Outlaw's yet to be released Model 978 seems to come the closest to what you want.
- Five HDMI 1.4a ins, 2 outs.
- They haven't listed the channel specs at all yet.
- Except it does have two, separate sub woofer outputs.
- No network interface at all. This is by design, streaming is better handled by a device dedicated to the task (I agree).
- Audyssey XT32
- Balanced connections
- It does have Anchor Bay video processing, but that and ISF calibration is much less needed these days with everything outputing 1080p over HDMI. It was only with SD, analog signals that there was enough variation that individual devices needed calibration.
- Firmware upgrades over USB
It is due out about mid-year. I'd wait until at least then to see what shows up.