Axiom Home Page Forums General Discussion The Water Cooler It's NOT all in your head.

I'm at 5 or 9, depending on the answers to the following questions. Do these count?

? I used to go to a gym for many years. However, it was a school gym and I was taking karate and kobujitsu. I no longer do either do to an injury.

? We have two cats, but I consider them my wife's and I once accidentally ran over one of them with my Jeep. He lived, I almost didn't.

? I I admit I have fast forwarded through a few Sex in the City episodes when it first came out but gave that up once I realized there really wasn't any sex to speak of. Just City.

One's I can't get out of....
-- I am nailed on buying kitchen utensils but only because I disagree with my wife's philosophy that you can cut, chop or carve anything with a pairing knife.

-- I do pay more than $30 dollars after taxes for my hair cut but because the only non-salon option in this HUGE Metropolis of 58,000 (counting the sometimes rural extremities of it's tax base) is a lone, old fashioned barber shop run by an old man with failing eyesight. He does have a hot, young, assistant now but she is totally booked by all the old pervs in the neighborhood. The waiting list is longer than Madonna's hair stylist (or so I'm told.)

-- I have given input to the decor of our house. I will admit (and expect penalty points for even saying this) that I have an 'equal to' or often better eye for these things than my wife. However, that in no means makes me correct or grants authority.

-- I am not gay. [Insert best Sienfeld voice here...] "Not that there is anything wrong with that!"

So many great and funny responses.

Considering the fact that there is no such thing, but the moniker "sounds" gender-insulting to men, I was most amused by your efforts to distance yourselves from as many of the possibilities as you could.

You also felt the (compelling?) need to explain or clairify any (self-admitted) "yes" responses.

Ha! And I'm the one in therapy!

At the very least, everyone should have scored a minimum of 2. You cannot help but see Ms. Vergara's cleavage (honestly, neither can I) and you are not gay (and neither am I, really, though Bill and I are still arguing over it after more than 15 years).

Technically speaking, if you live alone, and it's not in abject squalor, then you have to do "metro" things, you gender-bending little pervs.

Even though the compound term is all Madison Ave.,
the first word is METRO. If you do not live in a major urban area, you have less of those things at your disposal (temptations?). As for the 2nd 1/2 of the term, there is nothing sexual about any of it. It is about stereotyped, gender-based associations and has nothing to do with sex at all (nor gender identity).

If you are a male who enjoys the finer things in life, knows how to assess quality and seeks it out, then you qualify. Terminolgy still has such an impact on perceptions, doesn't it, girlfriends?

So, rest easy, gentlemen, no one is metro, though Andrew and Tom could make a good case study for its existence. If you know the difference between hollandaise and bernaise, it's because you were paying enough attention to have made a conscious desicion as to which one you would prefer to shovel into your piehole when next offered the choice.

If you have never gone, "ooh," at the sight of a plate of awesome looking food put before you, then it's your sensuality that's in question, as well as your observational abilities.

It's about being excited by all things sensual, art, film, music, food, cool clothes (not fashion), pets, your domestic surroundings---everything you come into contact with that can absorbed and appreciated.

If you have ever told the florist exactly which posies you'd prefer in the arangement you were bringing home to your wife, then...

If you cannot point to the placard on your shirt, that merely makes you uninformed and oblivious, like the guys I work with who wear toolbelts. They're kind, generous, really good guys, but they're still muttonheads. If I tell then I went out to a steakhouse last night and had a great fillet, they will, for sure, ask why I went to a steakhouse to have fish.

This post has been a great chance to laugh at ourselves. In the end, being able to laugh at ourselves is what really counts. It means you are comfortable with yourself, which is much more important than canned definition of self.

This post has been a great chance to laugh at ourselves Murph. In the end, being able to laugh at ourselves Murph is what really counts.

I have a Saab 92X which is a Subaru Wagon with Saab badges. Can I get a ruling from the judges on how many points to assign?

That would be more effective were you not wearing pink headgear in your sig. Snicker.

Sincerely, Bob

Thanks Bob, you're the greatest! Apparently being divorced greatly enhances my manliness as it eliminates a lot of the questions right off the top.

I should take a big hit for buying all the stuff in my place, including kitchen utensils. However, looking past the receiver precariously ballanced on an old PC case at the drill press and golf clubs in my hallway, I'm thinking my interior decorating skills only further enhance my already über machoness.

Infinity?

As the post creator, you were naturally excluded and fear not. You remain the "Mirro Mirror on the Wall" whom we continue to look to when we are getting a bit too smug and need to be taken down a peg or two in the most brutal and fiendish fashion.

Read between the lines for the disguised curse words and obscenities that I initially was typing for you.

Worst of all, I still love you for it Bob. Your efforts to make us all hate you continue to fail dramatically.