Mmmm. Beer.

That's funny, when I go into third person I call myself the same thing.

An escaped convict breaks into a house looking for money and guns. Inside he finds a couple in bed. He orders the guy to get out of the bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the homeowners wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes to the bathroom. While he's there, the husband whispers over to his wife "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman for years. I saw how he kissed your neck, if he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain...do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill both of us. Be strong, honey. I love you!!"

His wife responds: "He wasn't kissing me on the neck, he was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline.
I told him it's in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!"

House dog #1 is lying on the kitchen floor minding his own business, trying to ignore the yelling in the living room. House dog # 2 trots in looking really put out.

Dog 1:What was that all about?
Dog 2: If he didn't want me to chew up the goddamn sofa, then he shouldn't have left it out like that!

One for the Pros

Man, do I know a lot of people that will love that one!

My favorite is "Making Baby Smile"

I know there are a few of those that I've done the wrong thing on...

If that one was titled Clearing Sean's Nose it would be right on.


Err. . .i mean, TOTALLY WRONG!