The first instrument I learned to play was the accordion. I had to practice for at least an hour a day or my mother would beat me with a stiff-bristled brush. Sometimes she would sneak up from behind and and strangle me with her old pantyhose. When she heard too many wrong notes, I would try to filter out her screaming by making more suction on the bellows. I hate to feel boogers clinging to my nose.

Always call the place you live a house. When you're old, everyone else will call it a home.