In reply to:
Another thing, what is the purpose of that middle cone anyway?
Ahh, grasshopper, your question is both naïve and wise. The center cone is often called a dust cap. As such it…umm…keeps dust off or something. But that is not its real purpose! No! Under the so-called “dust cap” is a microprocessor, camera, and transmitter that records everything you do and say (and play) and relays it back to big brother. Is that because the government is trying to keep taps on you? No, why would they? They are far too busy smoozing oil companies, trying to upgrade their arm candy, and oppressing third world countries. No, that information is passed straight on to the real masters of the universe.
Women.
Yes, true believers, women rule the world. How? By forcing men to beg for upgrade money. The information collected by the dust cap cams is downloaded into a huge pink computer complete with lace and sparkles contained in a combo Mary Kay/Barbie storefront. From there it is crunched by billions of Gigabytes of processing power and a report is sent to your wife disguised as “feminine hygiene product.” The report details your listening/watching habits along with any pertinent transcripts indicating any dissatisfaction with your system or desire to upgrade. Complex facial recognition software is employed in order to ascertain exactly when you have mustered up the courage to ask for an upgrade. At that moment, your wife has you at her mercy and can guilt you into all manners of unpleasant tasks…shoe shopping, rain gutter cleaning, yard work, visits to the in-laws, etc. It is a diabolical plot and one that has men all over the world at the whim of their significant others.
Oh, yeah, just in case the above was NOT tongue in cheek enough, I have no idea what those dust caps are for.
