I'd be happy to officiate. Grad school taught me how to spend entire evenings as the only sober person in the room. It also taught me how to have MY fun the morning after.
"Ya know, Don, last night you told Sarah that you wouldn't sleep with her again if she had 3 poozles."
"Oh, My God! I did?"
"Yes, you did. Then on a napkin, you drew a diagram of where her "poozles" might be located, threw it in front of her, and started making out with Kathy."
"I'm a dead man."
"Well, then, you should go apologize to her right now. And don't forget to say you're sorry for whizzing on her suede jacket."
"Oh, shit! The jacket her brother gave her before he died in that motorcycle crash?"
"The same."
Sobriety has its percs.
