Surround sound is a funny thing. Its when you think you don't hear them that they are set up and working properly.
I went through the same thing, setting up the speakers with a mic and db meter and then bumping the surrounds because I 'couldn't hear them'.
In the end, you will realize that how your surrounds sound, and to what extend you hear them depends very much on the sound track for a movie.
I remember one scene in Casino Royale where Bond walks out of the front lobby of a casino onto the street. The surround effect was amazing. You go from a quiet lobby with the sound field in front of you, to the noisy street with the sound around and behind you AND, it is a seamless transition!
The scene in Master and Commander where they beat to arms and you can hear sailors running across your ceiling is another example of where the surrounds stand out.
Such scenes are, however, few and far between. Most of the time, the effect of surrounds is much more subtle, but still there.
I would actually recommend those two scenes as a good test for surround setup.
