Over three months and no jokes!!! Sinful. Oh! That reminds me!:

A man went to Saturday confession with the same priest he'd known for years.

Man: Holy Father, I confess to al....
Priest: Jim?
Man: Hi, Dan.
Priest: What brings you here?
Man: I used the "f" word this morning.
Priest: Go on.
Man: I got up early to play golf.
Priest: I can see where this is going, Jim, but continue.
Man: Well, I had done OK on the first three holes. I made the longest drive from the 4th hole tee I've ever made----into the woods.
Priest: That's when you said it?
Man: No. I found it and got it out of the woods----and into the woods on the other side of the green.
Priest: Ah, so that's when you said it?
Man: No, it stopped within 4 inches of the hole.
Priest: And you fucking missed it!?!?!?!?!?!


Always call the place you live a house. When you're old, everyone else will call it a home.