Re: OT: Jokes
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Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 5,210
axiomite
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axiomite
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 5,210 |
Yep Peter, this is the one. Wife and I cracked up watching that.
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Re: OT: Jokes
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Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 1,235
connoisseur
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connoisseur
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 1,235 |
This gives new meaning to the song, Smokin' in the boys room.
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Re: OT: Jokes
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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 87
old hand
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old hand
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 87 |
An ugly woman walks into a shop with her two kids.
The shopkeeper asks "Are they twins"?
The woman says "No, he's 9 and she's 7. Why? Do you think they look alike?"
"No", he replies "I just can't believe you got laid twice!"
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Re: OT: Jokes
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 3,301
connoisseur
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connoisseur
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 3,301 |
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time.." A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain'tgonnabelievethisshit....
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
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Re: OT: Jokes
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 16,441
shareholder in the making
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OP
shareholder in the making
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 16,441 |
Speaking of unions.....
A union man visiting Nevada decides to check out the local brothels. He enters one and asks the madam, "Is this a Union brothel?"
The madam replies, "No sir it isn't".
"Well then, how much of a cut does the girl get?" asks the gentleman.
The madam answers, "The house gets 80% and the girls all get 20%."
"That's outrageous!" he says and he goes out to find a brothel with fairer standards.
He enters another house and asks the madam, "Is this a union house?"
"Yes it is, the girls all get 75% here," replies the madam.
"That's more like it!" replies the gentleman, "I'd like that cute blond over there!"
"I'm sure you would sir," she says. Then, gesturing to a large older woman, she says, "But Ethel here has seniority".
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Re: OT: Jokes
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 3,301
connoisseur
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connoisseur
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 3,301 |
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
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Re: OT: Jokes
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 16,441
shareholder in the making
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OP
shareholder in the making
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 16,441 |
A man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says, "Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache."
His wife is lying in bed and replies, "I think you'll find that's a sheep, you idiot."
The man says, "I think you'll find I wasn't talking to you."
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Re: OT: Jokes
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Joined: May 2002
Posts: 10,654
shareholder in the making
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shareholder in the making
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 10,654 |
Very good, Peter, and for another sheepish tale:
Mary had a little sheep
She took it to bed to warm her sleep
Then she saw it was a ram
Mary had a little lamb
-----------------------------------
Enjoy the music, not the equipment.
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Re: OT: Jokes
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 3,301
connoisseur
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connoisseur
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 3,301 |
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
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Re: OT: Jokes
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 16,441
shareholder in the making
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OP
shareholder in the making
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 16,441 |
A young man goes into a pharmacy and tells the pharmacist, " I'd like a condom. My girlfriend has invited me for dinner and I think she is expecting something from me!"
The pharmacist gives him the condom. As the young man is almost to the door, he does an about face and returns to the counter.
"Give me another condom," he says. "My girlfriend's sister is very cute too. She always crosses her legs really sexy when she sees me and I think she might be looking for some action, too."
The pharmacist gives him a second condom. Once more as the boy is leaving, he turns back.
"I'd better get one more. My girlfriend's mom is pretty hot, too. When she sees me she always makes allusions... and since she invited me for dinner, I think she might be looking for some, too!"
During dinner, the young man is sitting with his girlfriend on his left, the sister on his right, and the mom facing him. When the dad arrives, the boy lowers his head and starts praying.
"Dear Lord, bless this dinner. Thank you for all you give us...."
A minute later the boy is still praying. "Thank you Lord for your kindness...."
Ten minutes later, and the boy is still praying, keeping his head down.
The others look at each other, surprised and exasperated. His girlfriend leans over and whispers in his ear, "I didn't know you were so religious!"
The boy responds, "I didn't know your dad was a pharmacist!"
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