I disagree with wheels about groups being able to use words that are negative to their group in a non negative way. That argument would rely on everyone in that group not being offended by that word. But there are black people who are sickened by the n word no matter what the source.
Lampshade, as an example, if I may, I'll use my life as a disabled person to explain my view.
In society, it's unacceptable and rude to refer to someone with a physical disability, a gimp, or retarded (ignorant people, and there are many, assume that someone in a wheelchair is mentally incapacitated to some degree ) which is correct IMO.
Now, IMO, just because I adhere to that principle for society as a whole, doesn't mean that I have to adhere to it personally. I don't believe the aforementioned words should be directed to other people (that someone may not know), because they're offensive, but my friends and family use them with me all the time. I can almost guarantee that if you were my friend, you'd do the same because I find it funny, and humor is a way that gets me/us through life. In a way, we've created a pidgin or dialect because we only talk this way amongst ourselves, so it's not offensive, and my friends and family would never talk to someone else with a disability, the same as they do with me.
Fundamentally, I just don't think it's fair to pontificate what's right or wrong for any given group of people. To a lot of people (not me), it's empowering to reclaim a word that is used to belittle them.
Very apropos to this entire discussion,
here's an interesting conversation from Russian Television on political correctness. Near the end, one of the gentleman mentions, as I did, a general formulation for the use of derogatory terms, and who should have the right to use them.
Peace, my friend.
