things they throw out there, they are just fishing for our reactions. If we can control the emotional response and keep the dialogue open our children will keep coming to us. It's when our kids don't feel comfortable coming to us, trusting us, that we have to start worrying. All too often I hear teens say my parents don't care about me, they don't listen to a word I say. When things get a little uncomfortable we tend to just want to shut things down. The answer is no because I'm the parent and I said no, period. If they hear that often enough they will turn to their peer group for answers and for acceptance.
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I agree with Wid, I'm 21 and my bro is 19 and we are GREAT sons compared to my friends and my parents friends' kids. My dad never did any "social" favors for me, although he would take me to "R" rated movies and play music than included cussing lyrics, hell, he would cuss at me and my bro like we were adults. Some would think this would present a problem. Solution? Do as I say and not as I do. You gotta problem with that? My dad would beat the hell outta me and problem would be solved. I still love my dad and thank him for making a respectable man outta me.