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Forums » General Discussion » The Water Cooler » OT: Jokes
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#298487 - 03/25/10 03:53 PM
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![]() shareholder in the making ![]() Registered: 04/02/03 Posts: 16437 Loc: Ben Lomond, California |
Mmmm. Beer.
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I can explain it to you but I can't understand it for you. |
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#298488 - 03/25/10 03:53 PM
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![]() connoisseur ![]() Registered: 03/23/10 Posts: 3596 Loc: Massachusetts Badlands |
That's funny, when I go into third person I call myself the same thing.
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Always call the place you live a house. When you're old, everyone else will call it a home. |
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#298556 - 03/25/10 10:33 PM
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![]() axiomite ![]() Registered: 12/27/08 Posts: 6874 Loc: It's all about the location. |
An escaped convict breaks into a house looking for money and guns. Inside he finds a couple in bed. He orders the guy to get out of the bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the homeowners wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes to the bathroom. While he's there, the husband whispers over to his wife "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman for years. I saw how he kissed your neck, if he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain...do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill both of us. Be strong, honey. I love you!!"
His wife responds: "He wasn't kissing me on the neck, he was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it's in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!"
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Half of communication is listening. You can't listen with your mouth. |
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#298558 - 03/25/10 11:01 PM
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![]() connoisseur ![]() Registered: 03/23/10 Posts: 3596 Loc: Massachusetts Badlands |
House dog #1 is lying on the kitchen floor minding his own business, trying to ignore the yelling in the living room. House dog # 2 trots in looking really put out.
Dog 1:What was that all about? Dog 2: If he didn't want me to chew up the goddamn sofa, then he shouldn't have left it out like that!
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Always call the place you live a house. When you're old, everyone else will call it a home. |
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#298636 - 03/26/10 01:38 PM
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![]() axiomite ![]() Registered: 12/06/07 Posts: 7786 Loc: Canada |
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Fred ------- Blujays1: Spending Fred's money one bottle at a time, no two... Oh crap! |
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#298641 - 03/26/10 02:07 PM
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![]() axiomite ![]() Registered: 08/05/09 Posts: 6015 Loc: Milky Way Galaxy |
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#298661 - 03/26/10 03:34 PM
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![]() shareholder in the making ![]() Registered: 09/27/04 Posts: 11437 Loc: Central NH |
Originally Posted By: fredk Man, do I know a lot of people that will love that one! ![]()
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::::::: No disrespect to Axiom, but my favorite woofer is my yellow lab ::::::: |
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#299891 - 04/01/10 05:49 PM
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![]() shareholder in the making ![]() Registered: 04/02/03 Posts: 16437 Loc: Ben Lomond, California |
My favorite is "Making Baby Smile"
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I can explain it to you but I can't understand it for you. |
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#299893 - 04/01/10 05:58 PM
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![]() shareholder in the making ![]() Registered: 05/03/03 Posts: 18044 Loc: NoVA |
I know there are a few of those that I've done the wrong thing on...
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I am the Doctor, and THIS... is my SPOON! |
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#299904 - 04/01/10 08:04 PM
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![]() axiomite ![]() Registered: 03/07/05 Posts: 7463 Loc: Glendale, Arizona |
If that one was titled Clearing Sean's Nose it would be right on.
Err. . .i mean, TOTALLY WRONG!
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*********** "Nothin' up my sleeve. . ." --Bullwinkle J. Moose |
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