Re: OT: Jokes
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Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 6,015
axiomite
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axiomite
Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 6,015 |
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Re: OT: Jokes
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 16,441
shareholder in the making
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OP
shareholder in the making
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 16,441 |
How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irish family?
None.
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Why can't you tell jokes about the Jonestown Massacre?
The punchlines are too long.
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Re: OT: Jokes
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Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 6,015
axiomite
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axiomite
Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 6,015 |
One day, after a man had his annual physical, the doctor came out and said, "You had a great checkup. Is there anything that you'd like to talk about or ask me?"
"Well," he said, "I was thinking about getting a vasectomy."
"That's a pretty big decision. Have you talked it over with your family?"
"Yeah, and they're in favor 15 to 2."
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Re: OT: Jokes
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Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 6,471
axiomite
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axiomite
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 6,471 |
Gotta love the clown car vagina.
Bears, beets, Battlestar Galactica.
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Re: OT: Jokes
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 16,441
shareholder in the making
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OP
shareholder in the making
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 16,441 |
After a late night of partying, a guy invites his friends back to his new apartment. While he is giving them a tour, one of his friends notices a huge gong and hammer near the wall.
"What's up with the gong?", he asks.
"Oh that's not a gong, it is a talking clock."
His friends voice skepticism, "Dude, that's not a talking clock, it's obviously a friggin' gong."
The guy replies, "No, I swear, you hit it with that hammer as hard as you can and it tells you the time. Go ahead, give it a try."
His friend shrugs his shoulders, grabs the hammer, rears back, and strikes it with a loud: "GOOOOOOOOOOONG!"
After a few seconds they hear a voice from the other side of the wall, "FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! IT'S THREE-THIRTY IN THE MORNING!"
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Re: OT: Jokes
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Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 6,928
axiomite
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axiomite
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 6,928 |
Having a bad day?
We've all had bad days before and maybe wished it ended up like this...
There I was, sitting at the bar staring at my drink, when a large, trouble-making biker steps up to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.
"Well!! Whatcha gonna do 'bout it?" he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears.
"Come on man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd CRY...I can't stand to see a man crying!"
"This is the worst day of my life," I tell him."I'm a complete failure, I was late to a meeting so my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my old lady in bed with the gardner and my dog bit me."
"So I came here to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all, I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in it and wait here for the arsenic to dissolve, then some jacka$$ shows up and drinks the whole thing!! but enough about me...how's your day going?"
Half of communication is listening. You can't listen with your mouth.
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Re: OT: Jokes
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Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,333
connoisseur
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connoisseur
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,333 |
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Re: OT: Jokes
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 16,441
shareholder in the making
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OP
shareholder in the making
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 16,441 |
She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the oversized t-shirt she normally slept in. As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, "You've got to make love to me right now!"
My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!" Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and gave it my all, right there on the kitchen table.
When it was all over she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her t-shirt still around her neck.
Happy but a little puzzled, I asked, "Why are you thanking me?"
She answered, "Because the egg timer's broken."
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Re: OT: Jokes
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Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 3,596 Likes: 1
connoisseur
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connoisseur
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 3,596 Likes: 1 |
Not mine.
"Can't you spare $2.00?"
Raji lives in a small village in Northern India. He is 9 years old. Through tagedies, he has only one leg, one arm, and one eye. His bike has a bent from wheel and only one pedal. His school is seven miles away. Every day this poor child makes his difficult way in the world.
So, please, send us $2.00. We'll send you a video. It's hilarious!
Always call the place you live a house. When you're old, everyone else will call it a home.
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Re: OT: Jokes
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Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 6,928
axiomite
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axiomite
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 6,928 |
He's still got two ears apparently.
Half of communication is listening. You can't listen with your mouth.
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