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#298487 - 03/25/10 03:53 PM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: tomtuttle]
pmbuko Offline
shareholder in the making

Registered: 04/02/03
Posts: 16437
Loc: Ben Lomond, California
Mmmm. Beer.
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#298488 - 03/25/10 03:53 PM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: tomtuttle]
BobKay Offline
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Registered: 03/23/10
Posts: 3596
Loc: Massachusetts Badlands
That's funny, when I go into third person I call myself the same thing.
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Always call the place you live a house. When you're old, everyone else will call it a home.

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#298556 - 03/25/10 10:33 PM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: BobKay]
Adrian Offline
axiomite

Registered: 12/27/08
Posts: 6880
Loc: It's all about the location.
An escaped convict breaks into a house looking for money and guns. Inside he finds a couple in bed. He orders the guy to get out of the bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the homeowners wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes to the bathroom. While he's there, the husband whispers over to his wife "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman for years. I saw how he kissed your neck, if he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain...do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill both of us. Be strong, honey. I love you!!"

His wife responds: "He wasn't kissing me on the neck, he was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline.
I told him it's in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!"
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#298558 - 03/25/10 11:01 PM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: Adrian]
BobKay Offline
connoisseur

Registered: 03/23/10
Posts: 3596
Loc: Massachusetts Badlands
House dog #1 is lying on the kitchen floor minding his own business, trying to ignore the yelling in the living room. House dog # 2 trots in looking really put out.

Dog 1:What was that all about?
Dog 2: If he didn't want me to chew up the goddamn sofa, then he shouldn't have left it out like that!
_________________________
Always call the place you live a house. When you're old, everyone else will call it a home.

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#298636 - 03/26/10 01:38 PM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: BobKay]
fredk Offline
axiomite

Registered: 12/06/07
Posts: 7786
Loc: Canada
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Fred

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Blujays1: Spending Fred's money one bottle at a time, no two... Oh crap!

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#298641 - 03/26/10 02:07 PM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: fredk]
CatBrat Offline
axiomite

Registered: 08/05/09
Posts: 6015
Loc: Milky Way Galaxy


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#298661 - 03/26/10 03:34 PM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: fredk]
MarkSJohnson Offline
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Registered: 09/27/04
Posts: 11437
Loc: Central NH
 Originally Posted By: fredk

Man, do I know a lot of people that will love that one! \:\)
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#299891 - 04/01/10 05:49 PM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: MarkSJohnson]
pmbuko Offline
shareholder in the making

Registered: 04/02/03
Posts: 16437
Loc: Ben Lomond, California
My favorite is "Making Baby Smile" \:\)


_________________________
I can explain it to you but I can't understand it for you.

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#299893 - 04/01/10 05:58 PM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: pmbuko]
Ken.C Offline
shareholder in the making

Registered: 05/03/03
Posts: 18044
Loc: NoVA
I know there are a few of those that I've done the wrong thing on...
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I am the Doctor, and THIS... is my SPOON!

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#299904 - 04/01/10 08:04 PM Re: OT: Jokes [Re: Ken.C]
St_PatGuy Offline
axiomite

Registered: 03/07/05
Posts: 7463
Loc: Glendale, Arizona
If that one was titled Clearing Sean's Nose it would be right on.


Err. . .i mean, TOTALLY WRONG!
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