"One thing that really puzzles me is football. Possibly the most macho sport on the planet, yet straight guys are patting each other on the butt all the time. What the heck is that all about?"

Also, unless he is in shotgun formation, on every offensive play the highest profile player on the team, the quarterback, cozies up to his center's caboose, and opens his hands directly beneath the center's crotch and receives the ball. Why does the FCC tolerate this behavior?