Virgins, Whores, Wieners and Weiners
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Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 3,596 Likes: 1
connoisseur
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OP
connoisseur
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 3,596 Likes: 1 |
Hey, Toneeee! Listen up. I got some 'dvice fa youz.
First o' alls, dat time in da gym don't seem ta be helpin' outchya face a whole lot. Hey, don't get me wrawng. I know dat da 60's is still in 'nd everyting, but I don't tink dat includes A'fred E. Newman.
Seriously, brudder, you coulda had dat blind guy's job. Ta get in all dis trouble and still be dry. I can't see wheah it's wort it.
Look, I know she's an x-ray and dat ain't whatcya always in da mood ta pound. Butcha know, it's cool dese days ta marry a whoah. Really! I seen dis show--dey got all dese crazy f'upped broads who's all married ta these rich and famous guys. Dey all look like whoahs. And I known some whoahs dat wasn't dat classy, but I'd radder be seen wit dem at Vinnie's Venetian Gahdens dan any dese bitches. I mean, a coupladem are real hot, but I wouldn't do 'em from anudda state, wit Rosie's strap-on tied to a goa'post.
Guy, George Clooney dated hahr. Dja know how many guys'd kill for Clooney's sloppies? Do ya? What is she? Ain't she like some princess from Tibet or summ'n? Buddy, you could use her connections some day, for like a pardon ya might need, or summ'n.
'memba how I told ya's dat da phone brought down de Anguilos and some a da udda fam'lies? But dey wasn't sendin' picthas o' dere schwanzes, ya know?
So, Tony, baby... Wait, what'd you say your last name was? Shit! Lemme see dat schwanz picthca. Holy f--kin' 'a.'
Ya ain't neva seen me or nuthin.' I'm in a wholatta trouble. Ya know, mistakes like dis ain't' been so cool since Lepke got fried.
'memba, I knows wheah youz live and whatchya look like negged, so don't go doin' anyting stupid- like. I'm watchin' ya.
Last edited by BobKay; 06/10/11 04:17 AM.
Always call the place you live a house. When you're old, everyone else will call it a home.
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Re: Virgins, Whores, Wieners and Weiners
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Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 6,471
axiomite
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axiomite
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 6,471 |
I was trying to figure out which celebrity accent I should read that in, but I failed.
Who would be good? Joe Pesci? Marlon Brando? Joan Rivers? Fat Tony from The Simpsons? Maccauley Culkin?
Bears, beets, Battlestar Galactica.
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Re: Virgins, Whores, Wieners and Weiners
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Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 8,488
axiomite
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axiomite
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 8,488 |
Yeah, I was going with Tony Soprano.
bibere usque ad hilaritatem
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Re: Virgins, Whores, Wieners and Weiners
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Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 4,357
connoisseur
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connoisseur
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 4,357 |
Bob, you lose me within the first few words of your meandering soliloquies . But I love them because they're AWESOME !
The only reasonable argument for owning a gun is to protect yourself from the police.
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Re: Virgins, Whores, Wieners and Weiners
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Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 3,596 Likes: 1
connoisseur
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OP
connoisseur
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 3,596 Likes: 1 |
I was trying to figure out which celebrity accent I should read that in, but I failed.
Who would be good? Joe Pesci? Marlon Brando? Joan Rivers? Fat Tony from The Simpsons? Maccauley Culkin? When I was "composing" it, I was simultaneously thinking of Edward G. Robinson and Elmer Fudd. Seriously, I encounter people who talk like that everyday since I've been a multi-degreed-failure tradesman. Crap, I had relatives that sounded almost that bad. Cam, don't be concerned. By the 2nd paragraph of these thingies, I'm not sure anymore either.
Always call the place you live a house. When you're old, everyone else will call it a home.
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Re: Virgins, Whores, Wieners and Weiners
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Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 7,463 Likes: 1
axiomite
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axiomite
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 7,463 Likes: 1 |
I was trying to figure out which celebrity accent I should read that in, but I failed.
Who would be good? Joe Pesci? Marlon Brando? Joan Rivers? Fat Tony from The Simpsons? Maccauley Culkin? I read it in Mark's accent.
*********** "Nothin' up my sleeve. . ." --Bullwinkle J. Moose
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Re: Virgins, Whores, Wieners and Weiners
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Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 11,458
shareholder in the making
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shareholder in the making
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 11,458 |
I'm flattered!
Those that have spoken to me have told me I sound EXACTLY like Emo Phillips!
::::::: No disrespect to Axiom, but my favorite woofer is my yellow lab :::::::
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Re: Virgins, Whores, Wieners and Weiners
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Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 7,463 Likes: 1
axiomite
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axiomite
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 7,463 Likes: 1 |
Mark, that made me LOL.
*********** "Nothin' up my sleeve. . ." --Bullwinkle J. Moose
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Re: Virgins, Whores, Wieners and Weiners
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 7,786
axiomite
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axiomite
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 7,786 |
Dude. Your writing reminds me of Kurt Vonnegut.
... only on acid.
... and stranger.
When are you releasing your first book?
Fred
------- Blujays1: Spending Fred's money one bottle at a time, no two... Oh crap!
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Re: Virgins, Whores, Wieners and Weiners
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Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 11,458
shareholder in the making
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shareholder in the making
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 11,458 |
He already has........
{{<<--~~ In His Mind~~~-->>}}
::::::: No disrespect to Axiom, but my favorite woofer is my yellow lab :::::::
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